Chrysalis found her perfect match but it might not be the best thing.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 25th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 19th, 2018
BronyGuardian200
Basically I'm the Bronyguardian on YouTube. https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCVcDAosby0hb_nUG_uPqunA. I love Ponies so deal with it.
BronyGuardian200
Joined 25th Nov, 2014 ·
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Little short but i like we're this is going
...okey
...okey
Cocoon would have been better
I will admit while the concept of th story is good.... it's rather short and disappointing. Don't keep that from stopping on working and even improving on this though.
Just like Typhon said 6028849, your story needs a great deal more content. Although the premise is good (ie. Death by love for the changeling queen) the story reads more like a short summary than it does a full text. I would think the fourth chapter alone would have needed to be at least 1000 words to convey the emotion that you wanted. It would It's nearly impossible for all but the most skilled writers to convey any significant emotions with so few words.
Keep writing though i'd be happy to see what ideas you have in the future, maybe even come back to this story when you're more experienced and feel like you're better at making the reader feel rather than telling them how their supposed to feel.