Jail Time

Everyone knew that Diamond Tiara was not the best of fillies, but when she gets placed in a maximum security prison, Silver Spoon has come to find out why.

A new image may be here. If so Source. Image may or may not be permanent.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

cosmicobubisi

cosmicobubisi #1 · Dec 22nd, 2014 · · ·

I see one flaw:
Who was the father?

Jlargent

Jlargent #2 · Dec 22nd, 2014 · · ·

5412999 Someone that had no taste in women apparently.

Nameless cow

Nameless cow #3 · Dec 22nd, 2014 · · ·

5413224
5412999
Featherweight? Maybe he was blackmailed into marrying or Diamond Tibitchara played manipulative? Lol, I dunno

cosmicobubisi

cosmicobubisi #4 · Dec 23rd, 2014 · · ·

5413224 Clues.

Violet Frost

Violet Frost #5 · Jan 20th, 2015 · 2 · ·

I found this hard to swallow, mostly because it seemed rushed. I'd love to see a rewrite that allowed more of this to develop such as seeing Diamond attack Ruby and what was going through her mind, the possibility of Diamond's time in prison learning why what she did was wrong, and the possibility of her trying to reconnect with her daughter in an effort to gain closure.

Raichu

Raichu #6 · Jan 20th, 2015 · · ·

5528013 Well....
I sort of planned for a sequel...
But I'm not sure if I want to even make a sequel to this. I'd need more opinions.
A lot of my stories seem rushed or that's what they tell me and I try to slow them down. Trust me, I try. But thank you for your feedback! It helps me out a lot!

Violet Frost

Violet Frost #7 · Jan 22nd, 2015 · · ·

5528965

One thing that would have helped this not feel rushed would have been delaying Silver's reveal of being Ruby's new mother until later, perhaps making this longer than a one shot. Another thing that would help would be showing the deliberation Celestia go through to try and keep Tiara in the dungeons. Also I don't think Celestia would be so cruel as to keep a prisoner who is mortal in a leaky cell, just some food for thought.

If you have a plan in mind for the after (a sequel) I'd rewrite this first so you have more wiggle room as a writer to go with it, right now you either have to write a story about Ruby finding out she's adopted and her memories aren't right (Princess Celestia can't rewrite everyones memories) which would be interesting and would give a place for that oppressive thought that Celestia can do that to go, and/or Diamond Tiara breaking out and trying to see her daughter, or the aging of Diamond Tiara (which might be a fascinating read if you can add in the detail this was missing, but it might as well be treated as a stand alone then).

LoneUnicornWriter

LoneUnicornWriter #8 · May 25th, 2015 · · ·

Wow. What a story. O~O

Tawny Flower

Tawny Flower #9 · Feb 21st, 2016 · · ·

Well, I liked this story a lot
If you want a bit of constructive criticism, I'd say to try and vary your sentence beginnings. A lot of your sentences start with 'she' or 'her', especially in the first few paragraphs, and that can get tiring after a while. Keep up the good work!