Chapter 4 - The Call to Adventure
The wind whipped past Twilight’s mane and her limbs and the rest of her as the cart careened down the trade road at what Twilight estimated was approximately twenty-four miles per hour. She was estimating, of course, because she had not had the time to properly judge the distance between milestone markers and one should never state a figure to be exact if it wasn’t. Of course, it didn’t help the fact that the strange mechanical contrivance she was on was moving at a pace unheard of by anypony who wasn’t either a pegasus or a train conductor. And trains typically had four solid walls around you while you went at absurd speeds, while this thing had a grab bar and a rope.
Yet when she could stop and ignore all of that, she had to marvel at the incredible mechanical complexity of this machine.A modified zero-four-zero wheel switcher mount attached to some kind of complex gear system, using some kind of propellant to spin what looks like some kind of rotating shaft and… Wait, how is she transferring the power? There’s no- Oh, it’s some kind of spinning shaft attached to the gearbox and- Clever! Terrifying, but clever!
As they rounded a bend onto the main trade road, Twilight noted the complex lever system Pinkamena was using to manipulate the wheels. Using some kind of rack-and-pinion setup to let her steer without needing to exert too much effort. She watched their driver chock a red lever forward into a different notch and the speed quickly reduced to a mere fast gallop rather than a murderous dive-bombing by a fully armored pegasus. “Whoo! Always like to get the pistons-a-pumpin’ before we settle in.” Pinkamena giggled, and Twilight chanced a glance at Rarity. Her friend’s poor mane had gone quite flyaway in the brief experience, but she did appear to be mostly held together. Well. Mostly.
Pinkamena pulled off her goggles and ratcheted one of the levers to a locked position and the cart slowed to a canter, grinning madly. “I still don’t know what to call the darn thing, but it’s not really ready for production anyway. Too much bite in the drive shaft and the engine keeps exploding, but it’s a good prototype.” Her eyes sparkled as she spoke, obviously trying very hard not to bounce out of her seat.
Twilight blinked a little at the declaration of an explosive engine, but decided to take it in stride. Obviously Pinkamena was still alive so perhaps it only exploded in some minor way like a blown pipe or a thrown gear. “It’s a remarkable machine,” she said brightly, wishing she could dig into the blank black box which contained the engine’s mechanisms. Sporting only a smoke pipe and the strange rotating shafts which appeared to be driving the mechanism that turned the wheels and- Sweet Sol Celestia, it was a combustion engine!
It was hard - very hard - not to gawp in fascination and pleasure at the naked black box that was producing such prodigious amounts of speed. She’d only heard about combustion engines in her advanced technical courses. The newest things out of the legendary Imperial Craftworks, they were capable of tremendous power and speed. Such engines were incredibly rare, requiring vast amounts of metal to safely build and a rare and difficult to produce fuel to even run. Of course, her teacher had described such devices with the sneering contempt of a Mage for technological marvels, but had been unable to conceal her admiration for them either.
Still, Unicornia didn’t have any earth-tar distilleries. So where in the world was she getting the fuel to run the darn thing? “Figured it out yet?” Pinkamena was smiling coyly, hoofing over a towel and a comb to a still somewhat frazzled Rarity. “You look like a smart mare. I’d like to see if you can puzzle it out.” For a moment, Twilight blanked out completely. And then the realization came, Ah, she wants me to figure out her fuel source. Well, there were perilous few things that could potentially run such an engine, so it shouldn’t be too hard to eliminate possibilities.
In the meanwhile, Pinkamena kept one eye on the road and began to chatter at them both. “Not that it was a big leap to figure out it could work, mind. The fuel was the easy part, really. It was getting the mix right that kept blowing up my engines.” She giggled faintly, and shook her head at the wide eyed look Rarity was sporting. “Oh, don’t be such a silly. It hasn’t had one single blow out since Hurricane Mountain! I’m actually quite proud of it.” She patted the cart next to her fondly, as though speaking about another pony.
Then she laughed happily, humming an odd tune under her breath. At least she could focus on the problem at hoof. It was a mix, so that was a good hint. Something powerfully flammable, but it had to be capable of mixing into other substances without losing any potency and- “I say, darling. Did you say your engines?” Rarity’s voice derailed her train of thought as surely as a copper bit on the tracks. Twilight took a deep breath, and then another, trying to remind herself why stuffing a giant cloth into Rarity’s gob would be uncouth and rude. Even if it would be immensely satisfying.
“Uh huh!” Pinkamena winked cheekily at her, eyes sparkling enthusiastically. “I made it myself! Big improvement over the Gear Grabber model, I think. Poppa thinks its kind of silly, but I reminded him that everypony thought some of his Ideas were pretty silly back in the day!” She giggled again, a sound Twilight was beginning to become both vaguely annoyed at and somewhat endeared by. Huh. Well there wasn’t much she could do about it now.
“How long until we reach Silberfelton?” Twilight felt it would be best to figure out what ran this car later, when she wasn’t atop it going at speed. It might be easier if she could catch a glimpse of the stuff.
“Hmm…” Pinkamena pondered, rubbing her chin. “Well if I turned on the speed, we could be there by lunchtime. Though at this pace we’ll get there by sleepy time.” She beamed at them both. “So I don’t suppose either of you know any good road tunes?”
Twilight could feel Rarity’s groan from where she was sitting.
~~~~~~~
Like all good Unicornian trade cities, Silberfelton had a reputation amongst the elite. Which was to say that anypony with a rank higher than Baron would tell you with absolute sincerity that such cities were dens of violence, debauchery, uncouth plebian sentiment, radical academics, labor organizers and a lot of other unmentionable bad influences. In short, they were the last place anyone would expect the heir to a Countess’ coronet to go without an army of retainers to help her remain above the fray.
Fortunately, none of those things really bothered Twilight all that much. Well, perhaps not the violence part, but trying to divorce large city living from violence would likely be like trying to stop teenaged colts and fillies on Harvest Night from sneaking hard cider and doing unmentionable thing to the statuary. Unlikely to succeed, at best.
The city actually swam into view hours before they would arrive there. Bright gas lamps lit the town with a flickering and warm glow that was just as adept at casting shadows as it was at banishing them. Tall smokestacks puffed out a steady supply of white steam that slowly rose into the air and created a faint haze above the town as the moon shone brightly above it. “Silberfelton,” intoned Pinkamena with a good imitation of some old stallion’s grumble. “You’ll not find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy in all of Unicornia.” She was clearly trying to get a rise out of Twilight, but Twilight wasn’t in a mood for such things.
“Really, darling.” Rarity snorted derisively, tossing her mane back and folding her hooves primly in her lap. “The working classes here aren’t all that bad. They’re really quite nice once you’ve bought them a few drinks.” She smiled slowly, eyes sparkling. “And they’ve the most wonderful ideas on how to improve the lot of all ponies in the four nations! Such grand political hopes and dreams, such romanticism! It’s enough to make a poor mare breathless with excitement.”
Twilight stared at her for a moment, wondering what madness had overtaken her friend for a moment before dismissing the thought with prejudice. Just Rarity being Rarity again, best not to encourage her lest she go off on a tangent. “Well, I for one could use some dinner.” Twilight proclaimed, followed shortly by a fierce rumble in her stomach area. “I don’t suppose either of you know someplace we could grab a quick bite before hunting down our transport?”
Pinkamena nodded, smiling faintly. “Might be hard to find a chariot this late at night, I’m afraid. But you oughta be able to arrange one for the morning.” Then a huge grin crossed her face, her eyes focusing into the distance. “As for food… Oh! A Hay-hay! That’ll be open.”
Rarity groaned again, covering her eyes with both hooves. “Oh, fie. Not that I’ve a problem with lower class cuisine, but can we not find something a trifle more sophisticated than a Hay-hay-hayburger?” There was a ripple of dread running through her voice that Twilight had to admit, she might have shared… if, well… Not that she would admit it in front of anypony she was related to, but… Well, she did sort of, kind of, maybe, probably, really like that place. It wasn’t her fault that fried potato shapes and flame seared hayburgers were so very delicious!
Twilight opened her mouth to voice just that thought when Pinkamena tutted softly. “You do realize how late it is, right? Nopony else stays open this late!” Then, she faintly smirked and spoke in a very soft tone of voice. One which Twilight oddly didn’t have to strain too hard to hear, even though Pinkamena’s lips barely moved and the chugging of the engine was filling the world around them with quite the racket. “Which is one of the reason profits haven’t been higher in years...”
Content of the words aside, how had she heard that? Her hearing was good, but it wasn’t that good. Worry about that later, Twilight. Got to find that chariot to Canterlot and when you’re safe in a dormitory room, worry about if you’ve developed preternatural senses. And while her mind was on the subject, why did she keep getting this sense that events were moving at an almost absurd speed. It was is if the universe itself was clearing her way to get to Canterlot, but that was absurd. Everypony knew that so-called fate was a load of hooey.
Whatever. Once they were in town, things would become simpler.
Except getting into town was going to prove more difficult than presumed, because the gates were shut, guarded, and anypony trying to gain entrance was being questioned. Or at least, that’s what it looked like from the hundred or so yards back where Pinkamena stopped her cart. “Who’s got a bee in their bonnet this time…” The strange earth pony muttered, hauling back on a lever which did… something unseen before turning to them. “Looks like we’ll need to walk.”
“Whatever seems to be the trouble, dear?” Rarity had just finished wrapping a scarf around her neck, and from somewhere had produced a fashionable hat. How Rarity did it, Twilight did not know, but she was certain some sort of dimensional space was being employed to hold all of her friends various accoutrement.
Pinkamena pointed at the gate post. “Baron Lucre’s goons, it looks like. That old bitpincher’s asking a whole lotta questions you two prolly don’t wanna be answering.” She eyeballed them both, her cheerful demeanour gone almost deathly serious. “Though I gotta admit, I’m surprised he’s willing to risk his profits like this. I gotta wonder what crawled up his plothole.”
Twilight felt her blood run cold. Baron Lucre had ordered this? But how? Wasn’t Silberfelton supposed to be under the rule of Sir Loin? And how did he get word here so swiftly? Did he send off a messenger pigeon an hour after I vanished? Or… Or had those goons she’d seen on the road simply continued all the way here? But that was impossible, wasn’t it?
Things were quickly spiralling out of her control, and she did not like it one sticky bit. Perhaps this had been mother’s doing. Yes, that would make far more sense than some mere baron attempting to intercept her on his own recognizance. Mother knew no few powerful communications spells with which she could contact the subjects under her command and deliver her orders. Surely they’d been instructed to delay her long enough for some sort of guard company to arrive, likely lead by poor Shining Armor.
Well, she wasn’t about to let them - “Twilight, stop glaring into the distance! We must hurry!” That was Rarity’s voice, quietly frantic in her ear. Twilight shook herself from her reverie to see the guards moving up the line that had grown at the gates, lead by an agitated looking Unicorn with a mean disposition and a frightening mein. Pinkamena was nowhere to be seen, but Rarity was pulling her towards an alley between a pair of out-buildings.
Something twinged in the back of her mind that told her that it was time to go, and things were about to become very dangerous. Twilight grabbed her bags and half stumbled off the fascinating cart to follow Rarity to wherever she might be trying to take her. Obviously, she’d have to wait until later to study the cart, so she quickly moved her hooves. It wasn’t until the darkness of the night had nearly consumed her in the back alleyways that she heard and felt a dull thud go rumbling all around her, and a fast glance back showed a brief flash of reddish-yellow flame before returning the world to darkness. “What the…?” She whispered, wondering what had happened.
“That’ll keep ‘em busy for a little bit. Come on, Miss Twilight, we’ve got to hurry!” Pinkamena’s voice in her ear was rough and more than a little frightened, but it was also quivering with excitement. Twilight turned to speak, desperate for some kind of explanation, but it was not to be as her two companions grabbed hold of her shoulders and dragged her into the night.
~~~~~~~~
Their rapid escape would not end until they reached a massive crack in the outer walls of Silberfelton, where a sketchy looking pair of earth ponies in matching bowler hats and rough working suits stood casually by a barrel. They were both smoking some kind of foul herbal concoction in their pipes, and looked to have been drinking rather steadily under a dim but visible gas lantern. Or at least, thats what it smelled like. “Wotchu want?” One of them sneered at them, his beady red eyes squinting at them.
Twilight once again tried to open her mouth to demand explanations, but Rarity actually smacked her muzzle and gave her a thoroughly repressive look. Pinkamena tossed a little brown cloth sack at them, and cocked her head expectantly. One pony caught the sack in his teeth, and jerked his head over his shoulder as though all of this was completely normal to him. Soon, Twilight found herself bundled along through the strangely positioned crack in the wall. Surely somepony should’ve noticed the damage and would’ve sent a work crew to sort it out, wouldn’t they?
But as thick as the wall was, it was not so thick as to make her feel more than a trifle uncomfortable being shoved through a damaged portion of it and onto the other side. “I thought you said you’d never been here before.” Rarity whispered harshly through the darkness as they emerged on the other side, the flickering and glowing lights of the city pulsing just beyond the alleyway they’d found themselves in.
“Never said that, Silly. Just said I was visiting.” Pinkamena smiled faintly in the darkness, leaning on the wall. “Try to keep up, you’re both in way deeper doodoo than I’d first thought. What did you two do to piss off Baron Lucre? He’s not the sort of pony you cross without thinking about it.” Then her eyes focused on Twilight for a moment, and she wondered just what was running through Pinkamena’s mind in that second. “Unless you don’t know about that side of him…” She said, a lot more slowly and thoughtfully.
“I thought he was just somepony who’d bought his title,” Rarity ventured quietly, tapping her hooves together with a little tremor in her voice. “I mean, that’s hardly unusual amongst the sort of ponies the Countess keeps around as advisors.”
Twilight was tired of not being able to speak. So she spoke perhaps a trifle louder than she’d intended to. “Would somepony here please tell me what in the name of the Avatar’s is going on here?!” Her words were as sharp as broken glass and… well she hadn’t precisely been yelling but her volume control was certainly a touch out of whack.
Pinkamena pushed back a stray lock of bushy mane and gave her a sober look. “Those guards were looking for you two. They work for Baron Lucre, I saw his house emblem on their clothes. Lucre… doesn’t have a great reputation.” She grimaced, pinching at her snout. “No, that’s not fair. It’s better to say that everypony below the salt knows he’s basically a criminal lord of some kind, but nopony’s stupid enough to say that in public. Someponies think he’s working for someone in Canterlot, or maybe Platinum City, but nopony knows for sure.” Her eyes narrowed, and she spoke sharply. “How could you possibly not know that? Heck, even most of the other Barons know that about him…”
“Twilight is… a touch sheltered,” Rarity quickly pushed her hoof into Twilight’s mouth to shut her up, and the glare Rarity gave her a moment later was more than enough to quell her momentary anger. Why would Mother allow a criminal to become a Baron? What in Equus had she not been told? Had this been what Jam had been arguing with her mother about? “Regardless of that, this is going to make finding a chariot ride more complicated. Ideas?” She was now exclusively talking to Pinkamena, though she’d removed her hoof from Twilight’s mouth.
Pinkamena shook her head. “Not immediately. I suppose I could swing some of my weight around, but Poppa would get rather pissed at me if I did.” She chuckled ruefully, tapping her chin. “But I am serious when I say I need to know why he wants you two. It’ll change how we can approach the situation and-”
Twilight had had enough of this. “I don’t know what the big deal is, honest!” She huffed, stamping her hoof in impatience. “Surely I do not. All I had said was I’d figured out a complicated magical-mechanical problem and all of a sudden everypony was losing their minds!” She threw her hooves up in the air, wondering if perhaps she oughtn’t to be a bit more discreet. But frankly, that part of her brain was no longer fully in control of things right now. “I know all new discoveries are disruptive, but this is ridiculous!”
“Wait, slow down, Miss Twilight!” Pinkamena grabbed her flailing hooves and pulled them back down to the ground. “What do you mean, ‘complicated magical-mechanical’ problem?”
Twilight knew she should’ve kept her trap shut. Surely she did, but given the ridiculousness that was already going on, what did she have to lose? “I invented a Mana Battery!” She snarled into the dark silence of the alleyway, pulling out her precious leather case and hurling open the snaps to show her the still glowing blue crystal. “It’s even got a bonded copper coil to hook up to any device you could imagine! And this is going to finally get me into Avatar Celestia’s academy!”
Silence followed her proclamation, and after a few moments of it Twilight took stock of the shocked and awed look on Pinkamena’s face. “I… it’s…” The pink earth pony was stumbling over her words, and it was impossible to not see the flickering of a thousand different thoughts racing through her mind as she stared at the glowing object. “No wonder the Baron’s after you.” She finished her stumbles with a whisper, both hooves coming up to cover her mouth primly. “You’re… You’ve got no idea what you have there, do you?” Pinkamena looked up, a huge smile slowly growing on her face. Twilight felt ultimately confused at that. Didn’t she just say what it was? “No, of course you don’t… Yes. Right.” Pinkamena socked one hoof into the other, her smile huge. “We’ve got to get you to Canterlot, no matter what. Poppa will understand.”
“Wait. We?” Rarity cut in, her eyes narrowing. “And just what interest do you have in getting Twilight to Canterlot, now? What on Equus is so special about that fiddly little thing? I mean, it’s quite pretty and I’d love to have a few for some of my designs but-”
Pinkamena cut her off. “Don’t worry about it for now. I’m on your side, and I want to make sure you get safely where you’re going.” She fluttered her hooves at the case. “Lock that thing up and don’t tell anypony else about it if you can. We’ve got to move.” Twilight felt a surge of annoyance at being told twice in a matter of days about how she should not reveal her invention to anypony, but she complied anyway. There was obviously a deeper game being played here and she needed to be careful if she was going to survive it.
‘Move’ apparently meant getting onto the streets and sauntering towards the center of town. The instant Twilight stepped out onto the main path, a tidal wave of sounds, smells and sights assaulted her from every angle. She even swayed a bit in place until Rarity bolstered her on one side and kept her moving in Pinkamena’s wake. The town was a mixing bowl of all four pony tribes bustling about even this late into the night, when most sane Unicornian’s would have long since been in bed. Some things were just civilized.
And though Twilight had only rarely seen crystal ponies before, here there were dozens of them. Many of them apparently merchants of some type or another, hawking wares from their far off nation or hoof-made crystalline goods that shone in the gaslamp lights. Including some very fine examples of Commonwealth crystal that her hooves itched to buy up as quickly as she possibly could. Alas, her funds were not that considerable. She was certain she could purchase more once she reached Canterlot.
But there was precious little time to gawp, as Pinkamena was scurrying through the crowd like a seapony darted through coral reefs. Twilight, for her part, merely pulled her hood up more firmly over her head and tried not to look too conspicuous. She was still not certain she entirely understood what was going on around here, but she did know that when somepony said you were in danger that it was usually a pretty good idea to believe them until you had better data. Usually. Sometimes they were just being jerks, but one could not presume that somepony was being a jerk when they could be entirely sincere.
The crowds began to thin as they moved deeper into the city, Rarity ever at her side and continually darting concerned looks at her. “I’m okay, Rarity. I promise.” Twilight tried to soothe her, putting on her very best smile. It wasn’t a terribly great one, but she wasn’t trying to hide anything right now. She was fine, just a little miffed and concerned that perhaps she had missed a vital calculation somewhere.
Mother had always implored her to become more aware of the consequences of her actions in a complex environment, but Twilight had never really seen the need until now. It was clear that somehow she’d stumbled into a briar’s patch of politics and money, and even she was not so naive as to not understand the perils of that confluence of forces. “I know, dear. I’m simply worried for you.” Rarity, for once, kept her words simple. “And I do not wish to see you come to harm.” Her words descended into an almost secretive whisper, and Twilight wondered for the first time if perhaps Rarity held a greater affection for her than she’d realized.
It was a thought she’d have to tackle another time. “Hurry. We’re being followed.” Pinkamena spoke quietly as they took yet another seemingly endless turn. “Once we’re inside we’ll be safe for a little bit, but I don’t think we’re going to have time to wait for a morning chariot.” The way Pinkamena was speaking, it was as if she thought they were in mortal danger! But that was silly and impossible. Surely mother would not have sent anypony to harm her, especially not this quickly. Surely things were not so far out of control as to result in violence. Surely.
Wait. “Inside where?” Twilight asked, but Pinkamena shook her head and picked up her pace. Twilight, having no other options she could think of, merely moved faster too. Well, she might be a little slow on the uptake so far, but she would be damned if she remained so. “Pinkamena, who is following us?” She asked insistently, but got no answer as they rounded a corner and found themselves in front of…
A stone barricade, strewn across the street and decisively blocking their way. “This isn’t supposed to be here…” Pinkamena said in a quiet, shocked voice. Her head bobbing to and fro. “Something’s wrong. Very wrong!” And she was right. The streets had gone quiet, and there was no sign of somepony else around to see what was happening. The sound of thudding hooves began to rapidly fill their ears. Many ponies were rushing towards them, confused voices crying out in the night and Twilight was almost entirely sure they were not friendly to her or her friend. “Uh oh…” Pinkamena said, her voice trembling.
“Oi! You lot!” A soft, almost squeaky voice cut through the noise. What? Twilight’s brain balked as she tried to suss out the location of the voice. “This way! Come on then, before they spot ya!” There. In a dark alley she’d not immediately seen, to their left. Pinkamena was already running, and Rarity not far behind her. It could be a trap. It could be a trick. But it was not a certainty to be either of those things. So she ran too, darting into the alleyway just in time for the sounds behind her to rise to a cacophony. “Right, they’re in! Close it up, lads!” The squeaky voice proclaimed, and a wooden fence dropped into place from on high, blocking them from the view of the streets and casting them into a dark gloom.
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The updates! There are so many!
Guessing they ran into Pipsqueak. Good for them
Call to Adventure? Is that a Hero's Journey reference I spy?
That, Twilight, is the miracle of having friends who can help you with stuff.
I c wat u did there.
Wonder who that squeaky-voice is. And of course, why a Mana Battery is such a big deal.
I wonder how many more chapters until the buffer runs out? So, I see Pinkie retains her smart traits here. Twilight, fate may be more real than you think... I see Twilight's in the awkward position of having one's worldview severely rattled. Why does everypony want that Mana Battery (glad to have a proper name for it) so badly? Let's hope these guys are friendly.
A little item--I might have more as I go: If "mother" is being used as a proper noun, capitalize it. (E.g. "Fortunately, Mother quickly found some minor disaster...")
Rogue capital there in 'Ideas'.
5294367 But Pipsqueak's the most evil pony on the show!
Dear Faust, Twilight! I get that you're sheltered, but you can't be that naive. You discovered your world's equivalent of cold fusion. Just...use that big, beautiful brain of yours, m'kay?
Now think very carefully a device that stores magic. That can use it to power devices. There is a good reason, is after it.
5295561
One of the things I've had so much fun with when it comes to this fic is that Twilight is more defined by the narrowness of her experience. When your world is incredibly small, and your only true access to things outside of it are controlled by someone who doesn't want you wandering far from home...
It's a LOT of fun peeling away the layers that they've never seen past before and showing the growth.
It's kind of fun how sheltered Twilight is. It's like we're learning about the world with her.
As for the Mana Battery, I can just imagine how it could be used. Just imagine an Earth Pony war machine powered by magic instead of coal. It's pretty much the equivalent of the Manhattan Project in terms of weapons.
You know, I don't have a problem with swearing, but it should at least be consistant. That's like saying "Stick your dick in my vajayjay". It just sounds weird.
Also, Twilight's sheltered nature is weird. I could understand if she knew nothing of the practical world, but everything we're shown indicates that she has a very poor understanding of politics too, which seems contrary to everything we've been told about how Twilight's mother treated her. If she expected Twilight to be her heir, so much so that she is deliberately keeping her from certain kinds of education, why would she then not give Twilight the education she actually thinks she needs.
If the complex political situation involves Lucre, then at the ball, Twilight could have potentially embarrassed her mother (even more than she did) through ignorance, which seems like something her mother would want to avoid....hell, that's exactly what happened.
I just feel like the driving point in this plot rests firmly on a character acting stupid. After all, if she had been told of the political situation, whatever it is, she never would have mentioned her mana battery. Maybe there is a reason, but I cant think of one that would square Twilight's mothers nature of controlling her and shepherding her down a path of politics, with simultaneously keeping her from the politics.
5295929
Firstly, I've got no idea what your point is on the swearing. Different characters find different words to be objectionable? Uh, that's called 'complexity'.
As to the politics - You clearly have never tried to teach a Teenager something they didn't want to learn. I beleive I have hammered home the point that Twilight finds Politics to not merely be objectionable, but to have a complete disdain for the concept as well as all concepts of social norms. Of course her mother tried to teach her the important bits, but Twilight was all too likely zoning out, retaining just enough to keep her mother happy, and otherwise thinking on complex magical formula. And once she left those lessons, likely swept out the detritus to make room for things SHE thought to be important.
As to why she doesn't know about Lucre... well, there are things EVERY parent hides from their child, and when you find out the sort of things she was trying to hide, I'd hope you understand.
Its as if I've got a penchant for writing highly flawed, complex characters instead of cliches.
5296029
Thanks for your reply. Firstly, my point about swearing is that, well, I've never really encountered anyone who swears like that, and I'm Australian. I know swearing.
It just doesn't make a lot of sense, at least to me. If people swear, then that usually means that they don't have have a problem with the words. So why is it Pinkie has a problem saying doodoo instead of shit, but doesn't use a euphemism for piss? especially when they're both basically the same swear word when you think about it. I could understand if she had an aversion to some of the bigger swear words, but it was really these two, right next to each other, that just struck me as weird.
Still, Pinkie is Pinkie, so....*shrug*, or it could build up to be an actual facet of her character (i.e. a combination of harder and childish words) but we never really see it beyond this. Again, I don't so much have a problem with it if it becomes a part of the character, it's just that it was this single instance out of nowhere. I felt like "wait, the Pinkie we've been talking to wouldn't say 'piss'" but maybe I just need to see more of her. Which I look forward to
Secondly. I think my words were poorly chosen in my last comment. I didn't mean to imply that her naivety in political matters was a problem. That I get. My problem wasn't so much Twilight as it was the fact that she is entirely ignorant about this massive political clusterfuck that is apparently cooking. It just seems like this problem, which I might be wrong about since we still don't know what it is, is so HUGE it just strains credulity a bit to think she had absolutely no knowledge of it. Maybe if she had just had the sketchy details? I dunno. Like I said, just a tad odd.
Hey, I didn't mean to come off as insulting you, I am still really enjoying this story, don't think I'm not. I just like giving criticism
Like I said, my objection to Pinkie will probably be remidied by more, erm, screentime? and the Twilight one will hopefully be explained when details of the...thing are revealed. Please don't take offense to my comments. I didn't mean to imply to can't write good characters. I've loved a lot of you're stories, including this one.
I just have this desire to point out even the smallest flaws in stories, in the hopes that by pointing them out I can help make great writers that little bit better, my own tiny contribution. That's the thing about criticism. I may have brought up those points, but that means that I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed the rest of the story if those were the only problems I have.
I just really don't like thinking I inadvertently offended the author of a story, because I do genuinely think that criticism is the best way a reader can give back to the author.
So, we have a device that will change the industry of the world, a cool car, a corrupt politician, and even a group of "street rebels" helping the main characters. This is starting to feel more like a spy movie than Avatar.
Still lots of fun!
5296110
Hmmm, well this actually reminds of Asami in Legend of Korra. How her father was doing bad things totally without her knowledge. Basically we have the same situation. The parent is going to great lengths to keep something hidden from their child. If this baron is really just a crook that her Mother keeps around to do "dirty work" then that would explain why Twilight was sheltered. Even if it makes logical sense to expose Twilight to the dirty side of politics early on, parents aren't always rationale when it comes to their child.
So...
Why do I have the feeling Luna is the real badguy...
Link to cover art source?
likely lead by poor Shining Armor
lead by an agitated looking Unicorn
1 & 2. Led.