This story is a sequel to The Last Soldier Of The Night
This new unicorn is a stranger to Equestria, but he has to learn to fit in. some ponies are skeptical about his presence, but others consider him family. Discord, however, is not a fan of him being in equestria, and his jealousy will cause many problems. The unicorn will also have to deal with his personal demons, and learn to be proud of who he is.
This is a story of adventures, new experiences, self-acceptance, and love.
note: this story is still a major work in progress. it is not finished and the chapters are still prone to fixes/changes.
Do I really need to give a reason as to why I disliked this 'story'?
5328336
I dunno
i think we should be enemiesI think this could be legit.No.
hey... I like this. I'm the only one who liked this!?
5328995 awwww
5329026 but he didn't...
5329243 feels bitter, knowing I was right and you were wrong after you posted that I was wrong.
Why does everybody hate this? I mean it does have its flaws (Such as the plans for it to be animated) and grammar mistakes. But its a pretty good story. A bit fast paced at the beginning, but still you guys flock here and read a bit and instantly hate it! Some of you go as far as to use memes (I don't want to live on this planet anymore, etc.) just to be a-holes to the people who like the story! Now, I'm going to read this and let you form your opinion on this. I just ask to please read the first few chapters and if you still hate it, thats okay!
Thanks, rradt2001
Sheesh you guys are crazy with all the mean and condescending comments.
5328937 thank you, my friend, i'm glad to know someone actually likes it... :'(
5330188 maybe they're right.
:(
5329640
I know I'm rubbing it in, like Mark Henry: That's just what I do!
5329906 the problem is that it is my first official fanfiction i have posted online, and i'm just a screw-up.
i have been dreaming about this character since the start of my time as a brony and i thought i made the perfect character to add to equestria, but i guess all this work was for nothing. people have never liked my ideas before and this idea is no different. :(
5330253 they are not. i enjoyed it from what i read and like i told you earlier some word spellings and capitalization needed but other then that i liked what i read.
5328168 well, why not? everyone else seems to give their own reasons. :(
5329379 I've been planning this character my entire brony time and all my friends supported my ideas! its not a trollfic, it's my dream!
5328340 it is legit. i've been constructing this character for years and all my friends supported me through it. if people dont like it, they have this entire website to explore! i am just trying to share something i hold close to my heart!
Delete my comment now did you? You've just made a grave mistake
5328404 it's part of the experience of the story. i know you might have better things to do, but this song and everything it stands for really adds to the experience.
5330395 i only deleted it because these comments are just uncalled for. you are all acting immature. i've put a lot of time and effort into making this and here you all are, talking crap about what i dreamed up. don't like my story? find another story!
5330407 they're pointing out flaws in your story, how similar uncalled for? Sure, some of them like mine are a bit blunt, but that's just how I work as a critic. Not everyone is going to like everything you write. You have to learn that before you post your first story. You've just lost what little respect that I had for you by deleting pretty reasonable comments.
Holy fcking sht.
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Comment graveyards.
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5330420 comments like "totally a trollfic" and "james deals drugs", inappropriate recaps, hate toward the people who actually enjoy it, and memes like "i don't want to live on this planet anymore" are not what i see as criticism. i see them as people being jerks for the sake of being jerks. i've been on the internet long enough to know when that's happening. i would be happy to hear constructive criticism and helpful remarks about the story, but i will not tolerate immature acts.
All right, a few things:
1. First off, ignoring the fact that we're already getting into Romantic interest territory after a mere 400 words, are your characters human? I mean, you clearly say hands, call them girls, and use the slang 'kids'. If so, you may want to add the human tag there.
2. A lot of letters were missing capitalisation, you might want to fix those up.
3. The comment deletion, stahp.
4. The character is, frankly, bland. I have no reason to be invested in him, and don't care to continue reading on because of that fact. Give him something to stand him up above the fold, or at least take the time to develop him before jumping right into MAIN SIX MAIN SIX MAIN SIX!!! HIGHSCHOOL! territory.
5.
Get better taste in music.
6.
Psst, it's so you can easily get into their pants without having to try and actually work for it. After all, who needs romantic build-up and development if you can just go from 'friends' to 'lovers' in a blink of the eye?
7.
And it wouldn't be a fic set in highschool if we didn't have the typical, over-done bullies.
8.
I feel more romantic connection between the over shirt and MC than between the actual characters.
To sum up, it's bland, boring, the main character is a blank slate, the gimmick in chapter two is pretty weak, and overall the fic needs a lot of work.
5330494 sadly, people were being immature and i was getting depressed about their rude remarks.
5330545
I have heard throughout this whole section that this was genuine criticism. I believe that more than you.
I sure do wonder who's being immature here, somebody here obviously isn't good at taking tips.
5330540 ... look, here's an entire website full of my little pony fanfictions! if you don't like my story, you can just find another.
also: it's not all based in the human world! only the beginning!
and no lovers. i am not lowering myself to the level of a clopper!
5330555 not everyone has the same view of things. i am just tired of people going overboard with immature comments like those. if they want to be helpful, they can send some actual constructive criticism. if they can't do that, they are allowed to find a fanfiction to fill their needs.
5330577
Well you obviously got hurt by lots and lots of text on a virtual site on a fake world on a computer. You deleted just about every comment down there, you went overboard man. Point is, you have created a comment graveyard, and it probably won't get any smaller anytime soon..
5330577
And yet, when I give you actual constructive advice, you reply with:
Look, brah, accept what people are telling you. If you don't learn, then the next fic will also be a disaster, then the next, and the next...
5330516 that's just the nature of bad fics. While yes, I feel it's a bit out of line, you still shouldn't delete them. That's just classless. Plus, some of them, like mine for example, were valid criticisms of your story.
5330587 i know, it just felt bad to have an idea many of my friends have supported from the start get all this negative response from trolls. i know there are people who enjoyed it, and they too were jabbed at. i won't go overboard on deletions anymore if people could just settle down and read with an open mind.
5330598 sorry, i just had a bad experience and it was all piling on. i let my temper get the better of me.
thank you for the constructive criticism and please excuse my crabby behavior just now.
i understand your comments about the first chapter, and i would love to fix them, but i want some more constrouctive criticism from others, and not just trolls.
5330606
PEOPLE SUGGESTED THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!Cough cough
I-I mean, okay. Sure. But guess what? Trolls happen to be everywhere. Deleting all these comments will cause more to appear. You can't take back your mistakes.
5330623 i am just new to the fimfiction.net community and had a lot running for me. i had a pile of bad things happen in one day, and when i got home and saw all this immature nonsense i went off. i'll try to make a better impression, but i need people to act like i actually have feelings about this story.
and yes. many of my friends read this story and enjoyed all of it. some are even texting me, begging for the next chapters. it's not that bad a story.