An Immodest Proposition
Twilight Sparkle was a mare of many talents, ranging from magic to model ship building to writing trashy romance stories featuring her friends, enemies, and the odd inanimate object, Though she would never have admitted to the latter. Unfortunately, all these skills were meaningless (and in one case, slightly detrimental) to helping her in actual social situations. She was pretty sure that the fiercest of rivals would not spontaneously resolve their issues through intercourse just from being locked in a train car together, no matter how many loose ends it would have tied up — or loose ponies, for that matter.
Today, her frustration at her meager skills came to a boil in the form of Flash Sentry. Somepony — probably Cadance — had arranged for Flash to be assigned to guard duty at the Friendship Castle for the month, a gesture which Twilight would have appreciated if she had any idea what to do with him. (Other than ordering him into the throne room with her and abusing her power, which was probably a bad idea.) Probably.
Having grown up without many friends except Spike, and a close-knit circle in Ponyville consisting entirely of mares, left Twilight with little knowledge of romantic matters. Quite frankly, the only stallions she had known before moving to Ponyville were related to her, and neither of them chose to discuss the finer point of courtship with her.
From what she had picked up from popular culture, going to a play, movie, or other form of general entertainment was a common practice, though it came off as incredibly generic. (So much so, in fact, that it featured in many of her secret stories, including a rather lengthy one featuring Discord, Celestia, and three wedding cakes.) Having dinner together was a more classy choice, but Twilight often found it hard to mix eating with conversation — her single-track mind tended to focus on one or the other.
What she needed was some mutually enjoyable activity for them to get to know each other over. But she had no idea what Flash's hobbies were, and she doubted she would want to spend time reading the newest Daring Do novel or measuring the Doppler shift of nearby star clusters. Solving differential equations was right out, and the less said about linear algebra, the better.
What did Flash like? For that matter, what did pegasus males like? Was there a book on the subject in her new library, or would she have to go to the Royal Archives in Canterlot? She was pretty sure she has seen an issue of Playmare discussing the subject, but it hardly seemed like reputable reference material.
The walls of her castle library shook from impact. Based on the harmonics of the crystal castle, its weight, and the size of the tremors, Twilight concluded that the object that caused the disturbance had the weight and velocity of Rainbow Dash. She was shortly proved correct as Rainbow Dash slipped in through the nearest open window and landed on her crystal throne.
"Sup, Twilight?" She stretched out against the firm seat and promptly curled up into a napping position.
"Not much, just contemplating mea…" Twilight trailed off as she studied at Rainbow closely.
Rainbow stared back. "Uh, Twi? You're doing that thing where you creep me out again."
"Oh! Sorry, I was just noticing that you're a pegasus."
"Yes, I am. Is there something...wrong with that?"
"Well, as it just so happens, I'm writing a paper on pegasi courting behavior!" Twilight announced brightly. "I don't suppose you have any tips for an ali- I mean, pegasus female who's trying to attract a mate?"
Rainbow cracked a grin and stood up on her chair. "Twilight, you totally came to the right mare! Sit back, relax, and let me tell you how it goes down among pegasi! First, you gotta learn how to strut; good posture lets them know you've got a great body."
She hopped off of the chair and pranced around the room, with her head held high, legs straight, and flanks taunt. Twilight conjured up a quill and parchment and began scribbling away madly.
"Second, you put on some music; whistling is traditional, but even raising the pitch of your voice a little counts." Rainbow hummed a few bars of Wild Blue Yonder, which were surprisingly close to what they should have been. "Incidentally" she whispered, "This is one of the many reasons why stallions go crazy over Fluttershy — but don't tell her, she'd probably freak out and never talk again."
Rainbow came to a halt in front of Twilight and forced her to lower the parchment. Twilight saw Rainbow standing before her with her plumage on display. "Third, you puff out your chest and spreads your wings to display your superior awesomeness. Fourth the dancin-"
Twilight went back to writing. "So, basically, what you do every time you see Thunder-"
"Well, would you look at the time! I have go to manage some weather!" Rainbow pointed herself at the clear blue sky to make her escape. "Yup, lots of weather out there that needs managing out there!" Rainbow flapped her wings, but found herself staying firmly in place due to a familiar magical aura wrapped around her body.
Twilight's eyes never left the paper as she continued to take notes. "Wait! I don't suppose I could get you two to put on a full demonstration so I can learn about pressure points, erogenous zones, and wing techniques? This information could come in handy later!"
Rainbow strained in vain against Twilight's telekinetic grip. "No! Come on, I'm busy! I really mean it this time! You don't want a weather disaster, do you? Think of the crops, Twilight! The crops!"
"Oh shush, I'm sure Cloudkicker has things perfectly under control." A trapdoor in the center of the throne room slid open to reveal a set of stairs leading down. "Now, let's go to my lab! I'll start up the EEGs, attach a few sensors, and we'll be good to go!"
"Not the science dungeon! You remember what happened last time, right?"
"We'll be fine as long as you stop drinking untested potions." Twilight descended the stairs in a brisk trot, with a vigorously protesting Rainbow Dash in tow. "Come on, there's so much testing to be done! For science!"
"For pony's sake, Twilight, I swear that if you don't let me go this instant, you're new castle is going to get Sonic Rainnuked back to the Paleopony period! So help me Celestia, I will open up a rainbow-colored can of- ow! Watch the mane! Hey, that's cold! W-wait, what are you doing with that thermometer? Stay back! I'm warning you, stay back!"
Flash Sentry stood at the foot of Princess Twilight's castle — he mentally snickered every time someone referred to it as the Friendship Castle, and audibly did so when the full name came up — and watched the peaceful townsfolk go about their day. Ponyville thus far was more relaxed than Canterlot or the Crystal Empire, but also more boring.
He froze in horror as the thought crossed his mind, and immediately tried to take it back. Ponyville, he swore, was a fun and entertaining rural town with many attractions, such as a giant crystal castle growing out of the ground, a untameable forest full of dangerous flora and fauna, and many wonderful farms that boasted-
He gave up as the punishment for tempting fate swooped into view. Princess Twilight landed softly in front of him and spread out her wings much wider than was necessary to slow her descent. She straightened up out of her landing posture and shook her mane out of her eyes.
"Hello, Flash," she said, in a sing-song voice, "It seems as if you're coming off duty."
"Oh, hi there, Twilight! You sure caught me by surprise!" He cleared his throat and did his best to stand at attention. "Yes, I will be free in a moment."
"Well then! It just so happens that I'm going out for a meal. Would you care to escort me to dinner?"
Flash kept his eyes fixed forward as Twilight casually brought a wing up to her head and began preening it. The feathers of her wings rustled gently as she sorted them into place one by one.
"Oh dear, I'm afraid I'm still not used to these wings," Twilight sighed. "I don't suppose you could help me take care of them later tonight?"
"Um, I..." He fidgeted uncomfortably in his armor. "Ok, look, I'm flattered and all, and please don't take this the wrong way, but, I'm not, er, interested."
Twilight's jaw dropped open in shock. "But that's impossible! Rainbow Dash spent hours drilling me! I should be irresistible! Did I not spread my wings enough? Was my posture off?"
Flash backed away from her slightly. "Now, don't get me wrong, you're a very attractive mare, and I'm sure you'll make somepony very happy someday, it's just that-"
A shadow flitted between them, and they looked towards the setting sun to see Thunderlane glide in. Flash's pupil dilated as Thunderlane shook his windswept mane back into position, pulled a book out from his saddlebags and stepped in front of Flash.
"Good evening, Twilight!" He announced cheerfully. "I hope it's not too late to return that book I borrowed?"
Twilight snatched it out of his hooves with her telekinesis. "No, it's fine. I was just about to head out for dinner."
"Cool, don't let me hold you up!" With that, he was off into the air again.
Twilight looked back at Flash, only to see his eyes glued on Thunderlane's retreating form. She sighed and facehoofed. "Great, just my luck…and all that time wasted."
Flash gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Sorry, I kinda figured it was better to keep it under wraps. Um, better luck next time?"
Deep underground, nestled in the roots of Twilight's castle, lay her science dungeon, a laboratory filled with ancient relics, archaic texts, arcane machines, and a cyan pegasus strapped to an operating table.
"Hello?" Rainbow Dash called out to the empty dungeon. "Twilight? Spike? Anybody? I want to go home!"
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Dr Atlas · 2k words · 581 74 · 8.7k views
- Dr Atlas · 2.3k words · 333 38 · 6k views
- PostPony · 2.4k words · 1,581 90 · 17k views
- TorontoFCBrony · 5k words · 231 57 · 4.5k views
- Jet Kusanagi · 6.3k words · 12 2 · 646 views
- Z0 · 2.2k words · 17 13 · 1.2k views
- xCobaltRainx · 2.7k words · 42 2 · 1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.17 seconds
Total duration
1,004 users online
1,482,739 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A wonderful job of straddling the dangerous line of Flash Sentry, and quite a humorous little vignette.
Coulda had a tad bit more added to it, hilarious all the way though. Keep it up, i like short stories about the mane 6 like this.
Have a like my good sir.
So Rainbow Dash likes Thunderlane, Twilight likes Flash, and Flash likes Thunderlane?
Also, was that a Sonic Rainboom reference I saw?
PInkie was framed! It was Twilight that made the cupcakes!
Don't worry Twilight, we're all here for you, and I'm sure all us bronies would be happy to do differential equations with you until the cows come home! Its not like any of us have anything better to do.
I can't be the only one who wants a sequel that sorts out the love triangle.
Goddamnit flash. I want to hate you.... But you're voiced by Yuri lorenthal.
Beautiful
Twilight sure knows how to pick'em.
Heh. I liked Flash's little tempting fate moment.
5322069
Which means... Thunderlane likes Twilight?
5322076
I sure as hell don't have anything to do
5322069
5322252 I thought that, too, but other than his random appearance he didn't seem to indicate an interested in her.
Haha I like it
I would like a sequel though, because it was pretty short..
LOVED IT!
Short, sweet, and hilarious. A pity Ponyville never saw Rainbow Dash again...
All in the name of science.
"Not the science dungeon! You remember what happened last time, right?"
"We'll be fine as long as you stop drinking untested potions."
I see what you did there.
writing trashy romance stories featuring her her friends,
Naked Singularity.
and the odd inanimate object. (Though she would never have admitted to the latter.)
Luna, "I gave her a dream of marrying a book!"
She was pretty sure that the fiercest of rivals would not spontaneously resolve their issues through intercourse just from being locked in a train car together, no matter how many loose ends it would have tied up -- or loose ponies, for that matter.
HIYA AGAINST SHIPPING FOR SHIPPING SAKE!
And how many dates have you been on RD?
5322746
According to her, all of them. Yup, Rainbow Dash has been on all of the dates. Every single one.
5322822
Don't we?
Most amusing, and a fun bit of world building besides. It's an interesting question: what do ponies look for? Thanks for providing an answer.
"Sorry, Dashie. You're my consolation prize."
5322252
Naw -- All Twilight really has to do here is let Rainbow Dash know about the Thunderlane/Flash thing. Whatever is left of Thunderlane after that will not be suitable for Flash Sentry. Of course the fact that both of them seem to play for the other team might be a problem. (Of course if Thunderlane IS leading Dash on then he plays for both teams).
5322069 But who does thunderlane like?
5322069 But who does thunderlane like?
Oh my gosh.
http://ravenpuff.deviantart.com/art/Pegasus-Mating-Dance-477811913
I can't help but overanalyze the ending a bit. While funny, this contradicts Flash Sentry's presentation in Equestria Girls, and while one can say they could be different due to different universes, it still bugs me a little. I think it should've ended with the reveal that he's only interested in bipeds.
5323132
That's pretty much what I had in mind.
Nice story and all but... does Twilight ever succeed? Epilogue/Sequel please.
5322994 Nobody knows.
5323164 It is very heavily implied that Flash is not actually into mares. So, you know, probably not.
5323297
Want it, need it spell! i.imgur.com/WcmCY.png
Works ever time! i.imgur.com/TzVou.png
5323306 Now there's a horrifying premise for a clopfic.
5322113
I'm reasonably sure this is a reference to something and I just don't get it, since Flash Sentry isn't voiced by Yuri Lowenthall.
Poor RD :/
Better luck 4 her next time /))>3')(\
5323297 aww... cute avatar...
With that title, if this doesn't have a track runner scene, it must be added.
Isn't there a story like this already about (I think it was) Thunderlane strutting about before Twilight?
5323472
Apparently yes! It's called Pegasus Mating Dance.
5323472
here you go
Poor Twilight, Getting lessons from Dashie and getting nada, zip, zilch.
Was Sup Twilight?
Oh Dear you look awful 
Rainbow Dash is strapped to an operating table?
HELP! me
5323666 Thanks, I had already read it but it was a while ago and I was a bit fuzzy about the characters involved.
5323679
i understand you. odd thing is, i saw that cover picture roughly 2 weeks before the story was published thinking that someone was going to use it for a story idea sooner or later.
i tried, i tried so hard not to laugh. what happened to twilight and rainbow, there is no victor in that.
Love stinks! YEAH!
And Spike gets left out again.