• Published 17th Nov 2014
  • 4,191 Views, 564 Comments

You Are Normal Too - Never2muchpinkie



When mother and daughter get into a fight over a misunderstanding their reconciliation leads to the reveal of Dinky's father, a cruel stallion who broke Derpy's heart. Can Derpy put her past regrets behind to find love and romance in the present?

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Chapter 8: Unable to let go.

Dinky and Doctor Hooves both stood completely still, rendered mute by Derpy’s shocking statement.

After about a minute Doctor Hooves gulped, tears coming down his eyes as he walked away without a word.

Dinky watched him go, crying as well. She slowly walked home.

When she got in the door she heard the sound of her mother crying from upstairs. She walked upstairs, going to her mom’s room.

She saw her mother sitting on her bed. “Mom?” Dinky said quietly.

Derpy turned toward her daughter, her crying easing up a little. “What do you want, Dinky?” She got up, approaching the filly. “I know what it is! Oh, I’m crazy! Why would I say that? “I thought you were letting the past go.” I get it! And it’s none of your business! I don’t want to hear your silver tongue right now. IT’S MY CHOICE WHAT I DO WITH MY LIFE! NOT… YOURS!”

They were face to face, and Dinky backed up a step. “I don’t have anything to say. It IS your choice. I think we should both just drop it for now and just go have some breakfast.”

Derpy snorted a few times. “Oh, yeah? Well, I-what?” That wasn’t the reaction she expected at all. She was ready to get into a shouting match, but Dinky’s response threw her off.

“I’m hungry. Can we have some pancakes?”

Derpy had a very confused look on her face now. This wasn’t like Dinky. She had expected to have to defend herself but Dinky wasn’t even trying to fight. “Uh, sure. I guess.” She took a few deep breaths, feeling her tense body relaxing a little because she didn’t have to argue.

The two of them went downstairs, Dinky lagging behind a little. She knew her mom wasn’t in any condition to have a discussion. She would bide her time and wait for her mother to calm down before she tried to breach the topic.

So began a normal morning for the pair, but they were clearly going through the motions. There was heaviness in the air as they both tried being their usual selves, but it just didn’t come off that way.

In the middle of cooking the pancakes Derpy felt pain go through her, tears coming down her eyes. Trying to keep her composure she finished the batch and put them on a plate, setting them in front of Dinky.

“Here you go,” she said emotionlessly.

“Thanks,” Dinky replied in the same tone. She poured herself some syrup, and began to dig into her meal. She actually was pretty hungry and for the moment she forgot her sadness as she quickly cleared her plate.

Derpy saw her daughter devouring her meal and she couldn’t help letting out a little chuckle. Her brief bit of joy was immediately replaced with guilt. “Come here, Dinky.”

“Okay,” she said. “One second.” She went to the sink and washed the syrup off her hooves and mouth.

When she walked over Derpy picked her up, setting her on her lap. “I’m sorry, Dinky. I just feel terrible right now. I’m the adult, but I feel like I keep ruining things for you. You’re a child but you have to keep acting older than you are every time I start being foolish.”

“Don’t be silly,” said Dinky. “Every pony gets sad sometimes. Even Pinkie Pie, the happiest, party crazy pony in Ponyville, gets down every once in a while. No one can do everything themselves, and since you don’t have anyone else most of the time I have to be there for you when you are down. Most of the time you handle everything yourself, so don’t be so worried about me not being a kid. I mean, I just slept with you last night. That’s something only kids do, right?”

“Point taken,” said Derpy. Taking a deep breath she said, “Fine then. Come with me, Dinky. There are things I have to tell you.”

She set Dinky on the floor and hopped off her chair, walking towards the living room and up the stairs.

Dinky followed her. When she got to her mom’s room she saw her mom rummaging in a drawer. After a few seconds she climbed up onto the bed and put her hooves in her lap, waiting for whatever it was she was going to be told.

Derpy sighed as she found what she was looking for. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at the picture of her and Shooting Star from their prom. She walked over to the bed, sitting down next to Dinky.

Dinky looked over, seeing the photo. “Why are you showing that to me? I’ve already seen it once.”

“Because there are things I need to tell you. The first of which is that I’ve been lying to you the whole time.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, confused. “Lying about what?”

Derpy didn’t answer immediately, staring at the photo. After about half a minute she finally said, “I lied about letting the past go.”

“But you have been doing that! You’re dating again. Isn’t that enough proof?”

Derpy took a shuddering breath as her heart began to ache and the tears she had been holding back began to come down her face. “No, Dinky. No, it’s not. The truth is, the whole truth is… somewhere, in my heart of hearts, I still love Shooting Star.”

Dinky’s first reaction was anger and the desire to start screaming, but more than rage she felt confusion. “Why?” she asked, unable to understand it. “How could you still love him after everything he did to you? Didn’t you spend my whole life snapping at me every time I tried to ask any questions about him?”

“Dinky, I didn’t tell you about my whole dream last night. It started with Shooting coming back in the morning. I yelled and snapped and I hit him, but he was apologetic and remorseful. He gave me a check for more bits than I can count as back foal support for all the years I could have used the money. He said that the years had changed him. He found that life had become stale, the exact reason he began to date me in the first place, and all his wealth and fame and power just weren’t making him happy anymore, and he couldn’t bear the thought of you one day calling another pony “dad.”

“I grew weak. I took his hoof, wanting to start things anew, and he gave me a little kiss. Until then everything was perfect. But as soon as I did that Doctor Hooves showed up, getting offended and hurt. And then you showed up, angry that I had betrayed him. And you revealed that you had already met Shooting Star once. Apparently he bet you that I was just as horrible as him, and I proved it by letting him kiss me.

“A pony showed up, and you said that she had found me to be an unfit mother and she was taking you away to have you live with your dad. And that’s when you said… you said…” She shook her head, unable to say the words.

Dinky felt a few tears came down her own eyes. She knew her mom’s biggest fear was being alone. “It was only a lie, mom. I love you! I could never hate you.” She hugged her mom tightly. “I love you with all my heart. The two of us are a team, and I’m never gonna leave you!” Her breathing sped up, feeling like she was gonna break down as she remembered the sound of her mom’s screams from last night, now fully understanding why.

Derpy put her hoof around her daughter, pulling her closer. “I know, Dinky. I love you too. With everything I have. I couldn’t live without you either. Don’t cry, my little angel.”

Dinky let go of her mom, climbing up onto her lap and hugging her again. She sniffed a few times, still feeling like sobbing. Her mom began to rub her back, this time taking the initiative to begin singing first. Dinky gently bobbed her head to her mom’s voice. She had always enjoyed the sound of her mother’s singing. Her raging emotions began to subside and her grip began to loosen as her body started to relax.

“How was that, my little muffin?”

“Good,” replied Dinky with a smile. “See? I am still a kid, aren’t I?”

Derpy let out a small laugh. “Yes, you are.” She sighed, her smile fading. “Can we get back to the main issue, Dinky?”

Dinky felt tense, a little afraid of what her mom would say next. “Okay. So you had a dream where Shooting Star came back like he was sorry, but he was only acting again and tricked you just to rub it in your face?”

“Yes.”

“But why does that matter? It was a dream, remember?”

“It matters, Dinky, because it’s not far from reality.”

“What do you mean?”

Derpy looked at the picture, once more hesitating before answering as she looked at the happiness on her face. “Both halves of my dream were a part of me. The first half was my greatest wish. The second was my greatest fear. What I fear is obvious. I told you that I never went after Shooting Star out of fear they would take you away from me because his home situation was obviously a lot better than mine.

“My greatest wish is more complicated. After he broke up with me I threw away a lot of things connected to him, but I didn’t throw away this photo. When he sent back those photos of you I was furious and decided to completely erase him. Everything else went in the trash, but when it came to this photo, once again I just wasn’t able to bring myself to throw it away. Over the years I’ve tried to throw it away or tear it up or burn it several times, but each time I went to try I just couldn’t.”

“Why not?” Dinky asked, genuinely interested. “You know he didn’t care about you. He told you that himself.”

“I guess… it’s because I can’t completely throw away Shooting Star. There’s too much of a history there. It wasn’t his intention, of course, but he saved my life.”

“How?”

“School was a nightmare every day. Everywhere I looked ponies mocked me constantly for my eyes. It hurt so badly. As I found out later a few of them only participated to be “cool” and so they wouldn’t be the next targets for bullying.

“It all came to a head one day, when I felt I couldn’t take anymore. I had endured as much as I could, and I had reached my limit. In my pain and despair… I tried to take my own life.”

Dinky immediately went tense. “WHAT?” she cried out, her voice cracking. Her breathing sped up.

“I tied my wings to my body and jumped off a cliff. Almost as soon as I jumped I found that I wanted to live. I should count myself fortunate that I don’t know how to tie a good knot, because I managed to get my wings free before I collided with the ground.”

“M-m-mom!” Dinky began to shake like a leaf. “P-please don’t-”

“I know, Dinky!” Derpy said quickly, holding her daughter with both her hooves and her wings. “I know. I don’t care what happens. I know what I said to Doctor Hooves, but even if he broke my heart I will NEVER throw my life away, because you mean more to me than my own life. I love you more than anything else, and I would never hurt your heart that way.”

Dinky held her mom again as she began sobbing. “G-g-good! D-don’t ever leave me! I-I-I need you! I love you so much. You’re… y-y-you’re much too precious to lose.”

“There, there.” Derpy began rubbing her back again. “See, this is exactly why I have to be thankful to Shooting Star.”

Dinky looked up, her coat soaked with tears. “W-what?”

Still continuing her gentle rubbing she said, “The bullying was out of control, but when Shooting Star made that school wide declaration that I was his mare it all stopped. ALL of it. Not a single pony had the guts to say a bad word about me anymore. You can’t understand what a relief that is. It was like becoming a different pony. I began getting treated with respect instead of condescension. And then of course I began to get some friends out of it.

“During those months we were going out I was the happiest I had ever been all my life. School was good. Home was good. I had a coltfriend who was interested in me and wanted me more than the popular mares. Our connection grew stronger and stronger as time passed, and I began to love him more and more.” Her eyes faded out as she looked at the picture again. “It all came to its peak at the prom. I danced and partied without care. Getting crowned the queen, having him by my side, I had never felt more content and full of love in my life. And that’s why I gave myself to him.

“He broke my heart with his callous disregard of my feelings, especially telling me the child I was carrying was my problem, but in losing him I gained something else just as precious.” She gave Dinky a loving squeeze. “And you carried on what he started, making me feel loved and always there for me when I need you.

“I didn’t just make excuses to my parents, you know. I also made excuses to myself to try to justify what Shooting had done, and those all sparked in my dream last night. Even through all my anger and heartache I still wanted him to come back. I loved him. I loved him with all my heart.

“Some of the excuses I came up with are that he really did consider me just someone to pass the time with, but he hadn’t actually intended things to go that far, and he had to break up with me to spare me from loving someone who he didn’t love back. So my pain was inevitable. It was only when he would tell me. Now, right after he heard, or later, when I dedicated years and years of my life to him.

“Or that because our differences in social class his father didn’t approve of our relationship and was pushing him toward getting with someone more his speed. Or he was just young and doing what stallions do. Too immature to be ready to settle down and be a dad.

“I kept this photo all these years because I’m immature too. Like a silly filly who has a crush on a celebrity I keep hoping that if I want it bad enough it will happen. I hope that by staring at our happiest moment that it will somehow cause him to return, hope that he’ll realize how rotten of a pony he was and that he’ll come back to apologize and want to start again.

“It’s stupid. I KNOW that. I know that very well, but I just can’t completely hate Shooting Star. He helped me make it through the roughest years of my life, through making the bullies back off of me and helping to create you. I know how offended you got when you thought my hating your dad meant that I wished you had never been born.”

Dinky sniffed, nuzzling her mom’s chest. “I remember that. It really hurt.”

“You are half me and half your dad. To express complete hatred and disgust for him IS saying that I feel the same way about you. I love every part of you, Dinky. I love you through the good times and the bad times. I love you when you snuggle up against me and when you pull away because you’re too big for it. I love you when you tell me you love me and when you’re shouting at the top of your lungs at me. I love you when you’re honest and doing the right thing and when you lie to my face and hide your wrongdoings. I love you from head to hoof, from your appearance to your personality to your heart, so I have to keep a little bit of love for Shooting Star because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have you. There are times you remind me of your dad. Sometimes you get that cocky look he has. Sometimes you have his laugh. Sometimes you act the way he does. And, even when you’re at your worst, yes, I love you even then.

“So now that brings me to the point where my dream became a nightmare. Me and Shooting Star were only together for a little over six months. Six months. Next week is my second six month anniversary with the second stallion I have ever loved. I’m comparing the past to now, and that’s why I feel so afraid. Even though in my mind I know it doesn’t make any sense, my heart is still scared to death of things ending the same way they did with Shooting. After all, our plans for that day are to have our first date without a chaperone. I don’t want to make the same mistake I made with Shooting, and that’s why my dream scared me so much. What if we stumble upon a place that’s more private and we get too romantic? I don’t want to just be used as a mate and thrown away again.”

Dinky kept nuzzling her mother, still feeling disconcerted about the knowledge that she had once tried to commit suicide. “I don’t want to lose you, mom. I still need you. I’ll always need you. I can’t be Team Muffin alone. I don’t care what you do so long as you stay with me.”

“I promise you, Dinky. I won’t ever leave you willingly. So long as I have you I’ll always have a reason to live. Team Muffin will stay strong together.”

“G-good!” She sniffed again, a few tears coming down her face as she continued her nuzzling.

Derpy squeezed tighter, nuzzling her daughter’s face. “I’m not going anywhere, Dinky. I promise. I’ll always be there for you when you need me.”

“You better be! You’re the one who makes my life sunny. You scared me when you said you’d rather die than go through that heartache again.”

“It was just the heat of the moment.”

Dinky looked up after a while. “So, are you really breaking up with Mr. Hooves?”

“I… I don’t know yet. I still need time to decide. I’m feeling really confused, and I don’t know how to face him right now. The aftermath of that nightmare is still affecting me. I need a few days to process things.”

Dinky’s mind began racing of arguments for why she should go to him right now, but it was quickly replaced with her selfish desire to have her mom to herself at the moment. She was also still reeling from the revelation her mom told her. The mental image of her mom being so depressed she tried to jump off a cliff to end things was terrifying, especially with what she had said just a short while ago.

Crying again, she said emotionally, “I won’t ever let it happen! I’ll always be there for you too! I won’t ever let you feel like that again.” Her voice began to crack as she continued, “I love you! I love you! You hear me! I’ll say it as many times as I have to, but I don’t ever want you to try to kill yourself again! You’re way too important. You got that? My life would never be complete without you!”

Derpy began to cry too. “I love you too, Dinky! You’re my everything! You’re my sun and stars, the light bursting through the clouds in my heart. You’re my rain on a hot day. My first snow of winter. Life wouldn’t mean anything without you by my side, and I know you feel the same way as I do. Team Muffin will always be together, no matter how far apart we are.”

“I love you, mommy!”

“I love you too, Dinky!”

It was quiet again for a time, the two of them holding tight to each other, neither wanting to let go as their hearts filled with their love of the other.

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