Tired of it all
I can't handle it anymore. I just can't keep going. I'm just so useless. I'm all alone in what used be the family house, but now the only one living in it is me now. I remember it as if it happened yesterday. I was watching The news channels, and there was A very familiar bridge on one of the channels, so I switched back to it. I gasped as I put my hand over my mouth when I noticed it's the bridge my dad used to cross to get to work. The shot was being taken by a helicopter just over head, and I could see piles of cars spread about the bridge. Small fires erupted from most of the vehicles. There was a tanker which looks to have exploded, and made a huge flame, making a large cloud of black smoke. The reporters were saying stuff , but my main focus was on one car. A brown buick on its roof, engulfed in flames. Tears began welling up in my eyes, as I saw a body lying out of the driver side door which wasn't there anymore. My father.
Blood drenched his white t-shirt, and what looked like a metal bar of some sort impailed it's way through his head. My mom was with him, but I didn't see her body anywhere. I decided had seen enough. I shut off the T.V, put my face in my hands, and cried my eyes out. About ten minutes later, my arms were covered in trails of tears. I finally stop crying, and I get a text moments later. I check it. It's from my boyfriend Marco.
"Hey I just saw the news, and I'm sorry for you loss. but that's not all ur losing. We...just don't work out anymore, so have a nice life...if you can."
Great!! I just saw my parents dead on T.V, and now the only guy who cared for me, decided to break up with me!! I Repeat what I had done for the past ten minutes. The gloomy skies outside just make it worse. I lay down now trying to calm down. I look outside through the glass sliding doors on the opposite side of the room, and watch the wind blow the leaves on the trees. I listen to the crackling sound of it, and the sound of water hitting the glass due to it's beginning to rain. I close my eyes in a pathetic attempt to get some sleep. Time seems to slow as I lay with my eyes closed, nit getting what I wanted. I check the time on my phone and it's 12:45 pm. Waves of depression wash over me as I remain sleepless on the couch. I stay here for another few hours just laying here. Wallowing in my despair. I listen to the grandfather clock in the dining room tick twice per second.
After another few hours, there is a knock at the door. Immediately, I hope I was just seeing my father being dead there, as I run to the front door, and open it to see...a police officer. "Sarah Muntz?" he asks me.
"Yeah. That's me." I reply.
"I'm here just to tell you...some bad news." He says pretty much regretting he has to tell me.
"Yeah. I watched the news. You're here to tell me my parents are dead." I can almost see him make a sigh of relief that he didn't have to tell me.
"Yeah. Well I have more people to tell them they won't be seeing their loved ones anymore." He states before turning around, and Walking away.
The next day I'm still alone on my own. The clouds are gone now, letting the sun spill bright light into the house. But the clouds in my soul have not cleared yet, and never will. I walk outside, and the sun leaves a warm sensation on my chest. I look down the only road in both directions, and I see a silver minivan coming from the right. It pulls over to the side of the road in front of me. A Lady with long curly brown hair exits and walks over to me. She smiles as she approaches. Her eyes are green, and she looks no older than 35. I get the scent of vanilla perfume, as she gets closer.
"Are you Sarah Muntz?" Shes aks kindly.
"Y-yeah. How do you know my name?"
"I was told about the incident yesterday and, they needed volunteers to adopt children who lost their parents. So I'm going to be taking care of you from now on." She smiles at me, as if she has known me since I was born.
"I have the documents with me if you want to see."
"No I'm good."
"So you can come with me." She opening the front passenger side door, and gestures for me to get in.
I hesitate, but then realize I have no choice but to go with her. I get in and put the seat belt on as she gets in the drivers seat. She makes a u-turn and from there we drive straight for what seems to be an eternity. Neither of us say a word to each other. That's what I need is silence. I don't feel talkative at all right now. I just wanna curl up under a rock and die. I'm the only one left of my family. Lets face it. I've lost everything. Now I'm stuck with a creepy woman I don't know. Please god just end my life soon. I can't stand it anymore. Just two days is enough, and I'm prepared for my life to be taken at any second. The bumping of the car going over bumps eventually gives me the sleep I have been begging for since I saw the news. I can still remember every detail of it too.
Three months later
I hold in my hands a small black box with gold trim. Something I found one day while walking. I haven't decided to look inside until now. I un-do the small lock and inside is a...rose? There is a note ties to the green stem, so I lift it out of the box and read the tiny print. Try as hard as might, The ink is just too small for me to make out. I notice a small piece of glass in the box. I pick it up, and hold it over the not, and the small note, and the words become huge! I don't reall care or give a crud what it says, but curiosity has me readin it anyway. I hate reading in general. It hurts my eyes. Anyway the note says: "To the lucky finder of this rare rose, you can make one wish come true. You will notice ten pedals on this rose. Repeat your wish out loud once for every pedal. Pull the pedals off one by one repeating your wish once for each pedal. Be warned to be cautious with what you wish.
I put the rose back in the box. Yeah right it can make a wish come true. I head to the kitchen with the box still in my hands. I grab the smallest knife, and put it in the box with e rose. I step out to the back porch. It's raining out. Cold chills run down my back as the wind makes me shiver. You may be wondering what I'm doing with the knife. Well I'll tell you I'm gonna end my life. I head down the stairs and walk out onto the grass, and make my way towards the forest that begins in the backyard. I stop when I reach the trees. I sit down and I open the box. I grab the rose out and I sent the box down on the wet grass. I look at the rose, and see ten pedals. I grab one and pull it off
"Rose bring me luck." I whisper. I pull another one off. "Rose bring me luck." I whisper again. I do it a third time, then a fourth, and the fifth, saying "Rose bring me luck each time I pull a pedal off. I get to the last one now. I grab it, but hesitate t pull it off. I open my eyes, and gaze at the last red pedal in my fingers. "Rose, bring me luck." Snap.
I sit there for a moment, looking at the green rose stem with no more pedals on it. Then I put it back in the box and begin walking through the forest. By now I'm soaking wet with rain, and I'm really cold. I walk for a good 15 minutes in a straight direction. Eventually I come to a small opening and I take a look up to the clouds, my eyes twitching, trying to keep the rain from landing on them. I sit on the cold wet ground, with the box still with me. Now I think of my past, with my boyfriend who dumped me, and my parents who are dead now. Happy memories used to make me smile, now they bring me torment and pain. I open the box, and take out the knife. I look at it, as the rain drops land on it, then drip off the edge of the blade leaving wet streaks behind.
"God be with me." I say and I raise the knife to my throat. I push it in, and the pain feel so good. I'm about to slice into my neck, when I hear a voice.
"Help me." I hear the faint voice say. IT sounds like a young child, but why would a child be out here? h well I'm out here so whats the difference. Once again curiosity has me, so I get up to investigate. I walk towards the voice.
"Who's there?" I ask.
"Over here." I hear it say. A bit shaky. I hear the voice come from behind a nearby tree. I drop the knife as I approach it.
"Help me! I-I-I'm stuck. The voice says. I get to the tree and when I peek around it to see who is there, I don't see a person, It looks more of like...a pony. It's very small. It' white with a maroonish, and pink mane and tail. I look closer, and I see her left hind leg is caught in a small hole in the ground. I just don't believe my eyes. What exactly is this thing?
It looks in my direction, and sees me.
"Help me." It says again, struggling to get her leg free. I hesitate, then I go over to it, and kneel down to see what's got her leg. I see a piece of bark that has her leg stuck to the tree. I reach down and grab it, and pull it off, freeing her leg.
"Thank you." It says in one of the sweetest voices you have ever heard. Then I look into the hole and see...a rose? "Can you get me my rose?" It asks. "I tried to get it, any way I could, till I got stuck of course." It says shyly.
"Yeah." I say reaching in the hole, and I pull it out to find it looked exactly like the rose from the box. I hand it to her, and she puts it in her soaked mane. As a matter of fact, she's soaked all over. Shes is shivering quite a lot. Instantly I feel bad for the poor thing, and I scoop her up in my arms, and begin running towards home.
"Wh-where are you taking me?" It asks sounding a bit scared.
"Don't be scared. I'm taking you to my place out of this weather.
I keep running, and eventually, we reach the house, and I notice kitchen light is on. Mom...well my new mom must be home. I rush up the porch and to the door, and I burst it open, and the warm air of the house battles with the cold I'm feeling right now. I don't really care about me, I'm more worried about this pony thing. I see mom isn't in the kitchen, so why is the light on then? I put the pony, or whatever it is, down. She;s still shivering like mad. I run over to the thermostat, and I turn it up from 62 to 72. I look back to it, and it's just standing there, trying to keep warm. I walk into the living room, gesturing for her to follow.
"Mom?!" I shout out.
"I'm up here in my room!" She yells back to me.
"W-what are you going to do w-with me?" It asks.
"Well First i'm gonna get you dry, and try to make you warm so you stop shivering." I say to it, trying to stay as calm as possible.
I run up the stairs, and straight across the hall into the bathroom. I turn on the light above the sink, instead of the really bright ceiling light. I go into the cupboard, and grab a couple towels. I place one on the floor for her to stand on, and I'll use the other one to dry her off. She walks in a little slowly. I can tell she is just curious and being cautious. She stands by the door, unaware of what I am doing, or what I'm going to be doing. I have no idea how this thing got here, or how it came here, or if it just popped up out of nowhere.
"Here, stand on this towel." I tell it, and it does, with water dripping from her mane, onto the floor, which means I'm gonna have to dry the places where she walked, or stood at.
"Thanks for helping me." She says smiling up at me. Right then and there I felt a bond starting to slowly take shape, and I smile back at her.
"Do you have a name? I ask, grabbing the towel, and placing it on her head. From there, I rub it back and forth on her head, working my way down the neck and to the back.
"Yes. I-it's Rose Luck.
This causes me to freeze up as I instantly knew what this meant. My wish was "Rose bring me luck." Remove "Bring me" and then you get Rose Luck. That would also explain why she has a rose exactly like the one I used! So my wish got me this pony to look after. Suddenly I don't feel sad anymore, but now I feel really happy, that my wish brought me something very special to call my own! I smile down at the little filly, which I think means like a young horse, or pony in this case. I look at her face, and I see joy. She looks back at me, tilting her head to one side showing she's most likely confused as to why I stopped drying her. I haven't actually felt her yet, so I slowly reach my hand out to rub her mane. She backs away a bit. I stop for a second, then I start reaching for her again. This time she stands still, and I graze my fingers through her hair which is so soft! Then she does something unexpected. She jolts forward, and she wraps her tiny forelegs around me, which I took to be a hug, so I hug her back, and I rub her mane with my right hand. Then I finish drying her.
"Sarah?" I hear my mom call.
"Yeah?" I reply. What does she want? I continue looking at Rose as a smile spreads across her cute face.
"Is there somebody in there with you?" She asks. She must have heard us talking. How is she going to react to this? I don't know, but I have no choice.
"Coming, just a sec!" I say, as I give Rose one more quick wipe down to make sure she is dry.
"Come on Rosey...Do you mind if I call you Rosey? I ask the small filly.
"It's fine, I like it." She says quickly hugging me again.
I get up, and I walk her over to mom's room. Her door is closed, and she hates it when I walk in without knocking, so of course I knock. Then I open the door, and see her lying on he bed reading a book. She looks up at me.
"What do you need hun?" She asks sweetly.
"Mom. I need to show you something, but please promise you won't freak out okay?" I say as innocent as possible.
"Suurree." She says awkwardly. "Why are you all wet?" she asks.
"I went for a walk in the woods, and I found something." I look down to Rose, who looks back up at me with a puzzled look on her face.
"What?" She says, putting her book down, and sitting up. That's when she sees Rosey. "Aww it's so cute!" She coos, getting up out of her bed, and kneeling in front of rose.
"I found her shivering to death when I went for my walk."
Mom picks her up in her arms. Rose giggles a bit, at this sudden profound affection mom just grew for her. I feel bad for Rose. I know she ins't from this world, and must miss her family a lot. Rose just sits there as mom holds her. I have to say, I haven't felt this happy in quite a while, and finding Rose is the reason for it. I just hope I don't lose her like I've lost everything else. I take her from my mothers arms, and Rose hugs me AGAIN. She's very cuddly from what I can tell, and It's just so adorable. I hold her with one arm, and I rub her back with my right hand. Her coat is quite soft against my hand. She lets go, and she looks at me, and says it.
"I love you mommy." She says happily returning to giving me a hug.
Why did she call me mommy? I don't know but, it made me feel really happy inside and out, and I knew right then and there I would be her mommy.
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...Ehm, I see you deleted a comment...
...I probably shouldn't write my opinion now.
You forgot the " at the end of stuck.
Just a help
.
I loved this so much. And I know you were telling me about your idea, and this is much better than I thought. I hope for more soon!!
Alright. I'm just gonna point out some mistakes in the first chapter, just to give you an idea of what's wrong with it.
Not a bad start. Might want to consider ellipsis in the middle of each of those first three statement. The second sentence, however, is composed redundantly. Grammar mistakes.
Okay.
Redundant. You could either remove the second part entirely or remove the first part and talk about what kind of things went on in the family house then finish with it being just her.
Alright, the T in "The" and the A before "very" don't need to be capitalized. Also, we got the character was watching the news channels so when you said she saw a familiar bridge on one of them, you ended up using the word "channels" redundantly. Grammar mistakes.
Overhead is one word.
Buick is capitalized.
Here's where the unbelievability comes in.
There is no news station that I know of that would willing show a actual corpse on TV. The authorities on scene would most likely have any bodies covered or moved and the news team would ensure they got no shots of dead bodies. It just doesn't happen. Also, you spelled "impaled" wrong.
Mistakes like these riddle your story; it's full of strange capitalizations, word redundancies and simply misspelled words. It feels almost like you didn't actually read your story before posting it, which is how these mistakes slip in, especially if you don't have an editor or pre-reader. But they are not things you can't fix. You just need to go through it and correct them.
In regards to the unbelievability... that's honestly me just nit-picking; if that's really what you want in your story, then there isn't anything I can say that can or will convince you otherwise.
Unfortunately, I just don't like it. But I'm also just one reader.
I wish you good fortune with this story, regardless.
wow, i think he thought, that way she only have to be sad one time and not twice
I think even if it is not perfect, that is probably exactly the reason why i want to read it right now.
It is only a feeling, but i think the story goes a bit to fast, and maybe she accept the things to fast, i don´t even know if she really should be able to know that her wish came true, but if she believes in such things, then i guess she could figure it out.
Not bad till now.
Awesome Chapter
Rrrrrrrrrr it's. So. Adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh come on! This chapter for the most part is totally unbelievable, and that's even ignoring the obvious part of a 'wish' actually coming true and it bring a sapient life force to earth. And it not being a voilent being.
She finds out her parents are dead on TV (which they never would air a corpse live or otherwise), she accepts it, then a lady apparently has adopted her and she accepts it. All in one chapter!
I'm sorry but you clearly have no idea on how the adoption process works. You will never ever find a case where a child is adopted on virtually the same day thier parents die. Only a family relative could look after the child so sooner after. But not only that, she doesn't even go to a orphanage or somthing similar.
So how can the adoption people know she needs adopting? An why would a cop leave a parent less child alone in a house, just after thier parents die? They wouldn't, unless they want their useless ass sacked.
Then there's the 'BF', "oh I see your parents are died, your losing me to..... We'll have a good one :D"
What?! Even Hilter would be looking at him saying somthing like "that's cold". It's just too unbelievable and its just trying to hard. And then there's the spelling and grammar, I normally let it slide, being me. But it's just another nail in the coffin as it were.
You know what they say first impressions are important. And to be blunt, for this story, it's sucks pretty bad. So I won't be reading anymore sorry, but good luck.
7092344 And you watched a t.v. show where friendship destroys evil and ponies control the weather.....which is more unbelievable?