Living in the past, stuck in the future
Anon is in his room sitting on the edge of his bed. Why does this keep happening? His thoughts are out of control and he needs to calm them before he starts packing, but that talk with Fluttershy is still fresh in his mind. It keeps playing over in his head like a broken record. Every little word he said and every response she made. He keeps analyzing it, trying to find flaws, dishonesty. He can never trust those ponies again, ever. He believes that if you break someone’s trust, you might as well say goodbye to it because you’ll never see it again.
Still, he can’t deny that Fluttershy at the very least was being honest when they were talking. Anon doesn’t think he’ll ever confide in Fluttershy, so he’ll keep to himself when she’s around. As timid and shy as she is, he has a strong feeling that she’s more trouble than she’s worth. However, he won’t actively avoid her, so at least that’s progress. He’s sure Pinkie will be thrilled to hear about this during their party.
A sigh leaves him, now his mind is thinking of the other elements of harmony. His teeth clench together at those thoughts, memories of the past coming back to the front of his mind. Forgiveness isn’t something they deserve. What they did to him, how could he ever forgive the ponies that intentionally hurt him? At least with Pinkie and Fluttershy it was a misunderstanding for the most part.
Applejack, he still remembers what Pinkie told him. How she only hurt him because of her situation, but Anon isn’t a punching bag. She only feels sorry for having hurt him and no amount of apologies will ever make him forgive her. The best she’ll get from him is a bit of neutrality. What Luna did to her was more than enough to make him feel even, but he will not forgive her and he will not be friends with her. They’re even and he doesn’t want her around, it’s that simple.
Now his mind goes to thinking about Rainbow Dash. A small grin grows over his face. She got what she deserved and then some. He doesn’t doubt that eventually that mare will try to do something drastic. Whether it’s getting revenge or trying to apologize, he knows it’s only a matter of time. For some reason, knowing it will happen takes away the feeling of fear. In fact, it should be Rainbow Dash that should be afraid. Just like the lightning she used to scare him, Celestia will strike her down just as quickly.
Now, Rarity. He honestly doesn’t even want to waste a single thought on her, but it’s not that simple, he can’t stop himself from reflecting on it... To think that she only did what she did to force him to take her clothes. Rather than try and have him do remedial chores to make him feel like she owed him something, she instead put his life in danger. Yeah, wasting thought on her is pointless. Eventually, she’ll start making dresses again, with or without Fancy Pants.
Anon feels a shiver at the last pony from his past. Twilight. He can feel a sickness start to grow just at the thought of that mare. He has a feeling that the ring on her horn wasn’t just a coincidence when he saw her earlier today. He has a strong feeling that she probably asked to keep it on. Perhaps in an attempt to relay her sorrow and regret for her actions. To deprive herself of something that makes her what she is.
Anon knows better, he knows exactly why she’s doing it. It’s just a way for her to feel good about herself. To know that she’s causing pain to herself, therefore, forgiveness isn’t needed. She’s just tricking herself into thinking that he’ll feel obligated to forgive her because of the length she’s willing to go. Fat chance of that happening.
A sigh leaves Anon. This is just wasting his time. He shakes his head to get his thoughts back on the task at hand. He rises from his bed and walks over to his dresser. He needs to pack a small bag for his stay with Bonbon and Lyra. Nothing too fancy, just the same old clothes he likes to wear. As Anon starts to pack, he can feel the hairs on his neck slowly rise. He doesn’t pause in his task and keeps packing as his mind starts to race.
His hunter-gatherer skills are tingling. Something’s watching him right now. He assumed it was Luna, but the smell of nightshade isn’t in the air. So something is here, but he doesn’t know who or what it is. He never doubts his gut feeling. They are rather sharp when it comes to knowing when things are around. Whatever it is, it hasn’t attacked, so he can assume there’s more to this than he knows. He keeps packing a bag calmly. Don’t want to let whatever's watching knowing that he knows it’s there.
Blossom watches this hooman with a smirk on her face. Luna was right, Anon instantly picked up on her presence as soon as she entered his room. He’s even doing a fine job at concealing his knowledge of this fact as well. She wasn’t expecting him to be this perceptive. It’s almost as if he’s been trained to do this. Blossom notices his muscles are slightly tense and his breaths are slow and controlled. He’s waiting for her to make the first move.
He already knows you’re here. There’s no reason to remain hidden.
Blossom licks her two fangs in excitement as she drops from the ceiling, spreads her wings and softly lands a few hooves away from Anon. She can practically hear the beating of his heart as it races from this action. His body tensing even more as her hooves make contact with the floor.
“I knew I wasn’t alone.” Anon speaks as he keeps packing. “Who might you be?”
“Midnight Blossom, Luna’s captain of the lunar knights.”
Anon’s heartbeat starts to steady as those words register in his mind. So she’s part of Luna’s guard? Anon turns around to properly face this pony but comes face to face with two large golden orbs directly in front of him. He flinches back some since he didn’t hear her move from her spot a few moments ago. A feminine giggle leaves the pony as she moves a bit away from him. Anon now gets a better view of this creature as she hovers in the air. It’s one of those bat ponies he saw a few months ago standing outside of Luna’s room.
There’s not much else he can say to describe this pony. She has the standard gray coat, bat wings and fangs. Other than her golden eyes that have cat-like pupils and her cutie mark, which kinda looks like flowers. There isn’t really much to discern her from the other guards. Then again, Anon doesn’t remember there being a female soldier in the guard and she definitely looks female.
“Why are you here?” Anon asks.
“Curiosity.”
“I have a feeling that isn’t the whole truth.”
Blossom can already sense his hesitation and skepticism. She knows that lying to this creature will only make her job harder. So perhaps the best approach is to remain truthful and gain his trust? Because if he can’t trust her, then keeping him safe will be near impossible.
“You’re right. Luna tasked me to ensure that your safety is my top priority. I’ll be watching over you when neither of the princesses are around to guarantee that you come to no harm.”
Anon stands there looking at this pony closely. It doesn’t seem like she’s lying to him. He then thinks over what she said. He doesn’t find anything wrong with that idea. It’s nice to know that he’ll have someone there to watch his back. Not only that, but he knows that at some point in time Rainbow Dash will strike and he’s not sure if Celestia or Luna will be there when it happens. So having a little backup would be nice.
He nods. “I find that acceptable.”
Blossom’s smirk grows. “Glad to know we’re on the same page.” She lands on the floor. “Know that I will always be watching, but if you need me, you only need to call my name.”
“Blossom, if I remember correctly?” She nods. “Nice to meet you. I’m Anon if I didn’t mention that beforehand.”
Blossom giggles. “Nice to meet you as well, Anon.” Her ears perk up and swivel towards his door. “Somepony is coming. I was never here.”
Blossom leaps up and hides away in a dark corner of the room, completely blending into the darkness. Anon must admit, for not being a unicorn, she can hide rather well. Anon is brought from thought as he hears a knock on his door. He walks over to it and opens it without hesitation. Celestia is the pony that’s standing in front of him, practically glowing.
“Anon, I heard you were in the castle. This is a pleasant surprise.”
Anon feels his nervousness leave him.
“Yeah, I came back to pack a small bag and get ready for tonight.”
She nods. “Luna just told me about that. I hope everything goes well for your store. I know that training ponies can be rather difficult. I could spend years telling you how hard it was to train my staff when I first became a princess.”
Anon nods. “I think they’ll get it by the time the party happens. No worries.”
“So what are you doing now?” Celestia asks.
Anon looks inside his room towards his bag. He finished packing a few moments after Blossom showed herself.
“Not much, just finished packing, so I’ll probably head back to drop my bag of-”
In a flash, his bag is gone. Celestia is standing there looking at him with her smile never wavering.
“So what are you up to now?”
Anon chuckles as he rubs the back of his neck. “I guess not much. Wanna do something?”
Celestia seems to steadily glow brighter as she nods in excitement.
“I would like you to join me for my afternoon stroll.”
Anon nods. “I think I can manage that.”
Celestia slowly walks down the hall, as Anon gets ready to close the door to his room, he briefly sticks his head inside of his room to address the only pony inside.
“See you later.” He calls out just before he closes the door.
Anon and Celestia are walking down the streets of Canterlot together. There’s not much that needs to be said about this moment. Well, except Celestia is pressed firmly against Anon as they walk side by side. Anon feels rather uncomfortable, but he deals with it, seeing as it’s been awhile since he’s seen Celestia and she’s probably feeling affectionate. Which seems to be a thing that ponies are about in this place, always nuzzling and touching with close friends.
“It’s so nice that we’re together again.” Celestia says breathlessly as she leans her head against Anon’s shoulder.
“You make it seem like we’ve been apart for years.” He jokes.
“I wouldn’t disagree with that notion.”
“Well, just a few more days and I’ll be free to do whatever.”
Celestia lightly nuzzles into Anons shoulder some.
“I can’t wait.”
Anon feels his comfort level steadying out. He will admit that ponies touching him still makes him feel weird, but he’s willing to bare with it for Celestia’s sake. Anon briefly looks around and can see how all the ponies are looking at him and Celestia with different levels of shock. He can only assume that’s because they aren't used to seeing their princess enjoying herself.
“Where we headed?” Anon asks.
Celestia smiles. “I would like to head to the park if you don’t mind.”
Anon shrugs. “I’m alright with it.”
Celestia lets out another sigh of content. For some reason, her heart is starting to beat a bit faster than usual. There’s no reason for her mind to dwell, she’s just happy to be with Anon right now.
The two of them finally make it to the park. There aren’t many ponies here, other than a few foals that are playing off in a field. Both Anon and Celestia walk over to a bench. Anon takes his seat at one end and Celestia takes her seat at the other. The bench is made for regular ponies, so even while sitting, Celestia has to take up some room on Anon’s side. So she does the only thing that makes sense, she rests her head on his lap so they both can be comfortable.
Anon now feels that weird feeling inside of him as Celestia rests her head onto his lap. The feeling of being touched and close to her makes his skin crawl. For so many years, he’s avoided other creatures, but now Celestia is one of only a few ponies that are allowed to get this close to him. He accepts his fate as he notices the smile that’s on her face as she lays there, eyes closed and perfectly fine with being in public with him.
Anon can remember a time when Celestia would always wear her princess mask whenever she went out into the public eye. He has to admit that it kinda makes him feel happy that she’s starting to let loose a bit. She deserves to enjoy the little things in life. His mind wanders towards Luna. A smile starting to grow on his face. It’s odd for him to know that those two are his friends, true friends. Luna’s done so much to keep him entertained and sharing those memories has made him respect her all the more.
He does still wonders about all of the things she’s kept from him. Like Nightmare moon and the many battles she was in. He still gets a feeling deep down inside of him that she’s holding back because she’s afraid of what he’ll think of her. Anon chuckles a bit to himself. Perhaps the reason he has that feeling inside of him is because Luna shared her memories with him in the first place? Are these feeling his own or are they the ones that Luna feels? Perhaps he will talk to Luna about it in their dreams tonight.
“What’s so funny?” Celestia asks.
Anon looks down to see Celestia is still in her same position, the only difference is that one of her eyes is open as she looks at him.
“Random thoughts.”
“Anything I should worry about?” She jokes.
He shakes his head. “Nope, just some stuff I need to talk to Luna about.”
Celestia closes her eyes again.
“Hmm? So nothing I should know about?”
“Nothing too big. Just some dream stuff.”
“Very well.”
The both of them fall into silence again. Anon decides to try and enjoy this moment. So he rests his hand on Celestia’s neck and starts to gently stroke her. His mind still wanders as he does this. He thinks about all of the ponies that care for him. Pinkie, Bonbon and even Lyra. He feels slightly angry at how blind he was back then. He also can’t blame himself either, things were complicated.
Still, he wonders how different things would’ve been if he actually did accept Pinkie as a friend. His mind suddenly kicks into overdrive. Would he have met Celestia? Would they have become friends? Would he have ever let any of the other ponies close to him? He hates questions like this because he can never answer them. They are pointless, but they can haunt him just like anything else. Because the questions that are asked now, were actions that were made then.
So he wonders what actions he will be questioning in the future? Will he regret the things he will do? Will he regret the things he has done? All pointless, but it still bothers him nonetheless. He was never an in the moment kinda person. He lets out a sigh as he looks down at Celestia, her breaths have become shallow, it seems she’s asleep. Well, perhaps he has slowly become an in the moment type of person, with the help of his friends.
Despite it making him feel uncomfortable. Anon leans back some, closes his eyes and tries his hardest to live in the moment. It’s worth a try at the very least.
Luna looks herself over in a body length mirror she has in her room. She has to admit that she cleans up well. A small chuckle leaves her, it seems Anon’s personality has bled into her thoughts, not that she minds, if anything it helps her feel less alone. Her thoughts calm a bit as she notices a presence in her room.
“Report.” Luna speaks with authority.
Blossom walks out of the shadows and gives a small bow.
“I’ve come to inform you that I’ve met with Anonymous.”
Luna raises a brow at her captain as she looks at her from the mirror.
“Is that so? Entertain me, Captain. What do you think of him?”
“He is very sharp indeed. He knew I was there only moments after my arrival.”
“How did you approach the situation?”
“I told him the truth. I knew just by looking at him that lying would’ve only hurt me in the long run.”
Luna nods. “Understandable. So he knows of what your job is?”
Blossom nods. “He seems fine with it.”
“Where is he now?”
“Your sister has taken him out for a walk. I felt that he would be taken care of better in her hooves than my own. Since I have the time, I felt it necessary to inform you of the situation.”
Luna looks herself over again in the mirror. Perhaps an outside opinion would help.
“How do I look, Captain?”
“As beautiful as the night sky.” Blossom replies.
“Do you think the mane is too much?”
Luna looks up at her slightly styled mane. It’s a bit different than her default ethereal look. She decided that for tonight she would use her true mane for this dinner. Something she and her sister rarely do these days. She must say that she missed the look of her natural color.
“It has been many moons since I’ve been fortunate enough to see your natural mane.” Blossom gives another bow.
“You do not need to act so formally, Blossom. We are both alone in my chambers.”
Blossom rises from her bow and looks over her princess.
“Very well. May I ask what the occasion is?”
Luna feels a little heat on her cheeks. It’s that odd feeling again.
“Anon is going to join my sister and I for dinner tonight. It’s been some time since we’ve shared a meal together.”
“It lifts my spirits hearing the joy in your voice. Anonymous must mean a great deal to you.” Blossom states.
Luna feels her thoughts going to Anon. Her mind briefly flashing anger as his memories of his torture springs to mind. Then it calms as his memories of her and her sister comes flooding in. He’s never said it, but his memories, his feelings, everything is telling her exactly what he doesn’t want to say aloud. How much he trusts and even respects them. How much he cares for them. A gentle smile rests on her face.
“He does.” Luna speaks in a whisper. She then looks up at herself in the mirror. “Should I wear a dress?”
“Perhaps that would be a bit too much.” Blossom comes in.
Luna nods. “Agreed. You are dismissed, Captain. Be ready for Anon’s return.”
Blossom bows. “Pleasant night to you.”
Luna is left alone as Blossom leaves. Yes, she’s definitely ready for tonight.
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HAZA it lives
...i'm going to be honest, I thought you really were gone forever
An update on one of my favorite stories? You have just made my crappy day into a good day!
Oh shit, update.
Excite.
Damn.... I wonder if Anon suspects Luna's feelings? Having shared memories and such.
What are those fucking tags.
6482656
I think he is still too much into "defense mode" to properly see that. That and Lulu and Celly don't seem fully aware of their own feelings either.
But sooner or later it will be quite obvious for them.
Oh man, it's back!
Honestly, I don't like this situation with the mane six. I like how it goes but it is also sad.
Prediction: Someone is going have their soul in the murky depth of despair. (With a sauce of regret.)
Glad to hear from ya Sarcastic, I take it things have improved for ya?
I... I know it's within character and justly appropriate for 'anon' (God I hate that name...), but... as much as I enjoy this story I feel conflicted over it because the main character comes off as kind of a dick. I get why he acts this way, and to be honest I would very much likely react the same way to the mane six if it were to happen to me, I just can't help get the feeling that before this guy came to Equestria he was one of those people who would use internet trolling as his hobby just because being a dick was the only thing that would make him happy.
TL:DR
Love the story, conflicted about the main character
got so hyped when I saw this was updated.
Hey, how have you been ?
6482668 They're tags.
FINALLY! AN UPDATE !!!
AWW YISSS
FUKIN BREADCRUMBS!
6482618
6482755
6482860
Things are getting better. Still taking things slow for right now, but I'm glad that I managed to get this chapter out.
6482668
i.imgur.com/8HIUZc0.gif
6482828
This Anon is based on me, actually. I don't troll, but I have a few personality disorders that make it seem like I'm trolling, when I'm being serious. So, the reactions of this Anon is how I would act in Equestria, no idealised version whatsoever.
Just to throw it out there as well. I'm not offended by your opinion. While this character is based on me, I know you're comment is directed to that and not me.
6483000 Thank you for that, and I know how that feels, I don't quite have personality quirks that come off like that in real life, but whenever I try to word something in a text format I always seem to get my message jumbled and I start rambling after a while. I actually quite enjoy that I feel conflicted over the main character because I genuinely want to see him at least get on neutral terms with the rest of the cast. I know that there will be quite a few that he won't like and that's perfectly acceptable... but hate is definitely not something I would wish into anyone's life because it does far more harm than good
Blame it on me becoming accustomed to movies with happy endings but I just really want to see everything at least pan out in the 'just barely green' zone instead of the 'critical red' zone
6483000
I know what I saw!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/98/ef/0a/98ef0a84162459b825138d875d9608d2.jpg
Hey, SB
How are you doing? Update was great. Looking forward to the next one
HYPE TRAIN! WOOOO!!
welcome back, and do i detect luna attachment on the horizon?
*GASP* An update! I must read this ASAP!
Seems that he still needs to go through some heavy character development before he even thinks about a real romantic relationship with a pony. And maybe, through said development, make some sort of peace with the other Elements however tenuous.
a great chapter
stayclassy
Glad to that Unwanted Attention was only the start. Still hoping things've leveled out for you.
Sad to see that Anon's still decided that Fluttershy isnt ever going to truly be any of his small circle of friends, despite acknowledging what happened was never intentionally done to hurt him like what Rarity or RD did, tho.
I loved this chapter quite very much.
As always the dialog is perfect and the scenes are descriptive in the right amount of detail, its not too much nor to little its just right. Plus I find it easier to read sense there is not a big block of text cause big chunks of text doesn't look welcoming and you constantly find now and then loosing track of your progress. So this chapter has a perfect layout, and the story is very entertaining.
SO yeah I can't wait for the next chapter maybe in two weeks time, right?
This story seems to be really good, I remember this story, but not every little thing that had happened.
I don´t think I would like it very much, if this story would change into a princess herd story, it is one of the very few Human X Celestia storys I really like. In other situations, I could enjoy it a bit more, but this time I would like it, if that didn´t means, that Luna is going to try to be his Marefriend too.
I am probably fine with everything you want to do, but I would like it, if this time, he could pick only one princess he really likes in the end.
If Rainbow Dash try to take some revenge of Anon, then obviously she try it when non of princesses will around, so in this case she gonna have rather, maybe even very unpleasant meeting with Midnight Blossom, which will next lesson of thinking for her. Not to mention consequences of such foolish act, royal consequences.
I want to like this story.
I really do.
But damn, the style and tense is so hard to bare. It's just so dry and could potentially be a case study on "show vs. tell".
Story wise it isn't bad, but the technical aspects are... Lacking.
Ahh, I was wondering what happened to this story! I hope you won't rush the 'romance' of the story like so many other stories do. Good luck to you and I hope the next chapter shall be out soon
Reading this chapter has brought up some questions. Is there going to be any conflict between the sisters and their love for Anon? While we saw what his thoughts are for rest of the Mane 6 and his conclusion that he won't forgive/befriend them, what are his thoughts on Spike, is there a possibility of those two being friends or will he turn him down since he's Twlight's assistant/brother/slave/pet? And the last question, how soon till we see the other half of the Mane 6 and see how their lives are now?
6483569 I do like the effort the author puts into the story. But I agree some parts feel...mechanical, for lack of a better word. Some of it is forced, as if the author simply could not relax and enjoy writing the story. Perhaps rushed?
There are a few errors throughout the chapter, but nothing glaring. I would recommend getting an editor. They seem to be mostly capitalization errors. Those can be fixed easily enough.
Overall, the chapter does offer some good insights, but the balance between showing and telling is a bit skewed. I really enjoyed the last story and this one is showing a lot of promise and has been fun to read. But I can really see the difference in how each story is written. The last one you wrote for yourself. This one feels as though you were compelled to write it for the sake of your readers.
I've done that myself.
Write for yourself and you'll find the words flow easier and the stories seem more natural.
I look forward to the next chapter! I really do enjoy this story!
And update!
A nice, mellow chapter. Not much happening, but still a nice little slice of life with no drama in it.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
That was interesting day.
6483151 Seriously, it just a tag. What are you? Some kind anon-tag-phobia?
Nice to see that you are still working on this fic.
Sadly Anon seems to not realize that forgiveness is for the wronged party, not the perpetrators, it is accepting that the thing happened and moving on, not absolving the other of wrongdoing. Similarly, an apology is for the perpetrator to do the same while Penance is for both and is a way to attempt to right the wrong.
Chapter read. Good to see how much Anon had thought about his interactions with the mane 6 and what he'd do about them in the future should they meet. Sometimes forgiving someone is just not required if they don't look like they deserve it.
Hope you're doing well and continue writing!
6484329 So Anon needed to forgive himself? I only asked that since he's the one being wronged. I'm just confused of the wording.
6484565 it is actually a rather confusing subject, which is why it's so hard to explain coherently. But forgiving still is done TOWARDS the other party, but FOR yourself
Oh my gosh it lives!
Nice return. Honestly. I feel like AJ and Rarity are more culpable for their actions then twilight in these situations. It feels like twilight has some real psychological issues that made it all seem perfectly normal. Not that it made it ok, but at least a little understandable.
6484565 Holding onto hate, however justified, hurts you. If Anon did forgive them it would give him an opportunity for a closure. At Least do some degree.
6484742 I can sort of understand. He could forgive them, but he doesn't have to "let them in," basically.
6484882 Refer to my previous comment.
6484928 yeah, and you can also forgive an abuser while simultaneously cutting ties with them
6484742 6484930
"A wise man always forgives, but never forgets."
Forgiveness is about letting go of the grudge, along with all the toxic feelings associated with it. (Pain, Anger, Hatred, Grief, etc.)
But that doesn't mean that one should pretend that one was never wronged.
"Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me."
ITS STILL HERE!
6484099
I got his blog post saying how much he despised the Anon and Featured tags. His opinion.
Aside from that, I can't help but feel that this story will soon lead to rated Mature due to the Alicorns' affection towards Anon.
6486577 Uhm... interesting.