An Uninteresting Story
There once was a man in Equestria.
This man was not just any man, he was a particular man. He was the most uninteresting man that Equestria had ever seen. This was not, admittedly, an award that had any competitors, for he was also the first man that the Equestrians had ever seen, but after spending any length of time with him, most ponies would agree that he was particularly uninteresting, whatever he was.
It wasn’t so much that he tried to be uninteresting. It’s just that he wasn’t all that talkative. He generally gave one or two word answers, and hardly ever elaborated. You see, this man in turn found Equestria to be uninteresting, so you can imagine how hard it was to carry on any kind of conversation, when neither party was truly interested in discussing the same subjects.
For the first few weeks, this man spent most of his time in the local library, where a certain unicorn hosted him at the behest of the crown. She provided him with room and board, and he provided her with what amounted to an extra fixture in her reading room that took up a chair and sometimes responded if spoken to.
What was he reading? If the unicorn’s friends had cared to guess, they might have suspected that he read the riveting Daring Doo series, or that he indulged in romantic novels. The more reasonable among them might suspect that he was reading up on the history of Equestria, or perhaps some textbooks that covered its inhabitants, in order to better understand his new environment.
If they had cared to ask the unicorn, she would have drily informed them that he spent his time reading a mix of psychology and magic-theory textbooks. The unicorn had yet to discern his motive for this, in spite of some intermittent questioning. The man had deflected nearly all her questions, showing no real interest in elaborating on his nature or his people.
The truth, if the man had cared to divulge it, would have still been uninteresting, if a little concerning. The man was of the opinion that he was experiencing a particularly vivid coma-dream, and was trying to figure out what he needed to do in order to wake up. He had, of course, identified other hypotheses, but between trying to figure out if he could harness this thing called ‘magic’ to bridge the gap between dimensions or planets, and trying to see if he could hack his brain into waking back up through raw willpower, or thinking really hard about bunnies, he found himself contentedly occupied, and didn’t really leave the library.
The unicorn sometimes exhibited similar behavior, in doing little else with her time but research and study. Whenever she went too long without venturing outside, her friends and assistant would need to stop by and remind her to eat, leverage her out her door, and give her something more relaxing to do. The uninteresting man, on the other hoof, took life at a snails pace in comparison. He always took the time to eat, to bathe, to sleep, and whenever he was done he went right back to reading. To all appearances, he neither needed nor wanted company, and so he was left alone. Mostly.
In his first week, one of the unicorn’s friends threw this man a surprise party. The man was certainly surprised, though not particularly amused. He became mildly social during the party, responding to questions with more words than most would ever hear from him again, though afterwards one would realize that his answers never really amounted to much either. Over the course of the party, all the ponies were left with the impression that he was a decent sort, but nopony felt all that inclined to visit him again. His conversation was polite, but singularly uninteresting. He was taller than a pony, but not stronger than one. He was not particularly quick or flexible, he had no talent for animals or fashion, and he preferred to spend his time indoors studying rather than hard at work or out having fun. He gave no one the impression that he disliked them, but neither did he seem interested in hearing them talk about themselves.
The party ended and he went to bed without making a single friend.
There was one time when one pony, the unicorn, almost found the man interesting, and that was when he got into an argument with her over the sun. She claimed that the princess raised it every morning, whereas he claimed it operated according to some innate physical mechanism of the universe. The argument ended when he requested a look at one of her physics textbooks, spent twenty minutes with a growing look of disgust upon his face, and then never discussed the subject again.
Eventually there came the day when the unicorn noticed, while shelving some books, that the man, while tightly concentrating, was levitating one of her quills in the air with his magic.
She turned back to her task unperturbed. After all, all creatures in Equestria could use magic in some form or another. This man just seemed to take after unicorns, nothing odd about that, really.
A few months afterwards, the unicorn passed by her reading room one afternoon to discover that the man was gone. In fact, all of the books he had out to read had been shelved again, in the right places too. A check of his room revealed that he had cleaned it until it was spotless and that he even had left a note.
The note simply thanked her for her hospitality, even if her mentor hadn't really given her a choice, and informed her that he had found a way home and had taken it. The only other sign of his stay at her house was a black scorch mark in the center of the room, and that too could be fixed with a little work.
She felt a bit odd, when she realized he wasn’t coming back. His presence in her reading room was something that she had gotten used to over time. Now it felt a little emptier than it should be, as if something of value had been stolen from the room, but she couldn’t remember what it was, or how much it was worth.
Two weeks later, self-acclaimed “public enemy number fishsticks” broke free from his stony prison, and the unicorn didn’t seriously dwell on the man again for the rest of her life.
As for the man, he stepped out of a shadowy alleyway and onto a street he didn’t recognize, in a country whose name he couldn’t pronounce. He spent two days locating the nearest embassy for his home country, and eventually got put on a plane to go home. Having been a missing person for a long time, there was some media attention which he got around by claiming he had no memories of his time away, and that he woke up where he did without knowing how he got there.
A few days after returning to his old home, and sleeping in his own bed, the man attempted to use magic again, and discovered that he no longer could.
He focused on returning to a normal life, but for the rest of his days, he couldn’t decide whether it was all a hallucination, or if he really had been the first human to cross worlds.
But he didn’t give it too much thought. Magic was cool, but Equestria hadn’t been all that interesting anyway.
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Actually, very good, Thinking that the story itself would be boring, was instead really good. Nice job, you get 9 Spikestaches
I'll admit that it was rather bland, story-wise.
That being said, I did like the fact that the human actually wanted to go back to his universe/ dimension and stay there, which is something rare for a HiE fic, especially a one-shot.
I didn't really care for the whole, human using magic thing, but as it is your story, I can roll with it.
When he drives a car off the lot, it becomes a used care.
His tears can't cure anything, if he were ever bothered enough to cry.
He doesn't have anything, ever, dedicated to him.
When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he isn't there.
He's fluent in his language.
He's never been the life of any party.
If he were to pat you on the back, you would call him a creep.
He is...
...
The Most Uninteresting Man in Equestria.
5275489
Glad you enjoyed it!
5275604
Almost missed it, but I see what you did there.
5275631
Nice one, +1
It was a good story.....but it made me feel sad and melancholy after reading it.
Does anyone know people like that in real life?
5275730 Right into the feels and then not.
I am feeling strange right now.
5275793
Yes... myself.
Well, sometimes.
That was quite different. I liked it.
5275730 5276722
Not quite the intended effect, but I can see how it'd do that.
Look at you, making me see my own work in a new light.
5275793 5276806
In the right mood, I can be like this too, yeah. I was going for someone who was clearly very introverted, and happy that way, among a few other things.
5277410
*nods* Different is good. Glad you enjoyed it.
I found this story highly interesting. :P
It kind of remains need me of an idea I had a while back; a guide for humans on surviving in equestria, since so many seem to spontaneously end up there.
Wow, this was the first time i've ever read a MLP fic like this......and i just don't know what to make of it.
The story was QUITE original, and that made it interesting.....but the story itself.....didn't really give much, so the thing that made it interesting was also the thing that made it....dull? GAH!! I am so confused!!!!
That was an interesting story.
...
Does that count as a success or a failure?
Wow ... that was good ... somehow. There's another thumbs up for you sir
Very interesting. So this is an HiE where there are no plot contrivances to keep the human trapped, and the human sincerely wants to go home, and no one acts OOC. It fits well as a counterpoint to other stories, sort of balancing out a larger body of work.
It was singularly the most well-written, uninteresting story I ever read. The only part that even amounted to becoming remotely interesting was when the human learned magic. Of course, from an ignorant unicorn's perspective, that would probably not be a feat worth interest either. Truly this was an exercise in making the most bland fiction possible. And I loved every second of it.
5277965
I've seen that done once before, but it was more of a meta-story and gave preference to references and inside jokes over actual advice. That, and it was keyed to a specific interpretation of Equestria. It'd be interesting to see a more general guide with actual advice. I'd read it. Well, I read the last one too, but still.
5278023
Thank you! My advice is to focus on your confusion, for it is your brain telling you that something doesn't add up. Try and figure out what about the story intrigued you, what made it dull, and why you might still be confused.
5279326
I'm not sure, but it seems to be so uninteresting that fimfiction can't handle it, and loops it back around to interesting again. If it gets featured I'm totally going to put something to that effect in the description, or maybe the chapter title. Haven't decided.
5279661
Thank you kindly.
5280436
Precisely. I read one too many fics that featured the same contrivances and tropes because "Otherwise there would be no story, at least not an interesting one, and it would be over in the first chapter, because he'd just go home." Well, not going to try to prove them wrong, exactly, but might as well show that such a thing wouldn't be the end of the world either. Some characters (and readers, though perhaps that's just me) would be alright with that.
5280864
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Thrilling. Seriously, I haven't read a HiE without a single stereotype I know of.
Meh.
That was a funny little story. As it is, there really wasn't anything interesting about it. It was good, I enjoyed the short read... but that's all it was really. I'll give it an upvote.
This was just delightful. The sheer brevity of it and the fact that it's all done by just telling us it happened rather than having any dialogue or actually giving focus to these events would be something I'd criticise in most stories, but here, it's actually really fitting. It's suited for its protagonist.
Also, even if I actually was genuinely interested in this story premise, it does a good job of simulating the feel of a dry, bland, uninteresting story experience. And that it isn't actually one is definitely a credit, as a genuinely uninteresting story is... well, not worth reading. But this is worth reading. This has value, and I think that reading this added to my life. It's the counterpoint that the HiE genre needed after ten thousand stories about weird crossover characters and special snowflakes and jackasses in costumes.
It's simple and it's effective, and for its length, it's pretty good. Major props.
And then Stanley went back to work.
An uninteresting man in Equestria? That is something resembling, but not quite approaching, preposterous. This calls for...
Holy ... SOMEONE MADE IT HOME WITHOUT DRAMA!
It certainly delivers on its premise.
Fuck. Shit. This guy learned how to use magic, and in only a few months of reading Twilight's books, and with no outside help whatsoever, he could use it to cross dimensions. I'd have stayed. Maybe research immortality next, become powerful.
He clearly had amazing talent.
Maybe learn some ice magic. Maybe try and take out Sombra when he reappears. (Assuming I'm me in this situation, and not this guy who knows nothing about Equestria.) And claim the Crystal Empire for myself. Celestia would probably object, what with how she seemed to know something was up with Cadence and that place, but by that point I'd have the Crystal Empire at least publicly backing my reign.
He had one of my greatest dreams in the palm of his hands, and he fucking wasted it.
5282548 I don't know, it's kind of interesting how he learned to cross dimensions by reading some of Twilight's books.
The guy clearly had amazing talent at magic.
He was actually very, very interesting. He just didn't talk to anyone.
I must say that the most uninteresting man in Equestria was at least a little bit interesting to this one particular brony. I must commend you on making this a engaging tell that I rather really enjoyed for something that was meant to be as plain as possible.
Wow.........................This story was very interesting
Am I the only one suddenly thinking of the game "The Stanley Parable"?
"Of course not. For as you can plainly see your the only person in this office since everyone else is attending the meeting in the conference room."
.........what?
"Now, now, no time for questions. Just follow this very handy white line and we can get started with the adventure."
....
Best hie fic ever.... I like it....... a lot. ....... Is it normal to be confused after reading this? I have a lot of conflicting emotions after reading this. (Thats a good thing I like this feeling)
Well, you set out to make a bland story with an uninteresting human character...and I think you have succeeded, but the problem I have with the story is that it's a rather bland story with a fairly uninteresting human character.
In all honesty though, I expected there to be a bit more tongue and cheek and perhaps a few pokes and prods at the HiE genre in general. Perhaps a bit more satire as well, but I suppose I can't be upset that the story delivered exactly what was in the title.
5286081 yeah, this story is kind of strange. it delivered what it promised, yet at the same time could have been the start of an epic. so many possibilities, and none of them explored. i saw someone else compare it to the Stanley Parable, and that seems fitting.
a few i can think of off the top of my head:
*WARNING!* i started ranting, sorry about that.
1. human is brought by unknown means, is uninterested in getting new friends, so he studies and learns magic. being bored with Ponyville, he leaves.
a. and conquers something.
b. ventures into the Everfree, being drawn to it by how similar it is to our world, and becomes a mystic hermit.
c. ends up joining a royal court and teaching others of our technology and accidentally starting a war.
d. is so bored with the world that he decides to release Discord for shits and giggles.
RANT STARTS HERE!
2. fuck magic, does any of the above with technology. i mean seriously, what the fuck people! almost no HiE actually earns any of the power he is given. i wanna see someone go Oz the Great and Powerful on that shit! rig a hidden flame thrower in their sleeve, or make fucking bombs while acting mystical to keep them guessing (it was the first bombs that where referred to as and inspired today's concept of Fireball)! and what is with all the people instantly believing in magic when they see levitation? what the fuck people! are we back in the stone age or something? whatever happened to magic is just science we dont understand yet? they just instantly fall back on "magic! i dont gotta explain shit!" i am just saying that it would be nice to see at least one person try to figure it out instead of all these HiEs taking the retard-pill and instantly giving up! none of them are even skeptical!
... sorry about that, i was gonna use "magic is just science we do not understand yet." as an idea of acting like a wizard when you have no real magic, like in the days of old when gun-powder was called black-magic, but the phrase kind of sparked the above rant. another thing that pisses me off, when the MC has knowledge of the show, and just tells everything to the first being he meets... really? cause they totally won't think you're crazy right? knowledge is power, and they waste it! they could act like some kind of oracle, or play it off like some kind of prophecy! out of all the stories i have read, only one has done this. ONE!
5295948
Well that's kinda how it operates in their world. All those formula and stuff.
5299773 yeah, but in human culture magic has always been the title given to things that "cannot be understood", which we later realized was complete bullshit. i just hate the "i suddenly believe in magic without one hint of skepticism whatsoever" shit that HiEs pull, especially the ones where there is a language barrier! they just instantly go "it must be magic!" the moment they see a unicorn glow. they do not even bother trying to understand it!
i could understand if it was just the word they chose to use, but the ones with a language barrier have no excuse other than the MC being a superstitious retard.
5300804 Ah.
Yeah, that does upset me.
If I saw a strange creature's body part light up, my first thought would be 'bioluminescence'.
Then again, it's a unicorn's horn lighting up, and in myths unicorns are often attributed to being magical... this calls for!
5300808 and the wizards of old would use their black magic to throw great balls of fire to smite their foes, only for us to look back and realize that the "black magic" powder was actually what we now call gun powder, and the balls of fire were just early bombs.
NO EXCUSE!
5300829 I dunno, if I was suddenly in front of a talking unicorn that could move things with its mind, talking pegasi that could push clouds as if they were solid, and talking 'regular ponies' with superstrength, I'd suddenly have a much more open mind than before.
5300838 be open minded? sure, but i would still want to figure out how it works. i would perform as many experiments as i need to in order to figure out what all was different about the world i found myself, and why it was different. maybe that is just me, but i love learning so i could never just leave so much unexplained because of such an ignorant word like magic.
and like i said, i still want to see someone go Oz the Great and Powerful on that shit! use science to fake magic; make some special gloves with flint attached so that you can make a spark by snapping (yes, it is a Full Metal reference) and keep something explosive in your sleeve for a quick "fireball", or build a generator and a battery, then attach the battery to a gauntlet through some mechanism hidden under your clothes so you can electrocute people with your hand, hell, use shit that you learned about the world you're in to your advantage, but above all else actually EARN their power, instead of just finding some random artifact and never having to earn shit because magic!
5300895 Is that a jab at Trixie I see at the end?
5300899 yes and no actually. if anything she is a perfect example of what i mean.
there are two parts to true power:
1. the power itself.
2. PRESENTATION!
the more of one you have, the less you need of the other, but someone with both is a terrifying foe.
if someone has enough power at their disposal, they do not need to be flashy about how they do things. they can just crush any opposition. the problem with this is that they are usually easy to outwit, or are generally fucked if someone stronger comes around.
(Trixie with the Alicorn Amulet)
if someone is a good enough bluff, they could trick people into thinking they are not someone to be messed with, or even defeat their foes with their wit. the problem here is if someone calls your bluff and can see through your tricks.
(Trixie before the Alicorn Amulet)
with an equal measure of both, someone could crush those that challenge them is such a way to appear more powerful than they really are, and can rely on their wit against enemies stronger than them.
the major problem i have with many HiEs that attempt anything worthwhile, is that they almost always go for the first one. the MC is usually some bumbling idiot that finds a powerful magical artifact and abuses it like a cheap whore that owes them money, usually coming to rely on it completely.
(Trixie with Alicorn Amulet)
i want to see more people be the second one (Trixie before Alicorn Amulet), have them be intelligent and use their wit and knowledge to defeat their foes, instead of every HiE being some retard running around with no clue what he is doing, only to still be alive due to plot-armor. why can't even one of them have the human come out on top without saying "because magic"?
5300966 Hmm, good points. You should totally write a story centered around that premise: Human goes to Equestria, finds a magical artifact - Alicorn Amulet or Other - and abuses the living hell out of it to get through tough spots... then loses it and is royally screwed.
5300975 that would be funny. force an MC used to just having all the power handed to him to use his skill and wit to survive.
as an addition, i see i forgot to give an example of someone that uses both sides of power, Discord.
if from what i heard about the battle with Tirek is any indication (haven't watched it), he might not be as all powerful as people think.
knowledge is power, so the more you know about someone and their methods, the more power you have over them. from the looks of things, no one knows anything about Discord, and that might be why he is so powerful. he has power, there is no doubt about that, but think of how confident he always is. he puts on a show for all to see, and revels in how people react to the changes and chaos he can make, all while making it look easy. he did not look like he had one shred of fear, even when the Elements are brought against him. hell, he looked like he was auditioning for the opera when he was first turned to stone, because he knew he already won with those vines of his.
he knew he could not beat the Elements head-on, so he outwit the bearers, and with how confident he acts, even if someone stronger does appear, they would be unnerved at the fact that their power does not intimidate him in the slightest.
5301043
That's been my theory for a while. (Go watch it though, it's great) Discord has a lot of power, but not as much as he appears. The nature of chaos magic gives him a 'less is more' way of using it, and Tirek doesn't know how to use chaos magic...
5295948
Could you send me a link to that? I'd like to read a story like that.
5303108 http://www.fimfiction.net/story/179289/puppets-of-tragedy
l WANNA GO IN BLIND? THEN DO NOT READ THIS l
l l
\/ \/
it is a LoHAV where the MC willingly becomes an agent of chaos for discord so he can teach the mane 6 that not every foe deserves to be sealed away, by using puppets in the likeness of tragic villains to show them why some people become villains. enjoy!
5306647 Thanks
5310338 no problem, recently found this little gem too! http://www.fimfiction.net/story/167874/son-of-invention
from the sound of it, it may be what i have been looking for; a HiE that says fuck magic, i'm doing this shit with technology!
This story was fun, but i'm not sure why quite odd really.
5275793 Yeah, he goes by the name "MoldyShishkabob" online.