Chapter 5:
As Scootaloo walked alone in the forest, she noticed another light in front of her. Except, this one was different. This light wasn’t from the sun at all, it was from a fire.
“Oh my...”
Scootaloo looked around and observed the destruction before her. The trees were on fire. The bushes were on fire. The ground was all torn up. The sky was full of thick black smoke.
But all of that destruction couldn’t compare to what was in front of her. The motionless body of a pegasus, lying under a fallen branch.
Scootaloo’s eyes widened as she recognized the pony and started to run to her.
“Mom!” she yelled. No response came.
When she got up to her mother, Scootaloo began to tear the branches off of her. When they were finally off, she began to frantically shake her motionless mother.
“Mom!” she yelled again, “Mom, please wake up!” still nothing.
At this point, Scootaloo tried to turn her mother on to her back, but she couldn’t do it from the angle, so she went around the other side to try and pull her onto her back.
What she saw still haunts her today.
Her mother’s right wing had been torn off. Not cleanly, the void was jagged and ruffled and…..and….
Scootaloo turned away; she couldn’t look. She just wept and tried to make the image go away.
It wouldn’t.
Scootaloo went around to the other side; she couldn’t bear to look at it any more. She looked at her mother and just stared at her for a while. Her trance was then broken by the sound of flapping wings.
Only they didn’t sound like normal pegasus wings; it sounded larger.
She knew what it was: it was the dragon responsible for all this. Terror filled her mind as she looked for a place to hide.
She jumped into a bush to try and hide from the dragon.
Scootaloo watched in horror as the large beast flew over the burning forest. The dragon was huge and had sharp claws on his feet. Its wings made loud “whoosh” sounds whenever they flapped. Its scales were dark red and his underside was yellow-ish. Scootaloo normally wouldn’t remember small details like these, but the images of that day have been burned into her mind.
The dragon flew in a circle a couple of times around the burning area and then flew towards the mountains to the south.
Scootaloo carefully exited from the bush and watched as the large beast flew away. She didn’t know what to do. She was alone, it was getting dark, her mother was dead, the bushes were rustling, the-
Scootaloo turned around as the bushes shook with something inside of them. She stepped back about to run, but she summoned all of her courage and stood her ground.
“Scootaloo?” a familiar voice called, “Is that you?”
Her eyes widened has she recognized the voice. “D-Daddy?”
Cloud, scratched up and body covered in burns emerged out of the bushes to the loving embrace of his daughter. He ran a hoof threw her mane as the two embraced each other tightly.
“What are you doing here?” He asked.
“I-I got scared and I wanted to find y-you…….and-and Mom…” Tears began to flow down Scootaloo’s eyes.
“Shh-Shh….Mom’s in a better place now.” He pressed his daughter’s face into his chest as she began to weep. She wept loudly and tears soon began down Cloud’s face too.
“Listen,” he began; “We need to get out of here. There’s a small town named Ponyville just outside the forest if we go north from here.” He pointed his hoof north to show Scootaloo. “We need to go now.”
“But, w-what about Speedy?” Scootaloo asked
Cloud’s eyes shot open. “He wasn’t with you? Damn that boy!” He thought for a moment; “I need to get you out of here. Then I’ll come back for Speedy. He can watch out for himself while I get some help.”
Scootaloo wanted to argue, but she realized that her father was serious and just nodded in agreement.
The two began to walk in the direction that was supposed to lead to this Ponyville place. As time went on, Scootaloo began to talk.
“What happened to Momma?”
Cloud sighed and looked at his daughter. “She……She sacrificed herself to help protect you and Speedy.”
“But Momma had an answer for everything. How could this have…?” Scootaloo’s voice began to trail off and she felt tears coming on. She looked down to the ground as they walked.
“Sometimes,” her father began; “There are things in life that have no right answer. We try to find an outcome that works out for everypony, but we find that all that matters is helping those we love.” He put a hoof under his daughter’s chin and made it so her eyes were looking into his. “Your mother knew that and I can guarantee she would do it again just so that you and Speedy could be safe.”
Scootaloo smiled and the two continued to walk.
Just then, the sound of large flaps was heard over head as Cloud grabbed his daughter and both of them jumped into a nearby bush. The dragon appeared and circled the area; he knew they were there. Just then, a loud yell was heard over head.
“Hey you fire breathing loser! Try and catch up!” A voice called from above.
“Speedy!” Scootaloo quietly said from inside the bush. Her brother was ok, and he was trying to help them.
Speedy wasn’t a wonderbolt, but he still was pretty fast. He evaded the dragon’s claw swipes, tail swipes, his fire breath, and was even courageous enough to get near the mouth of the beast and almost get bitten. A dangerous move, but when it was done properly, it confused the monster giving everypony a little time to think. The father and daughter in the bush got out and began to run in the direction they hoped was north. Everything was fine, until they heard Speedy scream from above.
The two looked up and saw a huge fireball and coming out of it was Speedy, badly burned and plunging towards earth.
“Speedy!” Scootaloo screamed, but he fell faster and faster until a “thump” was heard. That noise had been burned into Scootaloo’s memory.
“We have to help him!” Scootaloo yelled to her father.
“No, I need to help him. You need to keep going to the town.” Cloud said with worry in his voice.
“No,” Scootaloo yelled; “I’m coming too! Every time somepony leaves me alone they-”
“That’s enough!” Cloud yelled; ‘I’m your father and you will do as I sa-.”
“Pa-Papa…” The two looked up from their argument to the direction of the noise; “Mama…..somepony……help…..” The voice trailed off and both ponies knew whose voice it was.
Cloud looked down to his daughter. “Please,” he began; “Just head towards the town. I can’t stand to put you in anymore danger.”
“Ok” She looked down.
“And no matter what you hear,” He continued; “You keep going north, understand?”
“Ok, but promise me something.”
“What?”
“That you and Speedy will come back safe.”
Cloud hugged his daughter and whispered in her ear, “I promise.”
With that, the two released each other and Scootaloo continued north while Cloud headed towards the voice.
Scootaloo picked up the pace as she ran through the forest. She knew her father and brother would be alright. They were smart ponies.
“Look out!” A voice from behind her yelled out
Scootaloo almost stopped, but her father’s words ran through her head about stopping.
“Father look out!”
She picked up the pace.
“No Speedy, don’t do it!”
She ran even faster.
A loud roar was heard
Even faster.
Finally, two loud screams were heard behind her and with tears streaming down her face, Scootaloo kept running.
Her vision became blurry as tears flooded her eyes. She didn’t see the large object in her path until she tripped over it.
She looked down and found that she was back at the clearing with the luggage cart. Looking back, Scootaloo grabbed a backpack and filled with all she could get from the cart, she took some food, some medicine, her spending money, and the picture of her family. Then she grabbed her scooter and headed for Ponyville.
Author's Notes:
Sorry about the delay. Exams coming up. Rangers losing to Devils in the playoffs. I've had a lot going on. Things will get better, just I don't know when.
Wait, you're a Rangers fan? I don't know if I can follow this story anymore
In all seriousness though, good chapter. I didn't notice any mistakes, but I wasn't looking all to hard. Look forward to seeing the end of flashbacks and back to the story ahead though.
Good luck on exams!
659171
Hey I'm mourning here.
jk, Still a few more flash backs, maybe. Still considering my options
659272
If I may make a suggestion, perhaps mix in the flashbacks a bit with the ongoing story. If Scootaloo was sitting in a bath tub the entire time she told this, her new nickname would be penguin instead of do-do. Maybe have a scene in the beginning before another flashback with Rainbow and Scootaloo getting hot chocolate and moving onto a couch or something before continuing on with Scoots story. Regardless of what you do, it is your story, and a good one at that. Those were just my two cents.
659316
How'd you guess my plan!?
You must be silence! *Gets napkin and puts Chloroform on it*
JK, I was planning on doing that earlier, but I was enjoying how the story felt. I probably will do that next chapter.
My god the level of sadness here is reaching critical mass
so much baww.
I didn't notice any problems with the writing at all! If I had to be picky where were maybe a few commas missing, but there were no pacing issues to me. Great chapter, as sad as it is.
Ah crap. I don't mind sadness, but dang. That is horrible.
This suffers quite a bit from Joe Friday syndrome.
That is to say, it's "Just the Facts, ma'am".
The story is almost good enough to make up for this, but after a while, my head starts hurting.
Essentially, the problem is that everything happens, and nothing unfolds. Specifically, it feels like every sentence, structurally speaking, could boil down to "'X' did 'Y'", and the dialogue to "'X' said 'Y'", which makes it feel like a retelling of a retelling of a retelling of [et cetera] of the events depicted therein.
The story itself? Decent. Its events? Tragic. The framing device (Rainbow listening to Scoot's story) ? Touching. The problem is that the events as you see them have translated poorly to the page. My own fic is on Hiatus, as I have run straight into the same problem.
Oh noessss.... still playing sad music, still the music matches up quite correctly with what i'm reading.
You're spending entirely too much time on this. Everything doesn't have to huge and dramatic. Why couldn't they have just gotten killed in a mugging? Or a cart crash? Or they got caught in a huge storm on the way home from work and where never seen again? Or cancer. Something, anything, than a...what? hree hour "fight" with a dragon?
wow......poor scoots....to have to live with that
Forget my 50. Cal, I need my friendship cannon, aka doomsday Ray. Be back once the dragon's dead.
One more correction
Still should be capitalized.
These lines are a no-no. This is a flashback chapter, so the point of view has to stay inside past Scootaloo's head. Right now there is no future Scootaloo recounting this story. It breaks the immersion because it sounds like YOU, the author, are talking to us inside the story.
It only needs some slight tweaking.
"What she saw would haunt her for years to come."
"Those aren't the kinds of details she would normally pay attention to, but it felt like the image of the dragon was burned into her mind."
Something like that.
I admit I wasn't too impressed at the start of this story, but you slowly found your groove. I found it a really powerful moment when Scootaloo kept ignoring the sounds of the battle behind her, just pushing herself to run faster and faster.
I think we could have used a little more detail, but this chapter was fine. I wonder what the dad did to earn the dragon's ire, as they're not mindless beasts only craving destruction. What was going on for the hour their parents were fighting with the dragon, then the other hour when Speedy went to check up on them?
Hmm. I guess since the framework of this chapter is Scootaloo telling Rainbow Dash what she remembers that there's no way for her to know those details.
THE FEELS!