Ultra's Hot Shots

by ultra1437

Ridiculous - Lunestia Collab

"Ha ha! What loot have I acquired, Dungeon Master?" Princess Luna decried as she beamed over to Shining Armor.

He ruffled through his sheets and several dice were rolled before he paled slightly, if it was possible. Looking to his wife, Cadance, and his former-boss Princess Celestia, he squeaked out as non-threateningly as possible, "You search the orc titan and find two unidentified items. One is a magic-class pair of wingblades, and the other..." He swallowed nervously. "The other is a legendary-class tower shield."

Luna practically glowed with excitement. "Another legendary item? That makes five tonight!" She looked over to her sister and niece, to see Cadance seething with rage.

She wasn't the first to speak up, Celestia's wings flaring wide as she beat Cady to the punch. "Seriously? Another legendary?" Shining Armor was left as the target of her righteous fury.

Not only for herself, but Cadance as well, Celestia's seemingly infinite patience had run out, and her rant had begun.

"Seriously, Shining?" Her ears perked and her eyes narrowed. "In the last three sessions, Luna's gotten twelve unidentified legendaries." An angry groan escaped Cadance as they both attempted to stare him into submission. "While Cadance and myself combined have only four. That we only have because we found and bought them in the marketplace!"

Luna attempted to defend him, "Sister, niece, please calm down. It seems luck favors me again tonig-"

That only drew Cadance's voice calmly, "Aunt Luna, please, do not get into this mess. It's been several sessions coming, now."

Shining was no longer visible behind his divider as Celestia's pitch increased. "Any unidentified legendaries we found were, when identified, not actually legendary. One of mine was a damned uncommon for Harmony's sake. The rest were all useless rares that our current equipment eclipsed!"

Cadance tapped Celestia's wing with one of her own. That seemed to shock Celestia from her rant. Her head fell and her ears splayed back. Shocked at her own outburst, she apologized, "I-I am sorry about that. I know you're trying this new 'randomized loot system', but I cannot help but feel cheated with this insanity. I'm sure it will even out eventually, but Cady and I are barely keeping up here!" She muttered the rest of her statement too low for anypony but Cadance to hear. "Disallowing trading and sharing also seems like kind of a stupid thing, too." A small thump sounded as Celestia's rump hit the floor. "At least I'm nearing the end of an epic weapon quest. Just a few more shards of light and I can forge Skoll."

Shining peeked over his divider to see Celestia and Cadance looking especially tired. Timidly he said, "I'm definitely going to work on this system. I still think it's a good base, though."

Author's Note:

Inspired by true events. Written the 26th September, 2014.