1. Member Since 8th Oct, 2014
  2. offline for 56w, 6d

I am Darkfanboy. An aspiring writer and a huge fan of MLP, Powerpuff Girls, Batman, Sonic the Hedgehog and so many more. My writing stands out with storytelling, comedy, action and drama.

  • ...
 12
 1,874

Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, everypony! Ponyville is setting up for quite the holiday this year. Snow, presents, and friendship... and of course the founding of Equestria. Spike already has presents to give to his friends, including Twilight. But just when he was about to present them, his friends were acting quite odd around him. No, it's not a spell! With his friends seem to be too busy with the decorating of Ponyville, Spike begins to feel unappreciated. After causing a simple mistake during the decorating process, Spike gets berated and feels completely rejected by everyone including his friends. Spike then wishes what life in Equestria would be like if he was never born. And soon enough he discovers something so powerful than just gifts in warping paper.

*This story is highly inspired by the heart-warming Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" so expect to have many feels in this experience.*

First Published
14th Dec 2014
Last Modified
14th Dec 2014
#1 · 127w, 1d ago · · ·

@Darkfanboy19...

1. Well done in the overall, your pride for this fan-fiction has been earned :twilightsmile: .  A hearty Word Count and solid Technical Writing are two factors that almost always earn a Like from me, regardless of my personal opinion of the fan-fiction's Storytelling itself.

2. One side-point though, the Tragedy tag is not appropriate here, since everything "works out" positively in the end.  Just as It's A Wonderful Life is not considered a Tragedy, the same applies here.  The Sad and Dark tags are fine, though.

As a general guideline, a Tragedy is a story where no one within the story emerges victorious or has a happy ending; even the "Bad Guys" are either eating ash, or eating dirt, in the end.

A (over-)simplified axiom to remember when writing Tragedy: "Everybody suffers.  Nobody wins."

#2 · 127w, 18h ago · · ·

>>5381867 Thanks for the advice. I added in that tag because I thought the whole flashback scene was too traumatic. Didn't exactly thought that through. :derpyderp2: Oops.

#3 · 127w, 3h ago · · ·

Read the following story, and then you'll understand how I feel about yours:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/63980/1/dear-twilight/a-dragons-finale

#4 · 127w, 2h ago · · ·

>>5387490 It's a similar story to mine. But thankfully I wouldn't go that far to drive Spike's character off like that. I'm looking at you "One Course Meal"!

Thanks for showing me though.

JBL
#5 · 126w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

This took over the top to a whole new level.

#6 · 125w, 2d ago · · ·

Qiuck review.

Writing: The Writing style really stopped me from getting into the story at times. In the end it felt more like a script then a story. You should try writing differently to get the hang of it. For example: "Spike, however, bumps into a backwards walking Fluttershy and all of the presents get knocked out of his hands" would sound a lot better like this: "As Spike carried the presents he bumped into a startled Fluttershy causing him and the presents to topple into the snow."  

Story: Was greatly over-dramatic at times but overall enjoyable.

Overall thoughts: It's not the worst story I've ever read and far from it, but there's still a lot of room for improvement. There is potential in you so I wont like nor dislike this story. But I will follow you to see what you can do.  

With that said, Merry Christmas to you~

#7 · 111w, 1d ago · · ·

Can u make a sequel or another chapter that, an..alternate ending? Which spike actually jumped off the cliff?

#8 · 111w, 1d ago · · ·

>>5828814 If I did that then it would ruin what I was trying to base this story on.

#9 · 111w, 1d ago · · ·

No I mean, an alternate ending. The part when spike was about to fall of the cliff. What if Luna wasn't there?...I'm just saying but..its a Tragedy story...its like no happy ending. I guess?

#10 · 111w, 22h ago · · ·

>>5828896 Ironic to say, actually I just removed the Tragedy tag from this story because someone corrected me. This is not at all a suicide fic. I don't do those sorts of things. It doesn't fit my style. My style is storytelling and the works. I'm sorry, but if you want an ending where Spike dies, look up someone elses, not mine.

#11 · 111w, 20h ago · · ·

Sorry, I'm just asking..

#12 · 111w, 18h ago · · ·

>>5829783 Don't worry about it. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment