Chapter 11: Cadance's Heart Part 1
Chapter 11: Cadance's Heart Part 1
As told by Shining Armor
“You’re being dumb, big brother,” My exceptionally supportive little sister, Twilight grumbled to me as I sat with her in her room, absently playing with her dolls with her.
It seemed that little fillies and colts ruled my life now, as my job forced me to watch out for a bunch of rowdy colts all week long, only to come home to a little sister who used to adore me, but has now decided I’m not as cool as her foalsitter, who I apparently drove away.
She still made me play dolls with her though. Usually I liked to humour her by making them turn into monsters and eat each other, or grab Smarty Pants and make him a guard (he was a colt to me, and forever would be), which always annoyed her and made her laugh, but I just didn’t have the heart for it that day.
The foalsitter who I had driven away had also been my marefriend. The most beautiful, kind, inspiring filly I had ever met; and who had betrayed me. She had been a princess. The heiress to Princess Celestia, and even one of the rare-born alicorns, which meant she had wings she had hidden from me, as well as never bothering to tell me she was a member of royalty.
I still couldn’t believe it. Although she was beautiful, almost ethereal-like, with the multi-coloured mane that the higher members of royalty, along with Princess Celestia seemed to have, taller than the other fillies with longer legs, and I had even once seen her wings, she had always seemed like the farthest thing from a princess. She was playful and silly, sometimes just like a little foal, but she could be the most sweet, flirtatious mare, initiating every embrace and moment that left me with thoughts I couldn’t understand or control. She could control love, maybe that’s all it had been. One of her magic spells.
I turned back to my sister, trying to shake off my depressing and somewhat inappropriate thoughts. It was the last thing I should be thinking while playing with a bunch of dolls with my little sister. Especially since I was angry at the pony I was thinking about.
“Why am I being dumb?” I grumbled, rolling my eyes at the small filly.
“’Cos you abandoned Cady just ‘cos she’s a princess. That’s dumb.” She mumbled, sticking her lower lip out in a pout as if she was going to cry. But that wasn’t fooling me.
“I didn’t abandon her because she’s a princess. Frankly, I didn’t abandon her at all,” I retorted. “I stopped seeing her because she never told me she was a princess, or an alicorn, or even her real name for that matter.” I continued, exasperatedly.
“Haha, yes she did, her name’s Cadance, silly.” Twilight giggled, completely missing the point. But she was seven, what was I supposed to expect?
“You’re just a kid. You don’t get it.” I sighed.
“Yes I do!” she cried, stomping her front leg, stubbornly. “You stopped seeing her because she didn’t tell you that she was a princess, and you’re still dumb.” She smiled, smugly, and I facehooved.
Cadance had told me that my sister could be a real pain when she had made up her mind about something, but I hadn’t really experienced it being her BBBFF. I guessed this was it.
Thanks, Cadance.
“Did you treat her this way too? Even though you knew she was a princess?” I paused, as it suddenly hit me. “You did know didn’t you?”
The little unicorn shrugged. “She told me not to tell anypony.”
“Of course she did,” I sighed. “I guess mom and dad knew too then?” I cringed at how angry this all made me. Even my own family had lied to me.
“Sure they did, they made her my foalsitter, you know.” She said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Aargh, I don’t believe this!” I cried. “Did any of you ever plan on telling me the truth?”
“Uh…” Twilight grinned sheepishly, and scratched her head.
“I didn’t think so.” I snorted, and turned away, dropping the dolls and getting to my hooves.
“Wait, where are you going?” she whined, as I began trotting to the door of her room.
“Somewhere where nopony is going to lie to me.” I muttered, harshly to my little sister who I didn’t think I’d ever had a real fight with. But it wasn’t like she cared about me anymore either.
“Well, it’s your fault Cadance doesn’t come to see me anymore, so go away!” she shouted.
“Gladly.”
“Fine!”
“Fine.”
“Fine!” the filly shouted at the top of her lungs, and then she stopped and sniffled, making me feel bad, and I walked back over to her.
“Does she really not come to see you anymore?” I asked, sympathetically, trying to nuzzle at her, but she stubbornly turned away, wiping her nose with her hoof.
It seemed strange that Cadance wouldn’t come to see Twilight. Wasn’t that her job? And it wasn’t like she had to worry about seeing me. It had been a week, and I had gone back to work and only just returned this weekend without hearing a word from her. I didn’t think she was the type to abandon a little filly like my sister who seemed to love her. But what did I know?
“Mommy and daddy said she’s sick.” She mumbled.
Sighing, I sat down beside her. “Well, I guess you’ll have to wait until she gets better.”
I didn’t really believe the words I said to her. It seemed like Cadance, with her high emotional sensitivity, which I couldn’t possibly understand, but I had witnessed do a number on her fragile body, couldn’t face us anymore. I had been pretty mean to her, I guessed she hated me. But why did she have to make an innocent filly like my sister suffer too? It just made me feel more betrayed by her.
“Well, you’ve still got me.” I grinned, but Twilight just sighed, and I felt really bad for her.
“She said she was never gonna leave me. She said she would be my teacher forever,” She whimpered, with tears in her eyes. “She promised she would come play with me everyday this week. It’s not fair!” she sobbed, and I pulled her closer to me with my hoof, and she snuggled into my shoulder and cried.
I wished my breaking up with my marefriend didn’t have to affect her too. It shouldn’t have. I’m so sorry, Twiley. I didn’t mean to take your foalsitter away. I thought, guiltily, as my little sister cried over the loss of her only friend. Then I gritted my teeth, and bent my ears back against my head in sudden anger as the real reason she was suffering came clear to me again.
Cadance, how could you?
~~~~~~~~~~~
I wondered the streets of Canterlot in the late afternoon low-light of the sun, looking up at the palace where I guessed she was. What was she doing that would make her abandon my little sister like she did? It just really didn’t seem like her, and I wondered if any of our friends had seen her. She’d still hang out with Sweetheart at least, I thought, maybe I’d ask her the next day.
Twilight had calmed down, and was playing with mom, or reading with mom--- whatever. And I needed to get out and think on my own for awhile. I thought about going to the top of the Canterlot mountain, like I usually did, but that place seemed to bring back memories now, and I was looking for the opposite of that.
As much as I was angry at her, I missed Cadance. She had been such a joy to be around. She could be the strongest of ponies, standing up to the bullying colts I had dragged into her life, even as I tried to protect her, defending even me along with little Sweetheart as I had seen that horrible night.
She was always fighting against her own weaknesses and overcoming them, never wanting to give in, although those weaknesses were severe, and sometimes made me think she was as fragile as glass. She grew ill from strong emotions which she could somehow sense, becoming faint and unable to function so I could only help her walk by letting her lean on my back. She tripped over her own hooves and ended up worrying me more than should be natural for a teen filly, but she had always been worth it. Her weakness had been a part of this amazing ability she had to help ponies fall in love. It seemed kind of lame at first, I guess, but she always was able to determine who was deserving of her spell, never frivolously using it, and it made her the most empathetic and caring pony I had ever known.
She had always been special to me, the first filly I ever cared for, (although, I had once had a crush on Medley. But I gave that up as I quickly became terrified of her). I might’ve thought she was perfect; I might’ve been able to return those frightening words she had said to me that fateful night. But her betrayal, her lies cut deep. I couldn’t stand it when a pony lied.
Honesty had always been my strongest creed, even before I had joined the academy. I believed that being able to trust another pony was one of the most important things in a relationship, and a lie could stretch into something as drastic as life and death. I had been taught that by the stallion I most looked up to, especially when my dad seemed to turn his back on me when I decided to join the training academy instead of going to Princess Celestia’s school like he wanted, my uncle, Star Ward, a high ranking soldier in the solar guard, and probably my only real role model. He, like me, had his name determine his destiny. I mean, what else could you be expected to do with a name like Star Ward, or Shining Armor? If my dad didn’t want me to join the ranks he shouldn’t had let his brother name me.
My uncle had told me that a soldier who had bent the truth just to save face, had lead a troop into the lair of a manticore, and they had all barely escaped with their lives. When Princess Celestia had heard of this she had dismissed him, but not before making sure that all the soldiers realized that dishonesty was not something to be taken lightly, and any soldier caught in a lie, no matter their rank, would be guaranteed an audience with her, and usually they would leave her chambers without their armor.
Uncle Star Ward had told me this when I was a little colt, even before Twilight was born. That day I had confided in him that I had told my dad that I wanted to go to Princess Celestia’s school next year, but I actually wanted to be a royal guard like him. He had said he was happy I wanted to follow in his hoofsteps, but that I shouldn’t lie to my dad like that. He told me that story and scared me out of my too big horseshoes, so that I ran to tell my dad the truth. It might have just been the manticore in the story, and the way my uncle could growl like one to make it interesting, but whatever the reason, his advice had stuck with me throughout my life, and was something I took very seriously.
I had never told Cadance that, and I guess it wasn’t fair for me to be so hard on her when she didn’t even know why, but her lie had been grave. It was her identity; who she really was. It wasn’t like she had just fibbed about dying her mane that amazing colour combination or something.
But as much as she seemed to not want to face me, neither did I. Not just because of her betrayal, but because she was actually a princess, one of the sacred alicorns, a love goddess, and I had realized I could never be good enough for her. What could a regular unicorn training to be one of her many protectors one day do for her anyway? She probably would end up in an arranged marriage with some noblepony and I would just be a summer fling. I could never be the stallion she needed, or the one she really wanted, even if she seemed to think she did. She had said she loved me, but how could I ever do right by her?
I slumped down on a bench just outside of the town square, in a small deserted park, and gloomily stared down at the ground, catching the reflection of the palace in a puddle of water and sighing. Just as I was about to turn away from the reflection, and the longing it brought me, I suddenly noticed the image of the castle become obscured by the smug face of a familiar looking gray unicorn. I looked up to be face to face with Lacolt, along with Stark Feather, his stupid pegasus friend. I jumped to my hooves, immediately on the defense, and stood braced in front of the much bigger colts that always had tortured me with their teasing and freshmen bullying. But the other night they had gone too far with what they did to Sweetheart and Cadance. Actually, I was surprised to see them still looking so cocky. Hadn’t Cadance reported them to the princess?
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the little colt who turned out to have a princess marefriend. How’s that working out for you?” Lacolt snickered, but his eyes were cold and dark, not his usual brash teasing expression, and he made no pitiful attempts at wrestling me down. The normally laughing Stark Feather looked just as harsh, his mouth a firm line as he moved in toward me.
And then I started to feel the prickling sensation against my back as fear started to set in. This was no usual taunting, I realized, these guys were pissed off, and all their wrath was focused at me. Well, they weren’t the only ones.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded, pinning my ears back as I stared them down, refusing to give into my creeping sense of dread. “Shouldn’t you be in the royal courtroom begging Princess Celestia and the headmaster for forgiveness?”
“Heh, you’d think so wouldn’t you?” came Lacolt’s snide reply. “But I haven’t heard anything from them. Seems like your little princess marefriend is all talk.”
Okay, now I was starting to worry. I was sure that Cadance would have told Princess Celestia about what these plotholes had done. Why hadn’t she done that yet? I knew I had hurt her, and maybe she was too upset at first, but I didn’t think she would just forget. What had happened to her?
“She is not. You’ll pay for what you did to those fillies!” I growled back, frustrated with them and still feeling worry over Cadance’s apparent disappearance.
“Oh, really? What are you going to do? Call her back to yell at us again?” Stark Feather sneered.
“Hah, you can’t even fight your own battles. You need a filly—a princess--- to do it for you.” Lacolt added, laughing. Then he moved in toward me and made a show of whispering in my ear. “Just a heads up, as a member of the royal guard you’re supposed to protect the princess. Not the other way around.”
“Shut up!” I shouted, stomping my hoof, but they just laughed more.
I had really had it with these guys. If it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t have lost my cool and caused Cadance to be scared of me. Maybe she would have trusted me enough to tell me the truth if I hadn’t gone and tried to show off by hitting that jerk, Lacolt, in front of her and my sister. Not to mention it was a stupid thing to do in front of a princess. If they hadn’t tortured her and Sweetheart that night maybe she would have told me her secret on her own too. I don’t know how I would have reacted, but I regretted the way I treated her now. Especially since she had seemed to disappear since then.
“Anyway, Armor, we’re glad we found you today,” Lacolt’s laughter was gone, and his eyes reverted back to the cold, dark glare he’d had when he and Stark Feather appeared that day. This didn’t look good. They were both bigger than me, older than me, and it was two to one.
“What do you want?” I demanded, trying to keep the quivering out of my voice.
The large, gray unicorn gave a sinister smile, “Payback.”
“What?”
“Thanks to your psycho marefriend we’re looking at expulsion from the academy just for having a little fun. Since we can’t very well deal with her without severe repercussions, you seem like an acceptable replacement.” He paused, digging his hoof against the cobblestones.
“If we’re going to be expelled anyway, we don’t have to worry about our behaviour anymore, right?” Stark Feather added, spreading his wings intimidatingly.
“I wonder what your princess marefriend will think of a rusting armour?”
Oh, buck me…. was the last I thought to myself before the two colts pounced on me in a tumble of gray fur and white feathers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Ow, ow, ow~!” I whined, as I felt the warm cloth make contact against one particularly painful bruise on my cheek.
“It’s just a scratch. You’re going to have to stallion-up if you want to be a real royal guard one day.” My mom’s soft voice chuckled as she wiped at my injuries, teasing me now, but I would never forget the worry and pure fear in her eyes as I had limped home that night after getting my flank kicked by Lacolt and Stark Feather.
It hadn’t been serious. I was able to defend myself mostly, only really suffering a painful blow to my hip by their powerful hooves, causing the limp, a bit of a black eye and some scratches and bruises. But it was hard seeing my mom so scared. I knew she was worried about me joining the royal guard and getting hurt, and I hadn’t wanted to prove her right so early on. Even if it was just a bunch of filly-harassing bullies.
Eventually some guards dragged them off me, but of course, they couldn’t figure out who started it, so we all got hauled home to our parents with a warning about disturbing the peace. If Lacolt and Stark Feather weren’t in trouble before, they definitely were now. But then again, so was I. When dad found out I was fighting again, even if it hadn’t been my fault this time, he was gonna pull me out of the academy, and probably argue with mom again. And this time I didn’t have Cadance to help me with that. I didn’t think this week could get any worse, and I struggled against the mental and the stinging physical pain I felt, squeezing my eyes shut, and gritting my teeth as I was wont to do to stay strong.
“Want me to beat them up for you, BBBFF? ‘Cos I could.” Twilight stood up on her hind legs, peeking her head over the table at me, her wide eyes blinking and full of concern.
“No you don’t.” Mom responded, gently pushing her off the table, and I smiled at the little filly. She was why I couldn’t show any weakness, as well as my mom. It was my job to protect them, not break down like a little foal. When dad wasn’t at home I was the stallion of the house, and when I became a royal guard, (if I ever became one now), I would forever protect them along with the princesses. Cadance. I’d protect her too. Even when she became one of those beautiful and majestic creatures called the alicorn. So different from me and the other ponies, and so far out of reach.
“Shining, honey, even though this wasn’t your fault this time, your father is going to be very upset.” Mom sighed as she dipped the cloth back in the bowl of water, then started to peel a bandaid with her magic, but Twilight jumped up again.
“I wanna do it!” she shouted, and surprisingly grabbed the bandaid out of mom’s telekinesis and cradled it in her own before she slapped it none too gently on my face. There wasn’t a bruise there, but it was worth the effort.
“Twilight, don’t be so grabby. Didn’t your magic teacher teach you not to take something from another unicorn’s grasp?” mom scolded, and the little filly just gave her toothy grin that allowed her to get away with anything.
“I know, mom.” I sighed, hanging my head.
She frowned. “You said these colts were harassing the fillies again, right? I don’t understand why they haven’t been dealt with yet.”
I grimaced. “I don’t know either. Cadance said she was going to report them to Princess Celestia, but she hasn’t seemed to have done it yet.”
It was barely noticeable, but at the mention of Cadance’s name my mom winced. “Well, I heard she isn’t feeling well, so maybe she hasn’t gotten around to it yet. We could sure use her help though. The princess is very busy lately and seems kind of frazzled. I want to stay and help extra hours, but I can’t leave Twilight.”
“Yes you can, ‘cos I can take care of myself. I’m a big pony!” Twilight protested, stubbornly. Hadn’t she wanted Cadance back just a few hours ago? Foals.
“Ugh, mom, why didn’t you ever tell me the truth about her?” I groaned, ignoring my sister’s incessant protests.
“Well, she asked me not to. I have to respect the wishes of a princess don’t I?” Mom giggled and Twilight followed along.
“Yeah!”
I gave her a look, but she just grinned.
"Of course.” I muttered.
“It’s too bad you aren’t with her anymore. Imagine. If you two had gotten married you could’ve been a prince.” Mom brushed a comb through my tangled mane and started giggling like a schoolfilly along with Twilight, and I decided I had had enough. I moved my head away from her, and pissed off at the both of them, I teleported away to my room, locking the door behind me.
What did they know anyway? Cadance may have been a princess, but why did that mean she could lie to me? And I didn’t want to be a prince. I was supposed to be a royal guard; a protector of royalty. I didn’t want to be a part of it. And really, it seemed to me that neither did she.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Oooh, Shiny’s got a shiner!” Palomides laughed the next day, rubbing carelessly against the top of my blackened eye when I sought out somepony who would understand how I felt. “Seriously, if you didn’t have one already I would want to give you one for dumping Cadance. She was awesome, gorgeous, and a bucking princess. She didn’t deserve that, dude.” I guessed my best friend wasn’t going to be that pony.
“Ugh, not you too.” I moaned, rubbing my hooves across my eyes.
“Yes, me too. Seriously, she was funny, smart, kind and so good at magic. Look what she did for Blue and Medley. I haven’t heard a complaint about life from either of them since.” That was quite an achievement, really, I had to agree.
“Palomides, she purposefully hid the fact that she was actually a princess from all of us. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I asked, but the unicorn just shrugged.
“So she’s a princess. She’s still a great filly, and our friend. Maybe she’s just sick of boring royal life, and wanted to pretend to be normal for once. It can’t be easy for her to be the only alicorn besides Princess Celestia. How would you like to be different from everypony?” Palomides seemed serious for once, but his words were the same as I had heard from everypony else, including Cadance herself. But that wasn’t what the problem was.
“Yeah, I get that. I get why she did it. But she lied to me. She lied about everything. How am I supposed to trust her?” I was answered with another passive shrug.
“I dunno. Just give her a chance. She deserves that much.”
“Are you guys talking about Cadance? Have you seen her?” we were interrupted by the anxious calls of Sweetheart as she galloped on to the scene. She’d been with Palomides when I met him, but had run off to the little fillies’ room before I got to talk to her. I was disappointed. I thought maybe she would know what had happened to Cadance. But she seemed just as confused as me.
“No, I thought you would have seen her.” I said.
“You jerk! You did break up with her. You’re so mean!” the small yearling pushed at my chest, angrily, and I grimaced, not wanting to explain the whole thing again. “I told her everything would be okay. She was so scared. I never thought you’d do that to her!” Sweetheart was crying now, and for what must be the millionth time I felt bad for upsetting her.
“Don’t tell me, you knew too, right?” I muttered. Of course she would tell another filly before me.
“I only found out just before the dance. It was an accident. But she told me she wanted to tell you the truth, but she was scared you’d be angry at her. I told her I didn’t think you would be. I thought you were nicer. I thought you really liked her!” she began bashing at my chest with her tiny hooves, relentlessly, until Palomides pulled her off, and she sobbed in his hug, as I just stood there looking dumb.
“Sweetheart, give me a break, will you? I don’t like being lied to. I can’t trust her anymore.” I tried to explain.
“But she’s my friend, and I wanted her to be happy like me. I thought we could double date now that I’m with Palomides, but I can’t even get in contact with her.” she sniffled, sitting down on her haunches, sadly.
“I don’t get it. Why hasn’t nopony seen her? She hasn’t come to foalsit for my sister either.” I pondered aloud.
“‘Cos you really hurt her, you jerk.” Palomides grumbled, losing his playful tone since I seemed to have hurt his marefriend too. I was such a gallant knight.
“I’m gonna go to the palace and find her. I tried once last week, but they wouldn’t let me in for some reason. It was the Princess’s orders.” Sweetheart’s blue eyes sparkled with tears, and the glint of determination in them. She seemed fiercely loyal to Cadance, and it touched my heart. She had always seemed so shy and somewhat intimidated by Lyrica and Medley who would sometimes trot all over her because of her kind, naïve nature. Cadance was like that too, although she was less submissive, and more inclined to verbally fight for what she felt was right as I had seen at the dance.
It seemed that all my friends had been touched by my once perfect little princess marefriend, and it was only me who had trouble forgiving her. But none of them knew the real reason I couldn’t bring myself to face her. The reason I kept deep down inside me. That even as I lost respect from, and even hurt my little sister and friends I couldn’t reveal to anypony.
Cadance was a princess, and I was just a royal guard trainee. She was an alicorn, a goddess as some called them, and I was just a unicorn. She would grow stronger than me, more powerful than me, she would probably even become taller than me one day. I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t be the stallion she needed. The one she deserved. She deserved better than me, she was better than me. I had nothing to give her but my love, and she didn’t even need that. Because she held it all within the pureness of her beautiful heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was at work when she came to me.
My group of colts were doing a royally pathetic job at archery practice. Even the unicorns couldn’t seem to hold on to the bows with their magic, while the pegasi just fooled around because that’s what they did, since the only discipline eight, nine and ten year old pegasi colts had was how to fly without crashing into another pony. And even then, they still managed to do it. The pegasi were not a known race of hard workers, but the ones in the royal guard were made to adapt to the equally harsh training that unicorns and even the naturally tenacious earth ponies were meant to endure.
But this was just a camp. Not a training camp, but a fantasy camp where little colts and fillies alike could experience being royal guards and knights with councillors like me who were the real thing. Forced to indulge them in their foalish antics while making a dismal amount of bits for the work put into just making sure they didn’t kill themselves.
The colts were very interested to see a slim, long legged, but tiny, white filly canter nervously onto the field where I stood with the other bored instructors. I swore if they acted the way they did when they first saw Cadance I was going to take away their swimming privileges for the day. Because that was the worst punishment I could deal out at this camp. No wing push ups or cleaning the dorms with toothbrushes in their mouths for them. Although they could sure use the discipline.
“Hey, Shiny, didn’t you say you had a marefriend? Is that her?” One of the other councillors asked, glancing out as the filly that I could now see was Sweetheart anxiously approached us, breathing heavily as if she had run all the way from Canterlot Center to our camp ground at the base of the mountain. I had not expected to see her there. Instructors weren’t usually allowed to have visitors. How did she even know where we were?
“No, she’s---“ I started to explain, but the panting unicorn filly spoke up as I did.
“Shining Armor you have to come!” she cried, her little voice high, and anxious, with tears in her eyes.
“What are you doing here, Sweetheart?” I asked, feeling a little embarrassed at her somewhat hysterical behaviour, and the little colt onlookers who snickered along with my peers.
“It’s Cadance! You have to come see her. You have to go to her!” She cried, tearfully, rearing up and pushing at my chest as if she planned to shove me all the way back to my ex-marefriend.
“Whoa, calm down,” I gently moved her hooves off me, and touched her trembling shoulders as she fell back onto four legs. “Now, take a deep breath, and tell me what’s wrong.”
“I-I don’t know,” the little unicorn stammered. “I went to see Cadance and…and…”
I waited patiently as she tried to gather herself. I knew Sweetheart could be a bit of a cryfilly, but I couldn’t help but feel a little worried since Cadance had been missing for the last while. I hoped nothing had happened to her.
“There’s something wrong. She isn’t herself. I-I can’t explain it, but it’s bad, Shining Armor. Please, go to her.” she clasped her hooves together as if she were begging me. I didn’t get it.
“What do you mean she isn’t herself?”
The unicorn filly moaned and clutched at her head, sobbing as she fell to her knees. “I don’t know, I don’t know!” she wailed, and I felt my concern for her and the pony she spoke of grow.
Sweetheart was clearly extremely distressed---- even for her---- I didn’t know what I could do to console her, and I didn’t want all the other ponies to keep watching as she pleaded with me to go to Cadance, as if she were begging me to spare her life from some horrible fate.
What was I supposed to do but promise to go? I didn’t want to go. I wasn’t ready to face the mare who had deceived me, made me look like an idiot, and who I was frightened of my own feelings for, but Sweetheart’s persuasiveness went deeper than her heart wrenching sobs. Although I wanted to think that she was just being overly emotional, somewhat like the rose coloured filly of royalty she spoke of, her description of Cadance had sent chills down my back. I wanted to think that she was just depressed because I had hurt her, but something deep inside me told me that there was something more going on than a pony with a broken heart.
She had disappeared, she had abandoned my sister, Sweetheart had said she wasn’t herself, and even my parents said she was ill. What if she was really sick? Or hurt? As much as I was angry at her I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. But if something had…. I owed it to her to visit her didn’t I? I would be cruel to leave her if she needed somepony. Did she need somepony?
“Alright, I’ll go, I’ll go.” I found myself saying to the distraught unicorn filly who seemed to deflate with relief as I agreed to her plea. “I’ll try to get a friend to cover for me. But you need to get out of here. Both of us could get into real trouble if any of the head counsellors see you.” I gestured back toward Canterlot, and Sweetheart’s eyes widened in fear as she got back to her hooves.
“Just promise you won’t be angry at her. She needs you, Shining Armor.” she added, desperately, as she turned to return to her home, her hooves somewhat shaky as she made her way across the rocky expanse. She paused and looked back at me, as if she wanted to make sure I was going, her somewhat unkempt, wavy mane blowing in the wind. Then she turned and galloped off, becoming a shadow in the glare of the sun.
I don’t know how much Sweetheart knew about Cadance at that time. I doubt she had actually seen her with her vague description of her, and if she had, she probably would have been much more upset. I knew I would have. But the little filly was possibly stronger then she seemed, and Cadance's closest friend
I went to the palace after convincing another counsellor to watch my group of colts in exchange for taking his lunch shift the next day, but when I arrived there I didn’t know what to call her. How to ask for her. Was I supposed to ask for Princess Cadance? Or that Istalian name she had said? Mi Amore Cadenza…. What did that even mean?
The guards at the castle gates were wary of me. They didn’t seem like they wanted to grant me access, especially when I mentioned her name. They demanded what business I had with her, then said she wasn’t seeing any visitors. I told them my name, and that I had been Cadance’s friend. That I was a royal guard trainee, nephew of Star Ward and my parents were Princess Celestia’s royal advisors. Something I said seemed to interest them because the one stockier pegasus guard looked at the other suspiciously, mumbling something under his breath that included something about ‘the little colt the princess told us about,’ which I grudgingly guessed was me. I was not a little colt. I was bigger than all the colts in my class.
“Cadet Shining Armor, your presence is requested by Princess Celestia in the throne room.” The stocky pegasus boomed.
“Wait, what? I wanted to see Ca- Princess Cadance… why would I—“ I tried to protest, messing up her name again, but stepped back as the guards glared at me.
“Are you refusing the request of the princess, Cadet?”
“Uh, no…I just---“
“Then we will escort you to the throne room.” The other guard stated, and pinning my ears back in nervousness with no idea why Princess Celestia had asked for me personally, and thinking it had to be some mistake, I followed the two intimidating stallions through the halls and into Princess Celestia’s chambers.
As I entered the great domain behind another set of guards, my personal escorts now returned to their posts, I noticed that there were no other royal guards present, which wasn’t proper protocol according to my studies and other more formal visits to the palace. My hoofsteps echoed in the long corridors as I approached the burgundy carpet that lead to the large, gold gilded throne that sat atop a leveled pillar with a fountain flowing into a small moat underneath where the guards usually stood.
Princess Celestia did not sit on the ornate chair, and was not flanked by her solar guards, but instead, stood as if she were waiting for me at the end of the carpet trail looking somewhat less her regal self, her expression apprehensive, along with a sort of fatigue that echoed in the less significant shine in her eyes, the grooming of her coat, and even the flow of her transcendental mane. I shivered a little as I could feel the tension in the air, and the great monarch looked down on me, frowning slightly as I leaned into a bow as the guards announced my arrival and introduced me.
“Arise, young colt,” the sun princess’s usually soft, melodic voice was grim, and echoed across the throne room, somberly. “Guards, you may return to your posts,” she nodded to the solar stallions who had presented me, and they saluted before leaving me alone in the ominous presence of our great ruler, who I had never had any reason to fear until now. I felt like a little colt then, one who needed their mother, but I had to be strong. If I was afraid of the princess now, what was going to happen to me when I had to report to her for duty in the future?
My heart beating in my chest, and sounding in my ears, I stood as tall as I could, still only able to reach the chest of the long-legged alicorn as I steeled myself to speak.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty, but are you sure it is me you wish to speak to? I just came to visit my friend who I haven’t seen in a while. What could you possibly have to say to me?”
The princess regarded me coolly, and I shivered. I really shouldn’t have said such a thing.
“You are Shining Armor, son of my advisors, Nightlight and Twilight Velvet, and the former coltfriend of my niece, Cadance, am I not correct?” she asked, and then sighed as I cowered in front of her. “Forgive me, my child,” the princess bowed her head, solemnly. “I am upset, but I have no quarrel with you. There is nothing for you to fear, so please, raise your head.” She gestured her request by raising her own, and I slowly looked up at her. Her eyes were so serious and sad, and she almost appeared haggard, if I could actually say such a thing about a living goddess. Still, her kindness and gentleness were apparent as she tried to make me feel more at ease.
“I know that you and my niece had a falling out, but I am glad you came here, Shining Armor. I asked to see you because I believe you need to know that Cadance is very ill, and currently in the castle medical wing. I am afraid her illness is quite grave, and she could use a visit from a friend.” The ivory princess’s voice broke, but I only vaguely noticed as I took in what she had said.
It was true. Cadance really was sick. So sick that Princess Celestia had lost her calm, cool composure in her apparent worry. She had summoned me to tell me personally, the guards were dismissed, and she looked as if she hadn’t slept… what could be wrong with her?
I was suddenly hit with feelings of catastrophic guilt over how I had been so angry at Cadance. Not for her lie to me, but because of her disappearance, and when I thought she had abandoned everypony. How could I ever have doubted her? She would never leave my sister unless something had happened to her. I had even been told she was sick but didn’t allow her any sympathy. How could I have done that to her? To anypony? But especially to one I had once cared about so much.
“I-I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” I managed to squeak out, desperately wanting to know what was wrong with her, but I knew it wouldn’t be polite to ask. Instead, the royal alicorn offered that information to me herself, and I still get chills when I think about what she said, and how I wished she had never told me. Or that there hadn’t ever been anything to tell.
“I’m afraid it is very serious, my little colt. Her heart has become very weak and cannot sustain her. She cannot eat, is despondent, and in a lot of pain. The most talented doctors available are doing everything they can for her, but she is continuing to grow weaker by the day.” she sighed in her grief, and I became aware of my mouth hanging open like the confused and frightened colt I was.
I didn’t understand. Her heart was weakened? The filly with the strongest and most beautiful of hearts? She was only thirteen, and one of the seemingly immortal alicorns. Only old ponies wracked by the passage of time had their hearts weakened by the years of joyous life they lived, not one so young. Not a pony who had not had the chance to grow up. Not my best friend.
“I don’t understand, Princess. How could her heart be weakened? She’s just a young filly.” I tried to voice my agonizing thoughts, but Princess Celestia seemed to sense them as she so often could.
“I don’t understand myself, young colt. Although it seems improbable, it is almost as if she is literally suffering from a broken heart.”
I froze, and the blood in my veins turned to ice.
“But that’s impossible!” I cried, emphatically, heedless that I had raised my voice at my princess. “A pony’s heart can’t actually break, that’s just a saying. I-I can’t be the one who has done this to her!” I shook my head in desperation, unable to believe any of this was happening, and my own heart started to hurt when I thought that my cruel words could have somehow made Cadance this ill.
“No, child, it’s not your fault. It is just as it must be.” She stepped closer, trying to comfort me as I felt a deep despair take hold of me. If my turning my back on her had done this to her, how could she ever forgive me? How could I forgive myself?
“What she did to you was wrong too. I tried to tell her that not telling you the truth about herself would damage your relationship, but she didn’t listen. You can’t be blamed for becoming upset, and you certainly are not responsible for her illness.”
I can’t count how many times that different ponies including Cadance herself, assured me of this. But to this day I still wonder if I had been less harsh with her, if I hadn’t walked away, if I had just listened to her, maybe this would never had happened and we could have worked it out. And she would have been forever strong, never having to suffer the pain I inflicted on her.
“Shining Armor, regardless of any guilt you may feel, know that you are here now, and seeing you again may help aide in her recovery. She was too ill to receive her other friend the other day, but you are very special to her. You may be able to get through to her.” the white alicorn’s eyes seemed so serious as she spoke to me, and I shamefully turned away so as not to become overcome by the duty I felt to her as my princess.
There was nothing I could do for Cadance, and I didn’t want to be forced to confront her. I’d just upset her coming to her now. She probably hated me for hurting her so bad and for all she had had to suffer for it. So help me, I was still scared to face her. Even when I knew she was sick and needed me. She didn’t need me. She needed somepony who could cheer her up, who could make her happy and feel better, not one who would hurt her more. Not somepony like me.
“Princess,” I started, shakily, hanging my head and gritting my teeth so hard they hurt. I tried to bite back all the pain and guilt I felt, I would not cry in front of the princess. “What can I do for her? We broke up… I was cruel to her, seeing me will just make her upset,” I mumbled, turning away. “Sweetheart is her best friend, you should ask her to come back, she---“ suddenly I was cut off as the regal mare’s hoof reached out to me and somewhat forcefully lifted my head up to face her magenta, narrowed eyes.
“Young colt, I don’t think you see how grave the situation is. When Cadance first fell ill I wanted to send her home to Istalia, but the doctors didn’t think she would make the journey. So her parents have come here instead. That was almost a week ago now, and she is not getting any better. Do you understand what I am saying?” she let me go, and backed up, returning to her full height and looking down at me with glistening eyes as my heart seemed to plummet in my chest.
“I-I understand. I’ll go to her.” I stammered as all my uncertainty about confronting her melted away by the princess’s final words.
“Good. Follow me.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I will never forget when I saw Cadance again.
How small and frail she looked lying in the big hospital bed in the castle medical wing, her hoof wrapped up and hooked to an IV by her side, and an oxygen mask around her muzzle. How her once shining, rose coloured coat had paled and seemed to blend in with the white blankets, her beautiful long mane spilling down in front of her. How she fought for every breath, or how desperately ill she looked, and the intensity of the hold on my heartstrings seeing her like that caused me.
I watched as the beautiful alicorn I had once called my marefriend struggled outside of the blankets as she slept, and I saw her magnificent wings again. The first time I had seen them I hadn’t noticed that they were two toned, the same colour as her coat but also lavender at the tips. They were larger than a regular pegasi’s too, but they hung so limp against her, some of the feathers even loose against the bed. She seemed like a hurt baby bird, so thin and gaunt, her ribs jutting out at her side as she laboured to breathe. I had never imagined that she would look this bad. I had never seen a pony look so sick, and it broke my heart to see such a strong and vibrant filly as her be struck down like that.
It had only been a week ago I had been dancing with her, watching as she had used her amazing magic to bring love to two lonely ponies, or hearing how much she brightened up little Twily’s life. This shouldn’t be happening to her. She should be out there playing with my sister like she’d promised. She should be rallying the princess to punish those stupid colts and celebrating with Sweetheart when they got expelled and whatever else was coming to them. She should be arguing with me about why she had felt she should keep her true self from me, winning me back with her alluring ways. I wished she was, and it all seemed so petty and stupid to be angry with her now.
There was an off-white coloured unicorn mare with a long magenta mane sitting by Cadance’s side who wiped her forehead with a cloth held in her magic, slightly calming the struggling young pony as she fitfully slept. I guessed the unicorn was a nurse, as she gently dried off the excess water with a towel, eliciting a tiny moan from Cadance, muffled by the mask she wore. She seemed as if she were in pain, and her every move of her hooves was her unconscious way to try to gallop away from it. But she couldn’t escape. She was trapped in her own ailing body. I wished I could do something to help her, but I too couldn’t seem to move.
I couldn’t watch this. I couldn’t bare to see her like this, powerless to do anything for her. I wanted to take back every mean thing I had said to her, I wanted to go back to that night and never hurt her, I wanted to hold her again. But I couldn’t move from my place across the room. My hooves felt stuck to the floor, the florescent hospital lights were too bright, and the room seemed to cave in on me as I began to breathe hard and struggled to back out of the sickroom.
Just as I managed to force myself to take a step backward, I ended up almost colliding with Princess Celestia as she stood behind me, probably waiting for me to actually enter the room, but my fear of the hospital, and Cadance’s overwhelming suffering kept me from moving any further, my legs slightly trembling in my horseshoes.
“Calm yourself, young colt. I know this must be hard for you, but be brave.” The gentle voice of the princess said, and I turned to her, struggling against stinging eyes threatening to fill with tears.
“You’ve come at a time between her pain medication. She’ll calm down after we’re able to give her more. Then maybe you can talk to her for awhile.” She explained, liltingly.
“Can’t you do anything for her now?” I choked out, but the princess shook her head.
“We’re doing all we can, but she seems resistant to any medicine or magic we try for her. All we can do is give her as much pain medication as her body can tolerate, help her to breathe easier and feed her nutrients by IV. Even my power cannot cure her, or ease her pain.”
Hearing the hopelessness in the voice of one I looked up to as omnipotent made my blood run cold, and her words about how serious Cadance’s sickness was came back to me, and I shivered.
“I-Is she going to---“ I tried to voice my greatest fear as I stood in the presence of my swiftly ailing friend, but Princess Celestia stopped me.
“Shh, child. Do not speak of such things. You must believe in her to help her. That’s all we can do.” She chastened, softly, and I hung my head, a tear escaping down my cheek. I couldn’t fight it. This was all too much. I didn’t want to see my best friend suffer, and I didn’t want her to…to… I couldn’t even think it. I had never lost a pony close to me, and had never understood grief until now.
“Come inside now, Shining Armor. Cadance will wake up soon for her next dosage of medicine. For now I’ll introduce you to Lady Capanella, Cadance’s mother.” The princess nudged me to step out of the alcove and into the hospital room where the unicorn by Cadance’s side looked up at me with tired and distressed lavender eyes, but she seemed curious at the sudden appearance of us.
“Hello Little Bell, how is she?” Princess Celestia spoke to the unicorn caregiver who sighed and shook her head sadly.
“Hello, Princess. I am afraid there has been no change. I am just trying to keep her comfortable until the next dosage.” She replied, her voice weary and full of grief.
I hid behind the regal mare like a little foal, but poked my head out as the nurse apparently named Little Bell, spoke. I wondered where Cadance’s mother was, for I didn’t see anypony else in the room, save for cold, sterile machines and the presence of strong healing magic that seemed to do nothing for my hurting friend.
“I am so sorry. Please understand we are doing everything possible to help your daughter get better. I will not rest until she is.” The princess said with conviction, and I perked my ears up, and stepped out from my hiding place.
Little Bell was Cadance’s mother? Her mother was a unicorn? But I had thought since she was one of the rare born alicorns that her parents would be alicorns too. Was her father a regular unicorn too? Or was he a pegasus then? I had no idea how an alicorn was born. They had seemed to disappear in history, only showing up in the last fourteen years with the filly- princess from the regions to the west I had only heard about, and had never realized was the actual identity of my once cherished marefriend. It had always seemed to me that the only winged unicorn I knew of, Princess Celestia, had been born of the sun and the world she created. Cadance had never told me anything of course, but maybe she didn’t even know. After all, she had just been born to a unicorn mother too, the same way I had.
“Thank you, your majesty, I am in your debt.” The unicorn bowed her head, but the princess frowned.
“Please, we are family. I want nothing more than for Cadance to be well.”
I had always admired the way Princess Celestia seemed to disregard formalities and excessive displays of reverence shown to her, but she seemed genuinely hurt to be treated that way by a family member. I had never seen her show as much emotion as I had that day. She always seemed to wear a mask of gentle but authoritative composure in public, but her worry and grief over Cadance was almost palpable, and probably would affect her sensitive emotions if she were awake. They certainly affected me.
“Cadance’s friend has come to see her today. Would it be alright if he is able to have some time with her?” The princess asked, and I blushed a little, nervous to be meeting Cadance’s mother who I had thought was only a nurse before, and who I knew would surely hate me. “This is Shining Armor, son of my royal advisors and a royal guard in training. He and Cadance have been quite close this summer.”
If I could have felt even more embarrassed and ashamed I didn’t think I could take it, and I tried to hide behind my princess again, but she softly pushed me ahead with her tail. Funny… I had always thought it was intangible. But the ethereal train brushed across my side as any mane or tail would, and I staggered forward again, offering a weak grin.
“Oh, of course. Hello, Shining Armor, you must be the sweet coltfriend Cadance told me about. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Lady Campanella, (or was it Little Bell?) said, seeming to force her voice to grow bright, but paused before adding, sadly, “I only wish we were meeting under better circumstances.”
Her soft voice was tinged with an accent I could sometimes hear from Cadance too when she was upset, or when she spoke the beautiful Istalian language to me. I could now see that her eyes were the same pretty lavender colour as Cadance’s, and her long, straight mane was the one magenta colour Cadance had in her own tricoloured one. Her cutie mark was two little golden bells, which seemed to explain her nickname too.
I was scared to speak to this beautiful unicorn who was a member of royalty and my first marefriend’s mother. Did she know that Cadance was distressed because of me? Did she know that however improbable, it could have been me to bring her to this state? What would she think of me then? But with Princess Celestia watching me, I gathered my courage and bowed to the duchess of Istalia as formally as I could with shaking hooves.
“I am honoured to meet you, Lady Campanella. I am so sorry that your daughter is so sick. I…I really like her and hope she gets better soon.” For my small bravery, I was rewarded with a tiny smile from the distraught mother, which warmed me a little too.
“You seem like a lovely colt, and she sounded like she was so happy to be with you. I am glad she could experience friendship this summer. It was what she always wanted,” She paused, hanging her head somewhat before continuing, sounding as if she were no longer speaking to me, but to her own worried heart. “I always kept her sheltered because I worried about her sensitivity and how weak she seemed, but maybe if I had let her play with other ponies and live life normally….maybe she wouldn’t have become so ill. Maybe she would have been stronger, and not been so overwhelmed…she has such great things in her future, but all she wanted was to be normal...oh, I…I’m sorry…” Lady Campanella trailed off, covering her face with trembling hooves as her voice broke, and tears spilled down her cheeks. It was all I could do to keep from joining her, as Princess Celestia wrapped her hooves around the shoulders of the sorrowful unicorn, letting her cry in her large chest.
I stood alone by my desperately ill friend’s bed as the two royals embraced, with nopony to offer me comfort, and I bit my lip as hard as I could, tasting blood before I lost my battle and gave into the hot tears of guilt and sorrow that fell from my eyes. I hung my head, and sat down on my haunches, hearing Cadance’s wheezy breathing change from steady to a more rapid pace and she let out a heart wrenching moan, which caused me to look up at her.
“Mama…” she wheezed, struggling to reach her hoof out to where her mother stood with the princess. Her voice was weak and thick, her eyes half lidded and dull, and she was only able to turn her head to her mother beside her, but she was awake, and it brought me a little bit of relief to see her conscious again.
“Oh, Mia, you’re awake. How are you feeling, honey?” Cadance’s mother wiped her tears and held on to her daughter’s hoof in hers, as Princess Celestia gave a warm smile.
“I…I…” she tried to speak, but began to cough and curled up into herself, wrapping her tail around her body like a little kitten as her mother wiped at her face with the cloth again.
“Shh, honey, just rest. It’s almost time for your medicine.”
She seemed to fall back to sleep again, but still moaned a bit, tucking herself into a tighter ball as Lady Campanella stroked her mane.
“Cadance, Shining Armor has come to see you. Do you feel up to having a visit after you get your medication?” Princess Celestia offered, and although she didn’t seem to react at first, I felt all my courage vanish, and I ducked behind the bed, sweat gathering at my brow as I pinned my ears back against my head. What would she say? Would she turn me away, just as I had done her? Would she remember what had happened between us and be even more hurt? Was I being there really the right thing for her?
“Shining….Armor…?” I heard her mumble, and then slowly peeked my head over the bed at her, waiting for her to realize that it was me, her ex-coltfriend, the pony who had hurt her. But suddenly she clenched up, and cried out in pain, and I galloped over to where the princess and duchess desperately attended to her.
I felt sick as I watched the two mares hold the now thrashing pony down, and the princess shouted out in the loud and clear voice she used for public addresses for the doctor, as Cadance sobbed in agony, all four legs cycling futilely on the bed and getting tangled in the sheets. Princess Celestia was considerably stronger and managed to hold her down by laying on the bed with her, covering her with her immense wings until finally a harried and distraught looking dapple coated unicorn doctor arrived in the room and took over.
I was foolish to think she would care that I was there. She could barely speak. She was too wracked with pain to even recognize me. However much I thought I had hurt her, it was nothing compared to her physical pain from her illness. She had to fight just to breathe, and the way she curled up in herself broke my heart. She looked so small and helpless like that, like a little filly, hopeless that she would ever find relief.
“I thought I asked that there always be a medical staff available for her.” Princess Celestia reprimanded the doctor, loudly and sternly, still holding Cadance down under her wings.
“I’m sorry, your highness, it won’t happen again.” The doctor murmured as he deftly handled a needle in his telekinesis and inserted it not directly into Cadance’s body, but instead into a tube running from her IV line. Her mother continued to stroke her mane, whispering words too soft to hear, until the medicine seemed to take effect and she ceased her flailing and cries and went limp under the princess’s hold.
The elder alicorn raised herself to her hooves again, visibly disturbed, and shook her mane out to return to a more presentable appearance, before turning to the doctor. “Just make sure somepony is here for her. I can’t be here all the time.”
“Yes, your majesty.” The doctor too seemed disturbed, his voice tired and defeated as he bowed to the princess.
“Do not give up on her. She is my heiress; this is Equestria’s future you are fighting for. And most importantly, she is my cherished niece.” She added, adamantly.
“Yes, Princess. Forgive me.” the silver unicorn physician hung his head in his bow, and although I was touched by the princess’s words, I felt bad for him, because he looked as if he were about to drop.
“You are weary; I will ask another physician to continue for today. Get some rest, but please remember what I said.” She relented, gently and the exhausted pony thanked her and left the room. She called to her guards to fetch another doctor and the nurses as I stood in a state of shook from all that had happened, thinking it must have been a nightmare, and Cadance would show up and nuzzle me to calm me down, like she always had.
But looking weary herself, I watched Princess Celestia walk over to where in reality Cadance lay still, her raspy breathing the only sound she made as her mother clutched at her hoof, and then the princess turned her troubled eyes to me.
“I am sorry, young Shining Armor. She might not be able to speak with you today. You may stay here if you wish… but…” she trailed off.
“No….Shining Armor….d-don’t leave me…”
“Cadance!” I cried, jumping up by her side as I heard her call my name. They were the same words she had said that night that seemed so long ago now, but I had left her. I wouldn’t leave her again.
She looked up at me, her eyes so glazed over and spiritless, but there was recognition there now.
“It is you… you came back…” it almost brought tears to my eyes to see her manage to smile up at me, but I wanted to be brave for her. She seemed to be trying as well, as she struggled to speak through her oxygen mask and pain.
“Of course I did. I wouldn’t leave you all alone when you’re sick.” I told her, giving her my best grin, but she frowned and started to cough, curling herself up again.
“Cadance, honey, do you want to talk to Shining Armor alone for awhile? Your mother and I can leave for now, if you think you’ll be okay. There’ll be a nurse here if you need anything.” Princess Celestia offered, and she nodded quickly as she recovered from her coughing fit.
Her mother seemed apprehensive, not wanting to leave her after she had just gone through something so strenuous, but the filly looked up at her longingly, and weakly touched her hoof to hers.
“I’ll be okay…” she breathed, and the princess put a hoof on the distressed mother’s shoulder.
“Come along, Little Bell. Let’s give them some time. You’ve been here day and night now, you should have a rest. I’ll make you some of that tea you like, and we can meet with Lord Stregone when he returns. You don’t have to worry, the nurse will be here for her, and my guards will be in contact with us.”
Still seeming reluctant, Lady Campanella nuzzled at Cadance’s chin, and promised to be back soon, before following Princess Celestia out of the room, stopping a few times to look back at her sick daughter who waved to her from her bed.
“Thank you, your majesties.” I said, bowing as the two royals passed me, and the princess smiled, wearily.
When they had left, I turned back to Cadance and she smiled again, seeming to light up her eyes a little, so I smiled too.
“Is Twilight okay? I asked my aunt to tell her I couldn’t come see her this week… I hope she’s not mad.” She said with such innocence, and pure hearted concern for my little sister instead of herself, it brought the tears right back to my eyes. But I fought them so she wouldn’t have to see.
“She’s okay. She knows you weren’t well… but…” I wanted to say she didn’t know how very sick she was, and neither had I, but didn’t want to scare her. Did she see the seriousness of her illness? Or was she fighting blind? She tragically answered that question for me herself.
“I’m glad... I miss her…and you.” She responded, sadly. “I didn’t think….” She paused, her eyes growing dull again as she gasped a little. “…I’d see you again.”
I didn’t know what she meant by that, but it scared me, and I reached out to her.
“I’m so sorry, Cadance. I didn’t know you were sick, I never meant to hurt you so bad.” I blurted out in one breath, and she looked heartbroken somehow, worse than she had the night I had left her. I didn’t understand. “Cadance…” I started again, but then stopped as I noticed her pawing at the oxygen mask with her hoof, too weak to use magic. “What are you doing?” I asked, anxiously.
“Help me…please…” she murmured, and nervous of the repercussions, but figuring it would make it easier for her to talk, I gently held her up and removed the mask from her muzzle with telekinesis, and she gasped a little before settling back on the pillow. She was so light, and I felt her bones in her shoulders as I held her. She seemed to be wasting away, and that pained me more than I could bare.
“Are you OK? I shouldn’t have taken it off… you need—“ I stammered, freaking out a little as I held the mask in my magic, but she reached her hoof out to my lips to shut me up.
“It’s OK.” She whispered, smiling a little, and I tried to relax, setting the oxygen mask on the table, and sitting closer to her. She lay on her side and sighed with fear in her eyes, before speaking again.
“Shining…” she started, trying to make her voice stronger. “…Do you forgive me?”
This time it was my turn to sigh. What was I supposed to say to her as she was fighting for her life? As she suffered endlessly, and had to gather strength just to ask this of me. Should I really tell her it hadn’t hurt me that she had lied to me? That it was all okay, and none of it mattered because she was sick, and I just wanted her to get better. Was that really what I thought? Or shouldn’t she deserve my true forgiveness. Because I loved her, and not because I felt sorry for her. Or because… I swallowed hard as I looked over her emaciated form…because she could die without knowing how I really felt.
“What you did hurt me, Cadance. I felt betrayed and I didn’t think I could trust you. I understand that you were trying to be a normal unicorn, but why couldn’t you at least have told me who you were? I found out my sister and parents and even Sweetheart knew. Why couldn’t you have trusted me too?” as I finished, she did the one thing I was dreading, especially with her so weak, she started to cry.
“I’m sorry! I do trust you, I just...I just wanted to…” she broke off into heaving coughs and slammed her hoof against the bedpost. “Dammit!” she cried, in between gasps for air, tears streaming down her face. I could almost feel her frustration and pain, and did the only thing I could think of to help her. I held her up again, and brought the mask back down around her muzzle, letting her curl up in my chest, sobbing and gulping in the purified air. I held her close to me, a broken bird trembling in my hooves, and cherished the feel of having her close to me again.
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” I whispered, gently rocking her like a child.
“Shining, please don’t leave me again. Please… it hurts.” She whimpered against me.
“I won’t. I still care for you, Cadance, and I’m not going to leave you alone while you’re sick.” I promised, and the tension in her shoulders relaxed, and she sighed with apparent relief. “Now that I know you‘re a princess and an alicorn, you’re just more special to me. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are my best friend, the first filly I ever cared for, and I want to be with you still, but I need to know I can trust you.” I felt like a monster, still pressing this on her as she pulled away and looked up at me with betrayal in her tear filled eyes.
“I… I’m sorry. I won’t lie to you again.” She mumbled, hanging her head. “I loved you once, Shining Armor, but I don’t know if my damaged heart can take anymore rejection. Can we…” she looked back up at me with a determined expression. “…can we maybe start over when I’m better?” She managed to get the mask off her again, and then lay down on her belly, tucking her hooves under her, and nuzzled up to me. Feeling her embrace again was warm and soft, reminding me of how affectionate and loving she always had been, and how much I missed it.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I know it has something to do with my ancestors and why they died out. I know there is nothing anypony can do for me, and I might not make it, but I want to be strong and not die from a broken heart. I’ll fight this so we can be together again.”
With her tragic words I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be brave for her, or for myself. I started to cry as I returned her gentle nuzzle, the tears running down my face and on to her nose so she looked up at me in surprise.
“Don’t cry, Shining…please don’t cry.” She begged, her own voice breaking as she tried to nuzzle me again, but I couldn’t stop now.
Oh goddess, I didn’t want her to die. I didn’t want to lose her. She was everything to me. I had just met her that summer but I felt like we had known each other for eons, from the time of the ancestors she spoke of. I wasn’t one of them, I wasn’t like her, but I loved her with all of my being and it wasn’t fair that I had fallen in love with an immortal alicorn who wasn’t…immortal. And her mortality was trying to take her from me.
“Oh Cadance, I know you’re strong, and you can get better. I believe in you, and I’ll stay by your side until you’re well again.” I promised, touching my horn to hers, a show of affection we hadn’t practiced yet, but what I wanted to give her in her weakened state. If only I could transfer some of my magic and strength to her too. “I’ll never forgive myself if you die. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, and if it caused you to become this heartbroken, I’m so sorry, I’m so very sorry, dear Cadance.”
“I don’t… blame you. I can’t….” She was growing languid against me, her eyelids heavy as the drugs began to pull her under. I knew I was losing her and hurried to say what I needed to say, and what she had asked for.
“We’ll start over, okay. From the very beginning, and we won’t make the same mistakes this time.” I paused as I saw her eyes close, her neck falling against me, but she jerked herself awake, and I nuzzled her head back up.
“My name is Shining Armor. I’m fourteen, and a royal guard in training. It’s nice to meet you.” I smiled warmly, and gave her my hoof as if we were really meeting for the first time.
“I am…Princess Mi Amore Cadenza… but… you can call me Cadance.” She smiled through sleepy eyes, and lay down by my side before weakly giving me her hoof. “It’s nice to meet you too… Shining…Armor.” her words slurred, and then she fell into gentle sleep against me, her breathing seeming normal for the very first time, and I lay my head over her so I could protect her, not as the knight I wanted to be, but as her coltfriend who loved her; forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n: Why did she get sick? Is this just a stupid way to make the story more dramatic? Did you forget you were writing a pony story and go back to 'Ethereal'? I know some of you, (especially if you know my original works) are asking these questions. The next chapter will answer why it happened. Cadance actually hinted at it, and it will tie this story together. She obviously doesn't die... but she scares poor Shining Armor back into loving her. Or not. 
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that I made Shining's point of view come across alright. It was hard to switch to him from writing as Cadance for so long. Next chapter is the last, and will answer most of the questions until I go on to part 2. Thanks for reading and uh... do you need a tissue? 
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You made me cry bro. Good story.
:pinkiesad:
A Shining/Candace story that isn't about changelings? Alrighty then!
I would guess her love empathy backfired in a sense causing her to become very sick. Shiny loves her, we all know it. Though I have a feeling they will date slowly for about 7 or 8 years (Twilight needs to age) while both of them do their duties and Shining learns to trust her again.
I wonder if the horn touch is a precursor to the one they do in the finale?
It would make sense if Shining Armor's love for Cadence and vice versa grows over time to an extent where they do very much compliment each other. This would further eplain how Shining's shield spell was able to activated by her love.
Personally I thought he was going to snap and "Chomp on a Crossbow" if you get my meaning, but I enjoy your happier and canon chapter as well.
OMG fucking love it
soooooo good very very very good job man 
...... i hope after this you will do that sequel you told me about 
?
I'm loving the story the only good Cadance and Shinning backs story that i found
just a question will you show Cadance meeting with Luna it's a idea that i think it's good but i never saw in any story
Her getting so sick makes sense to me. It was already stated before that negative feelings around her have a negative affect on her body. So, if the one she loves most hates her, it should really do a number on her physical health.
My first reaction upon seeing the update:
Poor Cadence... I WANT HER TO GET BETTER 
After reading this chapter:
I really enjoyed reading this, and can't wait for the next chapter
.
oh wow if you don't know i'm crying
I liked it. Personally, I never really considered Cadance to immortal like Celestia or Luna for a couple of reasons: 1) Her mane isn't ethereal 2) She isn't 1,000's of years old 3) she isn't named after an type of celestial body 4) originally she was meant to be just a unicorn 5) She ages at a normal rate.
As for this chapter. You can see where Shining is coming from with Cadance and his family lying to him. That bit of drama is nice. Personally, with all the stress he's been under, it would have been nice to see Shining lose it and beat the ever loving shit out of the other stallion. He's gonna end up being the captain of the Royal Guard, I'd imagine they'd train him in some form of martial art like in every real military. Sometimes words work and other times you have to bludgeon your problems to near death with a broken table leg. (Curse my want for violence).
It'd be nice to see a younger Prince Blueblood (about Twilight's age), just so he can piss ponies and Princess Celestia off.
As for this fic as a whole? It is probably one of better written examples of this type of story (Prequel to the events of the show, less than 20 years). The grammar, formatting and syntax is done very well and all the characters seem to be in character and our protagonists are likeable.
The things I enjoy most are the structure and format of this story. For chapters over 7,000 words long, making it easy to read and keeping it from devolving into wall-of-textitis is extremely important to keep the reader reading. The structure stays focused on the subject of the chapter and as you read, you never question what is going at any point.
Peace Out.
Thanks guys! I was afraid what you would all think of her getting sick, but it seems you all are following my own thought patterns. Yes it has to do with her empathy and it will be explained fully next chapter. There will be a scene with her meeting Luna, I have a cool story for that planned. Did you all enjoy Shining's POV? Did it stick to sounding like a colt or did I revert back to Cadance? I was worried about doing that
Thanks for your comments and reassuring me!
Why it happened?
I thought that was obvious, and totally had nothing to do with the author just making excuses
also YAY new chapter, and just as good as I'd have expected, D'awwwws and all
1398603
As for Shining's POV
It did sound like a dude, a little too much like a mature adult instead of the more realistic average teenage guy which are violent, not all that smart, indifferent, brash and think with their lower extremities. It gets worse when booze and "recreational" drugs are involved. I mean there is a reason why show's like Jackass had disclaimers and warnings on them. I can vouch for that stupidity, broke my wrist while skate boarding and played baseball at 3AM drunk off my ass.
I guess it works in Shining's case that he would be mature for his age, but seeing a little bit of teenage stupidity wouldn't hurt.
well as long as it sounded like a guy... the age isn't too bad. Cadance usually sounds too mature for her age too.
...........
Oh, I swear to Celestia if she tricked him, I...I-I'll be mad.
Oh god I cant believe I'm actually crying! I was teary when I saw she was that bad, but actually opened up crying when Shining did.
"This is such a sweet story!"
1398603
I actually think the POV swap went quite well, kudos.
And yes. I would very much like a tissue. Gimme two tiss- actually thr-
Ah screw it gimme the whole box!
I'm actually glad the reason was legit or else Cadence was just playing off Shining's guilt. Than again I'm only thinking like that because of my own experiences. Happy this is a story where both parties are good.
1398723 oh I would never do that. Besides, Celestia, her mother and even Sweetheart knew about it. And a doctor. It can only be legit.
1398759 Good, I can put the knife back.
No, but the sickness does make sense. She's the princess of love, so it fits that heartbreak would effect her on a more drastic level.
Shining Armour: The reserve Element of Honesty
On a more serious note, Shining's POV was quite well done; I suppose his relative maturity for somepony his age could be attributed to his family's social standing. The whole sickness thing was nicely done as well; it didn't feel like an author's excuse, more a natural evolution of the story. Would have been interesting to see Shining really lose it though. Keep it up, look forward to more
Well that had tons of feels, though not too sold on the whole 'broken heart for real' angle quite yet, but as you said we'll just have to wait and see how the next chapter ties it all together first. Still despite a few errors (but considering how long this chapter was) this was some quality writing, cannot wait to see how this ends (even if we already know they end up married eventually)
Also I think you pulled off the switch to Shining's POV
Finally, Twilight was pretty awesome all around in this chapter I find her loveable and precocious with just a hint of deviousness
Okay... ONE: Really happy this updated. I can't really provide feedback on the chapter though, because I haven't finished.
TWO: Most of Shining's conversation with Twilight is missing its indentation, and tabs are also missing from a few other lines throughout the chapter
THREE:
(Wandered)
(Has nopony/hasn't anypony)
FOUR:
Please, Never EVER phrase it like that again. Broke the immersion so thoroughly for me, it was like being hit by a train... of bad... words... ugh. Come up with your own damn similies.
The concept's nice, but the wording was jarring in its... genericness.
***
OKAY THEN! My thoughts? I like it. Shining comes off as... well, as he should, I suppose. Cadance's illness is indeed an interesting turn. I originally pegged it to her having a severe reaction to Shining's anger in the previous chapter, but I suppose we'll find out the real reason next chapter.
Overall, I liked it. The drama was slightly hurt by the whole 'we know she won't die' thing, but I can't really complain. Keep up the good work, and I'll just sit here for a few months until the next chapter comes out.
- The Sentient Cloud
*wipes his eyes* Oof. Well written.
Heavy stuff, I must say. I didnt find the illness cheesy at all. After all, Cadence did say that due to her talent her emotional pains will be reflected in physical pain. This was a great chapter worth waiting for, with an amazingly executed climax. Can't wait for the next chapter!
oh man
i'm so excited to read this
but
it's 11:00
and tired
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3y2k6b4OJ1qh3l97.jpg
careful of the comments... massive spoilers
1398864 I thank you for criticism. I did zone out during their conversation and skip right past Twilight shouting 'fine' to the next paragraph. So I'll have to fix that. As for wonder/wander... I always do that. I'm stupid :P
I'm not sure what you're referring to as generic. Was it 'broken heart'? If so, I can't do anything about that, its what has happened and what I worried people wouldn't like. I guess you are one. I'm sorry.
1398991 It's not so much as it's generic as it's... cliche, I guess. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, and honestly, I was just poking a little fun at the use of such an overused trope.
I'm not particularly fussed, so there's no need to get worked up over it or the like. Stay golden.
First story I read on here and fav and last to update lawl anyways I'll read in morning this is in my top three also take my moustaches
And MOAR
LITTLE MOAR
Arrrggghhh! My feels! Each and every one of my feels are having their own feels.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/169/188/why%20cant%20i%20hold%20all%20these%20feels.png
60 moustaches good or you want MOAR!!??
why you gotta make me cry, bro? why?
MOAR MOAR!
The illness she suffers certainly makes sense as negative emotions have been causing her noticeable pain both emotionally and physically. But that was other pony's feelings, that this is her own would make it so much more severe to the point it could kill her so "excuse"? I think not.
Switching over to Shining's POV worked really well and doesn't deviate from the story in... any way, really. Looking forward to the final chapter when it comes.
1398427 'CadaNce' not 'CaNdace'
1398753 One isn't enough, have all the boxes in the world!
There were some (if not a lot) typing mistakes in this chapter, but other than that, it's EPIC!
Well actually, I don't need any tissue, in fact, if I wanna look like I'm crying, I need a water tap. 
I don't really cry, (and I'm a girl, mind you) but hay, doesn't mean I don't feel sad! 
Moved me to tears my good fellow.
But still, more. I want MORE!
If you don't mind...
Yeah, don't worry about it, her illness makes perfect sense with what you have previously established about her.
SO cute! Yes, you drew a tear or two.
Epic work.
Sad the story will be over.
My little Dashie didn't make me cry.
But holy shit, your writing actually made me shed tears.......
and i thank you for that.
I’m fourteen
He was that young? Dang, I missed that.
And no, the illness didn't come out of the blue. Besides the foreshadowing and Chekov's guns, ponies don't take failing their special talents well, and Cadence failed at creating love between herself and the one she loved, which must hit especially hard. I mostly saw it as Cutie Mark Failure Syndrome resulting in deep depression (which is dangerous to your physical health IRL), not paranoid hallucinations (like Pinkie), irrational rage (like Fluttershy) or homocidal megalomania (like Luna).
So, I read from the very beginning up until this chapter, and when I went to click the next chapter button, it wasn't there
More please.
Brilliant! Moar please
On Shining's POV: I found it a bit jarring compared to Cadence, but I found myself adapting just fine as the chapter went on. Looking back, I think that a lot of this was because of the time skip and the POV change. Would starting the chapter from when Cadence gets escorted out have eased readers into the new POV?