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Ever wonder what Trixie was as a filly. This is the story on how trixie got the hat and cape. Why she is so mean and how she got her cutie mark

Chapters (4)

Chapter 1 · 23rd Nov 2014 · 385 words
385
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Chapter 2 · 23rd Dec 2014 · 346 words
346
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Chapter 3 · 23rd Dec 2014 · 391 words
391
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chapter 4 · 23rd Dec 2014 · 331 words
331
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Comments ( 2 )

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BronyMike

BronyMike #1 · Dec 28th, 2014 · · · chapter 4 ·

Honestly, this has elements I like and elements I don't. I haven't seen a lot of Trixity ships, and I don't really like the idea of Trixie being related to Twilight's family, but I like the idea of Trixie's relationship to her own parents and having a brother.

You could use quite a bit of work on your grammar and paragraph arranging though. There are a lot of typos, the quotations have odd spaces and stuff, and there was a parenthesis that was left unclosed early on. The part where Trixie is thinking is confusing, it needs more line breaks or some em-dashes or something. Also, Shining Armor has no less than 3 different names in this thing.

That said, keep working on it, just maybe look up the proper usages for certain aspects of grammar, and try to get a better feel for punctuation and when something is becoming a run-on sentence.

metroid_freak