Dear Diary: Sunset Shimmer's Best Friend

by Piquo Pie

Prologue) You're My Best Friend

Author's Note:

This chapter largely covers the events of the first Equestria Girls movie. If reading Sunset's reaction to events you already know doesn't interest you then you might want to skip to the first real chapter here.

Day 1 of being a loser

Dear Diary,

I haven't talked to you in a while, and that was a mistake. Today was bad, and I return to you broken, humiliated, and with no future. But I've been given a second chance and I don't want to make the same mistakes. So I'm starting my life off right.

I want to apologize to you first. I'm sorry. By the Holy Sun, I'm sorry, for so many things. I've hurt people, I've hurt my friends, I've ruined everything, and I've got to go to school on Monday. I might have forgotten about you before, and even shoved you under my bed while I let my anger and jealousy ruin things. I'm sorry for that too. I can’t even think about it properly, it’s too painful. I’m an awful person, counter to everything ponies have ever stood for.

Please, I need a friend. I don't know how I'll get through this without at least one friend.

Today was just the worst, but I need to start from the beginning. About two and a half years ago, around the same time I stopped writing in you, I decided to go back to Equestria to see what had been going on, you know, since I left. I found out that The Elements of Harmony, yes those Elements of Harmony, had been found by Princess Celestia's prized pupil. Yes, that prized pupil.

Oh, I was so mad. That's why I didn't talk to you. I was just so angry that I didn't want to think about it and I let it simmer. It crept up slowly, I started lashing out at others. I suffered no insult without an equal or escalated response because I saw that as the most efficient way to get things done my way. At some point I started perceiving insults where there weren’t any.

Actually, now that I’ve been sitting down and evaluating my life, I think I started acting like a jerk long ago. It must have been, what, just after I became Celestia’s student. That sounds right. It’s probably how I lost my relationship with Moonbeam. She was probably the closest living thing I ever had to a friend, back then or sense. One day we were preparing a group research paper and she wanted clarification on the thaumaturgical properties of silvered quartz. At the time I thought she was saying I was wrong because of how she asked the question. Now I realize I had no reason to snap at her.

After that I think I began pushing other ponies away preemptively, convincing myself that I was better than them and that they would only drag me down. I even stopped talking to you so that I wouldn’t have to face my demons. I’m so damned stupid. If I had talked to you then maybe I could have realized what was happening to me. I might have been able to keep my anger and jealousy under control. But now it’s too late.

In the middle of my downward spiral, I found out that the human counterparts to the Elements of Magic were here, in this very school. That's when things went bad for me. All my life I had wanted to find those artifacts, to study that magic. All my life I did my best to be the best and all my life I never quite lived up to my potential. Now there they were, or at least their human selves, standing in front of me and laughing. They didn’t have a care in the world past fluffy critters or the next pointless game.

I was just so jealous that I couldn't stand to see them so happy together. They hadn't dedicated their lives to the Elements like I had. They hadn’t obsessed over them. The ponies that represent the Elements didn’t even try to study them before they manifested. Looking back on it, I guess that was the point, ponies that naturally embodied the Elements without trying; all those years studying and training and I never even could have embodied an element. It felt like they didn’t deserve to have them, like they stole my fillyhood dream. I’d been cheated.

So every time I saw their human counterparts at school I only felt hate. Seeing them sharing their food and during lunches ate at me. Seeing them helping eachother study tore me to pieces. Even seeing them get in the occasional fight with each other didn’t help because I knew, I knew, that they would end up stronger friends for it. Eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore and I drove them apart with tricks and lies. It took a long time, but eventually, by using my influence and "friends," I set them up to hate each other. Oh, how good it felt, to ruin that friendship, the one thing that I can never really have. And yes I know I'm being overdramatic, but it's how I really felt and how I’d probably still feel if I went out and did it again.

The point is that my success invigorated me. I had ruined that which was seemed predestined within Equestria, forever ruining an otherwise inevitable friendship. I felt like nothing could stop me. I thought I was smarter and better than anyone and everyone. I became massively arrogant and in some ways I still feel like I could, and should, be doing all those terrible things again. I’m still jealous of the friendship that others have.

But now I know I was wrong. Splitting up everyone, turning them against each other, it made me feel good, really good. Suddenly I was now looking for my next power high and I didn’t even realize it. All I could think about was that if I could ruin the friendship and harmony that could bring the Elements together, then what else could I do? I came up with a plan. A few days ago, when the portal opened back up, I went back to Equestria and stole the element of magic. I knew I might need a few days to get everything in order, so I used the Fall Formal crown to replace it and buy some time.

Then I had to go and mess it up. As it turns out, not taking my unicorn form for more than a few hours in several years was not quite like riding a bike. I had just managed to get the crown when I tripped and woke Princess Twilight. The crown fell into the portal when Princess Twilight tackled me and came to this world shortly before I made it here myself. By the time I got through, Fluttershy, yes that Fluttershy, had given it back to Principal Celestia and she had it locked up so it wouldn’t be stolen from the display case again. To get it back, I would have to win it in the Fall Formal.

And I would have too, if it wasn't for those... Dear Celestia... l'm a Scooby Doo villain. They even had a nerd, a scaredy cat, a fashionable Barbie, and an honest to the Sun talking dog.

I'm getting off topic now. I swear, television has ruined me. The point was that that bitch (Sorry, that’s not me anymore). Twilight won the crown and I had to steal it. Once I did, I was surprised at how easy it was to corrupt and use. I pretty much instantly turned the entire school into my brainless slave army. Snips and Snails even became my demonic minions.

It turned me into a demonic queen. It still feels kind of hazy, like the feelings I had in that form were stripped from me when the Elements were used on me. Still, I have some inkling of what it meant to be transformed like that. One of the feelings was power. I mean, I knew corrupting the crown would give me power, but the ability to simply and easily crush parts of buildings was beyond even my wildest dreams before I had it. Then when I did, it felt completely natural. Oh, how that power was intoxicating. I loved it. It burned through me and scoured every shred of equinity within me in the most pleasurable, warm, comforting way. It was almost as if I had taken my first bath after years of acquiring unknown masses of dirt, mud, aches, and pains. The dead skin was literally scoured away from me in an instant of perfect warmth that deepened to course through every muscle, relieving them for aches that I never even knew existed. And the horns and wings, when they appeared, it was like I was truly free for the first time. The whole experience was a metamorphosis, very literally like an ugly caterpillar becoming a beautiful butterfly. Even now, as I sit here retelling my downfall, I’m thinking of that feeling. It makes me want to smile, and that terrifies me. I can never give in to it. Never let me give in to it, Diary.

After gaining control of the school I went over to Twilight and her friends. I’d planned on walking over them and into Equestria, corrupting the world with my Element and growing a near-infinite army. At least that was the plan, but Twilight had managed to repair all the damage I had done between those friends in the few days she was here. Apparently she brought the magic of friendship with her through the portal. I don’t mean The Element of Harmony, I mean the magic of friendship that allowed Twilight to summon The Elements in the first place. Maybe bringing the Element of Magic through the portal allowed her to activate its true power.

The point is, Twilight and her five friends summoned a magical rainbow, yes, a real magical rainbow, and my power and hatred and loathing was stripped away from me. It didn’t hurt me physically, but the loss of the power that felt so good mimicked pain in its absence. It revealed and magnified the feelings of helpless and isolation that had been growing in me, driving me, ever since I lost that friendship with Moonbeam. I image that what I felt would have been vaguely similar to the after effects of having one’s horn removed.

That’s why today was the worst day ever, Diary. Not only was I a complete and utter failure, I’ve been there before, but without all the negative emotions shielding me I fully realized the abomination that I became. I wasn’t just a monster, I had destroyed and dominated the minds and trust of almost the entire school. Before that I had already ruined so many friendships, driven so many people apart, and sabotaged projects, hopes, and dreams. Some of the people had been my friends at one point, at least in a small way. A part of me apparently even still cared for Flash.

Speaking of Flash, let’s add one more item to the list of my failures. Before I even went back to Equestria, to steal the crown I had already completely ruined things with Flash. He was one of the few people who had an inkling of the terrible hate that was simmering inside me. Now I’ve ruined any hope of ever patching things up. He can’t even look at me anymore. I don’t blame him. When I first got here, he was the only one who really went out of his way to help me get used to this world. He showed me how to use a guitar when he found out how clumsy I was with my fingers. We even went out a few times, and, he was my first kiss. I didn’t realize how much I liked him then, how grateful I was. In return for his kindness I invaded his mind and tried to use him as a less than common soldier.

But the worst part is that I want to do it all again. The opera of destroying those whom I hate, being victorious over the few who could challenge me, ordering lesser beings around. Those memories I have, they make those choices tantalizing to do again. The power calls to me as much as it terrifies me. It’s like living in a constant nightmare. The pain I inflicted, I feel that now. I can’t stand that feeling.

Surprisingly, Princess Twilight’s pity didn’t even bother me. As much as I hate pity, it paled in comparison to the pain I’m feeling and was, is, actually, slightly comforting. Even false hope is still better than giving up, right? Anyway, she chose to leave me in the care of her friends. Yes, the ones whose friendship I had tried to destroy. Probably not a lot going for me there, but if anyone could help, it would be the physical embodiments of friendship, right?

Who am I kidding? I’ll be lucky if I graduate with anyone willing to talk to me, much less be my friend.

After I was defeated, I was assigned to repair some damage that I’d done to the school. Twilight’s friends helped out, which was unexpected. Maybe there is hope? It’s more likely that they’re just playing along for Twilight’s sake, a favor to their savior and friend. Take one for the team, that’s what friends do for each other right? I don’t know anymore.

Still, that one kind act of forgiveness gives me the false hope that might keep me going for a few days before I need more. I still won’t ever be able to look at myself in the mirror, and I expect the next two years at this school will be hell. But maybe I can make friends again someday. Then I can go on to make up for the stain that dark magic left on my soul.

I still feel that stain, it makes me feel dirty. When I got home tonight I took a shower, turned up the heat until it burned, and scrubbed until I was raw. I might still be red when I go back to school on Monday. Monday, I don’t think the phrase I hate Mondays will ever be enough.

Please stay with me, Diary. I need to hold someone. I need someone to hold me. At least I still have you. I can’t ruin things with you. Maybe, if I hadn’t stopped talking with you, if I had had you to help me work out my problems, then maybe I wouldn’t have ruined everything.

I’ll hide you under the floor while I’m at school, in case someone decides to vandalize my trailer. I don’t want to do it, but you mean too much to me. I can’t risk any more screwups. It’s not like I’ll get a third chance.

I’m going to bed now. Will you join me?

Thank you.

Goodnight, Diary,
-I love you.

Comments

[totallynotabrony]

I feel dirty for reading someone's diary

[Piquo Pie]

5454800

Then you, sir, are totally not a brony . Obviously we have to invade every facet of their thoughts, their like pop stars.

[ellie_]

Hello I saw your call for some feedback from die-hard EG fans and, well, I consider myself a pretty big fan of the movies (I sometimes watch them more than the MLP show! ) So, without further ado, your feedback;
Do I like this in diary form? Actually, yes, I do. Sometimes diary stories don't flow very well, but you have potential to spin this into a really good series. The way you write is just like how most people would in a diary and I feel like some readers will complain in the future that it's all tell, no show but that's the whole point. People don't whimsically string together words that portray paintings in a diary, it's just their raw emotions. So I like how simple it is with still all the power of emotion.
I also like how you portray Sunset Shimmer. It's very Rainbow Rocks-esque, which I like, with her apologies and sorrow. I guess I would like to see her hope and mood improve throughout the entries? Like..her best friend the diary helps her through and she becomes better and her hope grows? That's just a personal opinion though.
My only complaint is you should add some italics for extra emphasis!
Overall, I do enjoy this and am interested to read more.

[Cinders]

Loved it Y'know, it would be really cool if Knighty added diffrent fonts, for when we write stories

[Piquo Pie]

5454934
Thanks a ton

It would also be nice if they had a tag for Epistolaries, it's a completely different format and I love it but they are hard to find. Though I guess people don't know what they are called and are kind of rare.

[Piquo Pie]

5454876
Yay, someone who gets Epistolaries. I'll think on the italics. I think I add a few in the coming chapters but I haven't decided if they take away from the form yet because normally people don't hand write like that. Then again you made the point of different fonts.

[Cinders]

5454969 Yep

[Csquared08]

(Sorry, that’s not not me anymore.)

Herp derp.

There's a scattering of grammatical mistakes throughout. I get that it's a diary, and an actual diary would likely also have mistakes, but you're still telling us a story. That doesn't excuse you from having good grammar.

[Piquo Pie]

5455056

"Herp Derp" is right. While I'm always trying to improve grammar is definitely one of my weak points. It's why I try to get extra pairs of eyes on it. Thanks for the catch.

[GMSK758]

Aside from scattered grammer mistakes. I would say this a pretty great.... entry? Gah reading Sunbutt's dairy is werid. (No not the Alicorn)

Got to love the emotion when Sunbutt describes how she felt when the magic was taken away from her. I loved the line, "kind of like having your horn taken away".

Blah blah blah, this was great, I need more please.

[Bookish Delight]

Well, you asked for feedback, and for once I'm actually in a capacity to, so here's some.

It took me a few hours to realize why this story doesn't do it for me so far, and it's that a lot of this is an infodump of things we already know, with very little character to back it up. Oh, there's lots of insight into Sunset as a character, but very little of Sunset herself ends up on these diary pages, IMO.

The parts I most enjoyed were the beginning few paragraphs, the ending few paragraphs, and a smattering of a few things in the middle. These are the parts where we really get to see her true desperation and her remorse. They're excellent because they're raw, and she's talking to the diary instead of dictating to it.

The rest of the entry, however, doesn't give me this. We get a recap of events, and worse yet it's a macro recap. There are some words as to how Sunset feels about all this, but I'm not in any of the moments. I don't know what Sunset's thinking, or what's motivating her outside of the speech she's prepared for me (more on this a couple paragraphs below).

There are a few choice moments in this that do ring true; people have mentioned the effects of the rainbeam, that was pretty good. I also like the bit where Sunset questions the H5's motives for helping Sunset with the school repair. Also quite nice. And especially when Sunset talks about how empowering it felt to turn into the she-demon. Also great.

But by and large, this reads like a blog post of someone's theories about how Sunset might feel over the events of the movie. This feels like an edited essay. This feels like memoirs, instead of something Sunset's still in the midst of feeling the sting of.

I want to see more like the stuff I liked because I'm selfish. She doesn't have to plead with the book all the time or anything, but let her truly open a dialogue with the diary, and with herself. Let her ask questions she knows no one around her will answer. Let her be rambly. Let her be spiteful, sad, mean, relieved, as truly sorry as she says at the start and end of this.

Having it be an epistolary means you've handicapped yourself from the jump in terms of being able to show emotional states of character in a traditional manner. You've stated plans to write an entire character arc in this format -- a format that limits you to telling dialogue. Therefore, you'll have to maximize the strengths of dialogue to let readers believe what you're writing, and take Sunset's journey with her.

Hope this helps, and good luck. I'll track this--I at least know you're being earnest in trying to explore her.

[Nopony_Important]

5455100
Oops. Sorry about that.
It probably means I:
Edited late at night or was tired in any way,
Only went through once or twice, meant to come back, but didn't, because life,
Accidentally turned the computer off and forgot about this (unlikely)

Sorry anyway! I normally try to go through stories at least three times, unless they're ridiculously long.

[Piquo Pie]

5455338

This was quite helpful thank you. While I don't think I can really change the first chapter all that much, as I am handicapped by needing to recap the first movie, I can say that the next few chapters are a bit better. It's not recap, you still have those types of moments that you mentioned you liked, but I also get to play more with the plot, which was Not Equestria Girls strong suits.

But you really helped me identify some of the strengths and some of the weaknesses of both the form and my writing and I think I might be able to do better next time. Thank you.

[Winston]

Seeing them sharing their food and during lunches ate at me.

Seeing them helping each other study tore me to pieces.

l'm a Scooby Doo villain.

The "I" here is some strange character that sometimes renders like the letter I and sometimes like the number 1, depending on the font. I just barely caught it while I was reading because it looked funny.

The dead skin was literally scoured away from me in an instant of perfect warmth that deepened to course through every muscle, relieving them for of aches that I never even knew existed.

It revealed and magnified the feelings of helplessness and isolation that had been growing in me

We even went out a few times, and, he was my first kiss.

Maybe cut the comma after the "and". I don't know it it's grammatically incorrect, strictly speaking, but for some reason it just makes the whole sentence really awkward feeling to me.