Words Like "Husky" and "Eager"
Once upon a time, there was a pony named Fan Service. She was a unicorn, with a soft brown coat and a golden mane that fell in perfect natural curves. Her parents raised her in Ponyville, and she spent her childhood playing with adorable animals and staring in wide-eyed wonderment at the beauty of the world around her, pausing only occasionally to have pillow-fights with her friends.
She was a late bloomer, or perhaps, an abrupt bloomer. She showed little signs of maturing well into her teenage years, and her parents became concerned for her health. But, then, puberty struck her at age 16, on July the 9th at precisely 2:00 PM, and concluded inself no later than 2:07 PM that same day. Age was kind to her, and she grew up to be a dazzling young mare, with a tall and shapely frame, sparkling eyes, toned and athletic legs, and a tail that wrapped about her flanks just so. Her horn was long and gently spiraled, and it framed her face wonderfully, particularly when she smiled and blushed, which many ponies agreed was often.
The many doctors and wizards her parents called to explain this miraculous transformation were at a loss, able to say only that it was some manifestation of her natural unicorn magic. Such was the commotion over this event that the appearance of her cutie mark was hardly noticed—a fan and a screwdriver. It was just as well, as nopony really understood it anyway.
Eventually the commotion died down, and the residents of Ponyville came to accept Fan Service as one of their town’s many oddities. It took some adjustment, but once the ponies of Ponyville grew used to having her stare at them across the table through half lidded eyes while slowly pulling the cherry out of her milkshake with her tongue, they found her to be kind-hearted and cheerful. She was active about the community, particularly in sports—and her captaincy of the Ponyville mare’s wrestling team inspired many, particularly after their gym burned down and they had to practice in the mud.
By any objective standard, Fan Service had an amazing life. She had a loving family, friends, and many admirers. She was beautiful, and her work as a model also made her wealthy, ensuring she never wanted. At age twenty-five, she didn’t look a day over sixteen, and there was some speculation that she would never age a day henceforth.
And yet, as her twenty-sixth birthday came and went, something nagged at Fan Service; A growing realization. The feeling built slowly for weeks, as Fan Service struggled to give it a name, but finally, she understood.
She was unhappy.
It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate the life she had. Her friends were good to her, she had many worthy suitors, and Ponyville had a excellent number of natural waterfall glades for her to bathe in with her back turned to the nearby bushes. Despite it all though, she couldn't help but feel that her life was empty. Other ponies seemed so much more... nuanced. So much more interesting. They had complexities: Depth. And it seemed that she did not.
And so, one morning, when the discontent gnawed at her particularly fiercely, she rose from her bed, and resolved to visit her friends. They would know what to do.
The first friend she visited was a mare named Aloe, who ran the local spa. Fan Service rarely visited, since her hooves were smooth as a feather’s caress and all she had to do was shake her head to make her toussled mane tumble down around her face like strands of spun gold, but she still appreciated her friend’s skill and good taste. The spa didn’t open for several hours, but Fan Service knew that her friend would be there, and she found the door unlocked.
“Hey! Aloe?” she called out, as she pushed into the lobby, the little door bell ringing above her. “It’s Fan! Are you here?”
“Yeah, I’m upstairs!” Aloe called down, her voice echoing about the building. “I’ll be down in a second!” Fan Service considered waiting in the lobby, but after a moment, pushed ahead on her own. She soon found her way to one of the spa’s many mirrors, mounted over a sink. She turned the faucet, and wetted her mane, lifting her head for a moment to examine the results.
There was no denying she looked good. Her coat was a glorious soft brown, almost tan, majestic as any unicorn but warm as any earth pony. Her mane hung down about her, almost glittering in the lights, long damp strands falling to hide one of her eyes. He her other eye peeked out from that cover, sparkling and blue, holding promises of a thousand things unseen. Slowly, she leaned over to the mirror, her horn shimmering with a silver light as it pulled her hair to one side. Her shoulders lowered, and her flank lifted as she raised her tail high. Her eyes slid shut, and gently, ever-so gently, she pressed her lips to the glass.
“Are you making out with your reflection again?” Aloe asked, her voice now considerably closer at hoof. Fan Service went stock still, and for a moment, there was quiet.
“No,” Fan Service said.
“So you’re just pressing up against the glass and hiking your tail up for no reason,” Aloe observed, her tone dry and a hair impatient.
“I do that sometimes!” Fan Service said, with a bit of a defensive hint in her words, still not moving away, though her tail did drop a few degrees.
Aloe sighed. A long, weary sound. “I... yes. Yes, you do, actually. But... look. Fan. I’m not upset. Please step away from the glass?”
Slowly, Fan Service stepped away from the glass, a rosy blush rising to her cheeks as she looked at her friend. In their early teenage years, as Aloe had matured, Fan Service had been quite taken with her good looks, her pink coat, and her shiny blue mane. Now though, Fan Service was the grander of the two—tall, comely, and with many body parts that could be described using words like “toned,” “supple,” and “firm.”
“Sorry,” Fan Service said after a moment. “I’m having a bad morning and kissing stuff makes me feel better.”
“I know. It’s okay,” Aloe said, glancing over her friend and quickly noticing her distressed state. “What’s wrong?”
“Aloe...” Fan Service drew a deep breath and stretch, the motion making revealing the faint traces of muscle under her athletic shoulders and toned legs, which were powerful yet feminine. “I’m sorry to have to ask you this. I don’t want to put you on the spot. But it’s been bugging me so much lately. Am I... shallow?”
Aloe thought about it for a moment, her expression uncertain. “Uh...” she finally said, with a slight nod. “Yes.”
This was not the answer Fan Service had been hoping for.
“But I have a little depth, right?” Fan Service checked. She could work with a little. Little things could make a big difference. Like that time she had to do a model shoot and her outfit was a napkin.
“Nope.” Aloe shook her head.
“But I’m complex, right? Like, interesting?” Fan Service asked again, wheedling for a "yes". She always loved those characters in books, and whiled away many an evening reading curled up on a fur rug in front of a roaring fire, her glasses balanced just so on her muzzle.
“Fan, you’re like a 300 piece puzzle,” Aloe said, and Fan Service’s hopes raised themselves considerably. “If it had 299 less pieces, and the picture on the puzzle was a mare biting her lip and making bedroom eyes.”
“Aloe!” Fan Service shouted—her tail tucking in about herself as she looked at the floor. She only briefly glanced up, her wide eyes and small frame, making her seem like nothing so much as a shivering, kind animal in need of a long hug. “That was mean!”
“It...” Aloe sighed again. “Was. I’m sorry, Fan. I’ve been having a bad morning too.” Aloe stepped across the room to put a hoof on her friends shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know... nothing, I guess,” Fan Service said, and such was her worry that not even her friend’s strong yet sensuously feminine touch could cheer her up. “I just feel like my life is... you know.” For a time, she struggled for the word. “Hollow. It seems like I have everything I want, but you all have such interesting lives, and I just don’t.”
“You’ve got an interesting life!” Aloe insisted. “What when you wrote that paper for the Canterlot Journal of Social Science? You proved that every mare is at least a little bit gay. That’s a huge discovery.”
“They made me redact it.” Fan Service shook her head. She wanted a hug—longed for that physical contact—but Aloe had long since established her personal boundaries. No hugs, no little nudges, and definitely no slowly caressing her side under the soft glow of a moonlit night while their tails so gently intertwine. Friends respect friends’ wishes. “The results weren’t replicable, so they said it was just my unicorn magic.”
“Oh,” Aloe frowned. “Well, what about all that time you volunteer as a lifeguard? You’ve saved a ton of ponies, and you learned all about time magic. Even Twilight had trouble with that.”
“It doesn’t count if they endangered themselves just to see me slow-motion run, Aloe,” Fan Service insisted. “I mean... your special talent is running a spa. And you run a spa! You run an awesome spa. But you also play semi-pro chess and practice zebra martial arts and make the best cinnamon cookies in town. You’ve got all these neat hobbies and quirks and eccentricities and... stuff.”
For a time, Fan Service was quiet. “And my special talent is being cute and flirty and having weird magic. And I do all that! But it seems like it’s... all I do, you know? Ever. And I feel kind of...” She sighed and stretched her neck a bit, making her mane tumble down around her just so, framing her soft, vulnerable face, so full of hope and need. “I guess there’s no reason I couldn't do any of those things. But when I try, they don’t come.” Her voice sank steadily quieter. “They just don’t.”
“I... um...” Aloe hesitated, freezing to the spot. Finally, after a second, she blurted out. “Do you want a hug?”
“You hate my hugs,” Fan Service muttered.
“I don’t hate your hugs, Fan,” Aloe insisted. “Come on. You’re sad and I know they make you feel better.” Aloe removed her hoof from her friend’s shoulder and spread her forelegs wide, smiling welcomingly. Fan Service hesitated for a moment, and then sprang forward, wrapping her friend up tight.
“Oh, thank you, Aloe,” Fan Service sighed, whispering the words directly into her friend’s ear. The gentle sounds flowed forward on her hot breath, the warmth of her body sweeping over Aloe’s face and cheek as a gentle wind. She could feel Fan Service’s body against her, sense the warmth from within her, sense every curve and feature her friend had so suddenly developed. Once, Fan Service’s body had made Aloe burn with jealousy, but with this trembling figure so close, she started to burn with another—
“Nope, nope! That’s enough!” Aloe says quickly, gently pushing her friend back. “That’s enough. That’s a... hug. We’re done. We hugged.”
Fan Service let out a sad little sigh, stepping back from her friend. She didn’t understand why Aloe hated her hugs so much. Everypony thought she was too touchy—even her coltfriend said that she and Aloe should hug more. Group hug even! Still, she respected her friends wishes, and well, it did make her feel better.
“Thanks, Aloe,” she said, shaking her head to clear it. “But, really. I don’t want to just hug ponies and nibble on their ears until I feel better. I want to actually have something going on in my life. Like you! I mean... how do you do it?”
“I don’t know, Fan,” Aloe said, with a sympathetic frown. “I’m sorry, but depth isn’t something you make happen, it just... happens on it’s own. You either have it or you don’t.” She saw her friends face fall, Fan Service’s gaze going to the floor, and quickly spoke again. “But! I mean... uh. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Right now, I wish I could trade my chess skills for being that much better at running a spa.”
“Why?” Fan asked, looking around the room. The spa seemed well run to her—it was organized, and neat, and full of things which could be pleasantly rubbed onto other things, like balms and stuff.
“Business hasn’t been good lately.” Aloe reached up to scratch the back of her head. “If I don’t think of something soon, I could be in trouble. And uh... well.” Both mares turned their eyes to the floor, an awkward silence settling between them.
“Oh!” Fan Service sudden exclaimed as she shot to her hooves, her mane swishing behind her as she gave a dramatic flick of her head. “I know what you need. You need Twilight Sparkle!”
“What?” Aloe raised a skeptical eyebrow. “The wizard?”
“She’s not just a wizard,” Fan Service said, so excited she was shaking like a schoolgirl giving a bento box to her considerably older teacher. “She’s a princess now too. She has an emerald castle and everything. I bet if she endorsed your shop, you’d have all the business you could handle!”
“Well, that... uh...” Aloe paused, her two ears tilting up. “That... could actually work. If the endorsement ran in the right publication. Something in Cloudsdale say. That’s close enough customers could make the trip, and she’s pretty popular there.”
“That’s perfect!” Fan Service actually giggled for glee, sliding one leg around Aloe and pulling them shoulder to shoulder. “Twilight and I get along great and she loves this place. We’ll go see her, you’ll get your endorsement, and I’ll have helped a friend save their business without once using my special talent. That’s totally different and nuanced.”
“Fan,” Aloe said gently. “Tail. We talked about this.” She coughed loudly, pointing at her rear, where her and Fan Service’s tails were intertwined like the limbs of two lovers caught in the throes of passion; tangled bundles of blue and gold binding them physically as their feelings bound them—
“Fan I mean it,” Aloe repeated herself, louder this time. Fan Service stepped away quickly, uncurling her tail.
“Right!” Fan said, after a small pause. “To Twilight’s!”
Ponyville being what it was, the two didn’t bother locking up. Aloe simply hung a “Out to Magical Adventure” sign on the door and then the two were off, trotting briskly down Ponyville’s main street towards Twilight’s crystal castle. They made excellent time, but they were less than halfway there before something distracted them—a charcoal grey pony with a teal mohawk, sitting alone at a cafe table with an absolutely wretched expression.
“Thunderlane!” Fan Service called out, recognizing her friend. “What’s wrong?”
“Cloud Kicker dumped me,” he said, giving only the smallest of glances to the couple by his table. “Hey, Aloe.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Fan Service put a leg around Thunderlane, pulling him into a close hug. “She didn’t know how good she had it.” When he failed to respond, she flicked his flank with her tail and added, “Say, you want me to do that thing with the oil that always cheers you up?”
“No thanks,” he said, still staring at the table. “I’m good.” A pause came across the three.
“Did she dump you because you’re gay?” Aloe hesitantly asked.
“No!” He let out an angry snort. “She dumped me because I asked how she felt about us moving in together. Is it so much to ask to find a mare who actually wants a serious relationship?” Thunderlane shook his head. “I mean, sure. I like dating. I like cute mares. I even like hooking up! But I eventually want to settle down and—no, Fan, I meant I like hooking up in the abstract sense, not here and now.”
Fan put the bottle of oil back into her saddlebags.
Thunderlane sighed, sitting back in his chair. “I know the mare for me is out there somewhere, but I have no idea how to find her.”
“Well...” Fan Service thought for a moment. “Why don’t you come with us? We’re going up the road to the emerald castle to see Twilight Sparkle. I bet she could use some wizard magic to help you find the pony you’re destined to be with.”
“Sure. I’ll try anything at this point.” Thunderlane gave a heavy sigh and hauled himself to his hooves. “Why are you going to see Twilight though?”
“I need customers,” explained Aloe.
“And I need character depth!” explained Fan.
After a moment’s consideration, Thunderlane decided it might be better not to ask. “Onward then.” He gestured.
And so, the three hurried through the streets of Ponyville towards the crystal castle. They made it almost the entire way there without further distractions, but on the very steps of the castle, they came across a truly wretched sight. A blue unicorn in a purple cape, sniffling quietly at the base of the castle steps.
“Oh!” Fan Service called out to her. “Hey, aren’t you that magician who took over the town?”
“Trixie had hoped ponies had forgotten that,” she said, with a miserable little squeak. Slowly, she raised her eyes to Fan Service. “Has Trixie met you before?”
“I was that pony you hit with the agony beam.”
“Trixie,” she said, with as much dignity as she could muster, “wronged many ponies that day.”
“I was the one who liked it,” Fan Service nodded helpfully.
“Oh, yes,” Trixie made a face. “Now I remember. You have a very distinctive uh... scream.”
“Thanks! Sometimes, I practice in the mirror,” Fan Service said proudly. “But you’re not crying over that are you? That was ages ago. And you know everypony has forgiven you. You were under the influence of an evil artifact. Totally not your fault.”
“Not exactly.” Slowly, she hauled herself to her feet. “Trixie needs... I need, to ask Twilight Sparkle’s help. Everything in my life has been going wrong, and I’m always alone. But she’s the Princess of Friendship! If anypony knows about making friends, it’s her. And I thought she could help, but...” Trixie turned her gaze back to the ground. “I’m not sure I can face her.”
“Well, that’s fine,” Fan Service said. “You can come with us! Safety in numbers and all that. We’ll help you find that inner courage and stuff.”
“You’re all going to see Twilight Sparkle?” Trixie asked, looking between them.
“Yup! I need character depth,” Fan Service said, keeping an upbeat tone.
“I need customers,” Aloe said, with a small shake of her head.
“And I need a date,” Thunderlane finished.
Slowly, Trixie turned to look at Thunderlane. “Wow, aiming high, are we?”
“It’s not like that.”
“Sure it isn’t, Prince Social Climber.” Trixie rolled her eyes.
“No, it’s okay, Thunderlane is cool,” Fan Service assured Trixie. “And look! You’re not sniffling anymore. So! Will you come with us?”
Trixie looked between the three one more time, and then gradually nodded. “Thank you.”
“Oh, wonderful!” Fan Service stepped forward, wrapping Trixie up in a tight hug. She could feel Trixie’s loneliness—a tension under the skin that only the touch of another equine could soothe. “We’re going to be the best of friends, I just know it.”
It had been so long since Trixie had been truly close to another that at first she was stiff as a board. But as Fan’s breath washed over her face, her posture gradually eased. Muscles unknotted, joints loosened, and she seemed to almost melt into Fan’s embrace. They were so close they could feel eachother’s hearts beat, a steady pounding through their warm—
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Aloe’s voice cut into the silence as she grabbed Fan and forceably pulled. Thunderlane grabbed Trixie and did the same, and soon the two were separated.
Trixie stumbled backwards, a hot blush radiating outwards from her cheeks. “What uh...” she stammered. “What just happend?”
“Oh, some unicorn magic,” Aloe answered casually, giving Fan Service a stern look. Fan let out a little cough, looking to the side and brushing her mane with a hoof. “Come on, the castle door is right this way.”
The four marched up the steps at varying speeds, with Aloe taking the lead and a very confused Trixie in the rear. Eventually, Aloe reached the castle doors, knocking firmly. The doors cracked open, and Spike looked out from between them, a tiny figure besides the massive gates. “Oh, uh...” he said, not recognizing Aloe right away. “Can I help you?”
“We’re here to see the wizard,” Aloe explained. “I need customers, Fan needs character depth, Thunderlane needs a date, and Trixie needs a friend.”
“Ugh,” Spike rolled his eyes. “Twilight!” he called, turning back into the castle. “Four mismatched ponies showed up asking you to solve all their problems!”
“Again!?” her voice shot back.
“Yeah.” Spike sighed. “At least I’m not the dog this time!”
“Well what do they want!?” called Twilight from what the others were starting to think was the very opposite side of the castle.
“Customers, friends, a date, and character depth!” Spike bellowed out the words. A pause answered him.
“Who wants the date?” Twilight finally called.
“Thunderlane!” Spike said.
“Okay, I’m coming down,” Twilight said. Distant hoofsteps became audible, and Thunderlane couldn't contain a small smile. Soon, she appeared at the door, looking out over the four of them.
“Okay, who needed what again?” she asked, and Aloe recounted the requests. “Fine. Let’s do this. Aloe, I’ll mention you in my interview with Cosmoponian next month. Thunderlane, pick me up at eight. Trixie, you came here on a quest for friendship, but the real friends were the ponies who supported you the whole way. They are your friends.”
“Actually, I barely just met—”
“Ah ah.” Twilight gave Trixie a stern look and clapped her hooves together. “We’re moving on. And Fan, you needed... character depth?”
“Yeah.” Fan smiled. “But don’t worry, it’s okay. I know that’s not a thing you can physically give me. I showed depth by helping my friends—and one stranger—in their time of need!”
“Oh, did you?” Twilight asked, pleasantly surprised.
“Yeah!” Fan nodded. “Right guys?” She turned to look at the others. Silence answered her.
“I mean... it was good of you to make the suggestion,” Aloe said. “But... a good idea isn’t really character depth.”
“Yeah,” Thunderlane nodded. “And it was good of you to help me when you saw I was upset. But compassion isn’t really character depth either.”
“That hug made me feel funny,” Trixie said, looking at the ground.
“Oh,” Fan Service turned her head away. “I... I see.” A silence fell over the four of them, and nopony spoke. “Well! That’s fine. I’m glad things worked out for all of you. I’ll just head back and—”
“Fan, wait,” Twilight stepped out from the crystal castle (which was in large part emerald), and walked up to Fan Service’s side. “Before you head out, take a second and think about what happened today. Sure... maybe you didn’t display the most nuanced character, but you know what you did do? You saved Aloe’s buisness, got Trixie some friends, and helped Thunderlane find a date. That’s way more than most ponies do in a morning.”
“But it’s not...” Fan sighed, looking off at the ground. “It’s not what I wanted, Twilight.”
“Fan, you’ve been at this a day.” Twilight said, with an encouraging smile. “If you want to be more like other ponies, the first thing to learn is that these things take time. You don’t get instant gratification. Character depth is something you build over time, with effort and care. I’m sure that if you stick to it, you’ll find it one day. And in the meanwhile, look.” Twilight gestured out towards the three waiting ponies. “If this is what ‘shallow’ is, is shallow really so bad?”
Fan paused, and then smiled. “No, you know what? Life is pretty awesome.”
“There we go,” Aloe said. She smiled, as did Thunderlane, and even Trixie joined in a bit. “You feel better?”
“Yeah,” Fan raised a hoof to her head. “Yeah, I do. I mean... Twilight is right. I just got it into my head that character depth was something I needed and that I couldn't be happy without it. But, look at all of you.” She gestured to the three of them. “You, stressing over your business. Thunderlane, worrying about true love. Trixie dealing with her megalomania and obvious latent homosexuality.”
“All mares get that,” Trixie blurted out. “There was a study that proved it. I’m not weird.”
“Ha ha,” Twilight chuckled slightly. “Yeah, that’s—”
“And oh, wow. All the drama!” Fan Service took a breath. “I didn’t even think about that. Like how Aloe is just going to be in this position again in a year if she can’t reliably attract customers. Or how Twilight just agreed to date Thunderlane because of his looks which is exactly what he was trying to avoid so they’re totally going to have a painful breakup on like the seventh date.”
“Uh...” Twilight flicked an ear. Aloe looked at the ground. Thunderlane frowned. Trixie looked up and away.
“And oh man, if you don’t break up? Thunderlane wanted a serious relationship. Does that mean he’s going to be Prince Thunderlane? Does he even want that? And how’s he going to deal with living with a mare who will outlive him by like a thousand years? That’s just... wow, that’s not gonna end well.” She turned to Trixie. “And all those self worth issues! How do you ever find the time to be happy?”
“Well, you just...” Trixie inspected the sky for a little while longer, then turned to look off into the town. “Focus on the moment, and... try to find peace with it all.”
“See? That’s way too complicated. When I want to be happy, I just flirt with a cute stallion and then go give a bunch of money to charity so ponies tell me I’m nice and stuff. Phew!” she let out a sigh. “I do feel better. Thanks everypony. I’m going to head home. Good luck working all that stuff out!”
Reassured that all was well in her life, Fan Service trotted home, leaving behind four uncertain and confused ponies. She had not given up her quest, but had realized that things were not as bad as she thought. Her life, while simple, had value, and when she returned that evening, she was no longer unhappy.
Then she ate four tubs of extra-chunky ice cream because she could do that as much as she wanted and never get fat.
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My gods what.
Favorite earned :D
Absolutely silly. Could be the Crown Royal talking, but I really liked this one.
Though I liked some of the editing errors, sounded like real words almost, "eachother's" especially :V
Oh my god. I love Fan Service. It's in her name, but I know I shouldn't, but damn it all
I'm sold. Though the Wizard of Oz-ness was going to get to me if it kept going for much longer.
*smacks down a big ol' FAV'D stamp*
Fan Service is now best pony
Any story that makes me laugh so much the kids come in to see what's going on deserves a fave. Or several.
BuHahahahahahahaha!!!
If this isn't one of the most clever and hilarious comedies I've ever read, I dunno what is.
Your sarcastically subtely intense exaggeration (oh, the oxymorons!) was layers upon layers of funny, not to mention the fact that the overall premise was extremely clever.
Well done, my friend. Awards to you!
Very nice! :D
Okay, this was silly and funny as heck. I approve. :D
11/10
i cri evrytim
5332555 Pfft, everyone known Crown Royal only enhances the good
Very goofy and awesome as always, I loved how it slowly evolved into the wizard of Oz and I have to admit Fan Service was hilarious. Especially the whole kissing the mirror to feel better part.
Unedited four-hour stream-of-consciousness or not, the site needs more comedy like this. It's not just a clever idea (though it certainly has that), but actually has some depth. Between this and Intern and the RCL feature on Arbitrage, your follow is overdue. *goes off to your user page to fix that*
I love the way the narrative changes when her … um … "special unicorn magic" kicks in. And kudos for the way that you did a double-subversion-with-a-half-twist of the Marey Sue making everything better.
hi hi
I cracked up when I realized I was taking a trip down the yellow brick road. Well played.
That ending had a very Brave New World feel to it. I could see Fan having a soma tablet as a cutie mark too.
Okay, that was really well done!
It took me until Thunderlane to realise where you were going...
I... think you may have somehow managed to make a parody Mary-Sue-ish-sorta character actually genuinely work in the way that most Mary Sues wish they did...!
Almost 5000 words in 4 hours. That's impressive in itself, and the story was a lot more than you would expect from speed writing. Nice job.
Nice little story. I enjoy the interaction between Fan and Aloe, especially the "Ok, enough hugging" bit.
Despite how she feels about it I find Fan to be an interesting character. How does The Mare That Has It All really work? Can she truly work at all? So called "shallow" characters always intrigue me, because I enjoy the challenge of finding depth in them. Fan is actually rather nuanced and has a bit more character than she gives herself credit for.
Even if she's a bit of an airhead.
That ending though. That ending. *shakes head.*
I can't be the only one who was hoping that Fan Service would find a job repairing fans.
“Out to Magical Adventure”
"Aw man, I hate when that happens!"
By the divine I was in need of a good long laugh and you delivered! This is now my new favorite story of yours! The way it was so playful yet cutting was delightful and the references came out subtly and slowly like the undertones of good food should. Yet the greatest part was the very end were you flipped the subversion on it's very head. Truly a parody within a parody is a difficult thing to do well. Please have a like and a fave as well as a brohoof. (\
This was my favorite line of yours:
"But, then, puberty struck her at age 16, on July the 9th at precisely 2:00 PM, and concluded inself no later than 2:07 PM that same day. "
Also, because it's what I do for a living, here are some small edits for you in bold:
And yet, as her twenty-sixth birthday came and went, something nagged at Fan Service; A growing realization.
Other ponies seemed so much more... nuanced. So much more interesting. They had complexities: Depth. And it seemed that she did not.
Fan Service asked again, wheedling for a 'yes.'
When he failed to respond, she flicked his flank with her tail and added,
You saved your friend Aloe’s buisness, got Trixie some friends, and helped Thunderlane find a date.
5335408
Admittedly that was the ending I was thinking of as well, but the version presented was far more funny to me.
Brilliant, G. Speed kills, and so did this story.
WoO references aside, it must be one of Fan's special powers to make Twilight's castle turn emerald green at her mere mention of it, instead of its usual blue and purple.
tail (unless that's a Mass Effect reference)
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No! I was free! It was a stupid comedy. With extra stupid! You can't make it have themes! The whole point of the story is that it doesn't have themes. If you keep this up, I'm going to write a darker and edgier equal where Fan Service's cutie mark actually is Soma tablets and all of Equestria is plunged into darkness. None of us want that!
5335644
It happens a lot.
5336165
images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/32000000/BROHOOF-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-32076460-733-1090.jpg
Thank you sir! I'm glad you liked it. Furthermore, by your generosity, grace, and editorial prowess, all the errors you have indicated are now fixed!
5336334
Bwe he he he. There is a line at the end about it being a crystal castle that is at least partially emerald.
5336358
Not problem at all good man! It was my pleasure, and thank you for the brohoof back; I must admit I've never seen that picture before today somehow. I quite like it though and shall use it later on. Thank you for being the highlight of my day and if I can assist with further editing or proof reading of other works kindly let me know (after all, it means I get to read them just a touch earlier
)
5336338
Bwahaha! That's what you get when you have your main character learn something by the end.
It's the little touches that make a great comedy.
5336338 *raises hand* I want that. You should totally write it, and stuff. Yeah.
5336165 Not to be offending, but according to the style guides, three of those edits are actually wrong.
That semicolon should be a comma. Semicolons only come in to replace a conjunction, only between two independent clauses, or between an independent and a dependent clause if they represent different ideas of the sentence and aren't related to each other.
That colon should be two dashes (unless you can type the combination). Colons are used only for expansions, qualifications (not one qualification), or explanations. Here, the two dashes are needed.
All style guides agree: at the end of a sentence, if what is being quoted doesn't actually contain a closing mark, then the closing mark goes outside of the quotation marks, rather than in.
Hope that helps.
This was absolutely hilarious; I loved the Wizard of Oz style. That ending where she decides she doesn't really need depth was a twist, but I suppose if her talent has to do with not having depth, I should have expected it.
For some reason I imagined her as Fleur de Lis, even when you said she had light brown. My brain was just, "Nope, I like my Fleur de Lis, off with that other pony's head!"
-Spirit
You nicknamed twilight the "wizard just so you could make it look like the wizard of Oz for brilliant satirical purposes, didn't you?
Alright, cue music from a musical that I absolutely despise...
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm3ypbAbLJ8]
And video posting fails yet again for me. Just go to the place.
This has to be one of the most amazing stories I have ever read.
Fan Service for next alicorn princess!
What Fan Service failed to discover, was that Aloe, Thunderlane, Trixie and Twilight all have malfunctioning air moving cooling units of one sort or another. :\
5335408
It may turn out that she is SUPERB at repairing fans! Goodness knows that little desk fan now has the gracious power of providing cool flowing air that moves in such a way as to brilliantly exalt the virtues of a mare's silky smooth mane rippling in the crisp sweet aromatic breeze!
Beautiful.
Nicely done. Now I have that darn song stuck in my head.
*stands up and slowly starts clapping*
also made her wealthy, ensuring she never wanted.
Never wanted what?
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Assuming that you're not making a joke that's going over my head, "ensuring she never wanted" implies the phrase "never wanted for anything," which is a known idiom.
I don't know if it's technically grammatically correct the way the author phrased it, but it sounds stylistically correct to me and seems to fit with the storybook/fairytale vibe that the story is going for.
Hooray! Story!
...I... ...em... what did I just read?
5431327
Fan Service
Wasn't sure what to expect upon seeing it was "Totally unedited", but I've gone and "favorited" (still not sure if that's the term to use. Favored doesn't seem quite right here) the damn thing. Well played, Jaxie. Well played...
Also, I was listening to Totalspark's Snow Drifts when I started reading and the contrast in tone was absolutely perfect
I would say I want to read more adventures about with this character but she's already said that she doesn't want anymore adventures.
Whatever. Let her go roll around in whipped cream at her mansion then get a wet mane in her hot tub. See if I care.
I can't help but visualize Fan as looking like a darker-coated version of Backy, another fan character.
I thought that this was going to be perverse and was positioned to exit prior to completion.
Happily, as described, it only was humorus with only a suggestion of anything else. A thumbs up!
Pure, unbridled (HA!) brilliance! Have a fave and like!
This has to be one of the best Mary Sue parodies I've ever read even if it is unedited!
Well, that was really silly.
I do wish you had gone a bit farther with this though. At less than 5k words, this leaves me wanting more.
*looks left, looks right* So.... nobody? Well, okay then.
SHE'S DOIN' IT WRONG! ponybot.net/pix/1260.png
Seriously though, that... that is some strange unicorn magic. I mean, Rarity got... a rock. A ROCK!
i.imgur.com/od0xMCF.png