I turn into a pegasus,
during school?!
Well my life is over. I have the whole class staring at me in utter silence, and this class is never quiet. I'm in 4th hour biology. Or other wise known as Life-science. This has to be the most boring class known to mankind, because so far as what it seems to be is you take different liquids, and mix them in different vials, and beakers and such and observe it. Then you have to write down what you noticed. Wow I'm stupid. Being in the class is boring enough, now I find myself teaching it to you. Anyways, The whole class has their eyes on me, and none of them say a word. It's been like this for the past three minutes. I don't look around or anything. I just look straight, wearing a pissed off expression on my face. You're probably all like "JUST TELL US WHAT THE FLUPP HAPPENED ALREADY!!" I will tell you soon enough. I will just have to pull myself together to tell you. Well it all happened a good 30 minutes ago. Here is what happened...
IT was just another day at school, and I had entered 4th period or biology or...oh wait I said this already!! But yeah I entered with my friend Lyra. We sit next to each other in the front row of desks which is fun because we're always partners. I have been friends with this over excited, hyper girl since 2nd grade which had to be the best school year of my life. We take our seats right before the bell rings and the teacher begins. He is a 40 ish yr old man by looks. His name is Mr. Jack. Even though this is the worst class school has to offer, it's at least teached by the coolest teacher in the school. He begins with the lesson plan as usual. Then he tells us what we will be doing and how we will go about doing it, then he has to share one of his silly life stories as he hands out sheets of paper to all the students. He checks his watch like every two minutes as if he is impatient for something amazing to happen, and amazing is what we ALL got. But I'm the one who had to experience it first hand. Or first hoof.
It started when me and Lyra were talking and this bit of green hair dropped down in front of my face. It looked to be of a lightning bolt shape.
"What's that?" Lyra asks staring at the bit of hair.
"I have no clue." I reply taking a hold of it wondering how it bends to make that shape, and how it grew like that in that color.
Then she points to the top of my head.
"OH my gosh what's going on with your hair?!" I pull my phone out of my pocket, I turn it on and I put it onto camara, and I looked at my head.
My hair was rising up in a cyan blue, and forest green color.
"Holy sh**!" I whisper to Lyra.
Then my ears begin to feel funny, and I can feel them rising up on my skull, and they stop at the top of my head. I watch it happen on my phone, then they suddenly turn yellow. Not in an instant, but what looked to be yellow fur grew out on them.
"What the hell is going on with you?!" She screams, getting the attention of everybody in the room which is where all the staring begins.
My hair continues to grow down to the back of my neck in a pattern of cyan blue and forest green. I don't know why I'm describing it cause the cover pic is what I look like. Well just my head. But the fur keeps going down and around my head, then travels down my next at an inch every two seconds. I'm frozen in place as I watch on my phone what's going on. I see a muzzle? Start to extend out, and my eyes turn color to match the blue in my hair, and increase in size. I also notice cyan blue lightning bolts appear under both eyes..From what I can tell, I look like a pony!!
"What's happening to me?!" I ask Lyra with worry in my tone.
I don't dare to look at anyone else cause I don't wanna see their reactions to this. By now the class has gone 100% quiet and not a peep was being made, as we all watched me turn into something else. I can feel the changes as they happen. They don't hurt thank god, but it feels strange, like really strange. Now it seems as if my head was done changing, and the changes continue down my body and along my arms, as they became covered in yellow hair.
I begin to lose my grip on the phone, as my fingers shrink into my hands, causing me to drop the phone onto the table causing it to make a little thud. My arms begin to straighten out and my hands become...hooves? I knew it. I'm becoming a pony. Every part of me just wants to scream out loud, but every time I even try to breathe out a little harder, it gets stuck in my throat. I feel the hair grow all over my body, and it gives me a slight ticklish feeling. Then I get two strange sensations on my back that feel like two vertical lines on each side of my back. I look to see my shirt, and grey BVB hoodie bulge out. I think they're wings. Right now I sound fine, but I'm just trying to keep myself from going absolutely cray cray!!
"E-emma?" Lyra asks finally breaking the silence.
I look at her as if saying 'What could you possibly want at a moment like this? She just stares at me with her mouth wide open, and her right hand covering it.
"You have no idea how embarrassing this is." I whisper to her. She simply just nods.
I look at the teacher at the front of the room with a 'WTF?!' face plastered on. I close my eyes trying to forget this is even happening, but that's never gonna happen. I look at my hands, er, hooves in disgust. Then I feel a sharp pinching pain down at my tail bone, and when I look down to see, I see a tail with the same pattern and style and colors as my hair grow out to about three feet long. My eyes grow wide at this sight. I'm shocked to the core of my very being as it flicks once when it makes contact with the floor. I shake my head in disbelief, and I can feel myself begin to breath harder and faster making me slightly dizzy. I an hear the gasps squeaks, murmers, and even a scream come from behind me from the other students..I can't handle this!! Now the transformation has gone to my legs, and I watch everything go down since im wearing short shorts. My legs slowly become pony legs finishing off with my feet turning into hooves, thus finishing my transformation. I sit straight in my chair, looking down at the table. Why, and how the fack did this happen to me? I slump a bit in my chair now.
"Wow." I simply say.
So there you have it. The beginning of the end of my life.
"Emma?" Lyra asks again.
"What?" I reply.
"Did you know about this?" Great. Now comes the wave of questions, and his is wave one, survive as long as possible. Yeah, yeah I should cut down on how much I play MW3.
Now here I am, a human who just turned into a pegasus in just three minutes. Then I hear it. The snapping sound phones today make when you take a picture, comes from behind me. Great, now I'm going to be on the internet ooh yay!!
"Well. It seems as if Emma just went through a big change!" Mr. Jack announces.
I put my hood up over my head in an attempt to hide my face. It's a big hood so it works just fine. I lay back in my chair, looking up at the ceiling, hoping for it to come down on us, and end this horrible nightmare. I look at Mr. Jack. I give him a look that says; 'I'm not doing this right now.'
He walks over to me from the front of the classroom.
"I have no idea how...this happened to you, as embarrassing as it may be..." He says with a smile, clearly trying to comfort me... even though I could tell he would faint at any moment. "But... uh... take the hood down. You know the rules."
"Dude I'm quite in shock right now okay that this just happened and I need some time to settle down before I lose it." I say gritting my teeth and my right eye twitching a bit.
"Just have your stuff done by tomorrow then." He says getting up and walking away.
"So how do you feel?" Emma blurts out.
"Oh I feel just fine even though I just turned into a different species!" I snap back at her.
"Well do you know how this may have happened?" Ugh another question. But then it hits me! Something happened last night that may have caused this, but I just have to remember. After a while of thinking I remember going to a movie, then walking down this alley to get home and...yes that's it!!
This old lady injected me with this green stuff that caused me to be itchy in the area she made the injection. It must have finally done it's work just now! I explain to Emma what I think may have cause this, but she doesn't believe me. After giving up on trying to explain it to her, I look over myself out of curiosity. It's surprising how it was successful and without flaw. Then the realization that class is about to end in two minutes comes. I'm gonna be out there with so many other kids surrounding me. Then a random thought tells me I'm thirsty. There is a bubbler on the other side of the room in the back. I get up on my hind legs a bit wobbly. I knew it wasn't going to be easy since I don't have human legs anymore, but pony legs instead. Soon Lyra is by my left side with an her right around the back of my neck which extended a good two or three inches. She held on to my left arm, or foreleg it's called with her left hand to help me walk. It takes me a while to get used to these new legs, but, by the time we get half way there, she doesn't have to help me anymore.
I know ponies walk on all fours, but I am NOT doing that. We get to the bubbler, and I take a nice long drink of the cold water. Ding...ding...ding...ding!! The bell rings signaling it's passing time.
"Oh no." I whisper to myself.
"What's the matter Em?" God I tell ya this girl is quite slow.
"Come on let's just go." I say putting my hood back up.
I'm still a little wobbly but I can walk on my own on just my hind legs.
"Uh. Hood down Emma." Mr. Jack calls from his desk. I roll my eyes and pull it back down again.
"It wouldn't matter anyway Emma." Lyra says with a sweet tone in her voice.
"How?" I ask. Then she points at my completely exposed tail which joins with my yellow behind.
"Oh."
I forgot that anyone would know what's going on if they saw somebody with a tail sticking out of their butt. "I sigh, then walk out into the crowded hall, just looking forward. So many people stare at me, wether it's my face or my tail. Wow thats weird. To say 'my tail' when I normally didn't have one till now.
Out of nowhere this dude with wavy blonde hair that ran down his neck, and...gorgeous blue eyes. Oh no what am I doing!!
"Hey there." He says. His voice like an angel's. I look away slightly.
"H-hi." I stammer.
"Well aren't you just the hot one huh?"
Okay creepy... call a pony hot why dontcha? Cause that isn't weird at all! Well being a pony is weird in itself. I walk a bit faster to get away from him, but he speeds up with me.
"Don't play hard to get." He says playfully.
I just shake my head. I come up to a group of black guys, and I push past them, and one of then grabs the hood of my hoodie.
"Who the heck do you think you are? Whatever you are you creepy thing." He says looking me up and down. I roll my eyes and continue walking with that blonde guy still stalking me.
"What do you want?!" I finally snap.
"A chance to be with you." He replies putting an arm around my back, and he pulls me into him.
"NO!" I say shoving him off of me.
"Why not?" He asks.
"Why would you want to date me?" I ask.
"Cause you're hot." He replies. Oh my god he thins I'm hot.
This dude has to be one major brony.
"Why in the world do you think I'm hot? I'm not! Try asking when I'm human again. If that happens." I tell him.
"What do you mean human again?" He asks giving me a puzzled look.
"I turned into this just a little bit ago." I reply.
"Wow that makes you even hotter!" He shouts.
"Hey can you just leave me alone?" I yell at him.
"Well fine." He says stomping off.
I turn to the room at my right. Geometry. I walk up to the teacher who is at her desk, and the other students stare at me. The presence of me in her sights must be quite strange.
"Hey." She looks up from her desk
"Ye-." She stops after seeing me.
"You may not believe it, but I'm Emma Wilson." I tell her.
She just sits there looking at me for some odd reason..
"Okay then..." She replies, taking a long slow sip from her cup of what-ever.
I take my seat and the other students stare at several parts of me, but mostly my face. This kid named John who sits in the desk next to me is like what dafuq kinds of sorcery is this? Then Lyra walks in. She notices me right away of course.
"Hey I think that one dude likes you."
"Ya think?"
omg this is awesome and i cant stop
5325681 Cant stop what? lol :D
laughing
5325693 I know :p
5325693 But whats so funny? trololol
5325696 you my friend are awesome
5325703 Why thanks!! :D
5325701 turn in to a pony in front of the class and that guy that is funny
5325710 I know that must have sucked. And yes I threw that dude in for the heck of it. :D
5325710 by the way my profile pic is thunder-star one of my oc's which is what I used for this story. Its the only cool oc I have out of the 4 i came up with.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This fic is bad.
The main character is a generic teenage Mary-Sue.
-Random superhot guy falls in love with main character for no reason, main character shyly denies him after inadvertently admitting he's hot.
-Random "black guys" fall in love with main character for no reason and sexually harass her.
-"uuuggghhh class is soooo booorrring" mentality.
-OC's appearance just screams Mary Sue. Would you see this pony appear in the show?
Unrealistic reactions to the sudden transformation of human-to-pony
-Aforementioned hot guy falls in love with pony. r u srs m8
-Aforementioned black guys fall in love with main character and sexually harass her
-Class, teacher, friend and main character act as if it's a simple embarrassing inconvenience.
-Main character worries more about social, class issues than the clearly much more pressing issue
-Society looks at the oddly-colored bipedal pony as if she's wearing clothes that don't match
In general, everyone underreacts. How would you REALLY react to becoming a PONY?
Overwritten transformation scene that has no explanation; potential plot hole if you never explain, and nobody likes plot holes.
Cringe-worthy grammar mistakes.
PASSIVE VOOOIIIICCCEEE
And some other things I missed. I prescribe thorough reading of Ezn's writing guide, one of the hundreds of people on this site that would be happy to help you improve your writing, and a heavy dose of "rewrite or scrap this fic." I'm serious about the rewrite or scrap this fic. There is no fixing this without a total rewrite or deletion.
YOU FRICKING FRICKS
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/013/587/tumblr_mpcc4lb3w11s07d4ao1_400.jpg
Er... Yeah, I'm not sure how to reply to this story.
First off, the reaction to it all is WAY TOO MELLOW. Just like you said in your other story on the other site, Humans are naturally terrified of change, even more so when the change is happening to them. But that is multiplied by the power of 10 when it's a transformation like this. Do you honestly expect a teacher would carry on a class like that when one of their students up and turns into a colorful farm animal? Heck no! And even if they did, I honestly think the person who was transformed would run out of there as quickly as possible without a second thought, maybe or maybe not screaming the whole way. One of the onlookers in the classroom could even be some devil-fearing guy who cries out, "DEVIL! DEVIL!" when he sees a girl suddenly sprout horse ears.
What I'm trying to say is that you have to remember not everyone is the same, and not everyone thinks like you. While you are more used to the idea of someone transforming into a pony, your characters are not... unless they are into that sort of thing. Anyways, the single thing that could make this story better is thinking what would REALLY happen.
But overall, your description of the transformation was awesome, and the general direction was original, but a bit uneventful. "Oh, somebody turned into a pony? Okay.... a bit weird, but.... meh, got school to do."
I can't wait to see another story from you, though! With more experience comes even more awesome stories!
5326413
um, I would be mellow if I was changed.
Plus panicking gets you nowhere.
5326595
Uh huh, that's true. But again I say, not all people are like you. It's hard to think what would happen in another person's shoes, so much so that I can't always tell what would actually happen. All I'm trying to say is that all the people in that classroom reacting the same exact way isn't all that likely to happen. Some may be 'mellow' while others may panic.
I'm not hating on the story. I'm TRYING to help the author find new things that could help in their writing.
5326276 Wow. I never looked at it like that!!
5326595 Yeah she didn't panic. She was about to but kept her cool.
5326413 I know what you mean about about being mellow. But it's different with everybody. If this were to happen to me I'd be like wtf? wtf? just wtf? I'd mot likely just sit there trying to get my brain to believe this is what just happened. but yes I can do better
At least I have more likes than dislikes :D
Just remember when writing characters: Characters do what characters do, and that doesn't always mean what YOU want them to do.
5327189 Okay
The under reaction
I'll give you a like and a fave
5327583 What doth thou mean by under rection?
5327590
As people were saying earlier... The students and teacher reacted like this was like she ripped her pants or spilled something on herself, not a species change
I can't wait to see the next chapter!
Though, there could be some fixes here and there...
Other than that, I can't really tell you how much i love this story, and how much i can't wait to see what's next.
With love-
~Eclair
And now I have a silly idea myself
5328067 nice
5327851 thanks!! :D
5328285 you're welcome
5329588 This story does need some tweeking. should I leave it like this as a oneshot or should I keep going?
5329594 Oh, no keep going! It's lovely, but you need an editor and a pre-reader dear. I know a few people who could help you if you want.
5329742 How would you even add people?
5329760 well... i can be the pre-reader and i know a good editor. the way you do it is you PM the link to the unpublished chapter to them, or copy and paste to the PM
5329773 ok
5329773 you should read my other story to see what you think of that.
5329790 i will
5329910 thx :D you will like that one better
First impulse upon turning into a pony, take a selfie...
5347499 well she didnt take a selfie she looked at herself in the camera. :D
It's good don't get me wrong but kinda unrealistic the treacher be like wtf go to da nurse and parents and everyone s screening or daw ing or having intenml meltdown but I am not a normal person so what Eva also I read this has a funny tag
Ps GOD DAM IT AUTO CORRECT U MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH HARDER
I want to take a moment to say...
YOU JUST TURNED INTO A MOTHER F******* PEGASUS!!!
Instead of doing the normal thing like, I don't know, screaming her F***ing head off, she's all like: "OMG this is, like, soops embarrassing!"
Jesus Christ girl! You have defied the laws of nature, biology, common sense, AND REALITY, in one fell swoop! Show a little concern!
(One paragraph later...)
...
......
.........
............
Just reread the comment.
(A few more paragraphs later...)
...
ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?!? Mr. Teacher... YOUR STUDENT IS A MOTHER F****** PEGA- Oh I give up! Ok, maybe he's jokeing to lighten the mood (that's what I did in a similar scienario), but... that just happened, and you're gonna try and TEACH? I'm sorry, nobodies listening to the teacher when ther's an alien in the room.
(Even more lines later...)
And now you've got this creep. Ok, I don't know what his- you know what? This story is getting a review. I simply, can not do it justics in the comments section. This means I'm going to have to read the rest. So come on then "Vinel-and-Skull-King"! Stories can get way worse than this (meaning this wasn't that bad)! Give me your best shot, because I've got a review to wright! (cocky smile)
5327590
I'm gonna be calm here because I vented in another comment, so go read my grievances there, but what he means is, (said calmly) she just turned into a mother bucking pegasus. I
thinkknow people/ponies react to this in a COMPLETLY different way. You didn't just "miss the mark" on that point, You aimed at the target, then turned around to fire. That get's an F- and is pretty crushing to the review.5326771
Man you are taking this criticism well... Good job on that.
Can Someone tell me who's the other Emma was, before she went into the alley?
5896453 dude WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS STORY
then travels down my neck at an inch every two seconds.
I look at the teacher at the front of the room with a 'WTF?!' face plastered on.
i.pinimg.com/564x/a1/a8/86/a1a8860c8666de1a2f236046e578ba7e--wtf-face-kat-williams.jpg
I than hear the gasps squeaks,
Now comes the wave of questions, and hers is wave one,
With a what?
Oh my god he thinks I'm hot.