• Published 29th Apr 2012
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Glim - Smayds



Sequel to Not My Destiny. The story of Twilight's daughter. Unavoidably, a story of impossible loss

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Chapter 08: Thaw

Chapter 8: Thaw

“Enter,” the regal voice announced at the knock on her chamber doors. “Oh! Starburst,” Luna said, brightening immediately. She’d assumed it was her usual messenger, come to deliver the usual stack of paperwork for her to approve before she headed off for her usual mid-morning nap. She was pleased for some diversion from the usual morning. “Welcome back, nice tan. How was Baltimare? I hope the higher education conference wasn’t too dull.” She smiled a very warm smile at Twilight’s number-one assistant.

“I just got back. Sorry, I have to get this out of the way first. Your Highness,” he said, his voice sounding very important as he nudged the doors closed behind him. “I come on Official Royal Business.” Luna cocked an eyebrow as he stood at rigid attention and levitated the scroll he’d brought in with him. She hadn’t seen a scroll in years. Her eyes narrowed with concern as Starburst gave a small cough, then read aloud:


“For the private desk of:

Her Royal Highness,

The Princess Luna Nocturna Socius Selenus of Equestria.

Your gracious Royal Highness,

As you are no doubt aware, Night Mare Night this year will fall on the evening of the new moon. I wish to petition you for a special temporary full moon for this year’s celebrations.

Many ponies look forward to this magnificent night of celebration in honour of you, our beloved Princess of the Night, and we on the committee do not wish for this year’s festivities to be remembered as anything less than the most spectacular in history.

I am sure you will see fit to grant such a petition. A Night Mare Night with no moon in the sky hardly celebrates your majesty and station in the most fitting manner.

Anxiously awaiting your most urgent reply,

Your humble and most faithful subject,

Bevonen Bevonen the Third,

Night Mare Night 5939 Festivities Committee Chairstallion,

7th Court Lane 143-42,

Rose Meadow Downs,

Ponytopia.”


Luna was rolling her eyes. “Sorry about that,” he said as he sat down and leaned on her desk, tossed the scroll into her ‘out’ tray and sighed. “But Official Royal Business is Official Royal Business. I met him downstairs, he couldn’t get an appointment so they made him write you a letter and I said I’d deliver it, as I was going to see you anyway. The pretentious bast... Well. The esteemed gentlecolt insisted that it be on a scroll, so we had to dig one up for him.”

“Don’t I know his grandfather?” Luna asked. The name was uncommon and she was sure she’d heard it before. “Did he hold public office?”

“He was mayor of Hoofington. For two terms, I think. Before I was born, of course, but he was supposed to have been good at the job. I know Bevonen the third from school and I swear, that pony’s convinced he was born royalty and stolen as a foal. He, uh, really hated me teaching him how to self-levitate. I was only ten or eleven but Twilight insisted I come in and show the whole senior psychokinesis class how it was done. He had to pass that to graduate and he just couldn’t get it, what with having to see your own aura and then get it to grab itself and whatnot. Had a cork in his oculus mentis.”

Luna snorted, and then so did Starburst. Chuckling, she smiled at Twilight’s personal assistant. “That’s so like her. Teach somepony to shine, then show their light so that others can do the same. And you have shone. This pretentious pony did graduate, though?”

“Sorry, I’m being unkind. His nose’s more comfortable in the air than to the grindstone, I think the saying goes. But yeah, he graduated. He wouldn't have been in Twilight’s class if he wasn’t talented, right?”

“What’s his Cutie Mark?”

Starburst chuckled, nodding at the message he’d delivered. “A scroll.”

“Well, we do all have a particular fondness for our Marks and the things they represent. Yes, I suppose I could pull a full moon out of my hat for Night Mare Night,” she said. “It’s an unnecessary fuss but it’ll make them happy.”

“I’ll get Meredith to write him the most outrageous letter she’s ever typed up. She’s the best secretary I ever met, Princess. Incredible gift for turning a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ into about twenty pages of floral legalese and doubletalk mumbo-jumbo.” Luna giggled, nodding. “Anyway. How’ve you been?”

“Worried,” she admitted, turning suddenly serious. Unlike her moon, Luna’s moods didn’t wax or wane. They flicked, instantly, from extreme to extreme. “The dragons sent another letter. Seems they didn’t like our reply to the last one. I can’t possibly believe they’d be stupid enough to try another attack on Equestria, but you can’t be sure they’re telling the truth. I’ve only ever trusted one dragon. Don’t let her know,” she added.

Starburst nodded. “She’s got enough on her plate already. Thirteen in her new class, it’s the most ever. And some of them are amazing. She’s got me in to help out a few times already this year. But the dragons, damn. Is Celestia going? Good,” he said as Luna nodded in turn. “She should sort this out. Point out the very serious drawbacks of breaking their treaty.”

“And if not, then we will tell Twilight, and then I think that the dragons might just get a visit from three fully armoured angry alicorns with their horns pre-charged for megafaunacide. They don’t need to know we’d never do such a thing. You know about the massacre when we lost Spike?”

“Yes. Twilight talks about him a lot. She told me what happened. That must have been horrible, losing such an old friend and then almost losing her mind as well...”

“The dragons think she did it. The rest of them don’t even know Spike was there, as not a single dragon escaped his rage to tell the tale. They think Twilight killed all of those dragons, and some of them were as big as dragons ever get. That’s why they signed their treaty so quickly, and that’s what I just can’t understand. They’re terrified of alicorns, but they’re asking us to shorten the days again, and I think it’s a trick just like last time. But they should remember the results of the last time they tried it. I think that all Celestia will have to do is threaten them. We don’t like it,” Luna admitted. “We don’t like threatening them, especially as We’d never willingly harm them. They’re magnificent creatures and We love them all. But those magnificent creatures are far too dangerous to be allowed to have designs on our peaceful land.”

Starburst was nodding again. “Not now, not with over a hundred million ponies in Equestria. That’s far too many innocent lives to risk. I think she’s forgiven them for the most part, but she’d love the opportunity to make her feelings known to them. With an implied slaughter,” he finished grimly. He’d never met Spike, of course, but he knew everything there was to know about the greatest Number One Assistant in history. Twilight could talk about him for hours, and she frequently did.

Luna flicked back to warm and welcoming again. “So, why did you come up to see me anyway? You didn’t just come to deliver that scroll, I think.”

He looked sheepish. “I really, really need to ask you something. Well, tell you something, then ask you something.” He’d suddenly started looking nervous. He never looked nervous. Luna hadn’t seen him look nervous since he was a foal.

“Do tell, then. And then ask,” she smiled, hiding her concern for his obvious nervousness. She adored Starburst, as did Celestia. He’d been living here in the castle for over twenty years, ever since Twilight brought him under her wing. And now he worked as personal troubleshooter and magical assistant to all the Princesses in general, and Twilight in particular. Because he’d essentially grown up with the three alicorns, he spoke to them as if they were family, not Royalty. They were usually on a first-name basis, when they were in private at least.

Starburst opened his mouth. He closed it again and frowned. He tried again. “I, um. Wow. So, I was away... Stupid. You know that. When I was away, wow. Damn, this is hard to say.”

Luna smiled a comforting smile at one of her closest friends. He was obviously concerned about something. Was it something personal? Had something happened? Was he alright? Tiny lines of concern just barely marred the edges of her smile. “Just tell me,” she said gently.

“I’m in love with Twilight,” he blurted.

Luna froze. She actually stopped breathing as he continued, talking in a flood now the subject was broached.

“The conference... I could barely concentrate, oh, I got the new school reforms pushed through that she wanted but my mind wasn’t on the job. I’ve known her for more than twenty years. She’s a wonderful pony, she’s a magnificent teacher, and it’s not like I haven’t been away from her before, on trips a lot longer than this one too. She’s a great friend,” he said, “she’s my mentor, she’s one of the most incredible ponies in Equestria and I think she’s absolutely brilliant. But this trip... I’ve never felt like this before. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It started before I went but I didn’t know what it was because I’ve never gone out with a mare for long enough to fall in love and so I don’t know what...” He paused, taking a breath and staring into the Princess’s eyes. The expression on his face was pleading. “I’ve never been in love before. And I missed her, Luna. I missed her while I was in Baltimare, missed her so hard that it ached. I’ve never missed her before, I’ve never missed anypony before! I think I’m in love with her. I’m in love with her. Am I? Am I in love with her?”

Luna willed herself to speak. “I think you just might be,” she said, slowly and with enormous effort to keep her voice even. “There’s a very distinct possibility that you just might be. Alright, that’s what you needed to tell me. What do you need to ask me?” She hoped that he wouldn’t notice how much control she was exerting over her voice.

“What do I do about it?” His voice was pleading, the distress on his face made him almost seem like a young foal again.

“I'm afraid to say this, but that’s up to you. I’m sorry I don’t have any real solution to this problem. Have you thought of speaking to Twilight about this?” It was getting pretty difficult to keep her voice at an ordinary volume.

“I can’t do that!” he said. “I only just figured this out myself, well, I think I figured it out, did I figure it out? What if she... She’s my mentor, my old teacher, I’ve known her since I was seven -”

“But love,” Luna said, “is where you find it.” She was almost quaking now as she fought to stay in control of herself. “I think that you should speak to her. Go see her. And gently. Broach the subject gently.”

Starburst hadn’t noticed there was anything wrong with Luna. He was too busy with his own head and heart. “I... I have to see her anyway. The report on the conference, I...”

“You’ll be fine,” Luna said, almost strangling. “Go see her. Go on, go see her. Good to have you back, let me know how you get on. Go see her.”

Starburst nodded distractedly as he wandered over to the doors. “I have to see her anyway,” he said, not realising he was repeating himself. “Okay, I’ll see you later, thanks for listening. Bye, Princess,” he said, using her title as he went through the doors.

Luna’s horn glowed bright blue as she cast a soundproofing spell on her entire chamber. She almost mis-cast the spell in her current condition. As soon as it was completed, she leaped into the air and shrieked.

YES!

She banged the balcony doors open and took to the air to find her Sister. She hoped Celestia wasn’t in Court today, but if she was, Luna was quite happy to barge in and interrupt the session regardless of who the audience was. Happiness was coming. Happiness was coming for Twilight, she could feel it. It was coming right now, the tide was turning right the hell now, right at this very moment. She very nearly shouted in joy again as she streaked over to her Sister’s tower.


Starburst didn’t knock on this Princess’s door. He didn’t need to. “Hey!” he called. “You got the extra funding for the graduate studies program!” He was fairly amazed that his voice was steady, what with the way his heart was banging against his ribcage.

“That’s great!” Twilight said, swivelling around on her cushion and beaming at him. “I knew you’d get that sorted out. I couldn’t just have made a proclamation, it’d have been rude towards the education committee. It’s good they agreed to my proposals on their own merit.”

“They nearly didn’t,” he said as he trotted over. “Someone on that board doesn’t like all the funding that unicorns are getting. It’s not like pegasi and earth ponies don’t get just as much funding in their own areas.” His heart hammered harder as he got closer.

“Well, everypony has their special interest lobbies... But it got through! Thanks, Starburst. That’s fantastic news, now we’ll be able to hire some new teachers. Get them installed as full professors of magic and have them take personal apprentices from the graduates. This is going to be great!” she said, clearly as happy as could be. “Thanks, thanks so much for all your work, I’m sorry I couldn’t go too.” She gestured at the mountain of paperwork on her desk. “I hate this bureaucracy stuff, it ties up so much of my time. I really should hire an accountant. It’s good to see you, by the way. You look tired. Did you just get back?”

“No, I went to see Luna first. I had a message to give her.” He sat down directly in front of her, his eyes level with her own. He was sitting very close and looking at her with an expression that she’d never seen there before. Fear? There was fear there, she’d seen fear on his face before when they’d been in dangerous situations but this was different, this was -

“Would you... Um.” He coughed. “I was wondering if you... Ah, I mean... I want to ask you something, can I ask you something?”

She was concerned now. He was so nervous. He was almost never nervous. “What’s wrong, Starburst? You can ask me anything. Nothing’s off limits, you know that.” He was acting like a youngster. He seemed jumpy and excited as well as nervous and afraid. Eyes opening a little wider, she felt a thrill of excitement herself. The last time he'd been nervous... Had he... Had he found a new marefriend? Had he asked a pretty young mare out on a date? He’d certainly dated before, but the nature of his work meant those relationships didn’t really go very far... She was starting to feel overjoyed for him, thinking that she’d figured out what was -

“Would you like to go to dinner with me?” he said very, very fast.

“Oh. Dinner? But we have dinner all the time,” she said, now thoroughly confused. Why would he ask her if she’d like to have dinner? They frequently ate together. They were, after all, very close... acquaintances. She didn’t like using that ‘F’ word so she used the ‘A’ word to keep her mind at ease.

“No,” he said. Now there was despair on his face as well. “No,” he said again as she simply looked her puzzled confusion. “What I meant was, Um. Twilight. Would you, like to go to dinner. With me. On a date.” He was sweating bullets.

Suddenly, so was she. Her quizzical smile evaporated. Her eyes went wide and a hot burning sensation started somewhere deep in her chest. She felt her heart rate increase, could hear her own blood thundering in her ears as a thousand horrible things flew through her mind. She started to mentally rage at herself as she felt her colour rising.

NO! DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T YOU DARE SAY YES!

He was asking her on a date. On a date. Like she was a little filly and he was a charming young colt. But she wasn’t a filly, she was nearly two thousand years old, and she certainly was not a little pony any more. Sure, they could look each other in the eye just fine, had been able to for years. So he wasn’t really a “little” pony any more either. He wasn’t a colt. He was a tall, handsome stallion who... looked really good, she suddenly realised. She’d... never looked before. It made her feel...

DON’T YOU DARE! THIS CAN ONLY END IN TRAGEDY!

His eyes, full of terrified hopefulness just moments before, were starting to fill with sadness, the sadness of rejection. She was rejecting him, or at least her face must be. She had no idea what her expression looked like but it couldn’t be good, not if it was causing Starburst the anguish she now saw spread across his entire face.

“I, uh,” he said. He looked down, then glanced back up. “I’m... I’m sorry, I...”

His eyes were starting to glisten. She’d never seen him cry before. She’d just broken his heart and she didn’t even know how. She very much wanted to say something, but she didn't know what to say. Her mouth wouldn’t work at any rate, so even if she did know what she should say... Her hooves had gone numb and her forelegs started trembling as her mind made the greatest attempt it could at sparing her heart from the despair of the death of another loved one.

DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T YOU BUCKING DARE! YOU KNOW WHERE THIS WILL GO! YOU KNOW HOW THIS WILL END! NO MORE LOVED ONES! DO YOU WANT TO VISIT HIS GRAVE? DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT IN YOUR DREAMS? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR BUCKING MIND?!

Perhaps she had, because Starburst was already a loved one. He was her friend, and she his, despite all of the promises she’d made to herself, despite her refusal to admit it to herself until now. The dreams were coming back, not often, once or twice a month maybe, but for the first time since she’d discovered teaching, she was having nightmares. Except they now had a tiny unicorn colt in them as well who happened to share her Cutie Mark. Starburst was a loved one. And he apparently wanted to be a bit more than just a loved one. Did she? Did she want the same thing? Had she, in fact, wanted the same thing for years, centuries upon centuries... millenia? Did she want a companion? Did she want...

NO! NO, NO, NO!

Yes...

NO!

He was getting to his hooves, saying something that her screaming mind couldn’t understand at the moment. There were tears in his eyes and he obviously wanted to get away so he could wipe them with dignity. She didn’t want him to go. She raised a hoof in a foolish attempt to stop him from leaving, he was starting to turn away, surprise, shock, sudden unexplained fear shot through her like a sword, even though no sword could pierce her magical skin she still felt it, she felt it like a physical pain, something she hadn't felt in such a long time but she recognised instantly and then The Terror came, The Terror that he would go, that he’d leave, leave now with so many things unsaid and The Terror helped her to find her voice so she opened her mouth and somehow she found the strength to whisper a few words and then...

As she uttered them, the blindfold was lifted, the clouds cleared from her heart and she realised that she'd never, in fact, spoken truer words in her life. Her mind screamed one final time at her treason, gave one last valiant effort to halt her traitorous betrayal of her vows -

DON’T - YOU - BUCKING - DARE - SAY -

“I’d love to,” she breathed.