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FlufferNutters


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Every young pony wants to earn their Cutie Mark and when young Scootaloo gets hers she is less than thrilled at what it is. Can her friends or her mentor help her understand her mark?

Edit:11/25/14: This is on the popular stories column :D Thank you all

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

Not very well written...could use a prereader.

Also, butterflies don't really make sense as a cutie mark for Scootaloo unless this is one of those "Fluttershy is her real mother" stories. Which it isn't. Apparently.

Solid C- effort.

5308999 It's actually her G3 mark I'm using for this story. Like I mentioned in the author's note it's not my best work. But after seeing the rumored cutie mark for her I though it would make a decent short story.

First impression: Missing picture. :fluttershysad:

I know I can do this." Scootaloo says

Should be a comma, not a period.

What made it better is that it is a sunny day.

This sounds pretty unnatural.

She couldn't believe it herself after all the failed attempts and teasing of not being able to fly she's flying this brings her to a state of joy that she has never felt before.

This sentence was too long. My eyes glazed over at this point due to a mixture of disengagement with the story and the overly long run-on sentence that didn't give me a period to pause and digest the thought at.

"Scootaloo look at your flank." Sweetie Belle says.

Such riveting dialogue. :ajsmug:

A large butterfly

Oh jeez, that picture that's been getting thrown around today? :rainbowlaugh:
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130102064133/mlp/images/thumb/8/8f/Cutie_Mark_Crusaders_Chocolate_Popcorn_recipe_page_original_version.png/994px-Cutie_Mark_Crusaders_Chocolate_Popcorn_recipe_page_original_version.png

"Butterflies? Butter Bucking Flies? Really?"

This line actually did get me to laugh. :pinkiehappy: I can see little Scoots saying that in exasperation, even though it's OOC. If this had an AU tag, I'd wholeheartedly support this line. :coolphoto:

We just wanna to help ya feel better.

Wanna to? :derpytongue2:

She was building a barn with her sister and brother

I don't want anypony see me do something as uncool as crying.

Why? She got a butterfly cutie mark, this is the next logical step. Tell her, Rainbow Dash! Tell her that being a whiny scaredy-pony is her destiny!

I have to get to work

Oh yeah? Napping? Or making sure the skies are clear of blue? :ajsmug:

"How about we go to Sugarcube Corner to celebrate?" Sweetie Belle suggests.

There's a fairly lacking "What was wrong? Do you wanna talk about it?" kind of dialogue here. Sweetie should have asked, then Scoots would suggest they talk about it over cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner.

All three race to Sugar Cube Corner

You said "Sugarcube Corner" (the correct usage) in the previous paragraph. Here, you switched it. This is an inconsistency; you want to make sure you don't have those.

I thought it would make a cute short story

It certainly was cute. :pinkiesmile: I'm hard-pressed to find a story that doesn't need an editor, but this one was still quite enjoyable in its own right. :twilightsmile:

5309010
Oh, that's not a rumored cutie mark for her. That picture is fanart used in an official HUB Network promotion for a pony marathon. It showed up in some printable sheets on their site. I have the printable picture in my big review thingy. :raritywink:

Anyway, that came out... oh, probably in late 2011 or early 2012. :derpytongue2:

5309030 Thank you for the grammatical advice. I'm still learning proper uses of punctuation. I'll edit what you pointed out to me. All my stories lack pictures since I don't have time to either make one or find one that works with it.

5309039 That I didn't know. Though when I saw it I thought of how she would react to it. That thought got to the point where I made this possible.

5308999 Butterfly cutie mark is like a visual metaphor. Butterflies are small and weak in the first part of their lives, then when the get older they are free to spread their beauty everywhere they go. They can do whatever they want.


5309079 Cute story! Could use some spelling/grammar checks, but the main point was amazing and great use of G3 Scoots!

5309651 I'm still learning grammar so it'll happen

5309051

I'm still learning proper uses of punctuation.

Here's the rules that will work for most dialogue:

When dialogue is followed by an attribution of who said it and how (a.k.a. a "dialogue tag"), the whole thing is treated as one single sentence, and punctuated as follows:

(1) If the character's spoken dialogue (the part between quote marks) would normally end with a period if it were a stand-alone sentence, you end it with a comma instead;

(2) the first word of the attribution (the part which follows the closing quote mark) does not get capitalized unless it's either someone's name, or the 1st-person pronoun "I" (which is always capitalized);

(3) If the character's dialogue ends with a ? or !, you use those marks as normal, but the attribution is still capitalized (or not) as per rule (2) above.

Therefore:

"Scootaloo look at your flank." Sweetie Belle says. (No...) :facehoof:
"Scootaloo look at your flank," Sweetie Belle says. (Correct!) :twilightsmile:

"I've been thinking about my cutie mark." Scootaloo says. (Nnnope.) :eeyup:
"I've been thinking about my cutie mark," Scootaloo says.(yay!) :yay:

Only when what follows the dialogue is not an attribution, but is instead a separate action which is not part of the character's speech, do you end the dialogue with a period and then start a new sentence. You don't have any examples of this in your story, so here's a general example:

"Yep, I'm just waiting for my cab driver to arrive." As she finished her sentence, a cab could be heard coming to a halt.

Here, the orange action is not a dialogue attribution; instead, it's a separate action which is occurring after the character stopped speaking their line of dialogue. So in this case, ending the dialogue with a period and starting a new sentence is correct.

This story was one of the best stories I have ever red! :yay:
You did a fantastic job on this story and I will be reading more of your stories. :pinkiesmile:
:yay: yay!!!
Take a like and a favorite!:trollestia:

5308999

The 24 likes and the rest of the comments says otherwise.

Love the G3 reference! Could use a comma here and there, but impressive considering you're quote-on-quote "still learning grammar".

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:/10

5313460 Commas are the ones that get me.

5313464 Here's a trick; if you're unsure about whether there should be a comma, read the sentence aloud, with and without a comma. Whichever one sounds right probably is. :twilightsmile:

If I'm not being clear, just let me know. I have a habit of doing that sometimes. :twilightblush:

Not one of my favorites, but it was likeable and decent.

5313474 How am I supposed to tell the difference with it? How the end of the sentence sounds? Or how the next line of dialog is written?

You ever think of writing a story where a cutie mark is simply not needed?

5824970 I've had that thought. But I haven't been inspired to build on it.

5824978 What I mean is I kinda hate the idea of having a cutie mark. their basically saying you've been "labeled" for life. That it's all set in stone. That your fate and destiny would have always ended up like this. Well I say bull crap. But what if you don't like your talent? What if it represents something you hate? Like being naturally clumsy or lazy or maybe even something evil? Can't you change who you used to be? Do you remember the movie where everyone had timers on their wrists? When their time ran out they die. Imagine a story where a ponie had that for a mark. Where he has only a year to live? Unless he goes and does something about it instead of excepting his fate. Do alternate dimensions count? I'd like to think that other me's would have different talents. What about an artificial talent? Like being turned into a cyborg because of a stupid accident? What if someone stole your body? Would they still have your talent or would the talent change to represent who's really inside your head? Besides I've seen plenty ponies who have the same freaking mark as Doctor Whooves. Even a Mare. Tell me. If Spidey were a pony would he have a talent based on his spider powers or his genius intellect in science? After all they are both genetic (one was just in an accident though). And What about Diamond Tiara? It's the same mark as her name. What does it mean? That she's just naturally a brat or rich? Why should that define who she is? She has just as much potential to change as anyone. Because she could lose all of that in a blink of an eye.

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