• Member Since 31st Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen June 26th

Crazy Laughter


I've been writing fanfiction for a few years now and I have recently come to know of PONY. That is all, actually.

Comments ( 31 )

Ooookay....

This is one big violent mindscrew. And it's scary.

5311288

Smuggler is not a pleasant person, but he is fun to write.

5311689

Soldier was scarier. Smuggler was terrible, but he was.... involved. Soldier was cold and casual, like lovecraftian horror.

5311705

Interesting take on the whole thing. I was going for a scary overall feel on the story, but I didn't think Soldier was the scarier one of the two.

5311765

A being without a goal (and Smuggler didn't demonstrate a goal until later) may inflict horrors, but is more motivated by the process itself, so while it can be creative, it is unlikely to inflict large-scale damage. Soldier clearly had a goal and mercilessly stomped over wills of others, because he didn't care. Basically, Smuggler would be scary as hell as you got his personal attention, but Soldier looks likely to inflict misery on more people, so he is scarier when looking from some distance.

5312024

Well, how frightening Soldier is all depends on where you're standing. The thing about a goal is true and all, but given the more or less apparent motives of the two spirits, Smuggler is obviously more callous and frightening of the two. Smuggler's goal in crossing over the veil of reality and again hobble Luna's ability to function was quite simply to look for more power, no matter how he sugar-coated it to convince Soldier. He took the proverbial scenic route in doing this and felt no remorse for causing unnecessary pain to others.


Whereas Soldier's goal from the very first point he was introduced was to contain and bring back Smuggler. He did force Twilight's friends into submission, but only to seemingly contain the situation and not give Smuggler the option of manipulating them into hindering him. His attack on Twilight can be attributed to his short temper and an attempt on stopping Smuggler from evading him while hiding inside Twilight. He was manipulated into helping Smuggler through his extremely pragmatic mindset and his nearly insane hatred for Luna.

In conclusion, this was more of a look into Smuggler's character and how he plays with other characters, but I do like that you brought up how Soldiers power and the forceful wway he used it is a terrifying thing.

So...quick question. What exactly did the Gatekeeper take from that realities Celestia and Luna and will we ever see this reality again?

5723583

No, it is not. The world Smuggler fucked up is an alternate universe Equestria where the veil is kept stable by the gate and the Truth guarding it. Basically a crossover universe with FMA, which I thought was a fun gateway for Smuggler to cross over.

5722832

Soldier didn't let Celestia go through the gate, choosing to extract himself as Smuggler forced Luna's body to open the gate, or simply giving up a part of himself instead. I might go either way with that. Smuggler didn't really care what the Truth took from Luna, as they both had a limited window to get back to their own world, but I'm sure he played it safe and made sure it was something to keep the gate open for quite a while. What that means exactly is not something I've decided on just yet.


I highly doubt the other reality would risk tampering with the veil on their end, after seeing what kind of sadistic assholes could pop up, but it is not out of the realm of possiblity for Smuggler to reach back across realities to toy with them again in the future.

This will not end well for everyone. What a thrainwreck it is...

6023020

Smuggler at least hopes to get something out of it. Priest might be dead. Soldier might or might not be on board with what Smuggler is doing.

Grats on the new comp.

6792836

It is awesome in its own right and the fact that it's not a laptop means I can, you know for example, replace a fucking keyboard that fucking does whatever it fucking wants three times out of 4!


but yeah, I still want to get this story out of me and I can now keep writing it as work and life permits me.

That's fucking creepy.

You've been misusing the word AN repeatedly every single time that I can count before the word unicorn in every chapter up to now. And, I imagine, probably in the chapters after it. An is used before words that make the vowel sound not a vowel word.

Now that I've finished my OCD rant about repetitive use of AN unicorn I must say all these dark machinations leave me with no doubt as to why it was tagged Dark.

I wait to see how deep the darkness, til the light.

6794519

Not my first language, first of all. I've been using "an" with the rule you mentioned of using it before a vowel. god damn it.


Oh, Smuggler's got the darkest of dark machinations lined up. Soldier's going to have more of a part to play in the rest of the story and Priest is still just a tad biologically immortal.

6794541 It's been used wrongly by plenty of folks that have it as the native language. Most were taught or believe if its spelled with a vowel to use AN, but it is actually if it sounds like a vowel. So words like unicorn and ukulele that make the same Y sound such as young or yore would be used with A instead.

The story is still good as gold so I'm more than prepared to see how deep the dark goes and no amount of an unicorns will stop me.

This story grows more horrifying with each new chapter. Please tell me there is more.:pinkiecrazy:

6918409

Working on it. Glad you like.

Wtf is going.

>I am going to try and go darker...

It's already quite grim.

7303193

I take it as a personal challenge to try.

Soldier has evolved to : metaphysical titan!
Soldier used :"voice of nox" ; it is super effective!! (All enemies in area of influence are now inactive and sent to graveyard)
Soldier used :"voice of life" ; it is super effective!! (All allied and friendly monsters returned to full health with penalties: [confusion] in vocal range)

7305261

Just in case you thought Soldier’s word healed Luna, it ain't so. He ordered her to do anything and everything to survive, but Luna’s mental state after the fact triggered the "Pinkameena threshold" And made her lose any memory of it.

Either way, you got a chuckle out of me.

Priest kept her fit, burning away all excess calories she ingested in a rather literal way. The castle chef’s had actually started changing up her desserts to see if they could get different colors out of the volatile display her hair performed whenever she decided to indulge herself.

Oh, god, that's a hilarious idea.

“Humans are born with little to no empathy for others. There are some core survival instincts hardwired into us, like trusting your parents implicitly, not eating your siblings, both fearing and respecting cats, et cetera. Unlike you guys, we either grow into or learn empathy from others. The death of a parent is a horrible thing to anyone, but it’s one of the few tragic things little children can empathize with honestly and immediately.” Smuggler explained, before going back to reading Luna’s diary. She didn’t have the energy to feel indignant about this nonchalant violation of her privacy, deciding to process what Smuggler had revealed instead.

The requisite mirror neurons and other neurological structures required for proper empathy actually do not fully finish developing until your early to late teens, depending on the individual, so it's not only a learned trait, but also a purely anatomical one. Children can't do it because their brains actually just haven't sufficiently matured yet. The rest of this sounds fairly reasonable, though.

Random anime crossover out of nowhere and suddenly I'm not at all so sure I like this story anymore.

7559359


Would it be utterly insane to say that I kind of agree with you?

Well, the thing is that I have ideas and I want to vomit them onto paper, but when I try to put them in a long-term story, I end up moving on and introducing a new idea I find interesting out of nowhere. It's not a good thing and I feel like I should focus more on shorter stories because of that.

Well, to actually address your indignation on inserting stuff from Tokyo Ghoul into this story about magical horses and alien human spirit fragments torturing such ponies. I write with the mindset of everything written under the name of someone is written with the knowledge and perspective of that person, so Smuggler could very well explain what he'd created as an kakuhou, as that is what he based his idea on.

As for now, I am keeping myself motivated into writing this story by trying to up the dark shit in every chapter in some way.

Are you going to come back to this story?

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