"Someday this war is gonna end."
" But we're soldiers, what happens to us then?"
ARC trooper Fives talking with Captain Rex after the battle of Umbara.
-----------------------
"Blasting you creatures it is then." Thorn said, readying his cannon, shooting at all the Changelings as they tried to dodge the hail of laser but it was to no avail. Thorn and his Z6 rotary blaster cannon followed their every move and mowed them down with ease.
A Changeling was hit in his right wing and winced in agony. "He got me! He's-- Aaaaah!" The Changeling was silenced as multiple blaster rounds
pierced its body, leaving smoking holes. The other Changelings stopped in their tracks looking at the scene in horror. Commander Thorn took a step forward and spoke up.
"I don't know what you creatures are, but you are attacking innocent civilians; and in my book that is not how you treat civilians." Commander Thorn said while walking towards the Frightened Changelings. "You can either turn around and walk away, or you'll share the same fate as him." Commander Thorn said while kicking the body of the dead Changeling towards them. He readied his canon and fired a few warning shots into the body. "I am giving you one final warning, MOVE AWAY FROM THE YOUNGLING AND HER MOTHER NOW!"
"KILL HIM!" The Changelings screamed in union.
The Changelings ran towards the Commander firing bolts of magic at him. Thorn just rolled aside dodging the incoming bolts, quickly Thorn got up and took a defensive stance firing his cannon.
The Z6 rotary blaster cannon is known for it's brute force and incredible power. It can shoot over 166 discrete full-powered blaster shots per second.
The Changelings getting to experience this first hand. They were all shot dead; they all had several extra holes in their bodies thanks to
Thorn adding them with his powerful weapon.
(Kaminoan description of the Z-6 rotary blaster cannon.)
The Z-6 rotary blaster cannon is a heavy weapon that fired a massive spray of blaster bolts at a target. It was similar to a heavy repeating blaster, except it did not require a tripod to operate and thus could be carried by a single heavy weapons specialist. The Z-6 was large and rather unwieldy, requiring more training to use effectively than the normal standard issue blasters.
Working around the basic limitations in capability, inherent to typical man-portable blaster weapons, the Z-6 incorporated a rotary assembly of six barrels, each with its own actuating chamber, wrapped around a coolant-lined core. The Galven circuitry used in the blaster meant that the Z-6 had both a high cyclic discharge rate and good cooling, allowing for a tremendous sustained rate of fire (up to roughly 166 discrete full-powered shots per second).
The Z6 started to spin slower and slower until it was fully cooled down, Thorn lowered the weapon inspecting the carnage of all the dead
Changelings. There were several Changelings that were missing limbs, blood was now starting to ooz out of their many wounds. 'I warned them' Commander Thorn thought while walking towards the mare that was almost abused by the Changelings.
"Ma'am are you alright?" Commander Thorn asked while getting on his knees to inspect her.
It was a creature that walked on four legs, it had these big eyes, her fur color was green and she had some sort of mark on her rear. 'What are these creatures? I've never heard, or read about them in any of the Republic data banks.' Thorn wasn't surprised to see alien life, he has served under many alien Jedi generals such as: Kit Fisto, and even master Yoda one time. Plus, he's been on a lot of planets in the outerrim.
"Are you alright?" Thorn asked while holding out his hand to help the small creature up.
"What are you and why did you kill those Changelings?!" The mother asked while starting to move away from the strange creature in front of her.
"I had to, or else they would have killed you, ma’am." Thorn replied.
The mother looked at the creature in front of her, its skin appeared to be almost completely white, it had some red markings on its face and in random places on the rest of its body. It also appeared to be wearing some sort of cloth, and it held a strange device in one of its appendages
"What are you?" Thorn asked curiously.
"What are you?" The mother replied.
"I’m a Human, Clone Commander, designation: CC-4254, but you can call me Commander Thorn." Thorn replied.
"Commander? Are you part of the royal guard?" The mother asked.
"I am not part of this royal guard ma’am, I am one out of millions of clones that serve in The Grand Army of The Republic." Thorn replied.
"Republi--."
"Look out!" Thorn shouted while jumping in front of the mother and her daughter. A green bolt of magic hit Thorn straight in the chest.. It didn't even scrap his armor.
"Changelings, attack that thing!" One of the Changelings ordered. Soon, six more Changelings arrived and flew in front of Thorn.
"No more negotiations, let's get straight to my favorite part: Blasting!" Thorn readied his Z6, it began spinning faster and faster until a hailstorm of blue lasers came out of it. The Changelings created a shield barrier that they thought would protect them. The lasers shot straight through it; killing all of the Changelings.
All of the Changelings dropped dead onto the hardened concrete. The mother and her daughter looked at the scene in horror
'Are these things even trying to stop me?' Thorn thought while turning around to face Cloudskipper and her daughter. They were looking at him in horror. 'Poor things must not be used to death or any kind of violence for that matter.' Thorn thought while walking towards them.
"M-Murderer, you killed them." The mother managed to say.
"It was either you or them, I chose them." Thorn replied.
"Leave us alone!" The mother pleaded.
"Please don't hurt my mommy." The young filly pleaded.
'Hurt them? Why would I try to hurt them?' Thorn thought to himself. 'Think Thorn! You've been in this position a lot of times! Follow the blasted protocol!'
Protocol says:
1. If you are on an unknown planet with sentient beings, ask them if they have an allegiance with the Republic.
2. If protocol one is a no go; ask them if they have any sort of communications for you to use, in order to contact either your commanding officer, or the Republic itself.
3. If they are in an allegiance with the Separatists: Shoot to kill, or try and negotiate. The choice is yours.
4. When there is any sort of war, conflict or rebellion, only interfere when truly necessary. But try not to start a war for yourself, only help the innocent.
5. Stay alive.
Well I've done the first and last protocol and tried number 2, but I'm not sure about number 3 and 4 though.
"Ma’am I suggest you get into one of those buildings until this situation has been dealt with by the local authorities." Thorn said.
"Local authorities? Heh, you don’t get it do you?" The mother said while covering her daughters ears. "The royal guards are all captured, we have lost; Canterlot is lost.
"Canterlot? Is that where we are now?" Commander Thorn asked.
"Yes, but if you don’t mind, I need to take my daughter to safety." The mother said while running towards one of the buildings. "Oh, and thank you for saving us." The mother said with slight hesitation.
"Just doing my job ma’am." Thorn replied. 'Blast I forgot to ask her the most important thing!'
"Hey wait!" Commander Thorn shouted.
The mother led her filly inside and spoke up. "What is it?" The mother asked slightly surprised and scared.
"Is there some sort of leader I could talk to?" Commander Thorn asked.
"Well, there are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, oh, and of course Princess Cadence." The mother replied. "But they are up…..There." The mother said while pointing her hoof at something.
Commander Thorn turned around and saw some sort of castle; it was surrounded by more of the Changelings as the creature in front of him had called them. 'Blast! This must be a full on invasion!' Commander Thorn thought while running towards his Z6 and picking it up. "Ma’am stay inside and do not come out; am I understood?" Commander Thorn asked.
"Yes mister." The mother replied before closing the door and locking it.
'Well, time to interfere with a ‘conflict’ I guess.' Commander Thorn thought while sprinting towards the castle. Invasion, invasion, invasion. That same word echoed in Thorn’s mind. 'Wait!' Thorn mentally shouted. He stopped in his tracks and activated his commlink, but only received static and a muffled voice. 'Blast! I remember now! I.. Died.' Thorn thought while looking down at his chest. 'Five shots if I remember correctly.' Thorn thought while looking at his chest plate, it looked like it wasn't even damaged by any blaster bolts.
"How can this be possible? I died, I’m sure of it, I remember the entire battle..."
'I can’t believe I somehow managed to survive that. But how did I survive, and why am I on this planet?' Thorn thought while looking at his Z6. He tightened his grip around the weapon and readied himself. 'I hope these creatures have some sort of communication device; I could use to contact
The Republic.'
"For the Republic!" Those words echoed in his mind. 'Heh, if I’m really dead, would this the afterlife?' Commander Thorn thought while looking at the castle. He smirked underneath his helmet. 'Well, I guess it’s time to find out!' Commander Thorn thought while sprinting towards the castle.
-------------
Location: Equestria
Current location: Almost near Canterlot castle
Weapon status: Z6 rotary blaster cannon fully operational, DC15 dual blaster pistols fully operational.
Explosives: 4 Thermal Detonators, 2 Electronics Counter Detonators, 2 Sonic Detonators.
Armor status: Fully operational, no damage.
Status CC-4254: Alive.
"This city is bigger than I thought." Thorn said while running towards the entrance of the castle. On his way to the castle he had killed more Changelings and even managed to free a few royal guards in the process. Not that any of the guards thanked him for it, they just fainted on the spot.
Thorn looked at the stairs that led to the castle entrance. Alright let’s take this slow and careful. Thorn thought while walking up the stairs. He quickly got down onto his knees and activated his visors infra-red mode. "Aha, what do we have here?" Commander Thorn whispered. There were at least two dozen of those Changelings guarding the castle entrance.
"Who says a girl can’t really have it all." Thorn heard someone.. Sing?
'What in blaze's name was that?' Thorn thought while looking up at the castle, what he saw was something he wished he'd never have to see again.
'What in Jabba the Hut's palace is that? She looks like a....Wait! She looks like one of those Changelings, but different. Could she be their leader? Hmm, I’ve taken out two Separatist leaders, I guess I’ll count her as one too.' Thorn thought while getting on his feet.
'Time to introduce them to ‘Hammer’.' Thorn thought while slowly making his way up the stairs. They’ll never see me coming, they were too busy chanting to their queen and already celebrating their victory. 'Hmpf, rookies.' Thorn thought while readying his Z6.
"We won we actually wo-- What is that?!" One of the Changelings asked.
"What is what?" Another Changeling asked.
"That!" The Changeling replied while pointing it’s hoof at Thorn.
All of the Changelings gasped in shock as they fixed their eyes on Thorn.
Thorn readied himself getting into an attack stance.
'This is normally something I'd expect Rex to do, but protocol says to help the innocent as long as I don’t cause a war, and I’m not causing a war…. Yet.' Thorn thought as he looked down at his Z6.
"What is that thing?" A random Changeling asked.
"I don’t know; hey freak! Yeah I’m talking to you!" One of the Changelings shouted.
"What is it?" Thorn asked in response, his Z6 rotary blaster cannon already rotating. 'One wrong move, and you're all dead.' Thorn thought while tightening his grip on the grips of his Z6 and placing his index finger on the trigger.
"What are you doing here in Canterlot?! State your business or be destroyed!" The Changeling ordered.
"My name is CC-4254, and what is your business here?" Thorn asked.
"That is none of your concern creature! Turn around at once, and we might let you live." The Changeling replied.
"You are threatening a soldier of The Grand Army of The Republic; just know what you are getting yourselves into." Thorn said while aiming his Z6 at the Challenges. "Surrender or you will be met with force." Thorn said; trying to negotiate with these things one last time.
One Changeling came flying towards Thorn. "You don’t order us around! Changelings atta--."
The Changeling was cut off by multiple blaster rounds, ripping through his skin and burning its internal organs. The Changeling fell dead onto the ground; leaving the others stare at him in shock.
"What did it do?!" One of the Changelings asked.
"I-It killed h-him." Another Changeling replied.
"Kill it!" One of the Changelings ordered.
All of the Changeling readied their magic and firing green bolts out of their horns at Thorn. 'Let’s see if this goes as well; as last time.' Thorn thought while standing his ground. He let all of the magic bolts hit him; a giant cloud of smoke covered the area that Thorn was standing in.
"Ha, that stupid thing didn’t even try and dodge our attacks! Ha, what a lose--."
Suddenly, blue streaks of lasers started pouring out from the smoke, killing all of the remaining Changelings. Some Changelings had tried to dodge, but the lasers followed their every move. Thorn let none of them live.
'This almost takes the fun out of winning.. Almost.' Thorn thought while releasing the trigger and walking out of the cloud of smoke. He looked at the bodies of all the Changelings.
"What a-are y-you?" A severely injured Changeling asked.
"Like I said: I am a soldier of, The Grand Army of The Republic, and I gave you a chance to surrender. You should have taken it." Commander Thorn said while walking past the Changeling.
The Changeling could only think of one thing, when he saw the creature that had just killed twenty four of his brothers. 'We are lost.' And with that his vision faded.
****
"Aaah." Queen Chrysalis winced in pain. 'Why does it feel like every minute, a piece of me is dying?' Chrysalis thought. Chrysalis had seen enough of these ponies.
Instead of staying on the balcony, she walked inside; just in time to see Twilight trying to free Cadence.
"What do you think you are doing"? Chrysalis asked while using her magic to lift Twilight up.
"I was just ehm trying to free Cadence that’s all." Twilight replied with a cheeky smile.
"Come to me my subjects." Chrysalis commanded.
Suddenly, ten Changelings came flying into the wedding room.
"What is it my queen?" One of her subjects asked.
"Aaaah could you please." Chrysalis trailed off.
"What is the matter your majesty?" The Changeling asked.
"A little headache that’s all." Chrysalis said while rubbing her head. "Sergeant, take your men and see if there are any guards inside of the castle." Chrysalis ordered.
"But my queen; we already scouted the entire castle twice I do not think that--."
"DO IT NOW! THAT IS AN ORDER!" Chrysalis shouted.
"Y-Yes your majesty." The Changeling replied. "You heard the queen, move out!" The sergeant ordered. The doors of the palace opened as six of the Changelings flew out of the room, leaving Chrysalis with only four Changelings as guards.
"Now as for you two." Chrysalis said while giving Princess Cadence and Shining Armor a mischievous glare. "I'm going to make the two of you suffer."
"I will not let you hurt them!" Twilight shouted.
"And what are you going to do about it, I defeated Celestia. What makes you think I can’t defeat you?" Chrysalis asked mockingly.
"I-I can--."
"You can sit and watch how my Changelings conquer all of Equestria! Hahahaha." Chrysalis interrupted while laughing manically.
"Twilight don’t!" Cadence pleaded.
"Silence!" Chrysalis shouted. "Come now Shining Armor." Chrysalis said while using her mind control spell to make Shining Armor walk over to her.
"I wouldn’t want my husband to miss out on all the fun now would-- AAAH WHY AM I HAVING THIS DREADFUL HEADACHE?! Chrysalis shouted in agony.
"What's wrong 'queen'? Can’t handle the pressure?" Rainbow Dash asked mockingly.
"Silence! You two go and find those six others I just sent to explore the castle." Chrysalis ordered.
"Yes your majesty!" The Changelings responded.
"Now back to the matter at hoof." Chrysalis said while walking towards Cadence. "How does it feel to lose everything you have ever cared about?"
Chrysalis asked with a dark tone.
"I-It f-feels…."
"It feels what?" Chrysalis asked mockingly.
"It feels--."
"Gaah!"
"Look out!"
"What is that thing!?"
"Kill it!"
There where screams of terror as all of the ponies and Changelings listened to what was going on just outside of the wedding hall.
"What is going on out there?" Chrysalis asked.
"I do not know your majesty." A Changeling grunt replied.
Suddenly the screaming died down, the only thing that could be heard were faint hoof steps.
With every step taken by whatever stood on the other side of that door; Chrysalis flinched a little. Whatever stood behind those doors had just taken down eight of her Changeling subjects.
Suddenly, a knock could be heard from behind the door.
"This is Clone Commander CC-4254, open this door now or I will blast my way through."
5316705
Yes, Yes it is. Keep on going strong this is getting good.
boom
I will say it again. BADASS!!!!!
Thorn: it is time to kick ass and cew bubblegum. And im all out of gubblegum.
There are some mistakes here and there. Try to find an editor.
Thorn's back bitches!
KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERBUCKERS
5319421 KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKERS!
FTFY
Oh! Now I get it. The prologue is this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaGXXVtaqr8
....
....which you added in the chapter after the prologue. -_- Ah.
That picture of Commander Thorn should have been shown in the prologue. All this time, I've been imagining him as a typical clone trooper, or just some clone with a bit of painted armor, without the cloth or the visor.
I could have breezed through the errors and imagined the story as best I can. Which I usually do with stories with a lot of errors.
What I mean to say is, you can project the story well enough in words for readers like me to appreciate the scenes created by the words in your story. But even if I can blunt the effects of literary errors and just go enjoy the story, I'd rather prefer not being hit by them at all. Makes for finer reading.
Other readers tell me that they are derailed from the fantasy of the story because of literary errors. Some are more sensitive to literary errors than others. Readers like me, can tolerate high amounts of errors, that despite the errors - I can still appreciate the story, most of the time.
Having said that, you convey the story well enough for my imagination to get working in creating the scenes in my mind. Heck, I even found a couple of funny moments which made me chuckle.
Below are the errors I picked up as I was reading "Mess with Thorn........"
1. I am giving you 1 final warning, MOVE AWAY FROM THE YOUNGLING AND HER MOTHER NOW!
- Though this isn't a problem for me, usually you write the whole word "one" instead of "1". Some make an exception when the number is higher than ten. Like, "11" may be written in words or in number form. But numbers 1-10 must be written in words. At least when writing stories that is.
2. some Changelings were all missing a limb
- "some" Changelings were "all" missing a limb. Which one is it? Some or all? You could use an editor.
3. "I had to, or else they would have killed you ma’am."
- personal opinion: "I had to, or else they would have killed you, ma'am."
4. "Changelings attack that thing!"
- "Changelings, attack that thing!"
5. Canterlot? Is that where we are now? Commander Thorn asked.
- Where's the quotation marks? I thought he was thinking to himself until I read the next line.
- Canterlot? "Is that where we are now?" Commander Thorn asked.
6. "Yes, but if you don’t mind, I need to take my daughter into safety."
- "Yes, but if you don’t mind, I need to take my daughter to safety."
7. "Well there is Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, oh and of course Princess Cadence. The mother replied. But they are up…..There."
- "Well, there is Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, oh and of course Princess Cadence." The mother replied. "But they are up…..There."
8. Commander Thorn turned around and saw some sort of castle, it was surrounded by more of the Changelings as the creature in front of him had called them.
- Commander Thorn turned around and saw some sort of castle, it was surrounded by more of the Changelings as the creature in front of him had called themselves.
9. "For the Republic!" Those words echoed in his mind. 'Heh if I’m really dead, would this the afterlife?'
- "For the Republic!" Those words echoed in his mind. 'Heh if I’m really dead, would this be the afterlife?'
10. He smirked underneath his helmet. 'Well I guess it’s time to find out!' Commander Thorn thought while sprinting towards the castle
- He smirked underneath his helmet. 'Well I guess it’s time to find out!' He thought while sprinting towards the castle.
- Stating his name twice closely together makes it sound awkward.
11. Not that those guards thanked him for it, they just fainted right on the spot.
- LOL!
12. He quickly got down to his knees and activated his visors infra-red mode.
- He quickly got down to his knees and activated his visor's infra-red mode.
-Though infra-red is technically correct. It is often spelled "infrared."
13. There were at least 2 dozens of Changelings guarding the castle entrance.
- There were at least 2 dozens of the Changelings guarding the castle entrance.
- or: There were at least 2 dozen Changelings guarding the castle entrance.
14. "Who says a girl can’t really have it all." Thorn heard someone….Sing?
-Bwahahaha!
15. 'What in blazes name is that?' Thorn thought while looking up at the castle, what he saw was something he wished he'd never have to see again.
- "Blazes is euphemism for "Hell." "What in hell's name...?" Take out "name".
- Did he see Queen Chrysalis before?
17. Thorn readied himself took attack stance.
-Thorn readied himself and took an attack stance. [or] Thorn readied himself, taking an attack stance.
18. "Like I said: I am a soldier of The Grand Army of The Republic, and I gave you a chance to surrender. You should have took it."
- "Like I said: I am a soldier of The Grand Army of The Republic, and I gave you a chance to surrender. You should have taken it."
- You really need an editor.
19. "You can sit and watch how my Changelings concur all of Equestria! Hahahaha." Chrysalis interrupted while laughing manically.
- "You can sit and watch how my Changelings conquer all of Equestria! Hahahaha." Chrysalis interrupted while laughing manically.
20. Those where the screams of terror all of the ponies and Changelings heard from outside of the wedding room.
- Those where the screams of terror all of the ponies and Changelings heard from outside of the wedding hall.
Ahem. Star Wars nerd here. The clone armor is made of plastic, or plastoid, as they refer to it in the Star Wars universe. How can magic not penetrate plastic?!
5470386 because science *makes squiggly motions with his hands
*knock knock*
I lost my sh*t at that
5470386 it is made to resist plasma fire, it is most likely a special type of ceramics or has an energy shield.
5611417 there were actual energy shields about a couple hundred years ago but there extremely rare during the clone wars.
5470386 MLP magic ain't exactly strong or combat proof when compared to the Force or god-forbid the Warp
5470386
You DO realize that plastoid is different from normal plastic, right? Heck, even we have high strength plastic in the modern age though, admittedly, nothing that can even hope to protect against the 1 to 2 megajoule (low end) particle beams that small arms blasters project.
Someone is fucked
Two small issues I see with this chapter...
1: The mother & daughter are horrified by the commander for committing such acts as murder despite themselves having been the target of such mere moments ago. However, immediately after Thorn finishes his little checklist of protocols to follow, all is forgiven as if they never batted an eye at the death he brought down.
2: Thorn suggests that the mother take her daughter inside & to safety. A sentence or two go by. The mother claims she needs to do so "if he doesn't mind" as if Thorn had not just suggested that very thing to her.
Both of these cause a breaking point in the story where the reader needs to go back, reread it & think "wait, what again?" to make sure they didn't miss a bit somewhere.