• Published 29th Apr 2012
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A Ghost Story - Elemist



A human's insubstantial adventures in Equestria.

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Chapter 13 - It's a Date

I think I broke Lyra, she’s just sitting there, staring straight through me. I snap my fingers in front of her face a few times and she just sits there. I definitely broke her and I’m pretty sure the warranty has run out.

After another few minutes of Lyra staring blankly into nothingness she suddenly blinks a few times. “Wha…What was that?”

“Well I’m not entirely sure what you ponies call it but to us humans that is what is known as a kiss, also known as smooching, tongue wrestling or snogging. The list goes on from there actually.”

She glances at me, which throws me off as I was expecting a full on glare, instead I get a worried glance compounded with a slightly pouty lip. “I know what a kiss is; I meant why did she kiss me in the first place?”

“Well, if I had to take a wild guess I would say that she likes you in more than a friend kind of way.”

“I…I had no clue she was even interested in me that way, I mean we have always been really good friends and I would NEVER have thought she was…a fil…a filly…”

“A Filly-Fooler? A Lesbian? Gay? Homosexual? Somewhere along those lines?” Ah, there was the glare that I had been looking for.

“Why do you have to be so uncouth?”

“It’s just who I am. Weren’t we talking about Bon Bon swinging for the other team?”

“Right…Did you have any idea she was…like that?”

“I had an idea. So I think the big question here is whether you have feelings for Bon Bon?”

“Of course not.” Lyra pauses and thoughtfully puts a hoof to her chin. “I don’t know I’ve never actually thought about it. I mean Bon Bon is a great friend and all but my barn door doesn’t swing that way.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean have you ever actually sat down and thought whether or not you found the same sex attractive or not. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that there is absolutely no chance in Tartarus that you might have feelings for Bon Bon.”

Lyra looks up at my chest and she starts chewing on her lower lip. “I…I don’t have feelings for Bon Bon.”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “Lyra, stop lying to me. You always bite your lip when you are trying to lie. I’ve seen the way you look at Vinyl and Octavia when they are over, and you either find them attractive or you’re jealous of what they have. Now look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t want that kind of relationship with Bon Bon.”

“I don’t want that kind of relationship with Bon Bon.” Lyra was still refusing to look me in the eye. Boy was she starting to piss me off.

“DAMN IT LYRA! STOP LYING TO ME AND TO YOURSELF!” A Wind blows through the living room and the magazines covering the coffee table ripple and are thrown to the floor. I glance at the window to make sure it hadn’t been left open and I’m surprised to see all of the windows on the ground floor are closed.

“Wha-What was that?” Lyra glances towards the window like I did and then back to me.

“Don’t worry about it; we are talking about you right now.” Lyra’s gaze falls between her hooves and she starts shuffling slightly on the couch. I sigh again, “Lyra, you’ve known Bon Bon for a long time now and I’m pretty sure that you at least find her a little attractive, so why are you so against this?”

Lyra begins rubbing her hooves together and continues to look at the now bare coffee table, “Well…I recently met this colt that…I kind of like.”

Well this was news to me, of course I didn’t follow her around 24/7 so she probably met a nice young stallion while out playing her lyre. “I see…Is he interested in you, what is he like?”

“Well, I don’t really know if he likes me like that but he’s funny, he likes music, he knows how to cook and he is definitely very interesting.” She looks up at me with a slight blush on her face.

Oh for the love of God, is she really hinting at what I think she is getting at. “Lyra…Not that I’m not flattered and I do care about you a great deal but the simple truth of the matter is I’m dead.” Lyra’s blush intensifies and she buries her head between her front legs. “Lyra, you are a fantastic pony and you deserve someone who will be there for you and can actually hold you when you need to be comforted. I want you to know that I will always be your friend but I really think you should go talk to Bon Bon about this.”

“I…I’m sorry Spooky, you’re right. I’m sorry that I’m being so bull-headed about this. I just really like you; you’re one of the first males I’ve met that seems to actually like me for me. Now that I’m thinking about it I do like Bon Bon, I have for some time actually. I just look at all of the trouble Vinyl and Octavia have gotten over the year for their relationship and I guess I’m still a little worried about what other ponies would think.”

“Lyra how many fingers am I holding up.” I hold up two closed fists. Lyra raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Umm, you aren’t holding up any of your fingers.”

“Exactly, that’s how many bucks you should give about what other ponies think. As long as you are happy and you aren’t hurting anyone then you should be able to be with whoever you want to be with. Now, I want you to go upstairs and talk with Bon Bon about this. I would suggest asking her out on a date but make sure to let her know that you aren’t one hundred percent sure if this would work or not.”

Lyra simply nods and heads upstairs. I hear a knock on a door followed by the opening and then closing of a said door. If I listened hard I could just make out their voices but I decide this should be a private matter between them.

I look at all of the magazines scattered all over the floor and I begin to slowly pick them up and place them back on the coffee table. What the heck was that anyway? The door and the windows were closed so there was no way a breeze from outside caused this. After I stack all of the magazines I notice that my ‘mistiness’ seems to have increased. I can still see my arms perfectly, it just seems that there is some sort of vapor rising from them and then dissipating in the air.

I shrug and just relax waiting for Lyra. After a few minutes I hear Bon Bon’s Door open and close again and Lyra makes her way back downstairs.

I look over at her, “Well?”

“We’re going on a date tomorrow at the café.”

“Excellent!” I rub my fingers together in my best Monty Burn impression.

“Yes. Excellent.” She reaches into her mane and pulls out a piece of paper and sets it down on the coffee table. “But you and I need to have a little chat.”

I look down at the paper and realize it’s one of the notes that I had left for Bon Bon. “Horseapples!”

*^*^*

Man alive! Lyra was pissed. At least she didn’t yell at me since she didn’t want to disturb Bon Bon but she was definitely the tiniest bit upset. All I could do was float there and listen to her rant and rave about how I had no right to mess with the relationship of her and her roommate. Of course she got even angrier when I mentioned how none of this would have happened if she had just told Bon Bon about me in the first place. Thinking back on it that was definitely not the time to bring that up, I thought I was going to have a flame haired Lyra by the amount of steam coming out of her ears. Eventually she calmed down and we ended up laughing about it. Well I ended up laughing about it and she just ended up chuckling.

The next day Lyra and Bon Bon went on their little date and I may have upset Lyra a bit more by the fact that I decided to show up and give her some dating advice mid date. This led to a very interesting night that included Lyra whispering threats to me when Bon Bon wasn’t looking, a very confused waiter who kept shivering every time he went by their table and the fact that I kept poking Lyra until she asked Bon Bon for a second date.

Over the next week Lyra and Bon Bon went on a few more dates which I had decided to let them have some privacy on since Lyra thought I was a third wheel. It was during one of these dates that there was a knock on the front door.

“Open up Spooky, I know you’re in there.”

I opened the door to see an angry looking Twilight with her horn aglow with a trail of purple energy off to the side. I quickly slammed the door; Twilight could be damn scary when she wanted to be.

“Umm, Mr. Spooky. Can you let us in? Twilight really wants to talk to you.” Buwah?

I slowly open the door and I look to the side. Encased in a purple glow is none other than Ditzy Doo. I look down at Twilight who is tapping her hoof with impatience.

I sigh and slump my shoulders in defeat. “Come in then, we have a few hours before Lyra and Bon Bon get home.”

As Ditzy relays this to Twilight I make my way to the kitchen and I start getting out the ingredients for some muffins, it’s the least I could do for the poor mare if she was going to have to put up with Twilight. The two mares make their way to the kitchen and Twilight finally puts Ditzy down, she stares in fascination as I move the various utensils around the countertops. Ditzy is currently sitting at the table where a small glop of drool has begun to form under her mouth. Boy that Pegasus must really like my muffins.

Twilight finally brakes from her stupor as I’m mixing in the extra bits that makes a muffin special. “Uhh Spooky, what are you doing?”

“Ditzy, let her know that I’m making muffins.”

“Well I think she can see that you are making muffins Spooky.”

Twilight grumbles a bit. “Yes I can see that he is making muffins, I want to know why he is making muffins.”

“Spooky knows that I like muffins a lot so he makes them for me whenever I come over.”

“OooooKey…what kind of muffins is he making?”

“Oh Oh, I think he making my favorite. Oatmeal, Banana, Strawberry, Blueberry, Chocolate Chip, Apple, Cinnamon Muffins!” Ditzy’s wings start buzzing in happiness and I can only giggle at her.

“But you can’t put all of that into a single muffin.” Twilight seems confused by my choice of muffin fillings.

“Why not?” Twilight seems slightly taken aback by Ditzy’s answer and quietly contemplates this while I pop the muffins into the oven.

“So Ditzy, not to be rude but is there a reason why you and Twilight have decided to grace me with a visit this afternoon.”

“Oh, Twilight, Spooky want to know why we came by to see him today.”

Twilight brakes from her reverie and a scowl appears on her face. “That is exactly why we are here today. I want to know why Ditzy here can see and hear you and why the hay I had to find this little tidbit of information out from Applejack.”

“Well, I personally didn’t tell you because I was afraid you would interrogate or experiment on Ditzy here.”

“Oh Silly Spooky, Twilight wouldn’t experiment on me.”

“What?” I could tell that Ditzy wasn’t going to be my best translator.

“Ditzy, you’re going to have to tell Twilight what I say; only you and Lyra can see and hear me.”

“Oh yeah. He said that he didn’t want you to experiment or interro… something me.”

Twilight sighs and bangs her head against the table. “This is so frustrating. I just wish I could talk with you directly, it would make things so much easier.” She lifts her head off of the table and I see a slight dent where her horn had imbedded into the tabletop. “Spooky there has to be some way we can talk or see you.”

“Well, I can either go into your dreams or I can go through the Twilight Taser again. Neither one of those options I’m really willing to go through as they hurt like a son of a female diamond dog.”

Ditzy cocks her head to the side. “What’s a Twilight Taser?”

Twilight just slumps back down into her chair again. “Ditzy, you have to tell me all that he said.”

“Oh Ok. He said that he can go into your dream and stuff and something about a Taser, but he said that it hurt a lot though.”

Twilight looks a little confused for a second before a look of realization blooms on her face. “Oh…I never did apologize for that did I?”

Man what was with these ponies and apologizing for things that weren’t their faults or out of their control. “Ditzy, tell her she has nothing to be sorry for.”

“Spooky says there is nothing for you to be sorry about Twilight.” Ditzy is jumping up and down now as the smell of fresh muffins fill the kitchen. I pull the muffins out of the oven and set them down on a cooling rack.

Twilight is just staring at the muffins again. “Spooky, I don’t know how but one way or another I am going to make it so I can see and hear you.” Oh God, that doesn’t sound good.

“Uhh, whatever you do Twilight, just try not to hurt yourself.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. Spooky wants to make sure you don’t hurt yourself Twilight.” I grab the muffin that Ditzy was about to stuff into her mouth. I’m glad I can’t feel anything because I can see the steam rising from the baked good; she definitely would have gotten a burned tongue from that. She looks up at me with big puppy dog eyes. “Ditzy, you have to let it cool. Give it another five minutes ok?” She rubs her hoof across the floor and looks like a little foal that just dropped their ice-cream.

After the muffins have cooled they are promptly devoured by the lovable mail mare but I make sure to save one for Twilight. She seems taken aback by the large amount of extra ingredients I’ve added but I don’t fail to notice that she ate the whole thing.

Our conversation continues on from there for an hour or so and by the end of it I’ve gotten a solemn pinkie promise from Twilight that she won’t do anything to Ditzy and that she won’t hurt herself in her quest to talk to me. The two mares leave a while later and I clean up the kitchen.

I make my way back to the living room to read the paper that Lyra had gotten this morning when I hear the slight clop of hooves at the front door. I pop my head through the door to catch Lyra and Bon Bon sharing a rather passionate kiss on the front step as Lyra swings the door open with a tendril of magic. I duck under the string of magical energy and then give her a wolf whistle. “Wow, you go girl, give her some tongue!” Lyra just leered at me, my defense fell. I chuckle as the two make their way back into the house. Bon Bon says her goodnights and Lyra plops herself down onto the couch.

“So I see that your date went well. You going to let her get to second base next time?”

Lyra just stares at me for a second before sighing.

“What wrong? I’m not actually getting to you am I?”

“No, it’s not that.”

“Are you not having fun with Bon Bon, because it sure looked like you were having fun a few minutes ago.”

“No, I’m having a great time with Bon Bon. It’s just that I kind of insisted on paying for all of our dates since I was the one to ask her out for most of them and I seem to have spent a little more than I was planning on.”

“Ahh, I see said the blind man to the deaf child while walking into traffic.”

“What?”

“I understand. I’ve been there done that. I once spent most of my rent money on a date once. It was an awesome date, could’ve done without the property damage at the end though.”

“Yeah, I seem to be in the same boat over here.”

I give Lyra my best ‘are you serious’ look. “Are you telling me you spent all of your rent money on dates with Bon Bon.”

Lyra gives me a sheepish look. “Well, not ALL of my rent money.”

“Lyra, what am I going to do with you? Well this definitely presents a problem. I’m assuming you worrying about this because you don’t think you will be able to make up the difference in time?”

“Definitely not, I have about three days to get another hundred bits together.”

“Hmmm, this is quite the conundrum. What to do, what to do?”

Lyra sighs and stares off into space again as I float back and forth in the living room. I don’t think there was going to be a way I could help her with this one. It’s not like I could go out and get a job or anything. What could I do that would help her get enough bits in time.

What if….nah….maybe. “Hay Lyra, how’s your pokerface?”