Chapter 9: Foolishness and anger.
Doctor Hooves was traipsing around his house, making himself some morning coffee. Each step he took was slow and plodding, a lost look on his face.
It had been three days. Three whole days since Derpy had given up on him. He had left her alone as she wanted, but he was still hurting deep inside. He couldn’t figure out what had happened. One minute he was waking her up to go to breakfast, and the next she began to have a breakdown and told him she wanted to break up.
He sighed as he poured the mix into the coffee machine, feeling unsure of what to do. He wanted her back, but he didn’t know what to say. There had to be something behind her sudden freak out. He thought maybe he should talk to Dinky again. He knew the two of them were extremely close, so Derpy had surely told her daughter what was troubling her. Dinky wanted her mom to be happy, so she wouldn’t have any issue telling him what was wrong so he could fix it. At least he hoped so. Maybe things really were over between them. A quiet tear came down his face.
***
Derpy was on the job. With her mail cap and bag of deliveries she walked from house to house placing the right mail in the right mailboxes. As she went on about her deliveries she came as she always did upon the house of Doctor Hooves. And just as she had the past few days she always began to feel bad as she placed his mail in the box. Taking off her cap she picked up the letter she had written for him and also put it in the box. It was only a few lines long, telling him she wanted to talk later on after her shift ended.
With a few days to think she now felt ready to speak with him. She still wasn’t sure what she wanted, but she owed him an explanation after the way she had parted from him. It wasn’t his fault, after all.
As she walked away she did feel a brief desire to run back and take her letter back, a little afraid of what might come of their conversation, but she forced herself to keep going. Needless to say the rest of her shift she felt restless, both wanting the conversation to come as fast as possible and to never happen.
When she got to the last house she felt grateful it was over with, and she flew home. As she neared her house she felt a jolt in her heart as she saw he was sitting down in front of her door. Angling her body to head lower she landed about a hundred feet from her house to avoid scaring him.
He turned around as he heard the sound of hoof steps. “Derpy,” he said emotionlessly, an impassive look on his face.
“Doctor Hooves,” she responded. “Won’t you come in?”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you sure you want to do that?” Angrily he continued in a sarcastic voice, “Because Celestia knows I’m just a heartless monster waiting to prey on you, right?”
“I deserved that. And you deserve a reason. Something came up that day. Something I wasn’t expecting.” She walked up to the door, getting her key from her bag and unlocking the door. “And it gave me quite a fright. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
She walked into the house, turning her head to make sure he was following. He came in, closing the door behind him. She headed to the kitchen, him behind her. She sat down at the table, and he took one across from her.
“Well?” he said, crossing his hooves. “So after three days you leave a note in my mailbox? What, did you not have the guts to ask me for a meeting face to face?”
“Look, Doctor, I know you’re mad. I get it. I didn’t want that to happen either. I… I need to talk with you about what set me off.”
“Fine, then. Talk.”
***
“I see,” said Doctor Hooves a few minutes later as Derpy finished her story, recounting her dream turned nightmare. “So you still hold feelings for Shooting Star…”
Pushing out his chair he got up. “I can’t believe this!” he said furiously. “I really expected better of you!”
“Doctor… I…”
“No!” he said sharply, rounding on her. “You’re free to love who you want. I understand that Dinky was the result of your union and that he was your first so there will always be some degree of affection there. I’m not mad about that.” He began pacing back and forth. “I’m mad that you dumped me on a vague hope that not only will he return, but he’ll be the dream stallion you always wanted. You’re not a kid anymore, so why don’t you grow up and get over it? If you want to sit here and be all alone the rest of your life hoping your little dream will come true that’s your business, but I don’t deserve to be treated this way!
“I gave you everything I had. I was patient and loving and understanding, never pushing past the boundaries you put up. And apparently none of that means anything. All I am to you is Shooting Star number two? ARE YOU KIDDING? I’m only an arrogant jerk who just wants to use you then throw you away like a piece of trash? Really? REALLY?”
Derpy could hear the pain in his voice as tears began to come down his eyes, and she felt her heart began to ache as well. “Doctor,” she started as she got up, but she was cut off again.
“No!” he snapped at her. “If that’s what you want than FINE! I’m gone! Enjoy your lonely life.” He began walking towards the living room.
Derpy ran after him, getting in front of him. “Please stop!” she said, crying hard too now. “I’m sorry!”
At first he ignored her, walking around her but then he stopped. “Why should I stop?” he said in a quiet voice. “So you can compare me some more to the guy who ruined your life with no remorse? Do I really seem like that kind of stallion to you?”
Derpy walked until she was in front of him again. “No. You don’t.” She put her lips to his, kissing him. After a few seconds she pulled away, saying, “I don’t want to lose you. I really do love you, and I think you’re the best thing that has ever come into my life. I’m sorry that I hurt you. It was never my intention. I still want to be yours. That is, if you still want me?” She lifted a hoof toward him, giving him pleading eyes.
He looked down at her hoof. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Absolutely.”
After staring at her hoof for a while he finally took it. “You’re a fool, you know that?” But he said it with a smile.
She returned the gesture. “Only a fool for you.”
“And that’s the best kind of fool there is.”
The two of them moved their heads toward each other, kissing each other a few times. He put the hoof not holding her around her neck, rubbing it gently.
She moved her head to his neck. “I still want to go out for our six month anniversary, but I’m still not ready for a solo date. Please understand. I’m not trying to put you down. I want to trust you, but I’ve carried this pain for ten years. It’s not just going to go away overnight. If you want to prove yourself to me then just keep doing what you’ve been doing this whole time: being your fantastic self. My patient, kind, loving stallion.”
“Okay, Derpy.” He kissed her ear, making her giggle. He slowly kissed down her face until he reached her neck, hearing her let out some content sounds.
Derpy closed her eyes, enjoying the sensations. She nuzzled his face as he continued kissing her. She kissed his ear too, then gave it a little nibble. He gasped a little, and she pulled back, kissing him aggressively on the lips.
“Whoa!” she cried out as he suddenly jumped away from her, and she nearly fell to the floor. “W-what?” she said, looking around for the source of his distress. “What happened?”
“I-I gotta go,” he said with a blush as he turned around, heading towards the door.
“What happened?” she said again. “Are you still mad at me?”
“No,” he replied quickly. “Dinky isn’t here, and we’re home alone. I’m not taking any chances.”
“Huh? Oh… right.” He seemed to be walking in slow motion as he continued toward the door. After a few seconds she said, “No!”
He turned his head toward her. “No… what?”
“I don’t want to stop!” She had a tingle in her tummy and she could still feel the warmth of him against her, feel her skin buzzing from where he kissed her. “You can’t just start and then stop like that.”
Doctor Hooves tilted his head a little, feeling confused. “But didn’t you just say-”
“I don’t care what I said before. This is what I want now.” She took a few steps toward him. “I’ve missed you. I want to be near you. I want to kiss you and hold you close to me. I want to feel your love. We were just having a good time. How can you tease me like this?”
“Derpy,” he said warningly, “you’re not making any sense. I should go now.”
She frowned, tears beginning to form in her eyes. “Why? You said you love me. What’s wrong with showing me that it’s the truth? It’s not like you’re gonna do anything inappropriate to me. We can just kiss some more.” She fluttered her eyebrows at him. “Pleeease?”
Doctor Hooves felt his stomach tensing. His body was starting to react to her flirting and her innocent voice. His mind felt a little hazy. It would be so easy to give in. She was asking for it, and he had no intention of hurting her. All he had to do was say yes. Just say yes. Just say… yes.
He took a deep breath, looking her deep in the eyes and saying firmly, “NO!” At that declaration he felt his mind clearing.
Derpy began blinking, the tears that had been forming before starting to come down her eyes. “Why not?”
“Because you’re not in control of your actions right now. I said from the beginning that I wasn’t going to be your next regret, and I’m not going to take advantage of your desire to be loved just so you can feel satisfied in the moment and regret it later on. You said not even a minute ago you weren’t ready for a single date, but now you’re asking to have a make-out session while we’re alone? Nothing doing! I do love you very much, and that’s why I’m leaving: To save you from yourself. You’ve being a slave to your own body and I don’t feel safe being here. When you began chewing on my ear I started feeling a little… ah… frisky.”
“What’s the big deal?” she said angrily. “Me and Shooting Star used to make-out all the time without things going that far.”
“And we both know how well that turned out for you in the end.”
She winced, the truth of that statement impossible to ignore.
“Goodbye, Derpy. I’ll see you on the anniversary.”
She felt like sobbing as he continued walking toward the front door. “So that’s it, then?” she said emotionally, her voice coming out shaky. “What’s wrong with wanting to be loved? After having my heart broken I’m finally trying to love again, and I chose you. What’s wrong with it? HUH?”
He stopped, but he didn’t turn around. “If you can’t understand what the problem is than its all the more reason I can’t stay here. You’ll see it later. I’m sorry for getting you worked up. I do love you, Derpy, and the best love has to wait for the proper time.
“You’re love starved after all those years of being single and trying to do all you can to make it by alone. But you can’t seem to find a happy medium, given how quickly you shifted gears from dumping me to taking me back to telling me you weren’t ready to be alone to trying something you know will lead to trouble for both of us. I told you before I have a lot of respect for you and who you are, and I won’t allow you to ruin your own opinion of yourself like this when you’re letting your heart and body dictate your actions and not your mind.” Without another word he continued walking, shutting the door behind him as he left.
Derpy took several hiccupping breaths, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. “Jerk. Jerk. Jerk! Jerk! JERK! JERK!” She hit a wall as she let out a wail and fell to the ground, curling up into a ball as she began sobbing.
About ten minutes later Dinky came home from school. “Mom! I’m home!” she yelled out, throwing her saddlebag on the couch.
Her joyful demeanor faded as she heard a sad whimpering sound coming from behind her. She turned around, seeing her mother curled up and shaking. “Mom!” she said, running toward her. “What happened?” She put a hoof on her mother’s shoulder, shaking it.
Derpy looked up, her eyes red from crying. She didn’t have any words at the moment. It hurt too much. Pushing her legs down until they were flat on the floor she grabbed Dinky and held her close on her lap, shaking and sniffing as tears poured down her face.
Dinky didn’t know what was wrong, but she put her hooves around her mom anyway, rubbing her back. “It’s okay, Mom,” she said gently. “I’m here.”
“Of course you are,” Derpy replied, her voice hoarse. “You always are. You’re there for me whenever I need you. And that’s why I’m still alive today.”
Dinky grunted as her mom’s body tensed hard, making it hard to breathe. After a few seconds it passed, and the iron grip around her loosened. “What happened, Mom?”
“That jerk!” she said angrily. “Stupid Doctor Hooves! He really is just like all the rest!”
Dinky felt a pit in her stomach. She didn’t like the sound of that. “Don’t say that.”
Anger began to wipe out her sadness, and her body tensed again. “How could he do that to me? Shows how he really feels about me!”
“What did he do?” Dinky asked, hoping it wasn’t as bad as she thought.
“I invited him over to talk things out after the way I just ran out on him the other day. So I told him about my dream and my fears and at first he felt mad because he felt I was abandoning him for no good reason, because Shooting Star may never come back, but then I told him that I still wanted to go out with him on our anniversary, but with a chaperone like usual. It would just make me feel better.
“We sealed the deal with a kiss and played around a little bit, and then all of a sudden he bails, barely saying a word.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s an idiot! He thinks I’m just some cheap girl who wants to shack up with any stallion that comes around.”
Dinky gave her mom a questioning look. That didn’t seem like Doctor Hooves at all.
“All I wanted was to be romantic and enjoy each other’s bodies a little. I wasn’t looking to mate, but he was under the impression I was oh so eager for it. Moron!”
Dinky was losing track of the conversation. Things were delving into an area she had no expertise or experience in, and she wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Well… what do you mean, “Enjoy each other’s bodies?””
“I just wanted to kiss and snuggle and maybe sit on his lap as we said loving words to each other. That’s… all! But he’s trying to tell me I don’t get it and I’m being foolish! Does he think I’m really that stupid that I would do the exact same thing I did with Shooting Star? I don’t want to go through that ever again. I wouldn’t have let things get to that point.”
“Mom?” said Dinky quietly.
“Yes?”
“Don’t you already do that now?”
Derpy sighed. “Let me put in a way you’ll understand. Have you ever had a time when Cheerilee left the classroom for a short time?”
“Yeah. Some stallion needed to talk with her about the school.”
“And how did everyone else act while she was gone?”
“Well, we all got wild, I guess. Ponies were throwing paper at each other and laughing and talking and roughhousing.”
“That’s the exact difference I’m talking about.”
“Hmm?” she said, not getting the connection. “What does that have to do with Doctor Hooves?”
“The difference is in who is watching. If the teacher was standing right in front of you and looking at you are you going to be passing notes or making fun of anyone else?”
“No.”
“But once you know that no one is there to stop you then you feel free to get a little wild and crazy.
“Yes, me and Doctor Hooves kiss, and we sit next to each other and all that, but we have to be restrained because you’re there. Does he really think I’m that juvenile? I just want to be loved! Why is that a bad thing?”
Dinky felt a little insulted at first, but once more she felt like she was trying to comprehend something beyond her reach. “I love you… but I guess that’s not the love you’re talking about. You mean like a mommy and daddy love?”
“Right. Love takes many different forms. There is parent and child, and brother and sister, and all sorts of family loves, but they’re entirely different from a romantic love. You feel a warmth in your stomach when you look at them, your body activates in newfound ways you can’t even imagine, and for the moment they’re the only thing in your world. And Doctor Hooves has been that kind of pony to me.”
“Just like Shooting Star was?”
Dinky had asked it innocently, but Derpy began getting defensive as if it was an accusation. “Yes! And so what? I know better now, don’t I?”
“I’m only asking.”
“Shooting Star was a good actor, but I can’t deny we had a lot of enjoyable times while it lasted. One time we had a picnic in the middle of the night, out by a patch of trees near the edge of town. It was silly, but it was fun. We ate under the light of the full moon, but the food wasn’t the main reason we were out there. We teased each other and fed each other, chasing each other around like foals playing tag. Once we got winded we went back to the blanket to look at the stars until we caught our breath, and then we turned to look at each other. I kissed him. He kissed me back. And then the two of us went at it, kissing like there was no tomorrow as we rubbed each other’s backs and necks.
“There was nothing raunchy or inappropriate about it. His hooves didn’t stray anywhere they weren’t supposed to, and even with that high level of passion we didn’t go all the way. And we used to do stuff like that once a week during our last three months together. Prom night was just such a time of extreme happiness for me that I ignored common sense. So I don’t get why the Doctor is being such a stick in the mud about it. I just want to see some passion out of him.”
Dinky could hear the wistful tone in her mom’s voice, just like when she had told her about her dad, as if she had gone back in time to that moment. Before that fight they had her mom never wanted to talk about her dad. Now that they had talked about him she had seen her mom bring him up a lot recently over the past few months. She actually sounded a little happy now, which confused her all the more.
She wished she could understand things better so she could give a better opinion. She had only just started going through the changes that would turn her from a filly into a mare, and she hadn’t yet found herself attracted to any colts yet, so she had no idea what this other type of love was all about. She wondered if she would feel the same way if she had experienced it first, but at the moment she couldn’t get why her mom was acting like she wanted to be back with Shooting Star, talking as if she wished Doctor Hooves would act like him. Nonetheless, she didn’t think it would be a wise move for the Doctor. He just didn’t seem like that type of stallion to her.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I think I’m gonna have to agree with Doctor Hooves on this one.”
The joyful look on Derpy’s face faded instantly as she glared down at her daughter. “What?”
“I get that you want to have thing be more romantic, but that would probably be best if you went out somewhere to do adult things that don’t involve kissing and cuddling. You kinda sound like you wanna be a teenager again and you’re trying to do things over the right way with Doctor Hooves. He’s not a replacement for Shooting Star, you know.”
Derpy immediately began seeing red. “You too, Dinky? I thought I could trust at least YOU to always be by my side, but I guess I was wrong AGAIN! LIKE I ALWAYS AM, RIGHT?” She pushed Dinky off her lap, getting up. “Fine, then! I’ll just do everything by myself, as usual! Just forget the dating! I’m done! I’m just a stupid teenager who doesn’t know anything, right?
“Find another team to join, traitor, because I don’t want you on Team Muffin anymore!” She stomped up the stairs, slamming the door to her room as hard as she could.
Dinky blinked tears from her eyes. “I-I-I was only trying to help,” Dinky said to the air. Taking the spot her mother had just occupied now she curled up into a ball as she cried, her mother’s words cutting to the bone.
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Well, the title of the story is certainly accurate....being a total screw-up when a manipulator gets in the way is the most normal thing she can do at this juncture.
Such an emotional ride, and I'm glad I get to be along for it. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Just a little constructive criticism though: try to keep the story in one tense. You switch between past tense and present tense in this chapter at a few points, and that can be contusing for some readers. I'm not saying it's a bad story because it's far from that, but it can get confusing for people who might not read this sort o thing regularly.
OH COME ON!
5393283 My EXACT thoughts when I finished reading this chapter
5393480
5393283
5393176
I know Derpy is taking things out on Dinky, but the next chapter starts with the two of them making up(AGAIN!) What I was going for in this chapter was showing that its not easy to change, and Derpy has issue's that she's still working out. She's confused and hurting, looking for closeness while at the same time being afraid of it while at the same time acting in a counterproductive way. Basically, yes, she's a little messed up in the head right now because of Shooting Star's influence.
They say a sign of insanity is doing the same things over again and expecting a different result. While Derpy isn't insane(mostly
) Dinky has a point when she said Derpy was trying to turn Doctor Hooves into Shooting Star 2.0 by doing the same things that worked with him, but expecting to always have the self-control to not go that final step with the Doctor.
I want things to end happy, but the journey to happiness isn't easily found. Thus, all these conflicting feelings from Derpy which I think make her a more realistic mare and feeling like a realistic relationship. All we've seen is the ups of her and the Doctor's relationship. The best relationships needs some downs to see if they can overcome conflict to come back together. And who hasn't had a parent take their anger out on them every once in a while?
All of us act foolishly at points in our lives. We head right for the same mistakes we thought we learned from, and that's when we need someone who loves us to point out the error we're about to make, and sometimes we don't want to hear the truth because it hurts our pride. But in the fullness of time we saw that we were wrong and they were right.
If there is to be a happy end I don't want the journey to it to just be happy and frilly and easy. I want that resolution to feel satisfying because they worked really hard for it to make it happen and it wasn't just handed to them on a silver platter.
5393225 I'm glad you're enjoying the drama.
The next chapter has the two of them reuniting again. As I said to the other people who commented on this chapter I don't want things to just be "happily ever after" without there being conflict to work through so that they actually feel like real characters and not characters from a fairy tail who get everything handed to them on a silver platter. I think you're enjoying this chapter more than them because you understand this concept. Overcoming the past isn't something that just happens right away.
I'll read through the chapter again. I didn't realize I shifted tenses.
5393626
I think that's a very good thing to do. Stories shouldn't be written without drama and conflict because that makes them not only more entertaining to read, but like you said, makes the characters fee more real, and it also makes them feel much more relatable.
OK derpy is now officially retarded
WTF?
5394780 Because your parents never once took their anger out on you? I've had to deal with it myself, where my mom was mad at someone else and because I didn't give her the answer she wanted to hear she got mad. They get through it in the next chapter, and Derpy admits she was in the wrong.
5394606 No worries. Mommy and daughter make up in the next chapter. Derpy's just a little screwy in the head at the moment.
OH MY GOD! you tug at this thestrals heartstrings! and i can relate to dinkys pain at the end of the chapter.. i cant wait for the next chapter of this emotional roller coaster story.
5396300my mom never did that, my dad did though
Noooo
I like what you said in your athuors note.
also, looking forward to the next chapter and TEAM MUFFIN
WHAT THE HELL DERPY!? DO U NEED TO GO TO AN ASYLUM!!?!
YOU BETTER NOT HURT YOUR DAUGHTER AT ALL OR I WILL MAKE SURE YOU PAY... BIG TIME..
Jesus that was cold! She's gone and taken it out on Doctor Whooves. but her own daughter too!
(Before reading the author's notes)
This... Wtf... This was a crazy sad chapter. Thanks for breaking my heart.
(After reading the author's notes)
Ohhh.. Ok i get it now. Ive had a similar experience myself.
Either way keep up the good work!
gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz02v0saCa1roejvzo1_400.gif
Derpy really needs to get some therapy for what she went through because right now she's not in control of her emotions. What she has with Doctor Whooves isn't therapy even if it helps but that's something she has problems understanding as well it seems.
Derpy
! How could you
?!?!