• Member Since 17th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 11th, 2018

Cerulean Swirl


Hi everypony! :D :D

E

Adagio Dazzle and Aria Blaze are living in complete and utter grief. No sooner had their necklaces been destroyed when an incident that they would rather forget comes to occur, destroying the trio and leaving a shattered duo. Through it all, a single girl sets out to make their lives more happy. With something sweet, of course!

Dedicated to all my friends down at Anti-Depression Ponies, and for all of you who feel down sometimes.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 36 )

FUCK YOU FOR NO SONATA BEST SIREN ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!

I should dislike this

5279443
But you won't, right?

This is so sweet! I love it! And a bit sad... :applecry: But still! Pinkie's a real sweetheart :heart: You have my like and favorite! :pinkiehappy:

5279935 Are you okay, my friend?

5279831 Thank you so very much! I appreciate it! :pinkiehappy: :D :D :D

BEST SIREN! NOOOOO!!!!!!!! *sniffles* .........S-Sonata.....noo..........

Now that my episode is over.......wait, how did she die?

Must... Not... Be... Asshole... To... Correct... You... Ngh... YOU NEED SPACING AFTER 3 OR MORE DOTS!... S-sorry... I couldn't hold it in...

A beautiful little piece my friend. :pinkiesad2:

Dragon san:moustache:

5280046 Yeah. I intended for her to get an illness and die, so the letter you're reading is NOT a suicide note.

5280806 S-so... You're not mad? I shall lend you my sword of grammar whenever you desire, m'lady.

5280915 I would love that! And of course I'm not mad, silly. I'm never mad! :D

5280804 Ohhhh....okay. Well, this story made me cry, and it's well written. You've earned a like from me ^_^

5281326 Thank you so very very much!!!! I do appreciate it!!!!!! :D :D :D :pinkiehappy:

5279949 When I found out Sonata had died, it hit me in the feels like a sledgehammer. Even more so that she died of an illness brought back some memories that I had suppressed.

I imagine Sonata laying in her bed quoting The Doctor before she dies:

5281608 Oh...............I didn't realize. I'm sorry. :pinkiesad2:
AND THAT DOCTOR MOMENT :rainbowlaugh:

You overused your ellipsis an awful lot and I couldn't help but cringe a bit, but I read past it anyways and really liked the story and the ideas you included :twilightsmile: It was a touching piece to read~
That being said, I know a lot of readers on here are very picky and you might want to clean up those dots and use some other punctuation instead to get more views and upvotes in the future. I liked this, though!

80

That was how many improperly used strings of periods that were in this story. 78 of them were longer than the three periods that is correct for an ellipsis. Even still, there was not a single point in this story that really wanted an ellipsis. As a result, I just couldn't get into the story at all. It had zero emotional impact on me because these unnecessary strings of dots constantly jarred me out of the story.

5293490
5293052
Fixed!
Thanks for your input!:pinkiehappy: It is always appreciated. :twilightsmile:

That was so righteous... :raritycry:

5298939 Thank you! I very much appreciate it! :pinkiehappy:

This definitely read a lot better without those strings of periods running rampant in the story. However, it still didn't do much for me. It was a very matter-of-fact story, and the emotional impact you were going for just felt flat.

5299514 I'll be sure to work on that. I knew it wouldn't impact everypony.
Thank you so much for rereading!
I know that you must be busy and stuff.
I appreciate it!!!!

I thought Sonata had "betrayed" them and befriended the Rainbooms before I got to the part where you explicitly stated she was gone. Then I was literally shaken. :fluttercry:

Gorgeously done and I'd love to see more

it... could be better. i really liked how you portrayed Pinkie. willing to give others a chance on friendship.

but the story could be better. maybe because i expect persons in situations like this one to beat themselves up with guilt or regret before the dam breaks.

but still, it made me sad.

.....h-h-mmm.....the feels man...god damn :fluttershysad:
I really like your story, I really do and I hope you do more....

I cri. Dem feels too strong.

Pretty well written. Your story-telling was great, the premise was... depressing for a lack of a better word, but great, and your conventions were pretty good! However, I think the only thing you should work on is spacing out the paragraphs. But, nonetheless, I hope to see more from you. :twilightsmile:

I could put myself into the story. I quite like the dive-right-in style myself, and this was very nearly jarring with the onslaught of information to be processed. It took me a minute to get my bearings and understand that the breaks for Sonata's letter were A) words from Sonata and only Sonata, and B) used to shift scene only and not character POV.

Okay, this is pretty sweet, a second ago I just thought Maybe I missed something, but where did Adagio come by that letter? Aria knows but I don't... but I did a quick return to the beginning and I completely understand. I love that stuff, where things hinge together from scene to scene.

I don't think it was clear that it was illness and not intentional; maybe a simple description of the person trying to talk to Adagio in that first scene (subtly imply it's a nurse?) or maybe Pinkie can talk about the signs. Also, wow Pinkie found out fast. How could she have found out Sonata passed away already? Adagio just found out, went home, and napped for a few hours. Pinkie went to the hospital and was told? (If that's the case, I'd have her bring up the recent friendship they shared before she took a turn for the worse.)

I found this to be feelsome and a genuinely enjoyable read. I really like the premise of the very first and very last things are the letter, which is actually being read the whole time, but I felt a drawback was that when I got to it, I'd already read the whole thing, save for a few filler bits. I'd have liked to see more of the in-between things that weren't covered in the breaks. That and the breaks began to be too long, it would've been teasing to give up less of the letter and leave it more cryptic. Also, the letter was addressed to both Adagio and Aria, but the contents started neutral, then said something very specific to Aria, then went on to say "you and Aria" as if Adagio was the primary reader. Where's Adagio's special note? :fluttershbad:

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