• Member Since 19th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Sweet_Harmony


17 | Cancer | Creative/Fanfiction Writer | Hobbyist Artist | Singer/Musician | Aspiring Engineer | Hopeless Romantic |

T

Rainbow Dash is Animado High's best sportswoman and Performing Artist. She can do anything from singing and dancing to track/field and football. The talented tomboy seems like she has a perfect life - excellent grades, athleticism, beauty, life-long friends, a loving family, close to zero problems. But, she does have one problem - she has to decide which one to do after she graduates.

Then, not too far into Summer Break, a best friend introduces the Wonderbolt Academy, and there, she can do both her dreams of being a sportswoman and Performing Artist. The best part? They have three, not one, but three openings in their Sport and Perform team, the most fun, but difficult, division in the academy. Rainbow packs her bags, applies to the academy, and even befriends some people there. But as the year goes on, Rainbow Dash will not only find her true place, but also someone to love. (Modern!Anthro AU)


EDIT (1/21/18): I hate to disappoint you guys, but I am officially canceling this story. This version, at least. I will be doing some serious heavy edits and actually think this through and outline it before I reboot it in the future, and the same goes for "Two Worlds, One Love". I've done a lot of growing these past few years, both as a person and as an author, and I will admit, looking back on this isn't exactly something I'm proud of. I'll keep this up for your viewing pleasure, though, and I promise you, when I'm not so bogged down by other projects and life, I will bring this story back to life - only better. :heart:

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 163 )

Quick note you should space out the summary because I was having a rough time reading it. Onto the review!

So to start off i'm gonna tell you strait if you're gonna start from R.D's perspective you should highlight the word and press enter, to me it just looks better like that. Next you style of writing is pretty damn rough, maybe you should add some transition words or something that would simplify the read, and please space out your paragraphs because wall of texts are totally not in this month!

Also you don't need to tell us who the main 6 are we already know (Or at least I hope) you could just omit that entire learning who the main characters are section, and what is the point of saying its RD's perspective twice? We pretty much already know this. Just sayin.

Now since I just reached the end and saw that this was your first story I will give you some pointers: First space out your paragraphs it makes your story easier to read and helps the reader not feel like he's reading a stone tablet, next when you write characters interacting you should space in between their conversations like so:

"I love your voluptuous body shawty." Tyrone began "Hola at a rich homie girl." He said placing a hand on Ernest's shoulder.

"Um I'm a boy." Ernest said as Tyrone ripped his hand away in disgust.

This makes it seem as though the dialogue is not so mixed together. Though I do have to hand it to you your grammar is decent for your first story so that's a plus.

In total this story has potential and with a little practice could become something promising, just read the writing guide and follow the pointers I posted above. Hopefully that will help you.

Now have a nice day. :)
Sincerely: Ernest

Ps: Holy shit this was my longest review :0

Love this story!
Can't wait until next chapter!!
:heart::heart:
-DD

LOVE!
cant wait until your next!
:heart::heart::heart:

I saw this and was like "OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH!!!!!!" Can't wait until your next update!!! :heart: :heart: :pinkiehappy: :rainbowkiss: :raritystarry:

I like this so far - but I do have a few problems.

I like the fact that Rainbow doesn't act like a jerk (the amount of times authors skim over her good points is outstanding) but perhaps... She's too good? It doesn't seem like her flaws are there, and to me, the flaws are perhaps what I like best about her. It makes her more relatable.

The tenses. This is a pet peeve of mine, although I unfortunately also succumb to it sometimes. I personally am not too keen on the usage of present tense but it is bearable so long as the author keeps it in present tense. As for past tense, it is excellent - if it's done right and kept constant. You tend to swap between past and present, which is rather jarring.
For example:

so we can get out of here. Even our teacher was silent!

"Can" is a present tense word. The past tense variation would be "could".
"Was" is for past tense. If you wish to use the present tense, you should have used the word "is".

These are the biggest problems. Now, you don't have to listen to me. I'm just a random comment on a screen, after all. I hold no sway. I am also being rather hypocritical. I tend to mix up my tenses too - and it irritates the heck out of me! I also tend to make my characters act "perfect" or so undeniably evil that everyone hates them. So, yeah. I'm just as bad.

I am merely saying all this so that you are aware. There are many on this site who are... A tad critical, shall we say. As a general rule of thumb, the better your punctuation, grammar and spelling, the better your story will fare against the masses.

TL;DR Good, but could use work. I am a hypocrite. Good day to you, sir.

cant wait for mooorrrreeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!:pinkiecrazy:

Love this story so far! Can't wait for more!

Nice I'm a track this.

Have a like.

5828721 Thank you so much! I also love anthro stories - personally I think it's because it's cooler. :rainbowlaugh: The next chapter should be up by sometime next week the latest, so keep your eyes peeled! :pinkiehappy:

And thanks for the fav and follow! :rainbowkiss: :raritywink: :pinkiehappy:

I love this story so much! Please make more chapters!!! :rainbowkiss: :raritystarry:

5880021 Hahaha! Thank you! It's what I was going for. :pinkiehappy: :rainbowlaugh:

5880062 I actually cut off a bit of the end of this chapter to start off the next one. I'm hoping I can update more often now that my scholarship's out of the way. Gimme a few weeks and I'll see where I am. :raritywink:

5880093 I'm supposed to be in bed right now. Good thing my door's closed. :rainbowlaugh: Imma turn in. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! Goodnight! :pinkiehappy: :rainbowkiss: :twilightsmile:

This chapter was by far my fav i wonder if they will get to know that rainbow is an element of harmony their faces would be priceless I can imagine :derpytongue2:

5881145
Glad you enjoyed it!

And thank you so much for the favs! :pinkiehappy:

5881472 Maybe they will, maybe they won't... Lol. :rainbowlaugh: Nice to know you liked it! :pinkiehappy:

This chapter was so awesome!
I hope you update more sooner.

This chapter was so awesome!
I hope you update more sooner.

5882462 I'm working on Chapter 6 right now. :rainbowlaugh: I'm hoping to update more often now that I have my scholarship out of the way. I'm glad you liked it! :pinkiehappy: :twilightsmile:

*grabs you by the collar* WHEN'S THE NEXT UPDATE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

5885803 *eyes dart from side to side* Um... um... um... I... have... no clue....... don't hurt me! *whimpers like Fluttershy and slides down the wall* :fluttershbad: :fluttershysad: :rainbowlaugh: I really don't know though. But I'll tell you now, the chapter's looking great. I can't guarantee how long it will be though. Sorry... :pinkiesad2: :raritydespair: :twilightsheepish: :rainbowlaugh:

5886610 Ya better update before my school starts at June 2.

5887681 I'm sure I will. And if you don't mind me asking, where in the world do you live? I know there are some places where they start school in June and end in March.

5887954 Where? Ya gonna have to guess.

5887996 The only place I know of that does that are the Philippines. My grandma on my mothers side is a teacher there, my mom was born and raised there, and I was born there. Other than that, I have no clue. :rainbowlaugh:

5888033 Correct! Wait a sec, if you were born in the Philippines, that means you're a Filipino! THANK THE HEAVENS I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!

5888065 WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?!? :pinkiegasp: :pinkiegasp: :pinkiegasp: AWESOME!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT ALONE!!!!!!!! :rainbowkiss: :pinkiehappy: :rainbowkiss: :pinkiehappy: FILIPINO POWER!!!! Lol. :rainbowlaugh:

5888097 :pinkiehappy: I KNOW RIGHT? Hey, why not go speak in Tagalog? That is, if you know how.

5888115 Too bad I moved to the U.S. when I was 2. I would've been speaking to you in the language right now. :rainbowlaugh:

5888125 NOOOO!!! At least somebody is also a Filipino.

5888131 I know, I'm a terrible person. My mom has yet to teach me, though. Probably once I start Spanish next year. :rainbowlaugh: Do you live in Bocolod by any chance? (Idk if I even spelled that right lol)

5888149 It's Bacolod. And I live in Davao.

5888169 I knew I spelled it wrong. :rainbowlaugh: And I have no idea where that is, so I won't bother. I only asked because that's where I was born and my mother grew up there. :rainbowlaugh:

5888206 Okay, then. Well, it's 10:05 here where I am in the States and I'm supposed to wake up at 5:30-5:50 in the morning for beauty reasons for school. It was really nice to talk to you! I hope to chat again sometime soon! Goodnight, and have a great day... I think... :rainbowlaugh: :pinkiehappy:

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