All's Well That Ends Well

by billymorph

All's Well That Ends Well

Mid word a torrent of water fell on my head; followed by a bucket.

“Rainbow Dash, that’s not funny!” I yelled at the heavens. There was a distinct lack of laughing rainbow maned pegasus in the air however; instead Pinkie Pie gambled over, the dozen or so buckets on her back sloping water all over.

“Sorry, Twilight!” she exclaimed, skidding to a stop next to me. I didn’t manage to get out of the way of the second wave of water, and once again I was soaked through. So much for the day ‘shimmering’ and ‘shining’. Dripping and complaining seemed to be on the table instead.

“Oh, and I interrupted your song!” Pinkie wailed, as I rubbed the water out of my eyes. “Well don’t worry, I’ll have you dry in ten seconds flat.”

“I--”

Pinkie exploded into motion, accelerating into a pink blur as she raced around me. Before I could even squeeze another word out I was swept up by the tempest; blown and buffeted by the miniature tornado. A strange sense of deja vu, or possibly nausea overtook me, before I was hurled out of the maelstrom and hit the ground, hard.

“There we go,” Pinkie chirped, rushing over and dragging me to my hooves. “And sorry, sorry, sorry for interrupting your song. Oh! I can make it up to you. Quick, pick an animal, a number and a dance.”

I blinked. Pinkie was vibrating with barely constrained energy, which meant either somepony had a birthday today or she’d broken into the Cake’s coffee supply again. Either way, it was best to just answer.

“Um, three toed sloth, seven, and the waltz,” I said, still trying to wrap my head around the situation. “Pinkie what--”

“No time! I’ve got to get more buckets from the reservoir before I miss my slot!” Pinkie shot off, leaving a pink contrail behind her as she snaked her way through the crowd.

I blinked and shook myself, for a moment there I’d thought I’d seen Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark on her flank, but I must have been mistaken. Sighing, I cast a long mastered spell to shake the rest of the water from my coat and de-fluff my mane.

“Right then, now where was I? Oh, right!” I took a deep breath and sang, “--that everything is certainly, fine!”

Bon Bon gave me a funny look as she trotted past.

Ponyville has such double standards when it comes to singing.

Grumbling to myself, I made my way to the market. Beyond the occasional pink blur as the overcaffeinated party pony raced back and forth through town, it was a wonderful day in Ponyville. The streets were bustling, a cheery smile greeted me at ever turn, and I even spotted a familiar stetson bobbing along over the heads of the crowd.

“Hey, Applejack!” I hurried over to the farm-pony who was--

I froze next to Applejack, as if I’d just been struck between the eyes.

“Howdy Twi,” she called, beaming.

It was not unusual to see Applejack in town walking Winona, however, far from the familiar, hard worn dyed lead, she had a pink ribbon in her teeth. The very angry Angel bunny the ribbon was attached to was unexpected, and I had the distinct feeling that if I ever mentioned this again I would live to regret it. All of that was overshadowed though, by the utter impossibility of the three butterflies embossed on Applejack’s flank.

“I, I, I, I,” I stammered.

“You okay there sugarcube?” Applejack continued, dragging the rabbit along with her as she put a hoof on my shoulder. “You look like ya’ seen a ghost.”

“Your cutie mark!” I wailed, dropping into my haunches. Nice work there Twilight, real calm and collected.

Applejack leaned around and peered at her flank. “Shoot, you had me worried for a moment there, Twi,” she said, shaking her head. “Look’s fine to me.”

“But, but,” I stammered. “That’s not right.”

“Hmm? One, two, three butterflies. Seems like it’s right to me.” She gave me a concerned look. “You sure you’re okay? You look jumpier than a grasshopper runnin’ from a lawn mower.”

I felt my ear twitch. “But that’s Fluttershy’s cutie mark,” I pressed, jabbing my hoof at the offending butterflies. “You have three apples as a cutie mark!”

“Oh shoot Twi, you’ve gone and mixed things up.” She shook her head. “No, ah’ve had this ever since ah was a filly. Hay, ah left home just so ah didn’t get an apple buckin’ cutie mark. Now t’be fair ah didn’t see me caring for animals when ah packed for Manehatten, ah don’t regret it.”

“Fluttershy has an applebucking cutie mark?” I said, stunned. Somehow picking out the least relevant piece of information.

“Well, ah wouldn’t say ‘bucking’, girl don’t really have the flanks for it--” she dropped into a conspiratorial whisper. “-- not that you’d ever hear Big Mac complaining about them.” I blushed scarlet. “Still, she has a way with the trees. Ah’d never have thunk it to look at her, but ah ain’t one to judge. If it’s the call of her cutie, that’s alright by me.”

She shook her head, this was a nightmare. It had to be. Cutie marks changing made no sense. “But ah’ve told you all this before, what’s the matter Twi?”

For a moment I stared at her, brain working a mile a minute. I needed a lie to lose Applejack so I could, A) panic and B) figure out what in the name of Celestia was going on. “Umm...” I began, then inspiration struck. “I hit myself with a mild amnesia charm!” I announced, with far too much enthusiasm.

Applejack’s eyes widened. “Shoot Twi, that sounds right nasty,” she exclaimed.

“Oh, no no no no no,” I babbled. “It’s, um, well, just making things a little hazy. Once around Ponyville to jog my memory and I’ll be all better.”

She frowned at me, and I returned as wide a smile as I could muster. After a few moments I seemed to pass muster. It was nice to know that at least Applejack still couldn’t spot a lie if it bit her on the nose.

“Well, okay sugarcube, you need a helping hoof?”

I hurriedly shook my head. “No, no. I’ll be fine. Just, where can I find Rarity?”

Applejack gave me a flat look. “Where ya’ always can. Sugarcube Corner.”

“Right, of course, stupid spell. Well I’ll be off.”

I set off at a gallop, barging my way through the crowd. Something had gone wrong. Something had gone seriously, horribly, world breakingly wrong. Swapping cutie marks was supposed to be impossible! Even Discord had only been able to suppress them, and not only had Applejack failed to notice anything was wrong, she’d thought her cutie mark was normal when it was pointed out.

“Hey Twilight,” Pinkie cut in, effortlessly keeping up with my wild gallop. “Bonus question; pick a colour.”

“Pinki--”

“Pink! Got it!” She zoomed away, and I did a double take. There was no denying it, Rainbow Dash’s cloud and lightning bolt mark was definitely on her flank. She was long gone before I could get a second word in though.

I skidded to a stop in front of Sugarcube Corner. It seemed normal, at least for the moment, I stepped up to knock and--

“Door!” Pinkie exclaimed, pushing me out of the way of the opening door and into a bush.

Huh, so the Pinkie sense was still inexplicably working. Good of know.

“Oh, Twilight?” Rarity exclaimed, spotting me in the bush. Her magic closed the door of the bakery behind her as she hurried over. “Terribly sorry darling, I didn’t see you there.”

I groaned. “Urgh, no problem. Happens all the time.” I took an offered hoof and Rarity lifted me too my hooves. There was no sign of Pinkie Pie anywhere in the street. It was definitely going to be a bad day. “Oh no,” I groaned, as I spotted the party balloons on Rarity’s flank. “You too?”

“Moi? she said, surprised, holding a hoof up to her chest. “Is something the matter?”

“Probably, yes. Rarity, can you tell me what you’re cutie mark means.”

“Oh, surely I’ve told you that boring old story before now?” she replied, with a dismissive wave.

I folded my ears flat. “Humor me. Please.”
“Well dear,” Rarity began, holding a hoof to her chest and posing dramatically. “It means I am the premiere party planner in all of Ponyville, and beyond if I do say so myself. From cute-ceañeras
to soirees, they come from far and wide to seek my advice in the subtle art of the social dance.” She paused, and frowned. “But of course, you already knew that.”

“It’s a less than normal day,” I grumbled. “Have you seen Rainbow Dash? I need to check something right away and--”

“TWILIGHT!” Scootaloo screamed, thundering towards us. The little filly may not have been able to fly, but she had an impressive set of lungs.

“What?” I snapped, rounding on her. “What is it now?”

She slid to a stop in front of us. “Twilight,” she gasped, near hyperventilating in her panic. “You’ve got to come quick, something’s wrong with Rainbow Dash!”

Rarity and I shared a worried look, then set off at a gallop, my magic wrapping around the distraught filly and dragging her along with us.

“Where?” I panted.

“Carousel Boutique.”

I should have guessed, there was only one cutie mark unaccounted for, Rarity's. I could only imagine the trouble Rainbow Dash could get into with a sewing machine, hopefully I could contain things before the entire town was destroyed.

“Hey Twilight,” Pinkie chirped, running backwards alongside us. “Your present’s ready.”

“Pinkie!” I snapped. “There’s a crisis going on!”

“Aw, but it’ll blow away. Just look!” She turned her pleading eyes on me; I resisted for all of three seconds before firing up my magic and teleporting on the spot, bringing me to a stop in the middle of the road.

“Okay, what am I looking ahhh--”

My jaw dropped. There in the sky were seven fluffy, pink, three toed sloths made out of clouds, dancing a waltz. Complete with a gramophone and musical notes.

“Ha... ha... ha...” I babbled, my brain hitting it’s Pinkie limit in record time and checking out for the day. “How?”

“Oh! I haven’t been asked that in ages.” Pinkie reached into her hair and pulled out a well worn letter. “Here you go.”

With some trepidation, I took the letter and began to read.

From the desk of Radiant Skies
Manager of the Greater Canterlot area
Cloudsdale Weather Service
3 Marble Boulevard
Cloudsdale

WE DON’T KNOW

Sincerly,
Radiant Skies

I looked up from the letter, to see Pinkie beaming at me. “You can clear the skies of clouds in ten seconds flat, can’t you?” I asked, my stomach sinking with dread.

“Yepperoni.”

Huh, I’d managed to find a version of Pinkie Pie that was a greater offense to scientific reason than the norm. I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or terrified... no wait. Terrified. Definitely terrified.

“Come on!” Scootaloo interjected, bouncing up and down next to me. Her wings buzzing in agitation. “We’ve got to help Rainbow Dash.”

“Right, Pinkie, I’ll deal with this later.”

“Okie dokie lokie.” In a flash she was gone, leaving me with Rarity, who was regarding me with confusion.

“...also later,” I snarled at her.

The Carousel Boutique was just a few blocks away and, with all the running practice living in Ponyville has given me, we reached it minutes. A huge crowd of ponies waited there for us, crowding the doors of the shop, demanding to be let in. They hadn’t quite got to the angry mob stage, but they were building up to it, I was sure of it.

“You see! You see!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “It’s terrible.”

Rainbow Dash launched herself out of an upper window. She was dressed immaculately, her rainbow mane was long, down to her fetlocks, brushed to perfection and secured in ribbons of silver and gold. A slim robe bound her waist, trimmed also with silver and gold thread, it simmered in the morning light as the pegasus circled above the awestruck crowds’ heads.

Her poise was Canterlot perfect as settled gracefully onto the the veranda. “Now now, there is no need to be uncouth,” she declared, addressing the crowd in a polished tone. “Form an orderly queue and welcome all to the Carousel Boutique, where everything is sleek, elite and unique!”

“Nooooo!” Scootaloo screamed, clutching her ears.

“Why, whatever is the matter?” Rarity inquired, utterly perplexed.

Scootaloo jabbed a hoof at the elegant pegasus “Rainbow Dash is dressing in style!” she wailed.

I cradled my head in my hooves. “Things are not definitely not going to be fine.”

Author's Note:

This story now has a dramatic reading by the wonderful ObabScribbler.

Comments

[Tennis Match Fan]

Wait, who's mark does Fluttershy have?

[MuchAdoAboutNonny]

5356116

Applejack's. AJ said she had a "way" with the apple trees, remember?

[ThunderWonder]

Dang it, now I have the G3 opening stuck in my head again. You listen to it one time and it haunts you for the rest of your life.

[Tennis Match Fan]

5356192 Oh, I misread. I thought Applejack said she didn't have a way with trees

[Alex Warlorn]

5356209

You mean comforts you for the rest of your life.

[ThunderWonder]

5356273 It won't go away...
My Little Pony
My Little Pony
I'm so glad you're my frieeend...

[dragonjek]

WE DON’T KNOW

[Woomod]

Rainbow dash always dresses in style.

[billymorph]

5356320

You know, I don't know the tune, so I'm just reading that in a slow, haunted pace. Pinkiemania, makes everything creepy

5359268

"Hang on a minute, does that mean Pinkie performed the sonic rainboom!"

5361613

And I assure you that the entire story was not just to use that line.

[Dice Warwick]

5359268 ya, that part was just the best.

[bobbananaville]

Pffaahahaha!
Alright, serious pants on.
Given that everypony's happy with themselves now, is it morally reprehensible for Twilight to put them back the way they were?
Technically, she killed her old friends and replaced them with new ones. Also, she appears to have rewritten history, at least for most ponies - Scootaloo seems to be unaffected, but Rarity has different memories from Twi, and Pinkie's in the weather team. Should she try to bring her old friends back? But doing that would kill her new set of 'friends' (though she doesn't actually know them).

[CoffeeMinion]

5359268 This. So much this.

I could lodge a couple of minor grammatical quibbles, but this story is fun. Any chance of seeing a continuation?

[Doktor Vitruvius]

I know this is marked as finished, but I wouldn't mind seeing where this could go from here.

[Sciamancer]

spotted a familiar stenton bobbing

...stetson. But, besides this and a few grammatical errors, pretty good. Although that joke at the end was truly cringe-worthy. An interesting AU.

[LunasLoyalSubject]

My question is why can Scootaloo tell that something's wrong?

[Thaumic Spark]

6113912 I think only the ones who got their cutie marks switched got their memories changed. One thing that makes me think this is in the show, when Pinkie's cutie mark is put back to normal, the town yells "PINKIE!". The way they said it, it makes me think they realized something was wrong and were relieved that it was put back to normal.

[LunasLoyalSubject]

6123280
In a show canon context I'd agree with you. But in the story, someone had been asked enough times about Pinkie to write a letter to be presented to ponies. Whoever wrote that letter wrote it before the spell went wrong, as it was well-worn and she hadn't been asked in a while. Maybe the author dun goofed a lil bit.

[billymorph]

6126890 Actually the implication is that only the Elements Bearers have been messed up and everyone else can see that something is wrong. There's an alusion to Sweetie Belle also being aware of the changes and obviously Scootaloo knows something is up. That said, like in the show reality has warped around the Mane Six enough that the illusion isn't instantly broken. Remember that in the show Rarity's dresses vanish from Carosel Boutique, and the letter falls into the same category. Radient Sky's never wrote the letter, but Pinkie has it because Pinkie thinks she should have the letter.

[LunasLoyalSubject]

6126921
This is the best way I've been wrong in a while. So Pinkie's letter wasn't written by somepony, but because she had a need for the letter and reason to believe she had one, her physics abuse let her generate one. It's so consistent to me it seemed inconsistent with that reality. Her powers are extending beyond Equestria. Run.

[Autum Breeze]

This is a very enjoyable fic, indeed. I listened to scribbler's reading and, i'll say it, this would've made a much funny season three finale... though it seems all the ponies don't mind their new lives, so maybe twilight wouldn't have had to fix it?

I particulary liked the part where Pinikie gave twi that letter and it got to this "WE DON'T KNOW!" part. that really made me laugh.

Also, as i said on scribbler's channel, some of it reminds me of past gen ponies. Rarity getting Pinkie's cutie mark makes sense, when you think about how much fun Rarity in the previous gen just wanted to have fun all the time. And Rainbow being a fashionista... yeah. Unless someone's watched g3, they won't get why that joke is funny.

Liked, favourtied and you have a new follower.

Wonderful job, good sir

[solartiger]

Awesome story

[billymorph]

6131325 Thanks Autum, and thanks for the follow, Pinkie's letter was definely my favorite part too. Funnily enough, I wasn't really thinking of past gens when asigning the roles, though obviously there was a level of insperation. The episode matched everyone to their very weakest skill, were as All's Well tries to match to their best. Applejack's no-nonsense approach works well with animals, Fluttershy's care could be applied to plants, Rarity wants to make ponies happy, Pinkie's disregard for physics serves her well and Rainbow can follow a very different dream with all her heart.

[PresentPerfect]

I wish there was a little more follow-through (and less obvious jokes) with the end, but I do like that you found a permutation of cutie swaps that leave everyone more or less happy.

[QueenMoriarty]

I love this alternate set of events.

I also want more.

Hmm, what to do...

[YukoAsho]

And then Pinkie became the greatest Wonderbolt ever.

[TerraZeal]

It would have been hilarious if Pinkie had had Rainbow's cutie mark. With her weird reality warping powers, she COULD perform a sonic rainboom and clear the skies in 10 seconds flat. Pinkie makes no sense. Which is why Discord likes her.

[Amber Spark]

Beyond hysterical. I freaking loved it. Reminded me a tad of the ending of the Hard Reset trilogy...where they actually make some sort of sense. Pinkie's note made is even more perfect. Bravo. ^^

[AnonponyDASHIE]

After reading your newest story, I'm going around reading your earlier works and this is just wonderful.

Honestly, I was expecting Dash to be more of a rockstar entrepreneur like the hip-hop artists that start their own clothing lines; still definitely doing something in fashion, but being more "awesome" than "refined". I did just absolutely love that everyone was okay with their switched destinies, and the point you brought up in a comment just makes so much sense that the show linked them with their weakest trait, but they all could have been absolutely fine if the switch had just happened slightly differently.

[Viddaric]

This entire fic was to set up the G3 reference wasn't it? I applaud your dedication.

[EmmyRosie5]

Pinkie Pie with Rainbow's Cuite Mark...
I KNEW IT!

[HiddenMaster]

Why didn’t I read this sooner? This is freaking great, and I loved the depiction of everyone here. Giggled here and there, and I’m happy to have had this recommended to me.