Author notes
sorry if there were stuff that were taken up by other words. i typed this out on microsoft word first. i used the spelling and grammar thing but it was laggy and i would click on the would i wanted or it would change to the word i didn't want on its own so scrotal should be scootaloo, so if you find something like that, try to make it sound right in your head and change the word. if you like it thank you ^^ its my first story i really got into. i havn't read rainbow factory so i don't know if the stuff is right or not. i only got what i know from PMVs and stuff on facebook with the "evil rainbow dash" or "pikamena diane pie" things but what i know was pretty good.
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- Codexwriter476 · 5k words · 23 7 · 2.7k views
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Well. I must say it's very uhhh.... nice
eeeyup, it's veryy nice 
Now then, off to read a bette-- I mean worse story... Because this is the wo- best story I have ever read. 
harsh from speedy but from teh description i can already tell you have some facts wrong like rainbowdash didnt make the factory shes just the manager or something like that the factory has been around for a 100 years and i dont want to read anything to do with that story anyways
Hmm... didn't the story 'Rainbow factory' already do this?
It's amazing how much you can tell from the main page of a story. The description lacks proper punctuation and capitalization, not to mention the fact that this is a Rainbow Factory spinoff, which screams "bad story" in and of itself. There's also the fact that there are 11 characters tagged in a 4000 word story, and I'm honestly not sure how that's even possible. The chapter length of about 1000 words brings do many horrible fics to mind.
Yeah, I'm not gonna read this.
Another Rainbow Factory story? Really? We can't let that thing die?
509484 Would you rather see more Cupcake Varients instead? Cause I can do that for ya if you like
509512
You realize, of course, there exists the option, "None of the above"? That's a rather large and impressive False Dichotomy. Such magnificent fallacious plumage.
509473 well like i said, i never read the fanfic
509619 like i said im not going to read anything that has to do with that story so that includes A.N
Congradualations: this shit must have made Ion-Sturm have a heart atack =)
The amount of errors is TOO DAMN HIGH! Really now, treat it like a Literature project. Write, proofread, revise, proofread again, and revise again. If you wanna make a spinoff of Rainbow Factory, read the damn story first. And half of the story made no sense at all. The wording was terrible. Just... all I can say is edit this like hell.
523796 w-wait.... you like... really mean that? shit, thanks
523806 Dude you are fucking awesome, you have alot of haters but stick to it, i had like 32 disses on my story, but then carried on and it got better fuck the haters, you are not alone, o and please check out my stories bro
523824 will do man, i'm just finishing a clop fic that you might like. i dont know im almost done with it
Hmmm...some sentence structure errors here and there, along with some punctuation and grammar mistakes. The concept for the story is good, as it can be seen aligning in some way with the original story. I would just recommend revising the story again, maybe getting a second point of view, and most importantly, keep at it. I know alot of readers are giving you grief, but you just have to make sure to take it as a learning experience. You win some; you learn some.