The Secret Life of Pinkamena Pie

by GWFan

The Pink One Cometh

The Story: The Secret Life of Pinkamena Pie

Twilight walked along the streets of Ponyville admiring the beautiful sky, cozy businesses, and homes. Though some days in this village seemed hectic now and then, it was days like this one that she enjoyed the most. Peaceful walks with pretty flowers and friendly ponies everywhere she looked. Twilight breathed in and smelled the crisp clean air. Everything was just perfect.

“Ahhh. I love days like this. So peaceful. So quiet. So-”

“Twilight!?” A voice shrilled over the peaceful atmosphere, making Twilight jump. She put her hoof over her heart to make sure it was still working before addressing the voice that she had recognized immediately.

“Pinkie. What? Is something wrong? What is it?”

Pinkie Pie leapt into view looking absolutely giddy about something. “Guess what, guess what, guess what!”

“What? Did Rainbow Dash sleepwalk into the lake again?”

“No. Even better.” Pinkie bounced around excitedly. “Party!”

“What?” Twilight said exasperated.

“Party!” Pinkie Pie repeated even louder.

“I heard you the first time.” Twilight poked at her ear, hoping her eardrum hadn’t ruptured. “So when is this party?”

“Now!”

“Now?”

“That’s what I said. Are you copying me?” Pinkie actually looked at her with an accusing glare.

“No, I…,” Twilight groaned in annoyance. “What do you mean now?”

“I mean like, right now.” Pinkie smiled again.

“Right now?” Twilight said in surprise.

“Are you sure you’re not copying me?”

“Arg!” Twilight put a hoof to her forehead.

“That’s a great idea. We could have a pirate party!” Pinkie stood up on her hind legs and raised her front legs in the air. Twilight stared at her dumbfounded. “Quick, where can I get a hook and a talking parrot?” Twilight groaned again, not believing that her day was being interrupted by this nonsense.

---

“Please?” Pinkie pleaded again as she followed Twilight through town.

Twilight groaned yet again. “Pinkie Pie, I need more notice then that. I have things to do.”

“Please? Everypony is going to be there.” Pinkie stood in front of her and put on her most innocent face.

“I can’t. I have a lot of things I need to do today. You should have told me about this yesterday or the day before.” Twilight turned away from Pinkie Pie and was startled to see her standing right in her way again.

“Please? Pinkie please?”

Twilight looked back once, uncertain as to how Pinkie had suddenly moved in front of her. Then she looked at Pinkie sternly. “Look, as I was just saying, I have a lot to do. You should have given me more notice.” She turned away and was only slightly surprised to see Pinkie standing in front of her again.

“It’s gonna be fun.”

“I can’t today.” Twilight turned away, took two steps and beheld Pinkie Pie in front of her.

“Please?”

“No.” She turned and there was Pinkie Pie.”

“Please?”

“No.” She turned and yet again, Pinkie.

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“Pinkie!” With her last ounce of patience gone, Twilight used her magic to wink out, disappearing and reappearing behind a building a short distance away. “What has gotten into that pony today?”

“Partying!” Twilight jumped as Pinkie Pie popped out of a barrel next to her.

“How… how did you…?”

“Please?”

Twilight screamed in frustration. She picked up the lid of the barrel with her magic and pushed Pinkie Pie back inside with it before dashing away. She ran almost two full blocks to the flower shop and hid behind a cactus that was for sale. Looking around, she didn’t see Pinkie Pie anywhere. Coming out from behind the cactus, Twilight gave a sigh of relief. She didn’t even notice when the cactus suddenly turned around, revealing itself to be Pinkie Pie in a cactus costume.

“Party?” She said.

Twilight turned in shock. “Bu… bu… but… how did you do that?”

“Oh, throwing a party is easy peasy. I’ll teach you.”

“Not that! How did you get here? I mean you were just…,” she pointed back the way she had come, “and now you’re…,” she pointed at Pinkie Pie who had somehow ditched the cactus costume.

“Party?”

Twilight moved her eyes around nervously wondering if she had been caught in some strange pony mind trick. “Yeah. Okay. Sure.”

“All right! Come on, let’s go.”

“Pinkieeeeeeee!” Pinkie Pie grabbed Twilight by the hoof and dragged her all the way to Sugarcube Corner.

“Here we are. Let’s party!”

Twilight looked around to see her other friends standing around looking rather amused.

“So she roped you into this too, huh?” Applejack said casually.

“Pinkie Pie sure knows how to be forceful when she needs to be.” Rainbow Dash laughed.

“Yeah,” Twilight agreed, giving a very fake laugh. “Have you guys ever noticed how Pinkie Pie seems to appear out of nowhere sometimes?”

“Yeah, but that’s just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.” Rainbow dismissed it like that.

“And that’s supposed to be normal? She chased me through town and somehow got ahead of me. I didn’t even see her pass me.”

“It’s just something she does. Sort of like those crazy twitches of hers,” Rarity said nonchalantly. “There’s no way you are ever going to explain it.”

“But… but… you girls can’t be serious.”

“It’s okay, Twilight,” Fluttershy comforted her. “Why don’t you just relax and have some punch. Angel made it especially for this party.” Twilight looked over toward a table where Angel and Gummy were drinking punch out of tiny cups like sophisticated gentleponies.

Twilight sighed and gave in. “Just as long it’s not hot sauce again.” So much for a peaceful day.

“Let’s play some party games!” Pinkie shouted like a maniac.

Twilight decided to just ignore Pinkie’s jubilation. She had barely taken a sip of the punch when she heard a strange sound coming from Angel and Gummy’s table.

“Is something wrong with Gummy?” Fluttershy pointed out. “I think he’s coughing.”

Pinkie’s expression of joyous overload changed almost instantly to something more serious, as if somepony had just switched off her fun switch.

“Uh, Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash asked concerned.

Pinkie abruptly smiled big again and opened her arms as if she wanted to hug her friends. “Don’t worry about Gummy. I’m sure he’s fine.” That said, Pinkie Pie wiped her hoof over her forehead and let out a heavy breath. “Wow, I’m tired. Guess I’ve had enough partying for today.”

“But the party just started,” Rainbow said confused.

“Now, now, it’s been a long day and I’m sure we all can use a rest,” Pinkie said, ushering her friends out the door all at once. Gummy meanwhile, kept coughing until a stream of what looked like green fire wisped out of his mouth and turned into some kind of rolled up paper.

“Did Gummy just cough up a scroll?” Twilight asked in surprise.

“Nope, probably just a hairball,” Pinkie answered quickly.

“But alligators don’t have fur!” Twilight protested as Pinkie pushed all her friends out the door and slammed it shut.

“What in tarnation was that about?” Applejack asked, looking at the door.

“That was a scroll. I’m almost sure that was a scroll. Pinkie’s up to something. Have you ever noticed she disappears from time to time?” Twilight said frantically.

“Oh Twilight, not that again,” Rarity complained. “Can’t you let that be?”

“Yeah. Like I said earlier, I’m sure it’s just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. What else is there to understand? You believe her twitches don’t you?” Rainbow Dash added nonchalantly.

“But…,” Twilight started but Applejack put her foreleg around her shoulder.

“There, there Twilight. It’s nothin’ to get your saddle in a wad over. Why not relax with some apple pie, my treat.”

Her friends all agreed that was a good idea, but Twilight wasn’t so sure. She briefly looked back and could have sworn that she saw a brief flash in the window.

---

Pinkie Pie reached for the scroll Gummy had coughed up and read its contents.

To my dearest Pinkamena,
The time has come once again for me to call upon your services. Please come to the castle immediately for a proper briefing.

Yours truly, Princess Celestia.

Pinkie nodded her head, understanding what this must mean. “Come Gummy. The Princess needs us.” Gummy jumped on her shoulder. Then Pinkie clapped her front hooves together and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Less than thirty minutes later, Princess Celestia waited patiently in her throne room. Two guards stood idly to either side of her, watching diligently for any sign of danger. Abruptly, a puff of smoke burst in the middle of the room and a strange figure, clothed from neck to hoof in pink cloth, stood before them. An equally pink cloth covered her muzzle. The guards could only make out her eyes and poofy, rosy-magenta mane. She carried a magenta sheath on her back with a sword in it.

“Pinkamena, you’ve arrived not a moment too soon,” Princess Celestia greeted her.

“No problem, Princess. I’m always ready for anything. And just call me Pink Ninja,” She said in a cheerful voice.

One of the guards approached her angrily. “Such insolents. Show the Princess some proper…,” The guard stopped his berating and shivered, pointing, “You do know there’s an alligator on your shoulder, right?”

“Oh that’s just Gummy, my ninja alligator.”

“He doesn’t have any teeth-” The guard jumped when Gummy opened his mouth wide and two rows of sharp teeth rose from his gums.

“He has teeth, silly. He just retracts them when we’re not on a mission.”

The guard looked worriedly back at Princess Celestia, but she merely smiled her usual gentle smile and waved her hoof, motioning for him to step aside. He did so, though he didn’t look all that happy about it.

“Thank you for responding so promptly, Pink Ninja.” Celestia said in her usual tempered voice. “I’m afraid we have a bit of a situation on our hooves.”

“Like I said, I’m ready for anything.” With that, Pinkie struck a pose, raising her front hooves in the air and looking fierce. The guards paled at the show.

Celestia then spoke with a more serious tone. “It seems there is a bit of unrest in the Kingdom of Bangtail. The leader there, Sire Dressage, has become a bit of a tyrant and runs the local ponies rampant with demands, unfair laws and deals. He seems to be trying to raise himself up as some kind of dictator when he should be governing the citizens fairly. I need you to go to Bangtail and try to talk some sense into Dressage.”

“So all I gotta do is talk to this Dressage pony? That doesn’t sound too hard.”

“It may not be that easy. He has a good number of ponies on his side and it’s possible they will be rather hostile to anypony who comes investigating their business. That’s why I need you to go. You’re the only pony I can count on.” With that last part said, Celestia gave Pinkie a warm smile. “Of course, I still want you to be safe. If things become too dangerous, come back here immediately and I will see if we can find some other way to deal with him.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Princess. I’m well prepared for danger. Isn’t that right, Gummy?” Pinkie nodded to her alligator who bared his teeth in a maniacal smile.

“I knew I could depend on you Pinkamena, I mean Pink Ninja.” Celestia and Pinkie both giggled before Celestia sent a scroll floating down to her with her magic. “This is a letter to Sire Dressage. It contains my concerns and desires for his land. It would be frightfully painful if he became an enemy to Canterlot. Go now, Pink Ninja. The fate of Equestria is riding on your back.”

“Will do!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, slipping the scroll into an unseen pocket. “Let’s go Gummy. For Equestria!” Then she clapped her front hooves together again and vanished in another puff of smoke.

“Uh… Princess Celestia,” the same guard who had tried to berate Pinkie earlier spoke up. “Not that I doubt your judgment, but doesn’t this mission seem a little important to put in the hooves of such a… odd pony? It didn’t really seem she was taking the seriousness of the mission seriously. Doesn’t that concern you?”

Celestia replied with her typical smile, “I understand your worries but fear not. I’ve known about Pinkamena’s special talents for a long time and this is not the first mission I’ve sent her on.”

The two guards looked at each other in shock. “Are you serious?” They both said at once.

“Of course. Her methods may seem a little strange, but I have full faith in her. Otherwise I would not have trusted the safety of my dear apprentice to her.”

Though her speech was a little reassuring, the guards looked at each other again with concern. Surely, such a loopy pony wouldn’t be able to handle such an important mission.

Comments

[PoptartKitten]

I like how Gummy has retractable teeth instead of not having teeth.

[Kawa]

24823 Pure nightmare fuel, that.

[Final Fantasy BRN]

"Gummy, my ninja alligator." That's funny!