The Roommate

by totallynotabrony

Pensacola: Fangasm

The night had been kind of warm and I was wearing a fur coat. It didn’t help that I was little drunk when I went to bed. I’ve said it before - Rainbow is a lightweight.

But neither one of us wanted to get hammered when body swapped, so I woke up without a hangover.

I sat up in the CloudBed. I wasn’t going to miss sleeping on wings, but I was going to miss the bed - literally sleeping on air. Okay, not exactly with the water vapor involved, but small potatoes.

Glancing out the window, I spotted a few small clouds in the sky. Despite the aborted flying lesson the day before, I could suddenly understand the appeal of just hanging out or whatever on a cloud. Rainbow liked to nap up there, but she couldn’t do it often because we lived near a couple of airports. Pegasi could carry radios and talk to air traffic control, but Rainbow didn’t like doing that. For her, it was either all - strapped into a jet - or nothing - flying free. I think I understood a little bit of that, too, now. Not that I wanted to do it again, but maybe this body swap would be a positive experience over all.

Oh no, it was Sunday! Where was Twilight on the reversal?

I could hear Rainbow getting out of bed in the other room. I called, “Hey, should we call Twilight or something?”

Rainbow paused, but then replied, “She’ll call us.”

“But should we see if she has anything?”

“She might. But if she doesn’t have a cure, then there’s no point in asking and we’ll only distract her.”

Rainbow: all or nothing.

She came in, adjusting her clothes. “In the meantime, today Daring Do is going to be doing a book signing!”

“A.K. Yearling, the author of the Daring Do series?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant!” Something went across her face, but I dismissed it as a pony trying to do embarrassment with a different musculoskeletal system.

“Where is this happening?” I asked.

“On base.”

“Really?”

Rainbow shrugged. “I’m not saying I’m responsible or anything, but her novels have really taken off with the military. As a matter of fact, I’m kind of surprised they didn’t want to have some sort of PR event with me.”

“Wouldn’t that work to your favor? You’d like to meet her, right?”

“Well, I’ve met her before.” Rainbow waved a hand. “She’s cool; I wouldn’t want to bother her, which is why we should go in the afternoon, when the book signing is almost done.”

“Really?”

“Okay, I’m hoping she’ll recognize me and invite me to hang out later…” Rainbow trailed off, and then swept her arm in a gesture at her body that culminated with a facepalm. “Okay, forget I said anything.”

“I mean, if you want, I can ask if she would be so nice as to meet my roommate,” I offered.

“Well, I guess that’s better than nothing,” she allowed.

I headed for the kitchen and the coffee maker. “So what do you want to do to kill time until then and distract us from Twilight not getting back to us yet?”

Rainbow sat down and waited for the coffee to brew. “I don’t know.”

I smirked. “Horseback riding?”

Her head jerked up, but she relaxed. “There’s no place like that around here. I don’t even care that your cowboy boots are collecting dust.”

I chuckled and poured the coffee.

“There’s always video games,” Rainbow said.

She had a Playstation. Game consoles had proven popular in Equestria, and so were pony-specific peripherals.

“Hmm, that does sound fun.” I took a sip of coffee and stared at her. “I’m finally going to beat you at DDR.”

“You’re on!”

As it turned out, it wasn’t that easy, but having extra limbs certainly helped. Rainbow kept trying to challenge me, though, as I knew she would. She seemed to be getting a better hang of being bipedal, but what eventually proved to be her downfall was something else.

“Cardio, Denise!”

“Okay, okay,” I said, looking at her red, sweaty face. “You got me to quit smoking, I guess you’re going to make me start jogging, too.”

“I’m holding you to that. Seriously. I’d do it myself except I don’t even want to know what kind of underwear torture that would require.”

That afternoon, we got dressed in more than just pajamas and headed towards the base.

I had never driven Rainbow’s car before, particularly because of the pony-spec seats. They turned out to be pretty comfortable for my pony body, but then I realized I didn’t know anything about driving a muscle car and hoped that wasn’t going to be a problem. Stop and go traffic seemed fine.

Rainbow sat in the passenger seat with the latest Daring Do novel in her lap. “When we get to the gate, just give the guard my ID and say I’m with you.”

This was it. We were finally going to commit fraud. I mean, granted, that would be hard to prove, but I was still uneasy. Following her directions, I pulled up to the gate, butterflies hatching in my stomach.

“Oh, hey ma’am,” said the sailor standing at the gate. I fumbled the military ID card in my hooves and dropped it. It landed inside the car, somewhere down deep between the seats.

“Don’t worry about it, ma’am,” he chuckled. “I know who you are. I’m going to need to see some ID for your passenger, though.”

“She’s with me,” I said, somewhat belatedly, but Rainbow was already digging through my purse to find my driver’s license. She found it after what seemed like a long time, and handed it over. The guard simply glanced at it and handed it back.

“Have a nice day, ma’am,” he said, and saluted. Caught unaware, I awkwardly saluted too and drove through the gate.

“You’re-I mean, I’m in the Navy; we don’t salute when not in uniform,” said Rainbow.

“I didn’t know,” I said. “I don’t even know how to salute.”

“I can tell.” She gave me a brief tour of the base as we drove, pointing out old fortifications, a museum, and a couple of other things that were military-speak and bounced off my brain.

We passed a lighthouse. Rainbow said, “Turn up there, past the water towers.”

The twin water towers Rainbow had indicated were painted red and white. If they needed two, the base must be pretty large. I suppose it would have to be, to house an airport.

Rainbow directed me to a parking spot and we got out of the car. I realized that I’d forgotten to wear something with pockets. I had Rainbow’s fetlock band with her ID in it, but had nowhere to put the car keys. I gave them to Rainbow and she put them in my purse, which she carried on her shoulder like I did.

“They’re having the signing in that hangar,” she said as we started to walk. “They weren’t sure how many people would attend.”

The line did seem pretty long from what I could see, managed with those extendable instant line-forming ropes. We walked over to join. A young man who was dressed too warmly and professionally to be a native of Pensacola closed the line seconds after we arrived.

“Perfect timing,” said Rainbow.

“I’ll say,” he commented.

“Are you with A.K. Yearling?” she asked.

“I work for the Earth side of the publishing company,” he said. I’d noticed earlier that he was sweating, but I could see in his eyes that it had apparently been a long day.

“What’s she like?” I asked. It seemed like something Rainbow would say.

“Nice, I guess.” He shrugged. “Private. She’s always going places without telling anyone, and she refuses to carry a phone so basically the only time you see her is at appointments like this one.” He gestured to the line, which snaked through the hangar. There were maybe a hundred people, and a pony or two, ahead of us.

Since the line was closed, the assistant was apparently done for the day and left. We stood in line and stepped forward every minute or so.

Through the crowd, I could see A.K. Yearling sitting behind a table and signing books. She looked just like the picture on the jacket of all her books: cloak, hat, glasses. We slowly got closer, working our way through the line. I glanced back through the hangar door, seeing the sun heading down. It might even be dark by the time we got up to the front of the line. I didn’t relish driving Rainbow’s car back in the darkness, though I was working on a theory that pony eyes were quite a bit more night-sensitive. Being larger, they naturally collected more light, and might be focused on lower wavelengths into the infrared spectrum.

Of course, I could have just looked it up, but in respect to Rainbow’s sapience had usually tried to keep my work separate from her body.

As we took another turn in the line, a man in a blue polo and khakis made eye contact with me. “Hey,” he said with a grin, “you know the beach is restricted airspace, right?”

“You must be that Blue Angels pilot Rainbow was telling me about,” Rainbow quickly jumped in. Despite her quick thinking, I could tell in her voice that she was just barely maintaining calm. So was I. Meeting someone she knew was our already-discussed worst case.

He chuckled. I said, “This is my roommate.”

He introduced himself to her. “What do you do?”

“I’m a veterinarian,” said Rainbow. She looked at the little girl holding his hand. “Do you have pets?”

“I have a dog!” she replied with a bright smile.

Rainbow handed him a business card she’d found in my purse. Despite her jock-ness, Rainbow wasn’t dumb and was proving to be a pretty decent actor.

“I’ll keep you in mind,” he said before turning back to me. “Anyway, as much as you hang around, I’m sure you know the practice show schedule. If you really want to join the Blue Angels, though, it would probably be better not to do it as engine FOD.”

“That’s assuming a Hornet could catch me at sea level,” I replied.

“I’d really like to see that race,” he said, sounding genuine. “I don’t think anyone would authorize it, though.” He said goodbye amiably and the line moved on.

“I’m surprised you remembered that,” Rainbow said quietly.

“I probably absorb less than one percent of what you say about aeronautics, but your rant on the Hornet’s draggy airframe was memorable.”

Though, I was still impressed that I’d remembered it, too. I realized that other than maybe her childhood Equestrian friends, I probably knew Rainbow about as well as anyone. Maybe better, in fact, since according to those same friends Rainbow had changed a lot since “going native.”

The line continued to snake as I thought about that. I supposed knowing someone wasn’t everything. I was probably the best possible person to have switched bodies with her and believably emulate her, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have her old friends. Twilight had come when we called without even a thought of hesitation. Rainbow had more, and better, friends than I did. I guess that was one reason why it could kind of be fun to see what her life was like, even if only in body.

Thinking about the weekend we’d had, I realized that as awkward and concerning as it was, I appreciated the experience. I just wished Twilight would at least get back to us with an update.

Rainbow started to fidget more as we approached the front of the line. I wasn’t sure how to emulate a fangirl freakout of meeting a favorite celebrity, but did my best. Rainbow had implied that she’d met A.K. Yearling several times before.

The author signed the book for the person ahead of us and looked up from the desk, meeting my eyes and completely ignoring Rainbow.

A brightly colored pegasus on Earth was never ignored by people who didn’t know her. I’d felt all kinds of stares in the short few days while pretending to be Rainbow. However, in a body half my usual height, I could see how ponies could be literally overlooked. That was why it was a new experience to be facing someone, somepony, who was on my level.

“It’s good to see you again,” A.K. Yearling said. She smiled, which seemed to be real and a lot more meaningful than the public face she had been wearing for everyone else.

“You too,” I replied automatically. Remembering myself, I said, “I brought my roommate,” and gestured to Rainbow, who held the book to be signed with her arms crossed.

A.K. Yearling nodded politely and held out a hoof for the book. “Who should I make it out to?”

“Rainbow Dash; it’s still my book,” I said.

She laughed. “Of course.”

Wow, how well did Rainbow know her?

I watched as A.K. signed the book. She wrote with her mouth, Equestrian-style. Even still, I noticed her hooves were a little rougher than I would have expected for an author.

Finishing the signing, she closed the book and slid it back across the table. She glanced around at the empty hangar and then leaned forward, lowering her voice. “I’m glad you came at the end of the event. I need to talk to you.”

Huh?

We both glanced at Rainbow, who looked confused, at least as confused as I was. A.K. added, “Privately, if that’s all right.”

Rainbow blinked, and a look of understanding appeared to come over her. She picked up the book. “No problem. Take as long as you need. In fact, I have the car keys, so if you’re going to be a while I can get back on my own.”

“Thanks,” said A.K. She looked at me and tipped her head towards the other end of the hangar. “Come on.”

What did Rainbow know that I didn’t? What was this about? I followed A.K., glancing over my shoulder at Rainbow, hoping my look of bewilderment would convey that I didn’t feel qualified to pretend to be her in whatever was about to happen.

She smiled, and gave me a perfect, crisp salute.

That didn’t help. Even more confused, I followed A.K. through a small walk-in door of the hangar. She shut it behind us. We were now on the flight line, though not a busy part of it as this section had been cleared out for the signing. There were some security lights on, but we stood in the shadows.

I started to ask a question, but she preempted it by undressing. The normal human reaction would be to look away, but then I realized she was wearing a different outfit under her cloak.

My jaw dropped. Oh my God, A.K. Yearling was Daring Do herself. Had Rainbow known this whole time?

“You know the area, right?” she said, apparently not noticing my reaction. “I was really hoping to run into you. Part of the reason I came to Pensacola was because of the treasure of Fort Barrancas.”

It took me a second to remember a sign I’d seen on the way in. It was apparently a historical part of the base. More importantly, it forced me to think about something else to get over my astonishment. “What about it?”

“You know about the United States Civil War?” she said.

“Yes.” And Rainbow should, too. That sounded like it was something on the citizenship test.

“When Union troops evacuated from Fort Barrancas in 1861, they left a few valuable things behind. I managed to find an old treasure map and I think I can pinpoint where they were buried.”

“Hasn’t the area already been ground-radar mapped or metal detected or something?” I said.

“I don’t think so,” she replied. “One, nopony was expecting anything like this. Two, it’s on a military base so the general public doesn’t have access.”

“Being a military base, I don’t think you have permission to just wander around,” I pointed out.

“Are you going to turn me in?”

What would Rainbow do? “No.”

“Then let’s go.” She spread her wings and took off. I quickly followed her.

Friday, I switched bodies with my roommate and now I was going on an adventure with Daring Do who I’d just learned was real. It was a good thing I didn’t have time to stop and think about it because I’m pretty sure I’d react like an overwhelmed fan, regardless of if I’d ever read any of her books or not. Were they true?

“I noticed anti-flyer detection systems when they were giving me a tour of base,” she called as we flew into the night. “We’ll have to stay low. I think I came up with a route that should keep us hidden.”

Good, staying low. I wasn’t sure I was ready for real attitude yet.

I was easily able to follow her. She was probably staying cautious, which was good. I had no idea how fast Daring Do was, but didn’t want to find out.

We headed for the lighthouse I had seen earlier. It was a clear night, but I could still practically see the beam like a laser in the darkness as it rotated.

“We’ll have to take a bearing from there; that’s how they coded the map,” said Daring Do.

“Is it the same?” I asked. “That was a long time ago.”

“Good question, but I looked it up. The lighthouse was there by 1859, so it still should be accurate.”

I wondered if she would write a book about this. Surely not every expedition she went on was bookworthy.

We landed on the lighthouse’s platform. Daring took out some brass device, maybe a sextant, and started using it along with some numbers written on a piece of paper. I kept an eye on the light - not literally - which seemed to make one rotation about every twenty seconds. Even at my back, the heat coming off it was incredible.

“Got it,” said Daring after a short while. “Let’s go.”

She stepped over the rail and plunged into the darkness below. I gulped and carefully followed her.

We made it to the old fort in another few minutes. Daring said, “If the calculations were correct, the treasure should be-”

She came up short, ears flicking. I heard it, too. Voices.

Her lip curled. “Caballeron.”

It took me a second to remember who that was. “How did he know you were here?”

“That’s the problem of dealing with people,” she said. “If a pony comes in asking questions about something, and then later another pony comes in, they assume we must know each other and repeat everything they said. Someone probably told him exactly where I was going.”

I heard the dig at humanity there, but asked, “How did he get here ahead of you?”

“The book signing, and taking the measurements,” she said. “If he hasn’t been to the lighthouse, then he doesn’t know exactly where the treasure is. But he knows it’s here somewhere and is probably waiting for me to find it first.”

She turned, sizing up the area. “We can probably avoid him if we go through this sewer.”

It looked like an ancient drainage pipe. Daring lifted the grate, but stopped short, her breath hitching.

“What?” I said.

“Snake,” she whispered.

I looked over her shoulder, spotting a distinctively-banded five-foot-long reptile.. “It’s just a corn snake,” I said. “It’s not venomous or anything.”

She gave me a look. “Are you going to go down there?”

“Okay.” I reached for the snake, reasoning that getting bit was even less of a concern with hooves. The cool night had made it sluggish and I lifted it out of the drain and set it down a few feet away.

Daring seemed quietly impressed. We descended into the tunnels beneath the fort. She let me lead.

As we crawled through dirt and things I didn’t want to imagine, the voices seemed to be getting louder. Some light was coming in through a grate and I looked up. There was the infamous Doctor Caballeron and his henchponies. If we stayed quiet, we should be able to sneak by.

Either I wasn’t seriously concerned or was still too surprised to be cautious. Maybe that would be different if I had ever read any of the books and had a better idea what Caballeron would do.

We were just about to leave the grate behind when suddenly there was a flash of purple light in front of me and I recoiled into Daring as someone else fell into me.

“Ouch! Discord, where are we?” shouted Twilight Sparkle.

“I said I would guide you to where she was,” said a voice I didn’t recognize in the darkness. “It seems to be a sewer. Just what kind of friends do you keep?”

The grate above was yanked up. “What do we have here?” said Caballeron smugly.

I wished I knew. I looked around, now that there was more light.

Twilight had apparently teleported in, and fell all over me. Someone was with her, but I really wasn’t sure who - or what - I was looking at. It wasn’t a body that made a lot of sense.

“Oh, hey Daring Do,” said Twilight.

Twilight knew her too!?

“We were kind of in the middle of something,” said Daring, pointing upwards at the circle of bad guys standing around.

“Oh, if that’s all,” said Twilight’s associate. He snapped his...fingers, I guess and suddenly Caballeron and his group were wearing pink, frilly dresses.

Realizing they were far outmatched, and apparently not willing to suffer further embarrassment, they fled. Caballeron shouted over his shoulder, “We’ll meet again, Daring Do!”

Daring was the first to climb out of the sewer. The rest of us followed her. She said, “If you don’t mind, I still have a treasure to find.”

“I have a spell for this,” said Twilight. “Do you remember Rarity? She taught me this one.” Twilight focused, her horn glowing, and a few feet away the dirt began to mound up like a giant mole coming to the surface. What came up instead was a half-rotted wooden box with heavy iron fittings.

Daring stamped her hoof. “Well, I don’t know what I’m going to write now! ‘And then Princess Celestia’s protégé Twilight Sparkle and Lord of Chaos Discord showed up and solved all my problems for me!’”

“I have a solution,” said Discord. He snapped his fingers again. Daring and the treasure vanished.

“Is-is she okay?” I asked.

“She’s home,” he replied. “Tucked into bed nice and warm. So is the treasure.”

“This is Discord,” Twilight said to me, tossing her head at him. “Lord of Chaos.”

“Uh huh,” I said.

“Anyway,” Twilight went on, “I was trying to find Rainbow, but I guess I actually found her body. I see she isn’t with you, so let’s go find her.”

She focused her magic and all of a sudden we’d teleported. I blinked the purple sparkles out of my eyes and discovered that we were in the car with Rainbow. She was as surprised as I was, but managed to keep us on the road.

“Discord!? What is he doing here?” she demanded without even asking how Twilight and I had gotten there.

“He’s the one responsible for your little switcheroo,” said Twilight, glancing unkindly at Discord.

Rainbow paused. “So it was just Discord all along, not some anti-human league or bio-terror organization?”

“I’m actually kind of disappointed the plot turned out to be so boring,” said Twilight. She frowned, apparently still guilty over interfering with Daring’s expedition.

“Well, since Twilight was so insistent that messing about with beings’ bodies was a no-no, I suppose I had better swap you back,” said Discord.

“Wait,” said Rainbow. She turned onto our street, parked the car, and shut off the engine. “Okay.”

Snap. We were back.

Twilight elbowed Discord. He said, “How can I make it up to you?” I didn’t immediately reply as we got out of the car, still getting accustomed to bipedalism. Fortunately, a couple of days wasn’t long enough to forget.

“Lord of Chaos, right?” I said. “That sounds pretty powerful. Can you get me a boyfriend?”

“And get me a boyfriend, too,” Rainbow added.

Discord started to smile, and she quickly amended, “Coltfriend.”

He chuckled. “Well, I could, but Twilight is very adamant about the whole free will thing.”

“Say you’re sorry,” said Twilight.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

I guess that was as good as we were going to get. More importantly, we had our own bodies back. Twilight said goodbye to us and the two of them teleported away again.

“How did it go with Daring Do?” Rainbow asked.

“It was cool, until Discord apparently ruined everything,” I said. “There's - or there was - a treasure at Fort Barrancas. Daring got to it before Doctor Caballeron.”

“She always does.”

“So...do you just casually know one of the most famous Equestrian authors?”

“It's kind of obvious when you think about it,” she laughed, “but she's a good actor.”

“You aren't so bad yourself.”

“You aren't blue enough to play me in a biopic about my life, but we didn't have a national security incident, so I think you did pretty well.”

We went up the stairs to the apartment together. I noticed how much exertion it required, and it wasn't just because I was tried after a long day. Okay, maybe Rainbow had a point.

Rainbow put down the signed book on the table and slumped in a chair. I sat down across from her, head in hands, both of us trying to slow down and digest the day and the weekend.

I took a deep breath and had a calming sigh. I looked up and our eyes met.

“You know,” Rainbow said, “I've been thinking about getting my own place.”

Comments

[KMCA]

That WAS anticlimactic.
Discord, managing to make even a little chaos seem boring, truly a master.

[Neece]

That was kinda funny in a total anti-joke kind of way. I imagine that in a later adventure Rainbow actually explained what happened, to Daring's chagrin.

[djthomp]

I wonder how long it will take for Yearling to notice the swap.

This exploration seems like a bad idea.

“I have a spell for this,” said Twilight. “Do you remember Rarity? She taught me this one.” Twilight focused, her horn glowing, and a few feet away the dirt began to mound up like a giant mole coming to the surface. What came up instead was a half-rotted wooden box with heavy iron fittings.

That's just cheating.

Huh, so Daring didn't figure it out.

Thanks a lot, Discord.

[BleedingRaindrops]

9470280
well said. this was one of the most anticlimactic things I've ever read.

[Milo Secunda]

This was nice

[db1894]

10097244
Sorry for the harsh wording of the first post, I tend to be an ass at 5am.
Anyway I'd prefer Rainbow Dash, but given that Denise the pov character and how much of the story is focused on her daily routine, I would have liked more depth about her beyond smoking habits and major. She's not really going through a character arc like Rainbow is, but Rainbow's arc isn't getting much focus besides what Denise hears.

[Manr]

I haven't heard updates for this since 2012 and I totally forgot about this story

[Bronyhood of steel]

great story