• Published 27th Apr 2012
  • 5,897 Views, 248 Comments

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut - Hooves Like Jagger



A robot named Big Lugnut tries to live life like the normal pony he claims he is.

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V: Actuator

Robotic Stallion Big Lugnut
Author: HoovesLikeJagger
Chapter V

____________________

"That's me!"

"It's you!"

"I know right?" Twilight smiled. "This issue is from last week. Apparently they dug you up about a month ago!"

"Dug me up?"

"Dug 'im up?"

"Cool, right? Apparently, you're the answer to the Iron Skeletons that have been puzzling archeologists for decades!" Twilight turned the magazine so she could read it. Applejack and Big Lugnut watched her scan it with her eyes.

"What're Iron Skeletons Twi?" Applejack questioned. To her surprise, Twilight shushed her. Big Lugnut and Applejack had to wait for Twilight to stop reading before they could question her further. It was painful to do.

First, Twilight looked interested. Her eyes moving slowly as she smiled. Her expression turned into one of more surprise and her eyes began moving faster. She looked up at Big Lugnut for a moment, but she quickly looked back down and continued reading with her eyes moving even faster. Then a wide smile crossed her face as she nodded in approval of something. Applejack and Big Lugnut nearly had a conniption when Twilight suddenly gasped and pulled the magazine over her face. She kept it there for the rest of her reading session before finally putting the article aside.

"What a well written article," was Twilight's only remark. Literally, her only one. She spoke those words, and then looked up expectantly at Big Lugnut and Applejack. Big Lugnut and Applejack looked at each other, then back to Twilight. She was walking away from them.

"Spike? Spike! I need you to take a letter to Princess Celestia for me!" Spike descended the stairs, already with a quill and scroll in hand.

"Oh, hey Applejack! Uh... who's your friend?" Spike referred to Big Lugnut, who he had yet to meet.

"Not now Spike, this is urgent," Twilight called her assistant to attention. "I want to report my findings on the magic of friendship right away."

"Okay then," Spike put his quill to the scroll, "I'm ready when you are." Twilight turned to Big Lugnut and Applejack. Big Lugnut looked like he always did, but Applejack looked incredibly confused.

"I know, I know. You want to know what I read in the article, but lessons on friendship come first in this case. I promise it's good news, so just bear with me."

"She's... she's joking... right?" Big Lugnut managed an empty chuckle.

"I... I'm 'fraid not Big Lug..."

____________________

One letter to Princess Celestia later, Twilight sat before Big Lugnut and Applejack. The latter party had run out of patience. While they didn't mind telling Princess Celestia that by assuming you know everything about somepony can lead to endless arguments and the only way to be reconciled as friends is by trying to imagine what it's really like in their shoes, it isn't what they came here to do. At least it appeared they'd be getting to the bottom of things.

Twilight cleared her throat and began.

"The Iron Skeletons are remains of earth ponies scattered all around Equestria. At first, they were thought to be incredibly precise works of art, but when they started to turn up in the marked tombs of warrior clans archeologists knew something was up. An Iron Skeleton is exactly what it sounds like: the skeleton of an earth pony comprised of one hundred percent iron.

"It wasn't until recently that archeologists stumbled upon an ancient laboratory of sorts. They called it Mephisto's Labyrinth, a Labyrinth because of how complex it is. Mephisto is the name given to the seemingly nameless unicorn who owned the whole thing. Among the things ponies found in the Labyrinth were research notes detailing his many plans to create synthetic life. Researches labeled these ideas bunk, as nothing in the Labyrinth matched anything they found in his notes. It wasn't until about a month ago that they discovered a new chamber in the Labyrinth; one that they discovered had an amazing purpose behind it.

"Mephisto planned on creating an invincible warrior. He didn't just want to create them though; he wanted to give birth to them. After selecting... erm... genetic information from an earth pony mare and colt, he placed the two parts in an iron body. Using magic he would literally give birth to a new pony that would use the iron body as its own. These combinations of machine, magic, and pony were said to be unreasonably powerful and unable to feel any pain. Using magic, he was able to deaden their consciousness and make them completely obedient to orders issued through more magic. His notes even detailed ways to make these iron ponies obedient to one master forever.

"However, there was one unforeseen flaw in his idea, detailed in his research notes found in the new chamber he used to create the iron ponies. The magic holding back their consciousness could be broken if it was weakened. If that happened, their biological side took over and the iron ponies attained free will. In addition to that, the genetic information would do what genetic information is designed to do: grow. An earth pony would literally grow inside the robotic shell with a little help from magic and the metal around them. When fully grown, the outer shell breaks off like a cocoon. Later notes even mention how these 'awakened' ponies had metal for bones.

"While the notes and apparatuses in the iron pony chamber were incredible, the crown jewel was the discovery of a fully functioning iron pony they named Big Lugnut."

"No way." Big Lugnut was still processing what all this meant.

"If Big Lug's the crown jewel of sum arch-e-o-logical dig, how did Flim and Flam git him?"

"The article explained that too," Twilight continued. "The discovery was so huge that it merited a huge party that the whole dig team enjoyed. The next morning, they found Big Lugnut had been purloined. The culprit, or rather culprits were easy to identify since they also went missing at the same time. You'd think the Flim Flam Brothers would come up with better fake names and disguises!" Twilight held the magazine open for them to see. Applejack nearly doubled over laughing at the picture of two yellow unicorns with long, red beards with the title "Digg Dugg Brothers at Large" in bold letters over their heads.

"Yer tellin' me that Flim and Flam steal an ancient robot an' the first thing they think tuh do with it is try and take over Sweet Apple Acres? That's a hoot! Ain't it Big Lug?" Applejack nudged Big Lugnut with her foreleg. He didn't respond.

"Uh... Big Lugnut?" Twilight waved a hoof in front of his face. He stood up without warning, startling both ponies.

"I'M GONNA BE A NORMAL PONY!"

Lugnut grabbed Applejack by her hooves and began dancing in a circle with her, faster than Applejack could keep up with. He just ended up swinging her around like a professional wrestler. He didn't care, he was far too happy.

"That's great news Big Lug, but kin you put me down?!" Applejack pleaded. Big Lugnut complied, placing the dizzy pony back on her hooves before she toppled over on her own.

"Congratulations Big Lug," Applejack regained her footing and patted Lugnut on the shoulder. "So, what're you gonna do now?"

"That's an easy one!" Big Lugnut declared. He hoisted the still slightly queasy Applejack onto his back. "I'm a super strong, super fast, robotic pony right now! I'm going to milk it for all its worth because one day I'll be made of flesh like everypony else! I can hardly wait! Let's go Applejack!" Without waiting for a word of agreement or protest from his passenger, Lugnut took off at full gallop out of Twilight's library leaving behind a cloud of dust and an old stetson.

____________________

Rainbow Dash came down out of her dive at high speed. The thrill of speed is what she lived for, and the best way to feel speed is to get close to the ground. The sight of coulds rushing by was cool and all, but there was something about the ground rushing right by her that thrilled her the most. It made her feel powerful and in control. She felt like the fastest pony around, she knew she was the fastest pony around. There was no pony dead or alive that could hope to-

"Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash!" Rainbow Dash glanced to her left and noticed Big Lugnut running right beside her. She wanted to respond, but doing more than shifting her eyes at this speed would throw off her aerodynamics. Even if she could, she didn't exactly know what to say. It didn't matter, since Lugnut continued on his own.

"Get this! I'm not gonna be a robot forever! I'm going to be a normal pony! Whoooooo-hooooooo!" and with that, Big Lugnut rushed ahead of her. Rainbow Dash noticed Applejack clinging to Lugnut's neck for dear life.

"Yeeee-haaaaw!" Or perhaps not for dear life.

The two ran down the plains outside of Ponyville at high velocity. Applejack's hat had fallen off when Lugnut ran out of the library, so both of her hooves were free to secure herself around Big Lugnut's neck without worry about anything else. She was scared at first, but once the feeling of safety settled in she began enjoying the ride to no end.

Big Lugnut managed to catch up to a train. Applejack smiled to all the passengers as Big Lugnut passed them by. Onlookers just stared back with their mouths hanging open. The younger ones waved. It didn't take long for Big Lugnut to overtake the train and continue along the tracks ahead of it.

"Do you know where these go?" he yelled to his passenger.

"Canterlot!" There was no mistaking the winding mountain tracks that lead to Equestria's capitol. The train ride took three hours, but Big Lugnut was faster than the train. Big Lugnut was lighter than the train. Big Lugnut was feeling far more elated than the train.

"You wanna go there?" He gave Applejack the choice since she was just along for the ride.

"Why not?! I bet Princess Celestia would be a might surprised if we popped in on her readin' our letter!"

__________________


Somepony was playing guitar near the edge of the Everfree Forest.

Fluttershy rushed over to her rear window and threw it open, allowing the strains of the guitar invade her home. For roughly three weeks now, the ritual of opening the window for this mysterious performance had become a staple in Fluttershy's day. The first two performances happened four days apart, then the next one three days later. It quickly became an every other day sort of thing, but this week the performer had managed to show up every day at the same time without fail.

Each time it was the same enchanting acoustic strumming accompanied by a powerful and deep voice. Each time the pony would show up and play a couple of songs before going silent. Fluttershy had tried to find the pony playing once or twice, but eventually submitted herself to just enjoying the music. It was absolutely wonderful.

Sitting and listening gave Fluttershy the same feelings as drinking the wine Rarity had given her, but these feelings were more intense and prolonged. She was all fuzzy and happy inside, but on the same time she felt like her soul and more personal secrets were being invaded. It was embarrassing, but she wanted nothing more than to sing along. The desire was most strong on this particular song in the chorus:

"I want your flowers, like new foals want sunshine, or maybe as sure as tomorrow will come."

Fluttershy sat there smiling and absorbing the music. She was ready to sink into the next song as the first ended, but she was jerked back into reality by a knock on her door.

"Fluttershy? Are you home?" It was Rarity. Fluttershy took to her wings and glided oven to the door. She opened it hastily, a bit of a surprise for Rarity.

"H-hello Fluttershy, I was jus-umph!" Fluttershy covered Rarity's mouth with a hoof. She was quiet just long enough to realize what was going on. Fluttershy quietly led her over to the open window. Rarity poked her head out, expecting to see the pony playing, but noticed there was no such presence in sight. In light of this, Rarity stood and listened until the performance came to an end. Rarity was speechless for the most part, but she did have a lot of questions.

"Fluttershy... who was that?" was the first one that managed to come out of her mouth.

"Oh... I don't know..."

"Has this happened before?" Fluttershy nodded. "And you still don't know who it is?" Another nod.

"I looked a couple of times, but I think whoever is playing doesn't want to be found. That's okay though, I enjoy just listening. I'm afraid that if they know I'm listening, they'll go away..."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with your... line of questioning this morning... would it?" Fluttershy froze for a moment and glanced around, but nodded stiffly in response. "So... what do you want to do about this?" Rarity asked. Honestly, Fluttershy didn't know either. She was too afraid of scaring off the musician to pursue him, but at the same time doing nothing could be just as risky. Fluttershy wasn't good at navigating risky situations.

"I'd like to find out who's playing... but... I don't know how," Fluttershy admitted. "I really just want to listen, so I don't really feel like taking the risk..."

"I see. Well, Fluttershy, just leave it to me! I'll find out who our mystery guitar colt is," Rarity puffed her chest out proudly, dramatically declaring her intent.

"You'd do that for me?"

"Well of course! We're friends aren't we? I want to get to the bottom of this as well!"

"Oh, thank you so much Rarity!" Fluttershy swooped onto Rarity and gaver her a zealous, at least for Fluttershy, hug. After that it was just a matter of finding out everything Fluttershy knew about the mysterious musician then saying good-bye before Rarity was making her way back to her boutique at a brisk pace. Her brain was going at a million miles per minute though.

She just knew Fluttershy had taken an interest in somepony! Perhaps it wasn't a romantic interest, but it's hard to take a romantic interest in someone you haven't even seen. With the right combination of factors though, Rarity could see romance blossoming between little Fluttershy and this mysterious musician. There was no way any stallion in his right mind wouldn't be attracted to Fluttershy, so Rarity didn't see any problems there.

Rarity hadn't given much thought as to what kind of stallion would appeal to Fluttershy, but the more and more she thought about it the more it made sense that Fluttershy would be attracted to the kind of guy who would wander into the woods to be alone and play guitar. He was more than obviously the sensitive type and somepony who could appreciate nature. As long as he wasn't rippling with muscles or super skinny, Rarity could easily see this musician being very attractive. Rarity was eager to play cupid. She didn't see how this could fail!

"Oh wait... what if he's gay?" Rarity paused as she considered the possibility.

____________________

"Big Mac, 'ave you seen Applejack?" Applebloom bounced up and down in front of Big Macintosh, pulling his cart full of empty apple barrels in the meager light of the setting sun.

"Nope..."

"Have ya seen Big Lugnut?" Macintosh watched the filly as she continued to jump up and down. Sure, she was energetic now, but once she got home she'd probably fall right to sleep before eating supper. Big Macintosh remembered Applejack being the same way when she was Applebloom's age. Even now he had to keep an eye on her, just to make sure she didn't work herself until she collapsed. It was a reasonably common occurence, but Big Macintosh wished it wasn't.

"Nope," he answered Applebloom's previous question. He did wonder where the two of them got off too. Twilight and company were looking for Applejack around lunchtime, so maybe she's with them. Big Macintosh didn't know enough about Lugnut to know where he got off to, but he assumed he'd just be following Applejack around.

Big Macintosh took some comfort in Big Lugnut's reappearance as an ally. Sweet Apple Acres was on too tight a budget to hire extra workers, so having a worker that didn't need money or even food was like a dream come true. With his copious amounts of strength and literally tireless endurance, it was even better than hiring a foursome of stallions! The best part wasn't even that.

Big Lugnut was a robot, so there was no way he'd try to do anything funny to his sisters!

"Shucks! I really wanted to show Big Lugnut to ery'pony in class today, but he just plum disappeared. Oh well, I'll jus' bring i'm in tomorrow! He'll be stayin' here from now on, right?" Applebloom questioned.

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh smiled. He hoped he'd be staying for a long time to come.

____________________


"Whoa... would ya look at that!" Applejack gazed out at the sunset from the high resting city of Canterlot. Applejack had never imagined she'd get to visit Canterlot without first buying a train ticket. Stranger things have happened to her. Perhaps not strange, but interesting nonetheless.

Despite her previous visits to Canterlot, she'd never taken the time to simply stop and watch Princess Celestia bring an end to the day. From this height, it was a breathtaking sight.

"One day... when I'm finally a pony I wanna come back here and watch the sunset just like this." Big Lugnut gazed into the sunset.

"I hope it'll be soon. Although, come that time yer gonna have to buy a ticket on the train," Applejack laughed. So did Lugnut. It was true.

"That's okay. If somepony told me that if I gave up all this strength and energy right now I could be a pony straightaway, I'd probably do it."

"I know it's a funny question Big Lug, but why're you so dead set on bein' like ery'pony else? It ain't bad bein' different." Lugnut shook his head to this.

"I'm not saying it is, but I'm missing out on so much like this. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't feel the sun on my face. It's little things like those things are important to me."

"Hmm," Applejack smiled, looking up at Big Lugnut. Big Lugnut looked down. She was giving him a very playful look.

"W...what? What's with that face?"

"Aw, it's nothin'. I was jus' thinkin' the world needs more ponies like you Lugnut. It's a good thing ya're bringin' in one more pony like you," Applejack laughed, and all at once Big Lugnut felt very afraid.

"Hey... Applejack." Big Lugnut cast his eyes down, "How do we know it's all true? How can we know that somewhere inside this body, my true self is taking shape?" No sooner had Big Lugnut finished his question than Applejack had her head pressed up against his chest. "What? What are you doing?"

"Shh!" she quieted him. For a while, they remained that way. Big Lugnut just watched Applejack, silently. Without her hat on, she looked more feminine. Her hair looked like it would be really soft if he touched it. Big Lugnut didn't know what soft was though, so he wasn't sure why he thought that. Lugnut allowed Applejack's hair became the definition of soft. Once he could tell soft from hard, he wanted to find out for himself. He wanted be the first thing he does with it.

"I kin hear it Big Lug," Applejack whispered. Big Lugnut was suddenly glad he could hear. He wondered if his robotic ears did Applejack's voice any justice. He wondered if that twang in her voice was really that cute.

"Hear what?" Lugnut asked in a whisper. Applejack took her head away and looked up at Big Lugnut. He wondered if her eyes were greener than his own eyes told him they were. He couldn't imagine them being so.

"You're heart Lugnut. You've got yerself a heart." She smiled up at Big Lugnut.

Lugnut had learned he had a heart just in time to lose it, but he did have a new reason to be a pony.

______________________


"Didja git ery'thing done Lugnut?" Applejack asked over her breakfast. Big Lugnut had just walked in from his newly assigned nightly duties. The entire Apple family was gathered around the table, enjoying some typical Apple family fare. Appejack was tired when she and Big Lugnut returned late last night, but she still managed to give Lugnut his marching orders.

"I got it done in an hour! No sweat," Lugnut bragged, partly in jest since it wasn't a big deal considering his freakish strength and endurance. The other part of it was to impress Applejack. She wasn't so superficial to judge him on strength or stamina, but he knew she would respect somepony who could get the job done.

"An hour? What did ya spend the rest of the night doin'?" Applejack herself couldn't imagine just standing around in the dark for hours on end. Sure, Big Lugnut was physically incapable of sleep, but she felt like it would get boring.

Big Lugnut wasn't about to tell Applejack that he spent the rest of the night what anypony who had just become freshly infatuated would do at night: while it away thinking about the object of his infatuation. Big Lugnut was blessed in this respect, since he could think about Applejack all night and not wake up the next morning a mushy mess. In one night he had fallen down the rabbit hole of mindless infatuation, and emerged in the morning perfectly level headed.

Of course, Lugnut couldn't be happier that nopony saw him last night. Somewhere in his madness he'd gone ahead and carved their initials onto an apple tree. He later realized how much of an error that was and disposed of the tree somewhere nopony would find it. Nopony.

He then recalled that he'd carved it some other places too. He was pretty sure he'd disposed of all the evidence, but his creativity in his carving spots astounded him. Considering his hooves were made of solid iron and he had the strength of over a dozen ponies twice his size, he could literally carve whatever he wanted anywhere. Most of his carving victims were just trees that he had to turn into lumber or other rocks that he had to smash. He'd carved the initials on a large boulder sitting outside a shop in Ponyville. He smashed the rock to bits in order to dispose of the evidence, so he was hoping the rock wasn't terribly important.

Once he was convinced he'd cleaned up all his doodles, he discovered his coup de grace: a carving that occupied the entire side of a building. Short of tearing down the building, there was no way to hide the evidence. Thinking fast though, Big Lugnut changed the engraving from "BL AJ" to "BE AU" then etched in "TIFUL" in the remaining space. No one would ever suspect him.

At any rate, Big Lugnut had thought up the perfect excuse last night to cover for all his shenanigans.

"I ran all the way to Canterlot in time to awaken Princess Celestia so she could raise the sun!" Big Lugnut triumphantly declared. Applejack made deadpan eyes at him.

"Y'all just ran around without a clue, didn't ya?"

"Yeah," Big Lugnut quickly admitted. Applejack heaved a sigh and shook her head. She bought the story, turning it into the perfect crime.

"Big Lugnut, you should werk on gittin' a hobby or sumthin'. Ya can't jus' run around all night," Applejack made a point that Lugnut knew was true. That was the idea behind giving him work to do at night in the first place. Big Lugnut managed to finish it too fast, so it left his nighttime schedule bereft of anything constructive.

"I'll find something to do. Maybe I could go to the library and get some books to read." Big Lugnut considered taking woodcarving classes for a moment. "Well, maybe I should just try a bunch of things. That'll help me stave of my nighttime boredom." Applebloom's ears perked up at this.

"Now yer thinkin' like a Cutie Mark Crusader, Lugnut!" Applebloom hopped down from the table and ran over to Applejack. "C'mon Applejack, kin I take him to school today?"

"His chores 're done, so I don't see why not. That okay with you Big Lug?" Applejack turned to Big Lugnut. Somehow, in the time it took Applejack to turn her head, Applebloom managed to put on her saddlebag and get in Lugnut's back.

"Let's go Lugnut! We gotta pick up Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo!" she stamped a hoof on his flank, making it issue a slightly empty, metallic echo.

"I guess I'll be off," Big Lugnut announced as he prepared to take off full speed.

"Hold it mister!" Applejack's yelling stopped him. "I don't want ya stampedin' through Ponyville with Applebloom on yer back like that!"

"Right, right! I'll take it slower," Big Lugnut assured her as he cantered out into the morning sunshine. Applejack heaved a sigh, but smiled nonetheless. It was only day three since Big Lugnut showed up, but Applejack felt like she'd get tuckered out if things stayed this interesting. She considered it a blessing that Lugnut was growing a heart first; it probably meant that the day he gets tired will come quickly.

"Why does that boy awl-ways look so sour?" Granny Smith referred to Big Lugnut. Applejack rolled her eyes. She loved her Granny, but she was just a few apples short of a bushel.

"He can't move his face, Granny. He 'as no choice," Applejack attempted to explain. Granny Smith exited her chair at the kitchen table and moved towards her more favored position in the living room.

"Kids these days shouldn't go makin' such sour faces. They're gonna get stuck like that!"

____________________


"This is awesome!" Scootaloo cheered. Applejack had not said anything about running around full speed with Scootaloo on his back. The CMC usually opted for the scooter and wagon combo when traveling to school, but Big Lugnut was much faster. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle squealed in delight as the wagon went over another bump. Anypony who was even slightly more concerned with safety would frown upon the state of the rope tied to Lugnut's tail. It was holding up well enough as the three fillies rocketed down the streets of Ponyville on their bionic mount.

Lugnut had no idea where the school was. He was just running down streets aimlessly, looking for anything that might resemble a school. It donned on him partway that he also had no idea what a school looked like or why these fillies needed to go there. The strangely selective nature of his knowledge baffled him. Since no other option seemed viable, he followed what looked like to him a trail of smaller colts and fillies, hoping they were all heading to school. He would have followed this trail the wrong direction out of Ponyville, if the other resident speedster hadn't suddenly appeared before him.

"Hey Lugnut!" Rainbow Dash descended upon the tiny caravan, keeping up with Lugnut's "searching for a school while dragging precious cargo" speed.

"Good morning Rainbow Dash! Which way to the school?" Lugnut was not so proud as to not ask directions. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash was a pony too proud to ask directions, especially to a building that was of no circumstance to her.

"No problem! Follow me!" Rainbow Dash... dashed... ahead of Big Lugnut, more interested in challenging his speed than getting the fillies to school on time. Big Lugnut was completely oblivious to this and simply followed her as she took him on an even madder rampage through Ponyville.

Big Lugnut was convinced that this was the way to school. He found it strange that it should go through so many alleyways, around so many trees, twice through the market place, and take several laps around the square's fountain. With all of Rainbow Dash's twists and turns, Big Lugnut had to try and keep up while minding his tin trailer of tiny fillies so they didn't whip out and slam into something. Sweetie Belle and Applebloom did not perceive that they were in any danger and continued issuing all manner of guttural noises to express their delight.

Scootaloo was the only pony to realize something was up. They had already passed the school multiple times and even run across the schoolyard once. Scootaloo did very much enjoy sitting astride a being that was managing to keep up with her idol, but Miss Cheerilee had made it perfectly clear that if Scootaloo was late one more time the punishment would be regrettably severe. For some reason, this made her imagine Miss Cheerilee dangling her over a deep-fryer. Very much wanting to avoid any fate that was even metaphorically as terrible, Scootaloo took matters into her own hooves as Rainbow Dash made one more pass by the school.

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

Big Lugnut complied instantly, his hooves digging up four parallel trenches as he slid to a sudden halt. Of course, the laws of momentum dictated that the sudden stop should make the wagon attached to his tail run into his rear end in order to stop. Of course, the laws of momentum further dictated that the two ponies within the wagon shall be flung high into the air.

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but hear Scootaloo calling for a stop and managed to turn around in enough time to see the two small fillies being sent into orbit.

"Hang on!" Rainbow Dash changed directions and streaked skywards, in every sense of the word since she wasn't wearing clothes. "I've got you!"

Rainbow Dash reached her hooves out to catch the fillies, but ended up with more than she bargained for. Somewhere in all this, Big Lugnut had taken to the air and intercepted the falling fillies. He eclipsed the pegasus and allowed the two smaller ponies to land right on his back. Rainbow Dash ended up with her forelegs full of a robot, three fillies, and a wagon. She hung on for dear life.

CRASH

Rainbow Dash winced. She looked down at the ground merely inches away from her. Thankfully, she had latched herself to the bottom of Big Lugnut. His hooves hit the ground before she was crushed under him. Stiffly, she released herself from Lugnut and dropped to the ground. Big Lugnut bent down as he stepped around her.

"Thanks for the directions!"

"Hurry! We're going to be late!" Scootaloo called as the three fillies bounded off Big Lugnut's back as if nothing particularly extraordinary had just happened. Before departing into the school building, Applebloom called back to Lugnut.

"Come on Big Lugnut! Yer my show 'n tell!" Big Lugnut didn't know what that meant exactly, but he removed the wagon from his tail and set it by the picket fence surrounding the school. Big Lugnut did a double take on the fence, thinking he had seen it before, but he brushed the thought off. A fence was a fence was a fence. He had to go inside to be shown and told apparently.

Rainbow Dash was left alone to come to grips with her most recent near-death experience. The harrowing thought of her life being cut short by being smashed by Big Lugnut haunted her. Regaining her cool, she got up and dusted herself off. She took wing and was about to fly off into the great blue yonder, when something about the school building caught her eye. She swooped in closer and examined the side of the building.

"... Is it supposed to be 'BE AU' or 'BA EU'?"