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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow. I was impressed. Continue.
Three stars...All this mega awesome story gets is THREEE STTAARRSS .
But no worries I shall fix that .
Seriously though. SOOO COOOL . I can't wait to see what happens. I can already tell it's going to be epic
You're a VERY creative writer! You've created an interesting, alternate Equestria; you've given just enough back-story that asks more questions than answers.
The main weakness that I see is how the townspeople and guards react. Stick-Twilight assaulted the palace, killed seventy-two guards, tried to kill Celestia, and yet seemed to escape. On the third anniversary of her escape, Twilight is seen by a guard.
1. I'm shocked that the guard had enough self-control to only throw her in jail.
2. Why would people put up posters of someone who tried -- very recently -- to kill their leader? It would be less likely than putting up posters of Osama bin Laden across the United States!
25441
Hmm, you're right...
Revisions incoming as to the explanation of the guards' behavior.
As to the pictures, the day is a day of mourning as decreed by Celestia herself for the loss of her most faithful student to what she saw as overzealousness on the part of her sister. The pictures are part of the decorations for the day, which I should probably have described in greater detail.
Yeah, revisions incoming, after I finish editing the next chapter.
25467
Much, much better reaction on the part of the guard. I highly approve!
I held off on reading this for so long... I kept seeing it and thinking "Eh, that doesn't look like a story I'd enjoy."
I'm only one chapter in and I can say pretty well "I was wrong."
I do wonder if/who Twilight will be paired with.
Everything seemed to go by pretty fast. It seemed as though one second she was in prison and the next she wasnt. Maybe put breaks or something between scenery changes to make it flow better. Otherwise interesting so far.
Um.. I have no clue what the hell is going on. Is this a sequel to another story? And if not, can someone explain it? Please?
280441
It is not a sequel. Things become more clear as it goes along, though if you were familiar with the table top RPG that it is a crossover with (Changeling: The Lost) then you would have a better idea about what happend.
Move on to chapter two where it is explained.
Hmm... the spacing of paragraphs seems inconsistent.
PS:
The [ hr ] tag creates a line across the page (see above the post script), and is good for separating scenes. It does not have a second closing tag like the others.
Oh my...
That was certainly interesting. Barring a few chunks of awkward phrasing here and there, coupled with a scant few grammatical errors, this story definitely has my attention. Some deep bits of narration, and the dialogue has so far been crisp and fun. I don't know how much that amounts to, as this is only the first chapter, but it's definitively a good impression.
720790
Oh, so it is. Well, not anymore. I forget why I did that.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
Sucking another poor soul into reading this story.
You should feel ashamed at making someone read the glorious first chapter.
How dare you make me want to know more.
I for one am furious at how great it is.
Good day sir.
I SAID GOOD DAY!
i just got here from the sweetie belle Chronicles!
files.sharenator.com/174204.jpg
It may just be me being tired but one second Twilight is running towards a guard, the next she's in a cell and the next she's talking to Pinkie Pie in Manehattan.
Lolwut
This fic has 829 upvotes, then I click the like button.
This fic now has 689 upvotes...
knighty!!!! WTF?
~Leonzilla
Ps:the fic also went from 35 to 29 downvotes...
Running from librarians? Are we in Night Vale?
I have already read al the ch and I have just this to say top fave 3.
please make more ch soon and if can please let the others 5 have more roles included the 3 fillys. if not that cool too
Chapter one, Already sad this has stopped updating but I feel compelled to read and finish it anyways.