Chapter X - Brave Heart
"You fool. For four months, you knew how others look at you. For four months, you soldiered on and kept all eyes off you. Now you've mucked it all up in three sentences, and they will never let you forget it. Every time they see you, they will rub it in, reminding you day after day how stupid you are."
Blueblood lay on the bed for most of the day, having little energy to do anything else. Apart from using the restroom to avoid the staff, nothing would stir him. He was aware of the servants coming in to change the bedspread and leave him food while he was in the bathroom. All of the food went uneaten: he just didn't feel like stirring up the razor blades in his throat, much less something left by people who were laughing at him.
"Of course they're laughing at you. You've been a complete jerk to them for years. Remember when you messed with the castle to try and keep a dog out of it? Well now they're getting their revenge, just like they do every time you get sick."
Before Blueblood could choke down his anger, there was a knock at the door. "Blueblood?" Spike called, "are you in there?" After a moment of silence in which Blueblood buried himself under the covers, the door opened and Spike walked in, bearing a tray with a teacup and a bowl of soup on it.
"Ah, now he's in on it. Of course the dragon hospitalized for the mumps thinks little of what you went through. Especially after your little earache."
Spike walked over to the end table and set the tray on top of it. "Tomato soup and chamomile tea," Spike explained. "It's supposed to help your throat."
Blueblood kept his mouth tightly shut. "Sooo..." Spike said, "is there anything you want me to do while I'm here? A book I can get you? A record I can put on? I can fluff your pillows, if you want."
"Anything to keep you from whining, you big baby."
"Don't you have a building to burn down?" Blueblood hissed.
Spike recoiled, but recovered and crossed his arms. "Nice try, but I know that's your depression talking, not you."
Blueblood whipped around. "JUST GET O-"
Blueblood started coughing, hard enough to cause him to spasm. He tried to hold them back, little good that did him. Tears began coming out of his eyes again, but he couldn't roll over. All he could do was sit and barely hold his hoof in front of his mouth. Then he became aware of a heat on his neck, easing the pain in his throat. His coughing died down, and soon it stopped altogether. He looked down and saw that Spike had put his claws on his neck. "Feeling better?"
Blueblood scowled and shoved Spike off of the bed before covering himself. Spike got up and looked up at Blueblood, a sad frown on his face. "OK," Spike said. "I'll just... leave all of this here for ya'." He then walked to the door, but before he left, he stopped and turned back to his older brother. "Y'know," he said, "not many kids can brag that they have an older brother who's a duke or a certified genius. Who's the reason you get all A's in college-level classes. Who, no matter how much of a troll he is the rest of the time, is willing to drop a long-standing rivalry just because you set a building on fire and need a pick-me-up."
Still no response. "Blueblood," Spike continued, "I want you to know that you're also probably the most important person in my life. I don't know how you feel right now, but I know it really hurts. I would never, ever make fun of you while you're like this, and I promise that I'll do anything to help you." Spike stood silently for a few moments before he swallowed. "Well, that's all I got, so if you want me, I'll be around." He turned to the door.
"Spike?"
Spike stopped and looked back at the bed. Blueblood got out from under the covers and motioned to the tray with his head. Spike smiled a little as he blew fire into his claws. As Blueblood lifted the teacup and later the soup bowl, Spike stuck his claws back onto Blueblood's neck. That did wonders, as it reduced the razor blades to merely a feeling of a bad itch, letting Blueblood drink in a series of continuous swallows. Finally, he put the bowl back on the tray and lay back. "Alright," Spike said. "What do you want to do now?"
Blueblood looked at Spike with a sad frown and Spike's good mood deflated. "OK," Spike said, "I'll let you rest." He hopped down off the bed and grabbed the tray. "Oh, one other thing." Spike pulled another thing off of the tray, a piece of paper that had been under the bowl. "Aunt Celestia wants you to have this." He put the paper on Blueblood's end table. "Well, see ya'." Spike departed.
Blueblood looked over at the piece of paper for several moments before he slowly pulled it over and opened it. It was a letter written in bright green ink with a letterhead from Beryl Industries.
Dear Blueblood,
You actually figured out what I was doing just like that? That's awesome! I mean, WOOOOOOOWWW! You're a genius! I mean, I thought nobody'd figure out what I was doing, but you did! Wow! Everyone else is really mad, which I guess makes sense given that we're all going to prison for several years, but I'm just too impressed! Wow! I don't even care after getting busted like that! Y'know what? After this, I'm OK with pleading guilty. After you just demolished my plans in just a few minutes, think of it as a reward for a job well done.
Again, CONGRATULATIONS! WOW!
Beryline Lucia Pie
Blueblood didn't read all of it, but as he placed it back on his end table, he felt a brief flutter of happiness.
<*>
About two weeks later, Blueblood was declared well enough to leave his room with a surgical mask. He didn't particularly want to, but the morning after the pronouncement, he woke, put his mask on, and left for breakfast. He had woken early, and had hoped to avoid his family if he could help it. However, when he walked into the dining room, he noticed Cadance seated at the table with a teacup, frowning over a letter. When he got into the doorway, she looked up and smiled at him. "Hi, Blueblood."
"Uh, hi."
Cadance patted at the chair next to her. "Come on, sit down."
Blueblood slowly did as she bid him and sat. "We got someone special to cook this morning," Cadance said. "It's supposed to be ready by the time everyone else wakes up."
"OK."
Cadance placed a hoof on Blueblood's shoulder. "It's alright, Blueblood. Everypony knows what you said wasn't your fault." Blueblood remained silent. "That being said," she said, "do you think you're up to finding a psychiatrist today?"
Blueblood frowned. "Sure. Alright."
"It's not that bad."
Blueblood looked up at the door to the kitchen. Standing there was a smiling violet unicorn, his dark blue mane freckled with silver. "Bear Claws?" Blueblood asked.
Bear Claws nodded. "It's been months, Blueblood. I missed you."
Blueblood looked down. "Sorry."
"I'm not blaming you," Bear Claws said. "I got hit for a loop myself when I found out about my conversion disorder. If you want to shoot the breeze about it, I'm willing to shut up and listen too."
"Thanks," Blueblood said, without much enthusiasm. He looked over at Cadance's letter. "What's that?"
"Oh, that's-" She stopped when she noticed Bear Claws shaking his head. Then she sighed. "Shining Armor's tour of duty's been extended. His CO wants to keep him for another few years." She paused for a moment. "Then he broke up with me, talking about how it 'isn't fair to keep me waiting until he finally gets his transfer/release through the bureaucracy'. Ugh, that idiot."
Blueblood mumbled a 'sorry' as he laid his head on his hooves.
Cadance hugged him. "But that doesn't matter right now. He wrote without thinking it through: we'll be back together in no time. Right now's all about what you want to do, and I want to remind you that, while I really want you to get professional help, I'm willing to wait until you're ready."
"Feel free to take your time," Bear Claws said. "The cinnamon rolls just went in the oven."
"Great, I'm starving." Spike trotted into the room and got up on the other chair next to Blueblood. "How're ya' feeling?" he asked Blueblood.
Blueblood let out a breath. "Better."
"OK. Oh, Cadance," Spike got down and walked over to her, "your alarm went off and you forgot your medication."
He opened his claw, revealing three pill halves and one whole tablet. Cadance picked them up with her magic. "Ah, thanks."
Blueblood watched her drop one pill half into her tea, then take a sip, then wince. "Blegh. Earl Grey does not help the medicine go down." She dropped another pill half into her tea, sipped, then winced again. "Still, it's keeping me from waking you up in the middle of the night."
<Eight years ago>
"Aah!"
Cadance struggled to get out from under a comforter. Then the lights came on. Cadance finally got the comforter off and blushed. Blueblood lay in bed glaring at her. "Oh," she said, "good morning, Blueblood."
Blueblood looked over at his clock. "Yes, I suppose that's accurate now that it's actually past midnight."
"Blueblood I-" she stopped. "Where's Spike?"
"He's with Celestia. He wanted to sleep somewhere a crazy alicorn wasn't WAKING HIM UP EVERY FIVE MINUTES!"
"I-"
"DON'T! Don't say you're sorry! That worked last week, it's not working now! Cadance, I don't know what got into you after Spike died, but you've got to calm down!"
"I'm trying!" Cadance sucked in a breath. "I want to stop worrying. I can't sleep, I can't focus. Do you think I'm just doing this because I want to? After Rafter and Spike died, I just can't stop thinking about who could be next. Every time I get it out of my head, it just comes back a few seconds later. I've tried meditating, I've tried exercise, nothing works." Cadance sat, cradling her head in her hooves. "I know I should see a shrink or something, but I'm worried about what he's going to find. Like, what if he says I've got a disorder that makes me too dangerous to let loose? What if Celestia has to do something drastic to protect everypony from me? What if one of you dies because I'm not there? It's stupid, I know, but I can't convince myself to stop!"
She sat in the silence, a few tears trickling down her face and deep breaths threatening to turn into a sob. Then she felt a hug, which she leaned into. "Cadance," Blueblood said, "how would you like to sleep in here tonight? That way, when you get worried you don't have to keep opening the door."
Cadance wiped her eyes. "What about Spike?" she asked. "I do-"
"We'll move into Celestia's room. Given Spike's already there, she probably won't mind her other two children joining in. I'll talk to Spike: he'll go along with me."
Cadance pondered that over, then nodded. "Alright. I'll give it a shot."
"Thanks." The two broke apart and Blueblood and Cadance began walking. "Cadance," Blueblood asked, "how would you like me to come along with you when you find a therapist, as emotional support?"
Cadance was silent. "If you want Shining Armor to do it," Blueblood said, "I understa-"
"You'll do nicely," Cadance said.
<Present day>
Blueblood couldn't help his ears burning as he and Cadance waited in line at the pharmacy. The psychiatrist had said nothing the two didn't already know and had given out a prescription that Blueblood was now waiting to pick up. His mood had turned, and even keeping his eyes dead forward, he could feel the glares on him in his surgical mask, and he found himself imagining various ways in which his day could get worse.
"Hey, Twilight," Cadance said.
Blueblood scowled as method number four walked up. "Hi, Cadance," she said. "Your medicine..." She noticed Blueblood. "Hi, Blueblood. How's it going?"
"Fine," Blueblood rumbled.
"What're you doing here?" Cadance asked Twilight.
"My own medicine's running low," Twilight responded. "I thought I might want to get it refilled before I start breaking into libraries again."
Cadance nodded. "Good idea."
"Yeah."
Twilight looked over at Blueblood, whose eyes and mouth were pinched shut. "Uh," she said. "I can come back later."
"No, you can stay," Blueblood growled. "I just want to get this over before anypony else shows up."
Twilight backed up a step. "What's up with him?" she asked Cadance.
"Nothing is 'up'," Blueblood said. "I just want to get this over with."
"Oh, I'm sorry," the stallion in front of Blueblood said as he turned around, "are we peasant in your way?"
Cadance tried to step between the two, but Blueblood put his hoof in front of her. "Your words, peasant," he said.
"Blueblood-"
"Hey, I didn't make you miss your shot," the stallion said, "so maybe you should get over the fact that you were dumb enough to get yourself sick and stop taking it out on everypony else."
Cadance barged between the two as Blueblood started sputtering. "OK, let's calm down, talk this over, and avoid saying-"
Blueblood turned on his hooves and stormed down the aisle. "Blueblood!" Cadance called after him. He kept going, storming through the front door. Cadance turned to Twilight. "Twily, would you mind keeping my place in line?"
"What's wrong with him?" Twilight asked.
"I can't say," Cadance said, "I just need to go find him."
"Number forty-two!"
"You're here for him, aren't you" Twilight asked. "Cadance, only family members can claim prescriptions and you don't have long left in line. I'll go find him and you get his medicine."
Cadance looked back at the line, then back at Twilight. "OK," she said. "Hopefully I won't take too long."
Twilight turned about and walked out of the drugstore. She looked up and down the street, but she couldn't see Blueblood. "BLUEBLOOD!" she called out. No-one answered, so she fired up a locator spell, which led her leftwards into an alley. Twilight followed the trail down the alleyway.
She found Blueblood curled up behind a dumpster. As she approached, he turned away from her. "Just get it over with," he told her.
"Blueblood, what's going on?" Twilight asked.
Blueblood snorted. "What, you don't know?"
Twilight stared at him. "About your strangles? That was in the news."
Blueblood whipped around. "Oh stop playing dumb with me, Twilight!" he snapped. "I don't believe for a second that you don't know! Yes, I finally inherited the family depression. You are now better off than me in every sense of the word. You have my aunt, my brother, and any hope I have of being noticed by anyone, and now I'm a public joke to boot!" Blueblood's face was red as he turned away from her. "So go ahead, just say what you were building up to. Not like there's going to be any love lost between us. I mean, we've hated each other literally since the day we've met."
Then he was quiet. He could feel teardrops rolling down his cheeks, but he didn't reach up to wipe them away. No sense calling attention to them. Then she'd just get to call him a wimp, too.
"...yeah, we do hate each other don't we?" Blueblood didn't move, but he could tell Twilight was moving up behind him. "I mean, you hate me so much that when we first met, you couldn't believe a person who seemed so nice didn't have any friends." Blueblood moved away from her. "Can you believe you're still the closest thing I have to a friend?"
Blueblood scoffed. "Awful, isn't it?"
"Actually, it's not that bad." Twilight sat down, out of hoof's reach of Blueblood. "I mean, yeah, we can't stand each other, but we trust each other, we know how far we can push each other, and even if we don't like each other, we're still willing to help each other out when we really need it. That might not be friendship, but it's definitely close."
Blueblood kept facing away from her. "Blueblood," Twilight continued, "I have OCPD. I'm not going to make fun of you for having depression. Neither am I going to tell anyone else about it if you don't want me to."
"What about any new friends you make?" Blueblood asked darkly.
"Not even them, unless you say I can. That includes anything you do; I'll say whatever you want. If they're my friends, they'll trust me."
"Unless they think you're having an episode, too."
Twilight shrugged. "Well, that's true. But even then, I won't tell on you. I promise." Twilight moved in closer, and Blueblood let her. "Y'know, Blueblood, Spike's still crazy about you. He cites you all the time and any time I want to do something with him, he always wants to run it by you first. Princess Celestia's also been really preoccupied the last few weeks, and now I know why. They both still love you a lot, Blueblood."
"As do I," Cadance said. "And we always will."
Blueblood sat still as stone. Twilight looked at Cadance, who looked back at her. Twilight moved her hoof forward, but put it back down when Blueblood cleared his throat. "Phlegm," he said. "Cadance, do you have my medication?"
"I do."
He nodded. "Good. Let's go home." He got up and walked back out of the alleyway, Cadance following him. Then he stopped. "Twilight?"
He didn't turn to face her. "Yes?" Twilight asked.
He was silent for several seconds before he opened his mouth. "I wouldn't mind you being family," he said. "Blood aside, I think that might be the closest word for what we have."
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Poor Blue. This is pretty tough for him. I'm glad you showed that lots of people are on similar boats. You just don't know it.
Interesting. Blueblood suffers from depression, Cadence suffers from OCD, and Twilight suffers from OCPD. This actually explains Blueblood's and Twilight's behavior.
I wonder if Celestia ever wondered if she has a penchant of drawing 'broken' ponies around her or if she's the cause...
5792773 Yeah. Even if they're unable to appreciate it sometimes (as several mental illnesses like depression are wont to do), it's still nice to know.
You know... Blueblood's bringing up stuff that would be things the could legitimately be unhappy about, Twilight being sort of a "better version of him" that is less dysfunctional and useless. I know it's how depression works, it twists things that are bad into things that are really bad, but all of the stuff he's worried about seem like awful things he could never do anything about anyway, so it's no wonder he falls apart from them.
5792780 Well, depression comes and goes, so it's probably not the reason for everything he does. But, yeah, I think OCPD really pegs a lot of what's wrong with Twilight.
5792806 Well, I'd say that this is really only a high point in her experience of drawing people with hang-ups. I imagine there've been other times where she's mostly drawn sane ponies to her. That being said, I do imagine the thought's occurred to her
5793121 Yeah, all that is true, and all of that does have to be addressed. It's just the extreme fixation where he can't see anything good that's unhealthy.
5793243
5792806
That's the exact same question I thought about over the last two years, actually. But, is her immedate family truly this damaged?
Well, let's have a quick looksie, shall we? Her personal students will be counted here, too:
Blueblood: Depression.
Twilight: OCPD.
Cadance: OCD.
Sunset Shimmer: Megalomania.
Luna: Inferiority superiority complex.
Those are the ponies we definitely know about.
She may not be the case, but I wouldn't be surprised if Celestia ever looked in the mirror and wondered...
5796190 Yeah, but I just realized, there's a whole lot of damaged in this universe. For example:
Fluttershy has Generalized Anxiety Disorder,
Applejack has OCD,
Rainbow Dash has ADHD and a dusting of Narcisistic Personality Disorder,
Rarity has traits of Histrionic Personality Disorder,
Pinkie Pie has... something (ADD + Aspergers + psychotic depression?).
Add to that the fact that Princess Celestia herself has her own problems with what looks like depression and it seems less like she attracts those that have mental illnesses and more like that's all there is to attract.
When are they going to make up?
Depression runs my family and my husband's family as well. It is an awful experience.
11520382
Cristo vence la depresión.