• Published 6th Dec 2014
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The Cosmic King - Theyellowninja13



A teenager with the powers of a god get sent to Equestria. But his enemies are just as powerful, and the world is constantly put in danger. Can he save the ponies from himself and his enemies?

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Chapter 29 - Drinking Contest

I walked through Ponyville, using my night vision to find my way as it was getting dark. I was helping AJ and her family with a tough harvest, and had to stay over late to finish up. Even with my powers it still takes a long time to finish all that work, all over the farm.

I slowly navigated through the buildings, before I noticed a silhouette of a familiar pony, flying through the sky. With a jump, I took to the air, and quickly flew up behind her. 'You know you could totally rape her right now?' 'Shut up. I know I'm still 15 years old. I don't need to be reminded every five seconds.' "Hi Rainbow."

I heard the pony in question let out a startled gasp, before she quickly turned around, and delivered a swift kick to my face. With a small grunt, I grabbed my face, before comically pulling my face out of my skull, and regenerated it. "Sorry Connor! I didn't know it was you! I thought it was a spy!"

"It's okay. Nice reflexes though. But AJ kicks harder."


Earlier that day

"Hey Applejack!" I said, popping out from the leaves of a tree, startling the orange farmer. She quickly turned around, and bucked me straight in the face. I was flung through several trees, before stopping half a mile from where I was launched. "Ow."


Rainbow snorts. "Ha. I doubt it. After all, I am the great Rainbow Dash." She posed in the air.

"Technically it's evenly matched. You can kick at high speeds, but AJ can equal that power without moving. You should try grabbing her sometime, and flying really fast at an enemy, and allowing her to buck the baddie at high speeds. It might completely destroy the person." I reply with a smile, that made Rainbow try to think. "So... where you going this late at night?"

"Oh, I'm just heading out to the new bar that opened up. Wanna join?" I gave a small smile. Normally, I wouldn't be allowed in a bar, due to being a minor, but it's been 1015 years since I had my powers. While my form hasn't been around that long, the oldest Connor has.

"Sure."


Rainbow and I were sitting at the bar, being served some alcoholic drinks by Berry Punch. I was handed a mug of some cider. I looked over, and noticed Rainbow was already through her second glass. I gave a small smile, before chugging down my drink. I slammed it down on the counter, asking for more.

As I was handed my second drink, Rainbow was somehow on her fifth, and starting to get tipsy. As I downed my third, Rainbow decided to speak up. "Hey *hic* Connor, I challenge you a drinking contest. Loser pays for the drinks."

"Are you sure? You seem pretty drunk already."

"I bet you're just afraid I'd beat you in a contest." She bragged.

"You're on." I wave over Berry, who handed us a few drinks to start, and I noticed ponies gathering around, placing bets.

'I totally bet Rainbow Dash will win.'

'Is Connor too young to be in a drinking contest?'

"Connor will totally win! He can beat monsters with his eyes closed!'

'I will devour your souls.'

"Ready... set... GO!" Berry yelled, and me and Rainbow started downing drink after drink. 'Good thing I can't get drunk.' I smiled, as I downed my 50th drink, and was still perfectly normal. Rainbow on the other hand, was on her 20th, and was having trouble staying awake.

I was on my 100th, and Rainbow finally passed out, her head slamming into the table. Berry grabbed my right arm, and lifted it up, speaking over the shouting crowd. "And Connor is the winner!" I noticed bags of bits were being passed around.

"Anyone else want to challenge me?" I yelled, and a pony remarkably similar to Bulk Biceps walked up, giving a loud yell, before sitting down on the other side of me.

I gave a small smile, as Berry yelled 'go!' and we both started drinking.


"Ugh... my head." I tried to open my eyes, but when the light hit them, and quickly closed them. "Somepony turn off the sun." After minutes passed, and my raging headache weakened, I was able to open my eyes, and I saw the familiar look of the ceiling of my house. I got up, and looked around, noticing I was in my house. "How did I get here?"

I heard something fall off the bed, and looked to see a small purple crystal. I picked it up, recognizing Connor's handiwork. As soon as I brought it to my face, it glowed, and Connor's voice came out. "Had a good night Rainbow? Heh... don't worry about the money for the drinking contest, it would cost too much for you, so I paid it. Also, as a word of advice, don't challenge someone who can't get drunk from alcohol to a drinking contest." With that, the crystal stopped glowing, and disappeared in a flash of light.

"What exactly happened? I don't remember challenging Connor to a drinking contest." I stumble out of my bedroom, and was heading to my front door. "I'm gonna go ask him what happened." I heard my stomach growl, right before I opened the door. "After breakfast." I walked over to my kitchen to get something to eat.


I knocked on Connor's door, before opening it. I looked around, expecting to see Connor doing something, but I didn't see him. What I did see was a staircase in one of his walls, going down. Curious, and totally not afraid, I walked down the stairs.

As I went down, and down, I noticed a small light at the bottom of the stairs. I quickly trotted down the rest of the steps, before entering the room, and looking around. The room had several stacks of barrels covering most of the floor. I tried to look at the labels of them, thinking it was stuff like AJ's cider, but they all had strange names; stuff like cyanide, liquid dimethylmercury, polonium, ricin, and something called arsenic. Getting a bit worried (for Connor's safety of course, after all, he still is a colt) I called out his name.

Hearing a faint reply, I quickly dashed forward, weaving in between the barrels, before I came across my friend's slumped body. "Connor!" I ran up to him, pushing his head back, so he would un-slump and I could check to make sure he wasn't killed or anything. When I saw that he wasn't hurt, I went to slap him awake with my hoof. Surprisingly, he didn't stop it, and let me hurt him.


I was slapped awake from my nightmare-less slumber, and I saw the blurry shape of Rainbow. "Rainbow... what are you doing here?" I noticed my speech was a tad slurred. I felt something drip out of my mouth, and I dabbed my finger on it, before looking at it. "What the?" took a sniff of it, not smelling anything, before tasting it, tasting a familiar taste. "Arsenic?" Who knew arsenic tasted so good.

"Are you okay Connor?" Rainbow asked worryingly, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I think so. I'm having trouble remembering what happened last night. I remember taking you home, instead of some of the more sleazy bar patrons. And when I got back home, I was a bit exhausted from using a lot of energy that day, and when I leaned against a wall, I opened a secret passage, which I explored... finding this room. I think I saw some of the barrels of poisons and acids, and decided to drink some, to see what would happen. I think I can get drunk from poisons and acids." I slowly got up, before stretching. "But thanks for waking me up."

We started walking back up the stairs, and when asked, I told Rainbow what happened last night. While she seemed sad she lost, she seemed glad she didn't have to pay. When we got to the top of the stairs, and I was about to close off the staircase, Rainbow spoke up. "I just thought of a great idea! We should have another drinking contest, but in town square! And where I drink cider, you can drink your poison or acid or whatever."

I thought about it, curious who would win, and decided to agree. "Fine, but we should do it tomorrow. You're still hungover." Rainbow reluctantly agreed, and flew out my front door. I chuckled, using my powers to grab some cyanide from the cellar, and I put it down on a table, before closing off the staircase, and walking upstairs, and going into shutdown mode on my bed.


"Ready... set..." Mayor Mare said, as Rainbow and I got ready to start our contest in the middle of town. We were surrounded by most of Ponyville, who were all placing bets. Even the other element bearers were here, and placing bets. I overheard their conversations.

"I bet RD will win. That pony drinks enough to [insert countryism]."

"You're forgetting who her competition is. Connor is a god after all. And with his ability to heal, I wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't get drunk."

"I have no idea to support! If I support Rainbow Dash, then Connor will hate me, and if I support Connor, than Rainbow Dash will hate me!"

"I don't know either"

"Scientifically, Rainbow Dash would win, due to her experience with alcohol, while Connor is still a colt, and hasn't had that much experience drinking. But Connor's powers make up for that difference, because Connor might be able to heal as quickly as he drinks."

"Go!" Mayor Mare yelled, and Rainbow and I immediately downed our drinks, and slammed them on the table, before getting another.

By our fifth, Rainbow was getting tipsy again, and I would have smiled, but I knew that the cyanide will take ahold of me soon. By our tenth, everything was starting to get blurry.

When our 20ths came around, we were both having trouble staying awake. I lifted my next glass to my mouth, and some of it spilled out, and got on my shirt.

I slammed my 30th down, and was about to grab the next one, when my hand slipped, and my body gave out, slamming my head into the table. I barely heard the gasps, but I did know that Rainbow was still drinking. 'But it feels so good down here. Why don't you just nap?' 'No.' I quickly pushed myself back up, surprising the crowd, before grabbed two drinks at once, and slamming them down when I was done.

I kept on doing this, and by the time I was at my 40th, Rainbow passed out. I gave a small smile, before slamming mine down, and passing out as well, barely hearing the mayor yell. "And Connor is the winner!"

I woke up when I was being carried back to my house by my friends. And Twilight. When they got me to my house, I waved goodbye, before putting my trophy down, and taking a quick bath, before shutting down on my bed again.

Author's Note:

Another chapter done.

In case you're wondering, Connor get's drunk from drinking poisons and acids because they destroy his body quicker than alcohol. I have no idea how alcohol works in the first place, so I can't think of a better solution.

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