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The P.E.R. - Ponification for the Earth's Rebirth is a rogue organization that forcibly converts humans into ponies. They are reviled by those who oppose the Conversion Bureaus and denounced by Celestia Herself - but they see themselves as knights of Equestria, following a higher cause. Michelson is a Knight of the P.E.R. Morely is a Squire. Together, they'll ponify the world.
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First! Real comment later. can't wait!
I love it, Chat!
Great work! I also loved the little... page breaks. Those were awesome!
Finally some PER action! Loved this first chapter, can't wait for more!
oh boy! a new story to read!
i love new stories!
Love it! The one-shot story I published earlier today ties into this perfectly!
...that title
Hmm, I thought if you spill potion on a human it partially transforms them before killing them. Although, this takes place 4 years after contact so I'm guessing PER has worked up a variant that works through the skin? Am I on the right path? I'd hate to think the alternative, as potion has been shown to horribly transfigure before killing those exposed to it through skin contact.
I hate, writing from a TERRORISTS POINT OF VEIW, I will only read this story to see these two die horribly.
Aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww YEAH!
I can only see good things for these two wackos. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?!
I don't understand one thing
How the buck do they hope all the 'potion-drowned' humans would turn up as a full pony, when the PER actually never do anything other than spewing potions randomly all over the place? You know, in the 27 ounces, that bad guy who got killed by a half-done transformation?
Michelson: Prepare for trouble!
Morely: Make it double!
Michelson: To protect the world from devastation!
Morely: To unite all peoples within our nation!
Michelson: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
Morely: To extend our reach to the stars above!
MICHELSON!
MORELY!
P.E.R. blast off at the speed of....
no. we are not doing this.
Interesting way to introduce the first PER point ofview story I ever read.....
TRACKING(in a singsong voice)
510574 even though it looks like it'll be more comedic than anything else.... and I can already predict they'll at LEAST reach 99 points.... will they go past, I don't know....
A new story by Chatoyance? Track and Favorite!
Shenanigans abound
And frankly, who doesn't like shenanigans...
OMFG ARE YOU SERIOUS......
Michelson And Morley..... THE AETHER EXISTS!
All my yes. All the winning.
510572
510686
The key to transformation versus death is the same as it is for all drugs: dosage. The difference between a drug and a poison.
Dr. Pastern deliberately half-splashed the HLF man. She knew what would happen - she'd seen it before, back when she had assisted with the development of the stuff. He had shot Alexi, he was going to kill them all, and she... murdered him with cold-ass intent. She was... afraid, and angry. Very, very angry.
She had a moment, one little moment, where she acted in vengeance. That was why she was so upset. She'd been forced to cause failed transformations by the Worldgovernment, but this time, this time she did it herself. She did it to stop the man, certainly, to deform his arm and hand so much he could not use the frag grenade. But... she understood what that would mean. She wasn't willing to splash him in the head, cover him, douse him, turn him pony, because she was afraid he would use the grenade during his change.
By only splashing his hand and part of his face, these things changed first, and everyone was saved... but she knew what it would do.
The children at the party would be entirely converted into happy, healthy ponies. Why? Because they would be doused with a lot more than three ounces each, and it would cover a great portion of their bodies, and yes, it is an advanced form of the potion too, in year four. I will be explaining that, because I will be referencing the way the PER get their potion... and how they can customize it. I think some might find that aspect interesting - the PER hack potion.
But the focus here is on comedy. This is my first pure comedy story, so... take it with a small Siberian Salt mine, please. My natural tendency to go for accuracy and continuity work against being wacky, and... I need to try to control that. If I can. If this turns into a regular dramatic story, you'll know I failed my stated goals.
510693
Team Rocket was, I freely admit, an inspiration for Ginger and Nutmeg. Two of my own characters, Virtue Kazemahou and Wailan Ngo are another inspiration, but most will not know of them. I think it is cool you caught the Pokemon connection. I loved Team Rocket.
I foresee something that's not pretty at all
For Luna's sunless sky, they better not alter the potions too far from it's intended purpose
Yay it's my favorite group! Now my life is some what complete. Love ya Chat.
I was having such a ruff morning until I read this
511019
You can always relax rules otherwise untouchable for the Rule of Funny
I love these two, they're just daft as a brush...
I like the "Wise guy and Straight man" routine these two have going on, and I can't wait to see what kind of miscommunication-based shenanigans they'll end up in.
faved, and following.
I'm actually getting kind of a creepy vibe from it so far, like these two are seriously not right in the head. Any humor that may have been intended in the piece has been drowned out by that, at least for me. I think what makes it seem creepy to me is this: the PER folks have always seemed pretty nutty to me, but nobody to my knowledge has ever tried to portray what they do as whimsical misadventures. It's because of the way the PER's MO is usually shown: they tag a bunch of humans, then immediately get out of Dodge—being condemned by both humans and Celestia sort of necessitates that. There's serious consequences to what they do, however. The people who have been ponified against their will are left alone, disoriented, and in unfamiliar bodies, without the support system or nurturing environment that comes along with the "official" ponification process. Perhaps they're now ponies in the last place a pony would want to be, or amongst people who are not quite sympathetic to the whole ponification thing to begin with. That's not the PER's problem, though, nope! Their job is done, another soul saved, no no, no need to thank us, it's what we do. The road to hell and all that.
It's the flipside of this crapsacked version of the human world you've set up in your stories, Chatoyance. You haven't left much room for wacky hijinks—the setting is too crushingly depressing and it's hard to try a tone like this while keeping true to that. I know you said you'd consider a dramatic story a failure, but in all honesty a dramatic story would probably work out better.
512564 I agree, Chatoyance. You have something really wrong in your head if you think ponies are better than mankind.
oooo! yay! new Chatoyance fic to read! <3 i will have to add this to my watch list for later on this evening when i have to opertunity to sit down and enjoy my tea and detox from the days stress. Chaty, your stories are the BEST for relaxing with.
512930 How can you relax to this BFHS terrorism
512965
because reading a well written story is in and of itself a relaxation for me. i read at a voracious rate. anywhere from 4-5 books a week. thick 'register this as a deadly weapon' books. i have three HUGE book cases filled with books, and i ahve read each and every one of them many times over.
512920
You're agreeing with something I didn't say. I was only saying that the story's intended tone might be hard to pull off with the setting that's being used for it.
512920
YAAAY! There's something wrong with me inside my head... could it be... my BRAIN? You never really think about your brain, you know, but you should. It's just sitting there, all veiny and wet, right inside your skull, lurking... plotting.... scheming. But not thinking, not for a lot of people. Pity that.
Beware of your brain. It's where all the weird stuff comes from! Why... I'm making ideas with my brain right now.
And they're weird. Guaranteed.
So this is supposed to be comedy, right? Because I can't really laugh at the fact that our main characters are two obvious psychopaths who make others bodies change completely and irrevocably (In this case, children who the two have no right to force any sort of decision like this upon without coming off like maniacs), are hated by everyone on both sides (Their insane actions alone probably do more harm to the Conversion cause than good, no matter what way you spin), and have no likeable qualities at all as far as I can see. Also it doesn't really help that if this line is anything to go by;
>They were true-hearted warriors of friendship, Knight and Squire of the Ponification for the Earth's Rebirth, and they were absolutely going to save the muffin' world.
The narrator seems to be about five years or so.
Also, Knight and Squire? Do these fucks have the same ranking system as the KKK? Because if there's a GRAND IMPERIAL WIZARD, I might actually laugh.
Man, it feels not to long ago I was tossing about acronyms and names for the PER. Now... its a bit of an indescribable feeling. They went from an idea to having a full stop story of their own.
Thank you Chay.
PS: Pony Camouflage pattern is win, as is the PER logo.
513178
I take it you hate Monty Python. That's OK. Not every form of comedy is for every person.
_________________________________________________________________________
Man (John Cleese): (entering a shop) Um, excuse me, is this the undertaker's?
Undertaker (Graham Chapman): Yup, that's right, what can I do for you, squire?
Man: Um, well, I wonder if you can help me. My mother has just died and I'm not quite sure what I should do.
Undertaker: Ah, well, we can 'elp you. We deal with stiffs.
Man: Stiffs?
Undertaker: Yea. Now there's three things we can do with your mum. We can bury her, burn her, or dump her.
Man: Dump her?
Undertaker: Dump her in the Thames.
Man: What?
Undertaker: Oh, did you like her?
Man: Yes!
Undertaker: Oh well, we won't dump her, then. Well, what do you think: burn her, or bury her?
Man: Um, well, um, which would you recommend?
Undertaker: Well they're both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead. But quick. And then you get a box of ashes, which you can pretend are hers.
Man: Oh.
Undertaker: Or, if you don't wanna fry her, you can bury her. And then she'll get eaten up by maggots and weevils, nibble, nibble, nibble, which isn't so hot if, as I said, she's not quite dead.
Man: I see. Um. Well, I.. I'm not very sure. She's definitely dead.
Undertaker: Where is she?
Man: In this sack.
Undertaker: Let's 'ave a look.
Umm, she looks quite young.
Man: Yes, she was.
Undertaker: (over his shoulder) FRED!
Fred (Eric Idle): (offstage) Yeah?
Undertaker: I THINK WE'VE GOT AN EATER!
Fred: I'll get the oven on!
Man: Um, er...excuse me, um, are you... are you suggesting we should eat my mother?
(pause)
Undertaker: Yeah. Not raw, not raw. We cook her. She'd be delicious with a few french fries, a bit of stuffing. Delicious! (smacks his lips)
Man: What!?
(pause)
Man: Actually, I do feel a bit peckish - No! NO, I can't!
Undertaker: Look, we'll eat your mum. Then, if you feel a bit guilty about it afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up into it.
513178
the ranks in order are: Squire Knight, High Knight, Grand Knigh, And Grand master. There is also The Knights of the Nine, all of whom are grand knights and in charge of one of the aspects of PER. They are losely based off the rank structure of the christian crusades. I have a blog dedicated to the subject.
513199
I love Monty Python, mainly Life of Brian, because it's terrific. Though I am annoyed by all the people who seek to quote it constantly. I wouldn't exactly call this Monty Python though; I didn't see much humor at all here. It's not like Monty Python where there's a set-up for a joke, that espoused through dialogue. There's just... nothing here.
I'm rereading your story again as I type this, trying to find anything that would silence my point and failing. I can't find any actual joke here. I mean, there's some shouting. Some emphasized words. But nothing actually funny. I honestly wouldn't have known this was a comedy if not for the blatant tag. When you have segments like this:
>For those belonging to the P.E.R., Mankind - that pretentious, foolish, hairless ape - could not possibly be trusted to choose survival for himself. That they themselves were, or had started as human, was a fact pretentiously, foolishly, hairlessly lost on them.
Where it's obvious your own bias is once again rearing its head, sucking any fun that could be found out of this, it's not humorous. The plot of this is a bunch of terrorists basically mind raping and mutating children for no reason other than that it's 'right' it doesn't make them funny. It makes them goddamn insane assholes. They didn't make any witty observations, no cracks, just some shouting and running. I'm honestly hurting my head trying to find out where you wanted me to laugh. Was this just a build-up chapter? Some clarification might help, but as it stands I can't really say that this is comedy.
As that one guy above said, I could actually see this working as a dramatic story. Even though I hate TCB, the idea of a bunch of hateful, misanthropic terrorists against both sides trying to force change upon the world for their own biased reasons sounds interesting. In the context of a comedy though, it's both too stark a contrast, and too much fridge horror to get over so we can actually laugh. It's nothing to due with sense of humor; it's the idea of overcoming such a conjoined premise that doesn't work for this genre, which will not work unless you're some literary god that could derive a certain humor from it. I'd honestly recommend either making it lighter, or even ratcheting up the gallows humor, in order to shock some laughs out of people. Then again, I was once sent to jail for trying to make a joke in court about that Korean family I murdered, something about dog eating and shit. It didn't turn out well is what I'm trying to say.
513216
Ah, well I have two things to say to that. Let me get on my Mr. Plinkett voice to explain.
1) You can tell me more on the subject and your blog by e-mailing me at idontgiveashit@gmail.com
2) Those rankings don't make no sense, and sound a little silly.
3) Knights of the Nine? I smell lawsuit from Bethesda.
4) Doesn't the whole based off Crusades thing only add fire against these guys? I mean, when they're obviously a fundamentalist terrorist group, it's hard to laugh at them when so far all we've seen from them is them ambushing a bunch of children and forcing them to become ponies. Now I may not be a smart man, but I do know that's kind of evil.
All I've seen is the cover, and I can already tell this is going to be great.
513248
I think you'd be better off reading anything else at this point. I can't teach you the Relativity of Funny. Suffice it to say, that Ginger and Nutmeg are our heroes, they utterly believe in the crusade, and they are, from their own viewpoint, totally honorable and doing good. They just aren't that competent at it.
If you can't laugh at something because you object politically to the beliefs of the silly fools engaging in ridiculous efforts for questionable causes, well... maybe this story isn't going to be fun for you. Just sayin'.
For everypony else, Ginger's next scheme is absolutely, positively, completely guaranteed to work without a flaw, and with every variable accounted for. He is totally confident about that. Totally, completely confident. It's in the feedbag, as they say. Nothing could possibly go wrong. So stay tuned for Operation Two: The Horsie Challenge.
514094
That's the thing. They seem competent enough. They just act like horrible people from what we've seen of them so far.
These aren't silly fools. They seem like assholes who object to anyone disagreeing with their viewpoints and literally try and force it on others. That's not funny. I don't see how it can be funny. And I pointed out several reasons and quotes as to why it's not, but you're not really refuting any of them. You're just saying 'Well that's your opinion. Go away and stop criticizing me.' That's what's making me annoyed right now, not the fact that the main characters are Jessie and James from Pokemon without any of the likeability in those two, not the definition of Equus Sapiens (Which I'm honestly a little impressed at. Did you make that up, or did you get the idea from someone else? I'm honestly curious here) or the fact that your trademark misanthropy seeps through into this comic as well.
But whatever. This discussion won't change shit about either of us, as with the last.... 2 or 3 conversations we had? Goddammit I need a hobby. Or focus to work on my actual projects. Or time to milk my cat.
i believe it would be best to say that this is a case of 'to each their own'. i found parts of it to be humorous but i can fully understand why others would be appalled at making light of such events.
after finishing this, it felt to me like something that would normally be in comic strip form.
This promises to be most enjoyable. I look forward to transmutative shenanigans.
For being such terrible PER the sure are lucky
Well-intentioned extremists? Check.
Bumbling idiots? Check.
Luckier than any man, woman or pony has any right to be? Check!
Oh god I can't help but love these guys. That blind, stupid enthusiasm can not lead them anywhere good, though. Well, except maybe Equestria. Maybe.
Oh for the love of the gods -- these two are hopeless.
Go Team Rumpguard!
You make a fantastic sarcastic narrator.
dis story is gun b good!
and those imbeciles really have the dumbest luck and too strong of a principle...
I was wondering why no one in the PER had taken the potion instead of failing at their infiltrations.... this chapter actually countered that and lol at the rest of the PER who wanted to force potion in them instead of letting them continue... until the actually had results...
I keep hearing the words "Fam you idiot!" replaying in my head. Time to rewatch ruin explorers.
Ya know, what with the dystopian future, invaders and yaoi would be the some of the last things I expected to survive... then again with breakfast club and rudyard kipping surviving I guess I should be too surprised
a narrator with character interesting
potion variants get your potion variants here!
Holy Carp! I feel bad for Nutmeg. As Long as she's shackled to Ginger she's in for nothing but stupidity derived pain. Heck if anything those two are more incompetent than Team Rocket. At least those three could pull off a convincing scam.
Hey Chatoyance, I know that this is like asking you to kill your babies, but if you want to write a comedy you should probably put it in another universe.Your story revolves around Ginger and Nutmeg, right? Instead of just inserting them into a world, twist the world around them. If you look at slapstick comedy, it stops being funny as soon as it seems like someone could have been actually injured. The disconnect isn't from reality, it's from consequences. When Daffy Duck can spring back to normal in an instant, big rocks and bombs and pointy things stop being so so terrifying. In the CB~verse of your other stories, being forcibly ponified is terrifying, even if you were planning to go to the Bureau. I don't know quite 'where' things would work out best, but it's certainly not 'here'. You're clearly not going for dark comedy, and I doubt that you want to write in a cartoonish world, (that would be quite the 180 turn from everything else you've ever written here,) but the middle ground is kinda huge.
Then again, lots of people have commented that they already enjoy it and are clearly able to disconnect the comedy from anything serious. So, do whatever you want and take everything everyone says with a grain of salt, because these opinion things seem to like to go all over the place.
514128
I think the comedy's supposed to be that the two characters are impossibly incompetent, and they banter with each other.
Although funny in a way, this story is also rather terrifying. I mean, heck, if Conversion Bureaus opened up for real I'd be one of the first in line, but I'd want it to be my own choice. So I find the PER terrifying. Especially when they're bumbling idiots (or at least one of them is. My heart weeps for you, Nutmeg), because how likely is it for bumbling idiots to investigate whether they're transforming in an HLF-infested area? We already know that the HLF are not above killing their own if they become ponies, or even if they show signs of feeling sympathetic to the pony cause. Some of those children newfoals are probably dead by now.
I'm hoping that this ends with Princess Celestia giving them all severe slaps on the wrist and telling them to sit nicely and let the Conversion Bureaus do their jobs. I can enjoy this story as it is without that assurance, but there's still the creepy factor of having people jump out and alter your physical and mental state against your will. I wouldn't want someone to slip an immortality pill into my drink and say its cola (even ignoring all the philosophical arguments against immortality).
Edit: Actually, let me make a correction. What I hope for Ginger and Nutmeg is not a slap on the wrist. I want them to get a big-old pony kick in the nuts.
(Yeah, yeah, Nutmeg gets off easy, I know. It's the thought that counts.)
I'm getting very interesting responses for this story, and what you all have to say is both fascinating and difficult to interpret. I'm not sure how this work is being taken overall.
To me, it is a light, cerebral, situational comedy, or perhaps farce. There are elements I find funny, though I do not claim laugh-out-loud funny by any means. I know I can't pull off Red Dwarf level comebacks and snarky comments. I don't have it in me to do mean, but funny, lines.
I find it interesting that some find the situation itself deeply disturbing, I suppose in essence it is, but in order to write about this I have to put my mind in a place where I look through their eyes, their beliefs, and to Ginger and Nutmeg, what they are doing is kindness. Love. In their hearts, they are rescuing puppies from the gas chamber in the pound. That is what motivates them. The Michelson and Morely of this story honestly believe that they are carrying babies out of a burning building and handing them to their crying mothers. They feel that they aren't worth being saved themselves, until they save enough other people.
That this is bodyhorror doesn't even enter into it for them. It isn't horror, to them. Being human is horror for Ginger and Nutmeg, to them, every day they remain bipeds is suffering, and they cannot imagine any being thinking any other way. To them, they are sacrificing their own happiness for others.
Outside their viewpoint, of course, don't drink the soda!
But the one thing I am NOT hearing is that any of this is genuinely, clearly funny to you, the readers. I'm getting comments on how disturbing this is, but the lack of strong 'Hee! This is hilarious!" statements beyond a few initially is making me feel that it might be good to cut this sucker short to save my reputation, such as it is, and give up on comedy because, likely, I am no good at writing it. Which is sad, because one of my spouses, who utterly refuses to read my work, is fucking amazing at comedy. She is just brilliant at it. Sigh.
Eh, I guess I will hit my head against the comedy brick wall for at least one more chapter. What's the worst that can happen? Hmmm... You could tell me I suck, I become despondent, and withdraw into deep depression. In my depression, I buy a gun, then jump of a tall building trying to blow my brains out as close as possible to the bottom before hitting. This hits the news and catches on, becoming the first Terminal Sport. Soon the world is massively depopulated by people trying to break each others scores. The drop in population concentrates resources and creates a Second Renaissance leading to a true Golden Age Of Man. Yeah! No problem! It's worth it!
I'm only a few words away from a Golden Age. This is wonderful.