Chapter 1: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
RD's POV
We've all been sitting in this classroom for the past five minutes, just staring down the clock, waiting for the minute hand to land on the 12 so we can get out of here. Even our teacher was silent!
The ticking of the clock is about to drive me insane. All I want is to get out of this building so my friends and I can just chill out on the beach to kick off the summer! I look back up to the clock to see the second hand approaching the twelve - five more seconds, four, seconds, three, two, one . . .
The bell shrieks through the school and chaos is everywhere. Students were throwing papers over their shoulders, others were sprinting for the front doors. I wasted no time throwing my bag over my shoulder and bolting out the door like the bullet I was. I really want to use my wings, but they're pretty big, so I stick with my feet for a few minutes. I slide down the railing of the stairs, since these people are slow as hell, dart around people, and make it out the front doors and into the humid summer air.
"YEESSS!!!! SUMMER IS HERE!!!!!" I shouted as I flew up into the air. People cheered from below and started running into the parking lot to start up their cars. It's supposed to be really hot today, so I'm pretty sure everyone's headed for the beach. The weather's perfect for it, too - sunny, about 92 degrees, cloudless skies . . . perfect for shredding some twelve-footers!
"Rainbow Dash!" someone called. I look down to the sidewalk and see my five best friends waiting for me to come down. I fly down and land in front of them, all of us high-fiving at the thought of another school year finished.
"Are we gonna met ya at the beach?" Applejack asked me. I nodded.
"Yeah, I have to drop by home to pick up my board, anyways," I told her.
"Should we bring our beach stuff?" Twilight asked as we started to walk toward the parking lot.
"Well, I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a bonfire there like there is every year, so, yeah, bring your stuff," I said as I drifted away a bit towards my blue and white motorcycle.
"YAY! I'll bring the sand building supplies!" Pinkie Pie squealed while jumping up and down a few times.
"And Rainbow, darling, don't forget your sunblock! I simply cannot stand seeing you with peeling skin! Remember that - "
" - 'you need to keep your flawless skin healthy', I know, I know, I know! I won't forget it this time - promise!" I finished for Rarity, and she gave me a thumbs up with a smile. I looked over to Applejack.
"Oh, and A.J, don't forget your treats. It's not a day at the beach without 'em!" I said as I continued to walk backwards.
"Got it, pardner!" she said as she tipped her hat.
"Twilight and I can bring the basic beach things, like umbrellas and towels," Fluttershy said, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear.
"Sounds good! I'll meet you guys in the parking lot there. Gotta bounce!" I said waving before turning around and jogging to my motorcycle. I put on my helmet and flipped down the visor before roaring up the bike. I didn't have to look in order for me to kick up my kickstand and I was off, turning on the highway.
Oh, I'm being stupid. You don't know anything about me! I'm Rainbow Dash. I'm a Pega-girl. What's a Pega-girl? Well, basically, I have the typical human body, but I have Pegasus wings on my back, feathers and all. I would just fly home, but after I learned how to fly, it became addicting, so my family and I agreed on the rule to not fly during school days. So I stuck with riding the bus or driving and only flew on weekends and break days. As I grew older, my wings became larger - each wing is about 4.5 feet long - so I had no other choice but to keep them folded. As for appearance, I'll lay down the basics. I have hair that goes down to my lower back and it's colored in the colors of the rainbow. Ever forget the name, look at my hair. I have lightly caramel-tanned skin, but my wing feathers are cyan-blue and my eyes are a magenta pink. I'm pretty tall, about 5'7", but not as tall as Applejack, who's border lining 5'10".
Who's Applejack? She's one of my best friends. I've known her since elementary school. She's your typical person, no attachments whatsoever. She has deeply tanned skin, apple-green eyes, and thick blonde hair that ends at her mid-back. On top of her head is always a brown Stetson hat. Like I said, she's almost 5'10", and she's the tallest out of our group. A.J is also terrible at lying. She was raised to always tell the truth, so she has no other choice but to tell the truth, no matter how hurtful it is. Applejack works and lives at her family farm, Sweet Apple Acres, harvesting apples and making apple cider for the holidays. She's an awesome cook - she can make pretty much any kind of apple dish in existence! She sometimes helps Pinkie Pie with baking her desserts.
Pinkie Pie is also a human, and extremely perky, about to cross the line of the good kind of crazy. She loves making people smile and laugh, and the best party-planner in school. If you get an invitation to a party hosted or planned by Pinkie, everybody's going. I've known her since elementary school as well. She has extremely curly, hot-pink hair that goes down to her lower back, ivory skin, blue eyes, and is about 5'6" in height. Along with her reputation as a party-planner, she really knows how to bake caked desserts. She works at Sugar Cube Corner on the weekends and bakes the best sweets in the world!
Another one of my friends is Fluttershy. I've known her since I was a toddler - our parents were good friends in college. She, like me, is also a Pega-girl, but her wing feathers are a shade of light yellow and they're not as big. She's very shy and soft-spoken, but she can open up around us, and animals, especially. She works at the local animal center and she can tame the craziest animal. She has long, breezy, light-pink hair that ends mid-thigh, fair skin, turquoise eyes, and like Pinkie Pie, she's 5'6". She's such a sweetheart, and will do any kind thing she's willing to do - even modeling Rarity's latest line.
Rarity is a uni-girl - a human with the horn of a unicorn. She's the fashionable diva of our group, and even though she may seem like the snobby-rich kind, she is very generous. Once, she took us up to New York to see "Wicked", and she paid for absolutely everything - tickets and all! Seriously, you can never repay this girl for the things she'll do for you. Rarity has royal purple, barrel-curled hair that stops at her upper back, pale skin, blue eyes, a white horn on her forehead about 5 inches long, and is the same height as me - 5'7". She has a small boutique in town and designs the best clothes in town, for girls, and boys. Nearly everyone goes there to buy her lines.
Twilight Sparkle is an ali-girl - a human with both the wings of a Pegasus and the horn of a unicorn. Not many of them exist, but she was talented enough with magic alone and earned her wings a few months ago. Twilight's also a bit of a bookworm - she'll read any book that sparks her interest, and that's almost everything. She has deep purple hair with straight bangs over her forehead and a lavender and magenta pink streak through her mid-back hair. She has ivory skin, violet eyes, lavender wings and horn, and like Pinkie and Fluttershy, she's 5'6". She lives near the library so she can easily find a book to get lost in.
I turn on my street and pass a few houses before parking in front of my pretty modern-looking manor - not too big, not too small. Just the way I like it. I walked up the front steps and turned to my left to see my brother and sister having a chicken fight with my parents while my adoptive sister, Scootaloo, was in another area of the pool practicing an underwater handstand. I shook my head and smiled before taking a shortcut through the pool deck. My brother, Fierce Winds, turned a little and saw me. He smiled and waved briefly before going under with our younger sister, Rain Drop, crashing into Scootaloo and all three of them went down. My parents had on "oops" faces before my mother, Firefly, got off of my father, Spectrum Streak. As she helped my brother untangle himself from Rain Drop, I walked over to a table and set my bag down on it, taking off my shoes before they got wet. Fierce was finally untangled and paddled over to me, Rain and Scootaloo following behind him while our parents walked out of the pool to dry off and take a little break.
"'Sup, Dash?" he said with a smile, resting his arms on the pool deck. I bent down and ruffled up his sky-blue hair, drops of pool water splattering over my legs and arm.
"'Sup' yourself. Are you guys coming with me to the beach?" I asked as I kneeled in front of them. Rain shook her head.
"Nah. We've been in here for hours, and we had at least ten chicken fights! Don't think we'd have the energy to go in the water," she said while combing back her blue-and-black hair.
"Besides, even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm only thirteen, so the salt's gonna make my feathers messed up," Scootaloo said, shaking her small orange wings around.
"True. Well, if you change your mind, the shortcut to the beach is around the back of the house," I said as I stood up. I turned to my parents, who were sitting at a table. My mother smiled at me and hugged me hello, my father giving me a noogie not too long after she let go.
"I'll be going to the bonfire tonight, and Pinkie may or may not invite us over to her place, so if I'm not back by 10:00 tonight, you'll know I'm with her," I told them.
"Then you're gonna need your board," my father said as he pointed a thumb over is shoulder to where my surf board was mounted on the wall. I got my athleticism from both of my parents, but he taught me in water sports, my mother taught me in land sports, and both instructed me in air sports - since they're Pega-people - and Performing Arts. He handed it to me and I took it from him with a smile.
"Are you bringing your acoustic, or are they asking you to go electric this year?" Mom asked. I knew what she was talking about. At every bonfire, someone plays for the people attending the fire. I've been performing there since my Freshman year, and it's my choice if I take my acoustic guitar, or my electric one.
"I'm probably gonna go electric. I did acoustic last year. I'm change and head out. I'll see you guys later!" I said before walking into the house through the sliding glass door.
"See ya, R.D!"
"Bye!"
"Have fun!"
I placed my board on the wall before jogging u the stairs and going into my room to change - a blue bikini top and red swim shorts. I normally would just wear a t-shirt or tank-top with something underneath, but it feels weird around my wings when it's wet and the top let's my wings spread out without a problem. It took me a while to tie the back of it under my wings, but after a minute or so, I got it tied into a double-knotted bow. I grabbed my electric guitar case, grabbed a bag to put in some clothes for tonight, and nearly forgot the sunblock. I swung the bag over my shoulder, picked up my case, jogged downstairs, tucked my board under my free arm as I walked toward the back of the house.
I walked down the back porch steps, stopping to think about something that suddenly crossed my mind. I looked at my guitar, and then I looked at my board and opened a wings before folding it after a brief moment. I sighed. Next year is my Senior Year of high school. I'm known for being Animado High's only female jock - volleyball, track and field, football, soccer, even aerial races! Yet, I'm also the best Performing Artist - I get lead roles in musicals, I get into the most difficult choral groups, I dance, and I can shred the guitar like no one else! I've been doing these two for my whole life. In August, I'm gonna have to choose between being a pro-athlete, or a performing star. I sighed again before continuing to walk down to the beach behind my house. I'll complain about that to my friends later.
I met up with my friends not too long after I got to the beach - and we had a blast! Applejack and I competed in surf-offs for a few hours, Pinkie Pie and Twilight eventually joined up for body surfing, Rarity tanned for an hour or so, and we ended up making a mermaid tail out of sand on Fluttershy's legs.
Before we knew it, it was getting close to sunset, and the temperature dropped a bit because of the night closing in. Applejack and I stayed out of the water and we snacked on some of her apple treats. Then, just when the sun sunk under the horizon, the bonfire started. Logs were set up everywhere and a refreshment shack was set up close to the stage, where large speakers were set up on the sides. Some people started their own mini fires and arranged their own logs - us being one of the people who did so - but most people stuck around the main fire. I was opening my case to grab my guitar before a guy from school, probably a stage crew member, asked me if I wanted a stool to sit on onstage. I shook my head "no" and he went off, leaving me alone to tune my guitar.
"Break a leg, Rainbow! Yer gonna do great!" Applejack said, now covered in a red t-shirt and jean shorts. I smiled.
"Thanks, A.J!" I called. I turned and walked up to the stage, where people were waiting for the entertainment to begin. I walked up and the audience applauded. A mic was clipped to my tank top, so I didn't have to lean into a microphone, thank the Lord. I smiled and winked at my friends, who were in plain sight for me.
"Alright, people; let's get this bonfire started!" I said loudly. The audience cheered and my background music for my song started to play, excluding the lead guitar, since I was playing the lead guitar and I played and sang "Everybody's Fool" by Evanescence.
Sure, I played a song from a gothic band for my opening, but the audience loved it. I played a few more songs before the school's DJ took over. My friends and I walked over to our little fire and finished up A.J's treats.
Two hours passed and it was getting close to 10:00. Everyone was starting to go home, so we decided to hit the road.
"Are you guys coming to my place tonight?" Pinkie asked as she picked up her bags of sand building supplies.
"Yup," we all replied as we stood up with our things.
"YIPPEE!! C'mon! We can order some pizza when we get to my place," she said as we walked away from the beach. It didn't take too long to get to Pinkie's place, and just like she said, we ordered a three-meat pizza from the pizza parlor.
The rest of the night went pretty well. Rarity and Fluttershy experimented with makeup, Applejack and Pinkie Pie played video games, I continued to gorge myself with pizza, and Twilight, being the nerd she is, brought her laptop, so now, she's typing away on God knows what. After a while, my brain started to let me process that I'll vomit in the morning if I continued to eat, and I sighed as I sat next to Twilight on the bed. She glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Everything alright?" she asked me.
"Yeah. Just stressing over next year," I said. This caught everyone's attention, and Applejack and Pinkie paused their game to listen to my ranting.
"Like what, sugarcube?" Applejack askd as she placed an arm at the foot of the bed.
"Well, I can only have one major when I go to college, and, of course, it's gonna be either sports or Performing Arts. I just don't know which one to do," said as I wrapped my arms around my knees.
"Oh, Rainbow. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to choose one of your two favorite things," Fluttershy told me, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving me a concerned smile.
"Don't fret, darling! Surely, there's a way you can do both," Rarity said as she gave me a hopeful, reassuring smile.
"Rainbow, we're only sixteen. We have another summer to enjoy!" Applejack told me.
"Yeah! We can worry about all that stuff in the fall!" Pinkie said in her usual enthusiastic tone.
"They're right, Rainbow. Just have fun for the summer! Besides, it's not like you to think ahead. But I promise, if it helps, that I'll do some research and see if there is any way you can do both," Twilight said as she placed a hand on my arm. I gave them sincere smiles. This is why these guys are my best friends! I turned to Twilight, a smile still on my face.
"Thanks, Twi. That would mean a lot to me," I told her. Then I saw Pinkie's clock read 12:00 am.
"I’m getting kinda tired. Let's turn in for the night," I said. They nodded in agreement and everyone turned off and put away everything for the night. But I couldn’t sleep. For the next hour and a half, I tossed and turned, even tried getting a glass of water, but I just couldn't sleep. Senior Year was really bugging me. Then, the more I thought about it, the sleepier I became. Questions swirled around my head as sleep slowly came to me. Unless a miracle drops out of the sky by then, I'll be torn between my two favorite things for quite some time. A minute later, I was in dream land, in a fantasy where one day, I was performing for a crowd of thousands, and the next, I was competing in a world-champion tournament.
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Quick note you should space out the summary because I was having a rough time reading it. Onto the review!
So to start off i'm gonna tell you strait if you're gonna start from R.D's perspective you should highlight the word and press enter, to me it just looks better like that. Next you style of writing is pretty damn rough, maybe you should add some transition words or something that would simplify the read, and please space out your paragraphs because wall of texts are totally not in this month!
Also you don't need to tell us who the main 6 are we already know (Or at least I hope) you could just omit that entire learning who the main characters are section, and what is the point of saying its RD's perspective twice? We pretty much already know this. Just sayin.
Now since I just reached the end and saw that this was your first story I will give you some pointers: First space out your paragraphs it makes your story easier to read and helps the reader not feel like he's reading a stone tablet, next when you write characters interacting you should space in between their conversations like so:
"I love your voluptuous body shawty." Tyrone began "Hola at a rich homie girl." He said placing a hand on Ernest's shoulder.
"Um I'm a boy." Ernest said as Tyrone ripped his hand away in disgust.
This makes it seem as though the dialogue is not so mixed together. Though I do have to hand it to you your grammar is decent for your first story so that's a plus.
In total this story has potential and with a little practice could become something promising, just read the writing guide and follow the pointers I posted above. Hopefully that will help you.
Now have a nice day. :)
Sincerely: Ernest
Ps: Holy shit this was my longest review :0
i love the story!
I like this so far - but I do have a few problems.
I like the fact that Rainbow doesn't act like a jerk (the amount of times authors skim over her good points is outstanding) but perhaps... She's too good? It doesn't seem like her flaws are there, and to me, the flaws are perhaps what I like best about her. It makes her more relatable.
The tenses. This is a pet peeve of mine, although I unfortunately also succumb to it sometimes. I personally am not too keen on the usage of present tense but it is bearable so long as the author keeps it in present tense. As for past tense, it is excellent - if it's done right and kept constant. You tend to swap between past and present, which is rather jarring.
For example:
"Can" is a present tense word. The past tense variation would be "could".
"Was" is for past tense. If you wish to use the present tense, you should have used the word "is".
These are the biggest problems. Now, you don't have to listen to me. I'm just a random comment on a screen, after all. I hold no sway. I am also being rather hypocritical. I tend to mix up my tenses too - and it irritates the heck out of me! I also tend to make my characters act "perfect" or so undeniably evil that everyone hates them. So, yeah. I'm just as bad.
I am merely saying all this so that you are aware. There are many on this site who are... A tad critical, shall we say. As a general rule of thumb, the better your punctuation, grammar and spelling, the better your story will fare against the masses.
TL;DR Good, but could use work. I am a hypocrite. Good day to you, sir.
asked
I like the story so far, it's good for a first story!
5962117 Well, 92° Celsius = 197.6° Fahrenheit (waay too hot), so the author was saying it was 92° Fahrenheit.
~M.L.B.~
Or you could add being
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