The Great and Powerfull.... Trixie;~;

by Melanie Scratch

chapter 4

16 years later

Trixie was walking around Ponyville with her cart looking for a spot to set up "oh right here is perfect for the great and powerful Trixie's show." right as Trixie got detach from the cart she felt somepony run into her " watch were your going." Trixie yelled at the two colts

"Sorry miss." The cuber one spoke shrinking under Trixie's glare.She turned away still setting up "ahh excuse me what are you doing miss...."

" The great and powerful Trixie is going to show you all that she is the most powerful unicorn" Trixie told the two unicorn colts. they two watch her in aw as she set up."why are you two still standing there go spread that news that the most powerful unicorn in Equestria is her." The two snapped into action and run to tell every pony in Ponyville.
"That did the trick."

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'Trixie can't believe that Twilight Sparkle was more powerfuler then Trixie. Trixie doesn't get it..... Trixie still feel really bad for changing that beautiful mares mane green she was so beautiful prober even. what was her name Rarity? yes that was it rarity she really does fit it.' Trixie thought to herself. she stopped then turned around and walked back to Ponyville ' I have to go apologies for doing that to her. get to now her more ask her out.... Wait did I just... oh my and I in love with a mare this is bad this is really really bad what will my parents....why do I bucking care what they think they never loved me never will so what I am in love with a mare who cares I do these to mares that are kissing don't I will go for it.' She started to glop to Rarity house to talk to her. Not know this would change her life for good.

Comments

[BronyMike]

Honestly, this has elements I like and elements I don't. I haven't seen a lot of Trixity ships, and I don't really like the idea of Trixie being related to Twilight's family, but I like the idea of Trixie's relationship to her own parents and having a brother.

You could use quite a bit of work on your grammar and paragraph arranging though. There are a lot of typos, the quotations have odd spaces and stuff, and there was a parenthesis that was left unclosed early on. The part where Trixie is thinking is confusing, it needs more line breaks or some em-dashes or something. Also, Shining Armor has no less than 3 different names in this thing.

That said, keep working on it, just maybe look up the proper usages for certain aspects of grammar, and try to get a better feel for punctuation and when something is becoming a run-on sentence.