Developing new spells is a dangerous game.
When done right, the invention of a new spell can change the world, but even a slight miscalculation can have serious repercussions.
Twilight Sparkle is the best of the best, there's no doubt about that. But when a magical experiment backfires, she has to contend with the most horrible of all unintended side effects: Magic Feedback.
Let the hiccups begin.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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more please
cute, amusing, continue!
507763 Thanks for the feedback. I added a few lines to make it more clear what Twilight was trying to do. She was trying to create viable drinking water from nothing.
You have a point about the hiccup gags. When I have a little more time, I might come through and expand on some of them a little.
507770 Thanks!
507760 More is on the way.
this was a rather funny read. faved and rated up. And i think twilight was trying to make water, not exactly ice.
'S good, well done.
Original concept, good concept, funny comedy. Barring any long, wordy reviews (specifically the ones I usually write out) I'd have to say this is pretty good so far. I'll withhold any thumbs for now, of course. Keep up the good work.
Also, if you eventually put some more work into it, grammar and style-wise that is, I could actually see this getting onto EqD. And I don't hand those kinds of comments out lightly. I even had to go back to check EqD, just to make sure it wasn't already on there, making this comment stupid.
507817 and 507818 Thank you!
507863 Wow, that's really high praise. Thank you.
I do some original fiction in my spare time, but this is actually my first attempt at fanfic, ever. I see this story as kind of an experiment - I wanted to try to write something short and fun that featured a short scene with pretty much every main character, just to see how well I could capture them, before deciding whether to try for something a little more ambitious. I'll definitely consider submitting it to EQD once I get some more chapters out.
If it's about Twilight having Hiccups I may as well read.
There are a lot of typos and grammar issues you need to fix.
507878 Pretty much, yes. I do recommend you seek out one or two editors/prereaders to clear out some of the grammatical errors in it. And keep that mindset when you write any sort of fanfiction, because in the end, all fanfiction is just practice. There are no professional fanfiction writers. Well, there are, but not many compared to original-authors.
507951 Will do.
Also, I just now realized that when I copy pasted the doc from Word, I lost the italics and stuff. So I gotta get on fixing that, and I'll try to catch some more errors along the way. I'm not too great at editing.
why could I picture this being an actual episdoe?
heh. Twilight gets the hiccups. Hilarity ensues.
*Hiccup!*
And instantly all MLP fanfiction turns into Cupcakes.
508318
Agreed! I like it, I'll be checking back to see how it goes. Like Blackbelt said, I can easily imagine this being an episode I just haven't seen yet. Looking forward to seeing more!
508746 Thanks! If all goes well, I'll have chapter two out tomorrow or the day after.
Things very rarely go according to plan and I'm very easily distracted, so no Pinkie Pie promise on that one.
I could definietly see this as an episode in season 3. I want to see where this is headed, so I'm tracking. Good work on the first chapter, on a scale of one to five, I give you four moustaches.
My interest has been aquired, dood.
Carry on, dood.
Why doesn't she stick her hoof in a glass of cold water? That always seems to work for me.
oh my god why do so many of you weirdos like this story
More seriously, things did not go according to plan, so chapter two will probably be another few days. I'd hoped to finish writing it today, but it didn't happen.
511863 I've honestly never heard of that as a hiccups cure before.
511105 The dood is carrying on.
511026
a few apple trees turned into orange trees
apple trees turned into orange trees
turned into orange trees
orange trees
ORANGE TREES
515790 Once, in primary school, I had the hiccups, so my teacher told me to go and get a glass of really cold water, and stick my middle finger in it. Then he told me a story, and the hiccups went! I think that it was just a distraction technique, but it worked!
516107 orange trees
507763 What? But...but! Scootaloo turning into a chicken makes it canon!
526428 Applebloom called Scootaloo a chicken during 'Stare master'. Isn't that canon?
I've been waiting a long time for somepony to write a story of one of the mane six with the hiccups. Very well written! Me like!!
For the record, I did have Scootaloo turn into a chicken for a reason beyond the obvious joke. It's going to be followed up on in chapter 2.
When I get a minute to sit down at my computer, I'll add a line about them all running off too fast for Twilight to catch or something to clear up why Twilight doesn't just fix poor Scoots. Or Twilight making a mental checklist of things to fix once she's better. Or something to justify it better, anyway.
526534 Thank you! Though I can't imagine that this is the first fic on the subject.
LOLOL i wants moar!
*hic* and suddenly, everyone in town except Twilight gets genderswapped.
Loved it!
Hilarious! Randomized things happening with hiccups? Discord is PLEASED.