Toot your own horn

by Hoopy McGee

Alternate endings

Author's Note:

I was stuck for a while on how to end this. My original ending lacked punch, basically just having Twilight offering to teach Cadance the ethereal-mane spell. It was more or less a placeholder until I came up with something better. I ended up writing a total of four endings: the one I mentioned, the one I used... and these two, which I thought were amusing but not fantastic. I included them, just in case anyone was interested in seeing them.

Enjoy!

~~Alternate Ending 1~~

The pair stood in awkward silence on the balcony. Twilight was trying to think of something to say when she noticed Cadance raising a hoof to her horn out of the corner of her eye. She watched as her sister-in-law rubbed her horn while scowling.

"Uh, Cadance?"

"Yes, Twilight," Cadance replied, a little snappily.

"Does your horn itch?"

"Yeah, just a bit," Cadance admitted. "It started a couple of days ago. Why?"

Twilight smiled a small, secret smile. “Oh, no reason. Just let me know if you hear any strange noises, okay?”

Cadance gave her a sidelong glance. “Okay, I guess.”

The days passed, and the itching of Princess Cadance’s horn only increased. Eventually, she was given a prescription medication in order to treat a flare-up of an extremely rare horn-fungus.

~~Alternate Ending 2~~

The pair stood in awkward silence on the balcony. Twilight was trying to think of something to say when she noticed Cadance raising a hoof to her horn out of the corner of her eye. She watched as her sister-in-law rubbed her horn while scowling.

"Uh, Cadance?"

"Yes, Twilight," Cadance replied, a little snappily.

"Does your horn itch?"

"Yeah, just a bit," Cadance admitted. "It started a couple of days ago. Why?"

Twilight smiled a small, secret smile. “Well, maybe it means you’re growing up.”

Cadance frowned gave her a sidelong glance. “Uh… ten years older, remember?.”

Twilight nodded and grinned. “True. Maybe it’s just a horn fungus, then.”

Cadance stared, cross-eyed, up at her horn in horror. “There’s such a thing as horn fungus?!”

Twilight just started laughing.

~~*~~

Cadance grumbled as she followed her husband back to the Royal Bedchambers. Shining, bless his stalwart heart, had done everything he could to help, but nothing seemed to offer much relief.

The problem was, Cadance’s horn was itching and it wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t severe, it was just annoyingly persistent. The only thing that had helped so far was plunging the entire length of it into a bucket of ice water. It even had her personal physician baffled.

“Uh, honey?” Shining’s voice was hesitant.

“What?” Cadance asked.

“You’re rubbing your horn against the bedpost again.”

Cadance stopped, uttering a few choice curse words under her breath as she did so. “It doesn’t help, anyway,” she muttered darkly. If she could have figured out a way to sleep with her horn in a bucket of ice, she would have been overjoyed.

“Well,” Shining Armor said as he slid between the sheets, “I may know one way to distract you from that itch.”

Cadance hesitated at the edge of the bed. “Really? How?”

Shining grinned and waggled his eyebrows at her in what he probably assumed was a sexy and inviting way. Cadance clenched her jaw and reminded herself that she was the Princess of Love, and, as such, it would probably be a bad thing if she jabbed her husband over and over with her horn until he stopped being an idiot.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Cadance said, ignoring his disappointed pout as she slid into bed as well.

Her horn flared, turning off the lights in the bedroom. Shining, still propped up and facing her, waited a few seconds before letting out a sigh and rolling over.

“Alright,” he said. “Good night, hon. I love you.”

In spite of the last few days of irritation, Cadance still managed a smile. “Love you too, Shiny-bear.”

The royal couple settled down to sleep. Shining’s gentle snores started up a few minutes later. Cadance tossed and turned, as she had every other night since the itching had started. Her eyelids had finally started go get heavy, and sleep was finally laying claim to her, when a tiny little noise woke her up.

toot!

On the plus side, her horn finally stopped itching. On the minus, the noise from her horn not only kept her awake, but it woke her husband as well. Between the infrequent tooting and Shining Armor's childish giggling, Cadance got absolutely no sleep at all.

Comments

[Ludicrous Lycan]

Nice to get a pulse from you, dude! (I'm completely unbiased, no matter what you say)

[Hoopy McGee]

5322774
Ah, yes! I'm still alive

5322849
I just get these silly ideas sometimes, you know?

[thechicken95]

Simply an amazing story! I could find nothing wrong here! This needs to be on the feature box ASAP

[Flutters Is Shy]

I...I want a sequel focusing on Cadence...

[Hoopy McGee]

5323104

Aww, I actually adore Candy-princess. But, yeah, I did poke a lot of fun at her in this one

[Ludicrous Lycan]

Pfft, love the deleted scenes. Especially the horn fungus.

[Ludicrous Lycan]

5323106 Merlos?

[changeling khaos]

Quick, dumb, and fun. I like it.

[xonxt]

Ok, I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm not sure what is exactly a "toot" noise...

[Lancerlot]

5323319
I'd say a "toot" is any short single tone produced by a wind instrument. A whistle would make a high-pitched "toot" while a tuba would make a low-pitched "toot" and person expressing a bit of intestinal gas would produce a sort of "toot" as well.

[cicirose97]

5323319 it is the word used to describe the noise of a horn, usually high pitched, or flatulence.

[Kichi]

Now, they only need to press the nose for a "boop!" and they have the Alicorn Orchestra... Also, it make me think... We see Twilight, Cadence and Celestia... What sound make Luna horn?

[Ludicrous Lycan]

5323799 Wouldn't be surprised... Also, Grats on the feature, Hoopy!

[Lucidenn]

I've not read anything yet, but I'm giving you a like simply for the clever title and picture, that alone earned a laugh from me, so let's see what the rest of your story can do xD

[Purgamentum]

Very cute story. The wavy hair as a magic sink was an idea I've been pondering for a while, too.

[Blastshot]

Ehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehehehehhehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhehehhehhehehhehehehhehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehheehhehehehhehehehehehheehhehehehehhehehehupvoteehehehehehhehehehehehehupvoteehehehehehhehehehhehehehehhehehehehheheheeheupvoteheheheheheheheehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehebookmarkehehehehehehehehehhehehehehhehehehehehehfollowehehehhehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehehhehehehhehe

[Firebirdbtops]

I think Luna's horn will make a *Brap* type sound.

[tsaukpaetra]

That was pretty.... Um, adorable?

[Solid Punch]

That was great and hilarious!
Except alternative endings, I think you'd better exclude them from actual story and add as bonus in linked blog post.
But upvote and fave anyway, that was great!

[Solid Punch]

5323325
No, it must be flugelhorn!

[Swashbucklist]

"So, you want breakfast, or—"

twee-whernk!

Twilight groaned and lowered her head to her desk as Spike stared.

"Uh..." he pointed a claw at her. "Did your horn just..?"

Alternate line:

Twilight groaned and lowered her head to her desk as Spike stared.

"So, uh..." he pointed a claw at her. "Was that a 'yes' or a 'no'?"

*reads further*

...

"—curse it all! That was right in my ear!"

Smegging hell, I haven't laughed like that in ages! This gag was worth all 6K+ words! It reminds me of, "I am Bender, please insert girder."

"Pardon," the Princess of the Sun said sheepishly.

After that, despite Percelestia's flustered protests, the royal kitchens never again served tacos, and all nearby Mexicanter restaurants were relocated. Sorry for breaking the euphemism-free trend in the comments, but I couldn't resist.

[Solid Punch]

Hoopy, you know... I think you might accidentally create new head-canon for many, many authors here. Like "Lyra is fan of humans" and "Sometimes Celestia disguises herself as Sunny Skies and have a day off like an ordinary pony". Your explanation about alicorn manes is excellent and lack any flaws. Many authors will use it, I'm sure of it.

[SudokuBrony]

I thought of this:

[Spectrumancer]

*toot*

[Honest Wisdom]

Poor Candy-butt.

[Harwick]

Fun, amusing stuff! Poor Cadance though... Blow away an entire army of Changelings, including the one who easily took down Celestia, shield an entire Empire and blast away at a Tatzlwurm equally alongside Twilight, and fandom still insists on portraying her as inferior.

[TheGreatEater]

I wonder what Luna's horn sounds like. Celestia's causes property damage. Twi's cusres in Gooseneese, and Cadance's is cutedorable. So what would Luna's do?

5325874

Well against her defence. Cadance's win over the Lings made no sense. I mean how can you blast opponents away with a wall made of cake? Of course the Lings were OOC as well. So that whole event made as much sense as Pinkie breaking reality for the lols.

As for the Wyrm ... I think Twilight was the better of the two. But mostly her powers aren't really that magicall powerful. Force wise. Powerful emotionally, but they don't require the power needed to move Celestial bodies.

[Smirkythread]

5326828
Throw anything hard enough and it would hurt.

[TheGreatEater]

5326843

Not Twinkies. Which was what they basically ussed on the Changelings. It'd be like running first into a giant Angel Food cake, or more accurately. Trying to stop a tank with a wall made of that cake. There's no way a wall of love energy (which btw only makes Lings stronger and why Chryssy overpowered Tia) should toss them like they were being shot out of a Mass Driver.

It'd be like someone throwing a sponge cake at you and you flying as if you got gut punched by The Hulk.

[Harwick]

5326828
Your logic might have a flaw.

I eat food to get energy. The heavyweight champion of the world uses food energy to power his punches. Therefore, if he punches me in the face, it won't hurt me at all!

The changelings took a shield spell to the face. Yes, it was powered by the love between the royal couple, but they don't feed off of shield spells.

[Smirkythread]

5326932

Okay......hmmmm.

Well I thought the whole thing was more of a carry and toss kind of action. The wall pressed against and swept them up, all the while going at faster speeds. When it stopped the changeling just kept on moving due to momentum.

[TheGreatEater]

5326969

The difference being.

It was less a shield, and more a targetted wave of raw love between them. If it strickly speaking was a sheild, they would have been throw, miles, upon miles, and it would've hit every pony. Rather they got hit in the face with a cake and it somehow magically tossed them, for miles.

Even then, a raw wave of love, to a pony who had been feeding off one of the love spells donars to the point she was more stronger than Tia. Then add onto the fact that the entire episode had numerous flaws fpr bpth the Changelings actions, and how it was wrapped up. It just doesn't make sense. Looks good visually, but lacks a certain je na sais quio.

That and food and fists are two different types of energy [heck everythings energy. Even knives, and atomic bombs. Doesn't mean they have anything more in common than those base fundamentals]. Anywho.

Anywho in one corner:

- Fed off of husband whose been feeding a Ling until he became a Zombie. And couldn't keep up the shield. And with keeping the shield up + fed off of was physically, magically, and emotionally drained to the point of injury (ala intense migranes).
-Princess of Food, imprissioned, unkempt, and possibly from the looks of it, malnuruished.
- Against hundreds of Lings, and stronger than Tia QueenLing.

the other:

-Super Powered Queen.
-Army of Lings who shattered the sheild, and defeated the ERA.
-Love Eaters.
-In as peak condition as they could be.

Theres noway that blast should have worked. But the writers needed something flashy to wrap the show up with.

[TheGreatEater]

5326987

Still shouldn't have worked. I mean they consume love voraciously (it's their main meal, and they are starving). It'd be like trying to throw the Hulk if your a walking hotdog. It's not going to work. What it would've done is super charge them, and make them stronger than ever. Rather tha make them disappear from the show after they get tossed who knows were.

[Harwick]

5327239
It was the shield spell. Twilight and the others passed through it on their way into Canterlot... It didn't effect ponies. At the end, Twilight tells him to use it, Shining Armor says he can't because he's too weak to cast it, and Cadance says her love will give him strength. The episode sets the whole thing up.

Regardless, this is all a huge digression from the actual story, so I suggest we agree to disagree.

[DarkDMan]

The original ending is still the best to me. Second is alternative 2, then alt. 1!
Still good all the same!

[TheGreatEater]

5327704

Actually the shield needed to be opened to let ponies pass (since it was made with an unknown assailent in mind and they didn't know Changelings existed at the time.) So it effected everything. Tus it wasn't a shield spell. Anywho, just stating, don't care, but is a point in Cadance not being equal to Twilicorn. As well as not being magically powerful (force wise).

[Paxequinas]

Cute, silly, and yet makes sense - that's this story in a nutshell. :)

I like the idea of all that waving hair having a practical purpose.

[Dan]

All 4 princesses together (with spike on timpani)

[MerlosTheMad]

Hoopy, how you such a bang up horse-words writing person, huh?

Still though, poor poor Cadence.

[Dan]

5324929

For the record, IRL Flugelhorns look and sound NOTHING like those Crystal Empire things.

They're about halfway between french horn and cornet in tone. Very rich and regal sounding.

[Dan]

5324929
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P._D._Q._Bach#Tromboon anypony?

[Xepher]

Quick and amusing fun, as always. Glad to see you reworked the ending a few times, as it really ties the whole thing together nicely.

[Maverick Huntress]

Horn farts? Genius.

Celestia's horn fart? Priceless!

Laughed pretty hard at this fic and its silly, but sensical, zaniess.

[enwruble]

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAZHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAZHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAZHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAZHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHSHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Clockwise Gear]

Okay, now that was funny.

[Valhuir]

Shiny ending wins. :D

[MerlosTheMad]

5329306

Seemed more the speed of musical instrument noises myself, but I suppose it's open to interpretation.

[kooarbiter]

5324929

Make it so!