Dance Recital
“How are you?”
Scootaloo sighed, though she was a new patient, she quickly realized that all her visits with Dr. Sunshine would follow the same pattern. First, they would talk about anything that had happened since their last visit. Dr. Sunshine would ask questions, usually along the lines of “And how did that make you feel?” (though she never actually uttered that exact phrase). Then they would talk about anything Scootaloo had planned for the next few days, and the doctor would ask her how she felt about those things. Finally, the doctor would ask Scootaloo if she had anything else she’d like to talk about and then if there was any time left they would build something out of blockos.
Despite her penchant for walling herself off, Scootaloo found it hard to hate Dr. Sunshine. It wasn’t that she enjoyed answering questions about herself but the doctor had a way of pulling answers out of her that didn’t feel demeaning or patronizing. She was remarkably understanding and never judgmental. Or maybe it was just because for one hour a week Scootaloo knew that her feelings were the most important thing in the room. Furthermore, much to Scootaloo’s surprise, she hadn’t once brought up anything about Scootaloo’s past. Not one word about her birth parents, or her first set of foster parents abandoning her or any of her subsequent living situations. For the first few visits, Scootaloo was pleasantly surprised that the topic hadn’t come up, but now it was beginning to feel like an elephant in the room.
“How come we never talk about my birth parents?” Scootaloo blurted out before Dr. Sunshine could ask her next question.
Dr. Sunshine looked up from her notebook. “Do you want to talk about your birth parents?”
“I don't know,” Scootaloo responded, momentarily chastised.
The doctor turned the page of her notebook and held her pen flush against the page. “We're here to talk about what you think is important. If you think talking about your biological parents will help you move forward then let's explore that.”
“Isn't that why I'm here?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Oh c’mon!” Scootaloo snapped. “I'm an orphan! My parents didn't want me, nopony else ever wants me and that's why I'm so messed up. You don't even need a fancy medical degree to know that.”
Despite the cheap shot, Dr. Sunshine's face betrayed no emotion. It never did. “Remember how we talked about how only you can define who you are?”
“Yeah, so?”
“You've had a traumatic experience, of course, it's going to affect you. But it doesn't have to be who you are,” Dr. Sunshine said, looking directly at Scootaloo as she said it.
“But it is who I am,” Scootaloo insisted.
“Why?”
The one-word response caused Scootaloo to clench her hooves and dig them into her chair. “What do you mean why? It's just who I am,” she said, the frustration at having to explain this incredibly obvious fact clearly evident in her tone.
Dr. Sunshine moved forward with her line of questioning. “Why do you have to be ‘Scootaloo the orphan?’ Why not ‘Scootaloo the dancer’, or just plain Scootaloo?”
Scootaloo opened her mouth, intent on protesting but no sound came out.
“I think that’s something you should think about.” A quick glance at the clock told Dr. Sunshine that their session was nearing its end. “That’s enough for today. How bout we build something?”
Scootaloo nodded, letting out a deep breath and unclenching her hooves, relieved that she didn’t need to talk about herself anymore for now. And though the pair did end up constructing a fairly respectable skate park, Dr. Sunshine could easily tell that her patient's mind was ruminating over her last question.
Dr. Sunshine’s question gnawed at Scootaloo all throughout the next day. Even though her dance recital was tonight, the word “Why” remained at the forefront of her consciousness. It wasn’t until she was in costume, backstage that the fear and excitement of having to perform in front of an audience allowed her to think about something else.
Scootaloo peeked out from behind the curtain, not daring to reveal more than the tip of her snout. She quickly scanned the room, recognizing the parents of her classmates amongst the audience members. In the third row, near the center of the room, she saw Rarity and Sweetie Belle and next to them - Apple Bloom and Applejack. Even further to the left she saw Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo gasped and quickly retreated back to the safety of the dressing area.
Rainbow Dash still stirred conflicting emotions from her. She was happy she was here, nervous about impressing her idol, and angry that Rainbow might think that merely showing up for a dance recital was enough to heal her wounds.
The call of “Places everypony!” rang out and Scootaloo scrambled to get into position. She was just a background dancer for the opening number, and she wasn't in the second at all, her solo took place in the third.
The first two pieces ended quicker than Scootaloo thought they would and then it was her big moment. Her number opened with five of her classmates wearing long evening gowns and dancing a listless waltz. Scootaloo stood backstage wearing a backward baseball cap and oversized jeans and a t-shirt. The tedious music cut out just as Scootaloo jumped into the middle of the stage, with a bounding leap. Playing their part the other ponies pretended to be shocked and then quickly tore away their outer layers revealing similar outfits. According to the plan, she was supposed to nod, giving the signal for the music to start again and lead the other ponies in a more animated contemporary dance number.
The stage felt hard beneath her hooves and the air all of the sudden grew stale, there was no music and everypony was staring at her. She took a step forward but stumbled, she quickly caught her balance but the damage was already done. A faint murmur spread throughout the crowd.
It was the hardest thing Scootaloo could remember doing, she pushed down all the doubt and fear until all that remained was the joy she felt at being good at dancing. It didn’t matter that she was terrified and embarrassed, They don't know that. She did an impromptu spin complete with a small kick of her back hoof. She gave the nod Toe Tapper was waiting for, then she danced. She danced with an enthusiasm that couldn't help but be infectious. The steps came easily, embedded into her muscle memory via hours of practice. It was the smile and sparkle Scootaloo worked hard at maintaining that taxed her efforts. The last drum beat sounded and Scootaloo finally gave herself permission to drop her guard. The audience burst into a thunderous applause and the smile Scootaloo gave as she took her bow was nothing but genuine.
“You were soo awesome squirt!” Rainbow Dash all but squealed as she rushed forward to greet Scootaloo, the rest of the group following close behind.
Scootaloo bristled instinctively, her mixed feelings rearing, swirling around in her head. “No, I wasn’t. Look, thanks for coming and everything, but I should really get out of my costume.”
The five ponies exchanged puzzled looks as the tried to figure out why Scootaloo wasn't the same filly they just watched on stage. “Can I talk to the squirt alone for a sec?” Rainbow asked, breaking the tension for a brief moment.
The crusaders and their sisters left, affording Rainbow and Scootaloo some privacy in a corner of the room. “Okay, what’s the deal, kid?”
“Nothing. I just need to get out of my costume.”
“See that’s what I’m talking about, for the past few weeks you’ve been blowing me off.” Rainbow paused and bit her lip, in many ways she and Scootaloo shared a need for external validation. “Is it something I’m doing?” Do you not want me to be your sister?
“No! I just…” Something Dr. Sunshine had told her echoed in her head. Ponies aren’t mind-readers, you can’t expect them to know how you are feeling if you don’t tell them. “It still hurts,” she finally admitted, both to herself and Rainbow Dash.
“What does?”
Scootaloo found her voice growing louder. Luckily the din of their surroundings muffled her words.“You didn’t want to adopt me, you never did!”
“That’s what this is about?”
“No...yes..I...” Scootaloo stuttered.
“I don't know what you want from me kid. I thought we had an understanding.” Neither pony said anything, Scootaloo unsure how to respond, and Rainbow Dash unwilling to engage in another round of self-flagellation. “I guess come find me when you're not mad at me anymore.”
“How did your dance recital go?” Dr. Sunshine asked.
“It went okay, I guess. I kinda messed up a bit at the beginning.”
“What happened?”
“I stumbled a bit, but I finished my solo okay. I just wish that I didn’t screw up the opening.”
“I see. Is that why it only went okay?”
Scootaloo could have lied. She almost wanted to, but Dr. Sunshine had repeatedly impressed on her the idea that lying would only be hurting herself. “After the show, I kinda yelled at Rainbow Dash.”
Dr. Sunshine raised an eyebrow. She had heard a lot about Rainbow Dash from her patient, and even though she was aware that Scootaloo was still processing her feelings, it came as more than a little of a surprise that she would yell at her idol. “What did you say?”
“I told her it hurt that she didn’t want to adopt me.”
“Why did you tell her that now?”
“Why?” was Dr. Sunshine's favorite question and Scootaloo had quickly learned that “I don’t know,” was not an acceptable answer.
A few weeks ago the idea of Scootaloo being open with her feelings would have been absurd. It was a testament to their progress that Scootaloo could answer the question while limiting her reaction to a slight crack of her voice. “Because I'm still mad at her. I always thought she was going to adopt me and she never even gave me a chance.”
Dr. Sunshine consulted her ever-present pad of notes, adding Scootaloo’s actions to her base of knowledge. “I see. Do you still want Rainbow to adopt you? You seem to be settling in with Rarity unless I'm mistaken.”
Scootaloo fiddled with the armrest of her chair. “Yeah, I mean no, I mean, I know Rainbow isn't going to adopt me and living with Rarity isn't so bad. It's just whenever I see her all I can think about is how she didn’t want to even try.”
“That sounds like it would be difficult to deal with.”
“You’re not going to tell me I’m being unfair?”
“It’s not about being fair. This is about your feelings. You feel mad at her and that’s a perfectly healthy response.”
“But I don’t want to be mad at her. I know she wasn’t trying to hurt me.”
“We often can’t control our feelings, Scootaloo. What we can control is how we react to them. If she were here, is there something she could say or do that would make you not mad at her?”
Scootaloo considered the question carefully, looking up at the tiled ceiling. “I guess maybe she could explain why she didn’t even give me a chance?” She wasn’t sure if there even was an explanation that would satisfy her, but it seemed like a place to start, at least.
“Let me ask you this: Do you think if she did adopt you and it didn’t work out, that you wouldn’t be mad at her?”
Scootaloo considered her feelings toward her other foster parents. She was surprised by the intensity of her reaction. She hadn’t really thought about any of them in a while, but as she ruminated, she found herself hit by a deluge of guilt. Her previous foster parents weren’t bad ponies, she knew that, and yet every time she left it was always with angry words. It occurred to her that she couldn’t remember saying “Thank you” to any of them.
The doctor must have noticed that her question touched a nerve because she didn’t press Scootaloo for an answer. “It sounds like you’re not really mad at her. It sounds like maybe you’re a little mad at yourself,” she said softly. Scootaloo didn’t say anything. “I think Rainbow reminds you of the other ponies who didn’t want to adopt you and maybe that’s why you’re having trouble being around her.”
“It wasn’t their fault,” Scootaloo said, studying her hooves intently .
Years of experience had taught Dr. Sunshine what a breakthrough looked like. Though it was different for everypony, she prized herself on being able to read her patients. “It wasn’t yours either,” she replied, hoping to gently cajole Scootaloo into exploring more.
Scootaloo’s head jerked sharply upwards and she practically shouted her next words. “It had to be somepony’s fault!”
“No, it didn’t, Scootaloo. Sometimes nopony does anything wrong and bad things still happen.”
“It still hurts,” Scootaloo said, echoing her sentiment to Rainbow.
“That’s okay,” Dr. Sunshine said as unobtrusively as possible.
And then Scootaloo had the epiphany that a few weeks ago would have never occurred to her. It was only after accepting that Rarity did care about her, and Sweetie Belle did want her to join the family and that Dr. Sunshine was trying to help her that Scootaloo was able to reach a breakthrough. “What happened was sad, but I don’t have to be sad about it.”
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Whoo Hoo! Glad to see Scootaloo having that breakthrough. Hopefully she and Rainbow can patch up their relationship.
7420931 yeah, he's meant to be a generic terrible character.
Glad to see that Scootaloo has had a breakthrough and can hopefully patch things up with Rainbow Dash. It doesn't do good to dwell on the past.
Woo! Best story! Poor sad Scoots...
Breakthrough!
I love it when this story updates. Kind of makes me wonder if this story will tie into crusaders of the lost mark in any way.
7430245 nope, it won't.
I do so love this story. While in my PVFD story its a Rainbow/Scoot Family, this is a wonderful pairing and I really love where you are going with it.
Congrats on being a featured story!
I maybe didn't understood that part right, since I didn't knew all the words right away, but I get the feeling from the psychological point, it was this time Rainbow which did something wrong.
hhhmmm I kind of expected that part to be missing, good work.
Right now I'm not mad at any of those characters, but I think I would enjoy it, if Rainbow really should have just expected that Scootaloo just likes her again, that she notice that it is a little bit more difficult.
I translate the word again, but I had the feeling it was just Rainbow beeing a bit annoyed and walking away, which maybe in that moment looked a bit rude towards Scootaloo, but I honestly believe Rainbow is just not clever enough to notice that right away, so it's somehow not her fault either.
7430257 I am glad.
7430257 That's understandable, but it probably wouldn't hurt to put up that AU tag just to make sure people know about that.
7430257 Cool. I like the episode, but I see this story more about Rarity and Scootaloo's relationship.
7430378 I don't think that is nessesary, as this fix started before that episode aired. Plus if you go by that then over 90 percent of fics would have the alternate universe tag.
I think you might have meant baseball cap not bat.
Love these updates.
I forgot to track this, and almost missed the update.
This story just keeps getting better. Can't wait for more!
Quotation marks got a little out of control here:
“Is it something I’m doing?” Do you not want me to be your sister?
"Is it something I'm doing? Do you not want me to be your sister?"
“No!” I just…”
"No! I just..."
7430536
Beat me to the punch. I was going to say, that recital has some CRAZY costumes.
7430378 the AU tag is meant for huge changes to Canon. (Lunar empire etc..) This just takes place before season 5.
7430300
I'm still waiting to see if Rainbow Dash ever explains to Scootaloo that she doesn't think she can be good mother material while being a Wonderbolt, since that would mean having to go on tour and not being able to be there for her.
Really, the delivery could've been better without a doubt, but Rainbow Dash is doing the kindest thing she can by leaving Scootaloo in more capable hooves that aren't going to just up and disappear for weeks or months at a time.
Attafilly, Scoots.
Woah. Scootaloo is healing... As expected a great chapter
Certainly interesting
Your depiction of the therapist is so Freakin on point. I would pay so much money for a therapist like that.
Nice chapter, good work.
Another excellent chapter!
We've all read a few of those scootalove fics where shes trying to recover from some form of trauma or abandonment, abuse etc etc.. where it takes one conversation,hugging it out, tears, and all of a sudden problems fixed. things don't work that way.
Its not very often I read a fic that the process seems more genuine or relatable, it drew me into the story.
Awaiting the next chapter!
I understand that you're trying to focus on scootaloo and her breakthrough, But it feels weird in this chapter that Rarity doesn't say anything after the dance performance. Only RD.
Glad you're nailing the psychiatrist. That's a refreshing thing to see.
Love it. Most realistic Scootaloo breakthrough I've read, and I like the pacing of this thing. The work really shows in chapters like these. Can't wait for the next installment!
7431123 I meant for it to be implied that Rarity et al congratulate her after.
7431123 thanks. I aim for some degree of realism.
Looks like Scoots is willing to patch things up with Rainbow, as well as accepting Rarity and Sweetie Belle as family.
7431096 that whole one conversation thing is my pet peeve. There's a lot of:
I try to be a force against it.
I think that was a sublime end to the chapter.
Feels like the end of an act, and I'm excited to see how this change effect Scootaloo's reactions to others.
Such a simple yet meaningful last line. Well worth waiting for this new chapter.
Dr. Sunshine is in my top 5 favorite OCs ever. She's just so good at her job. She's so kind and caring, yet never in a condescending way, she always respect the other pony's intelligence. She's remarkable!
Good job Scoots! An amazing dance recital, talking about your feelings with Rainbow Dash, and having a breakthrough too! You've come so far!
A great chapter!
Nice little chapter here.
As always my only feedback is that I wish it was out more regularly, or some sort of prior warning that its at least being constructed/edited.
And I suppose to piggyback on that, as much as I like this minimalist Cormac McCarrthy (The Road) style of writing you're going for, with the chapters spaced as they are, it doesn't feel as substantial, its almost blink and the chapters over. But then again, I still enjoy the pacing most of all, so its a bit of catch twenty two as the good old yanks say.
But then I am certainly not one to talk about such things, as evidenced in my own work. That's for sure.
-Madness
7432978 yeah I don't do updates, (usually), and chapters are ready when they're ready.
you of the other ponies
(add 'of').
___________________
Really short chapter, but still was pretty cute.
Oh man, I love this story. Beautiful chapter, RK.
7433410 Thank you.
Well done. Keep it up!
I've really been enjoying this story. It doesn't pull punches, it doesn't have everything neatly conclude in a pleasant little package, and it doesn't turn people into villains for the sake of conflict.
There's an old idea in writing that whether you have a happy ending or a sad ending is all a matter of when you end the story. That all stories have high and low points. This story has been told in such a way that whether it ends high or low it's simple to let the mind wander past the ending to see where it could change again.
That's really good.
As a small aside, it's worthwhile to be a bit more careful with time and place words outside of dialog. When Rarity says "tonight" we know that she means tonight from her perspective, but when you use tonight (or here, or there, or this, etc...) in the prose it's understood as being from the reader's perspective. So when you say "Even though her dance recital was tonight..." that reads as you telling me that Scootaloo's dance recital is some time in the evening of June 29th because that's the day I read that line. Those time and place words are all about perspective - it's just a little something to watch out for so that you word things to make it from your characters' perspectives and not your readers'.
7436492
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the good work and congrats on making the featured story list.
Pretty neat chapter. Seems like Scoots might start healing those gashing wounds from her past. While there will probably always be some scars showing, at least they won't hurt.
Also I noticed a couple of minor errors in the text (there is probably more as I am not the greatest at noticing faults): First she is wearing a baseball cap, not a baseball bat... A bit hard wearing a cylindrical piece of wood (or metal).
Second would be when she answers Rainbow dash with the big: "No!" I just..."
See the error there? Just in case you can't, it's the middle set of " that needs to go away.
wow just wow
7444518 Good wow?
7444770 yes good wow this is such a good story great job
7444927 thank you
7444990 you're very welcome