DJ Pon-3 AKA Vinyl Scratch says something that gets Octavia into a new job. Which she is kind of nervous what it is. Until she meets her group.
Edited By: Mrs.Editor (Check this Editor out!)
Story Written By: ME! 
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 16th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2014
Storymage
Octavia Story here just another Pegasus Sister here!
Storymage
Joined 16th Nov, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Gravekeeper · 48k words · 3,345 62 · 48k views
- generalsnaz · 135k words · 436 12 · 7.1k views
- Jacoboby1 · 19k words · 119 2 · 4.9k views
- Harold_Genhi · 60k words · 90 2 · 5.5k views
- FauxShores · 29k words · 225 14 · 4k views
- Tigerhorse · 15k words · 1,832 22 · 23k views
- GeodesicDragon · 24k words · 170 14 · 4.2k views
- OneUppington · 98k words · 1,221 74 · 12k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.133 seconds
Total duration
1,107 users online
1,782,673 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Editor's work is never done is it?
Not a Huge fan but I am looking forward for the next episode
Nice story
5288944 Thanks big bro
5288931 As least you liked the story
5288919 Not really Mrs.Editor
I'm not all for the Lesbipony part but everything else was nice
5288972 Alright
Your description might look better if it was like this:
The different wording is merely a suggestion, but you definitely need to change 'nevus t' to 'nervous as to'.
5289039 Oh thanks I didn't spot that
5289960 Happy to help.
Pretty good but check your spelling more that's all but this is very good
5290616 Thanks
Description is missing grammar, and it doesn't flow too well; in fact, it sounds really butchered.
DJ Pon-3 AKA Vinyl Scratch needs a comma after Pon-3 and Scratch to make this: DJ Pon-3, AKA Vinyl Scratch,
say something is rather broad and inconsistent. Using other phrases such as gossips or passes word around, which I would much rather read to have a result of this: DJ Pon-3, AKA Vinyl Scratch, passes word around
that gets Octavia into a new job is alright until you put the new part of the sentence on the story; then, it doesn't sound right. Due to the fact your story is has a structure around music, it is better to call it a gig rather than a job. As for that gets, it will follow through more smoothly if you changed it to getting; also, just get rid of into together (it is excessive). By doing this, that sentence will come out to be like this: DJ Pon-3, AKA Vinyl Scratch, passes word around getting Octavia a new gig.
We are going to make this one sentence because I don't like short sentences. Which shouldn't be there at all, so you can just get rid of that. Capitalize she and get She is kind of nervous. what it is... This is just wrong; it only made the sentence you made into a dysfunctional sentence. Put a comma and add unsure what to expect with a comma at the end. After this, I suggest adding but her mind changes when she meets her new group, which will replace the Until she meets her group. Putting all this together, you will get this new sentence: She is kind of nervous, unsure what to expect, but her mind changes when she meets her new group.
New description.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha, Fort Impression On Everypony
5293769 O_o Thanks I guess
5293780
No thanks, please. I am too modest for that stuff. Just as long as you understand that "Which" and "Until" are not good starting words for a sentence, especially in the format of which your description is in right now.
This was nice.
But of course there is always room for improvement.
It's good so far so I'll keep reading!
5290616 And punctuation, yes, but otherwise, I couldn't agree more!!
