• Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Deathscar


You'd be surprised at the emotions twenty-six letters can unearth

E

Spitfire has always been known to as the fearless Captain of the Wonderbolts. However, it wasn't always that way. When Spitfire is confronted by her best friend on a stormy night, she is forced to relive her worst memories and reopen wound that she previously thought had healed.
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Author's Notes:
Kind of a one-shot I did after a 'spur-of-the-moment' inspiration from seeing Spittfire's tumblr (its really amazing) and realizing that there are few non-shipping Spitfire and Soarin fics. So I wrote this! I did not really get any proofreaders for this so I'm sure there's mistakes somewhere in there. Although it isn't my best piece (far from it), I'm pretty proud of how this came out!

As usual, leave comments, (constructive) criticisms and other stuff in the comments. I read all of them!

I hope everypony enjoys this story!
-Deathscar

Edit 1: Italicized the flashbacks from the feedback! Hopefully this makes it easier to read!

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Inspiration and cover art goes to Spittfire on tumblr:
http://spittfire.tumblr.com/

Scenes of inspiration:
http://spittfire.tumblr.com/post/14249510407/i-dont-know-what-happened-but-i-earned-my-cutie
http://spittfire.tumblr.com/post/19710353503/i-wanted-to-prove-her-wrong
http://spittfire.tumblr.com/post/14340569937/does-it-get-better-than-achieving-your-dreams
http://spittfire.tumblr.com/post/20159412493/bravetriforcer-asked-you-so-where-were-you-during

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 78 )

That is brilliant diamonds right in front of my face. Even better than MLD. :raritystarry:

506107 Wow that's quite a compliment! Haha thank you :twilightsmile:

The main idea of the plot, of flashing back and forth between the memories and the present time, gets a bit confusing (for me, anyway) when the memories and the present are the same kind of style. Personally, I find it easier to distinguish the two if the flashbacks are italicized and everything else normal.

Otherwise, very well written; it's enchanting and quite sad, the emotions placed just right. Well done.

506174 Thank you for the criticism :) Its just a personal style of mine, haha. I thought of doing that but I didn't know if i should italize the flashback sequences or the present day sequences :twilightblush:

Z

That was a good read, I really liked it! And italicizing the flashbacks might make it a tad easier to read. :pinkiehappy:

506261 Understood! Thank you for the comments!

Damn, this is deep. So sad knowing this kind of shit is everywhere in real life. :fluttercry:

Kudos to you sir. You have written a truly beautiful story.
Have a moustache. :moustache:

506299 *takes mustache* Thank you kind sir. Have a Marshmallow! :raritywink:

I love soaring n spitfire fics

506107 Sadder than MLD? I'm reading this first thing in the morning....

506325 I've started to take a liking to them too :P

Amazing story man! You did a great job with Spitfire's background, though it is a bit depressing. :fluttercry: I wouldn't be surprised it this were to get featured on EQD.
This is definitely in the top 5 one-shots I have read. :twilightsheepish: Keep up the great work!

506333 Wow! Haha I think EqD would reject it for some reason but thank you so much for the comment! :twilightsmile:

im not always the 'sappy' one for these things, but i was fighting back the tears...

506339 Don't underestimate yourself, man. By the way.. MLD was sadder in my opinion but I can see where if someone could relate to this story more than I could, this would be very sad. I was just able to form an emotional connection with the character in MLD because he reminded me of myself. Also Spitfire is still best pony. :D

I'd like to say that while italicizing the flashbacks does make it an easier read, I'd actually say that having them in the same style as the present parts could actually aid your narrative as the main feature of your story is having Spitfire herself confusing the association between past and present to the point that they overlap within her mind. Having the readers share in that confusion would enable them to identify somewhat with Spitfire's state of mental confusion. It helps that the story is already well-organized thanks to your use of horizontal dividers. :moustache:

And once again,Through The Fire and The Flames was my background song while reading this. You did a great job with those flashbacks man. Great work.:rainbowdetermined2:

Brilliant job portraying the characters. My star and my thumb have been well earned.

Wow...this was amazing
I've never really read a Soarin or Spitfire story before, but this one's gonna set the bar high for sure!
Not gonna lie, when I was reading the part where Red Gust was beating Spitfire...I clenched my fist so hard my knuckles cracked. That's how damn well written and full of emotion this story is.
I only have two thumbs, and unfortunately, I can only give you one thumb up.
Nice work! :pinkiehappy:

506353 Thank you for feeling what I wrote :twilightsmile:

506358 I understand completely! I could relate to MLD too because the dude did everything I would do :')

506366 I understand what you're trying to say and now I'm kinda torn. Italicize or don't :/

506410 That's one awesome song

506593 Thank you for reading and commenting!

506623 I shall cherish them :pinkiehappy:

506681 Thank you for the kind words :twilightsmile: I'm glad you felt what I was trying to write! :pinkiesad2: and I shall except all the thumbs, regardless if I can see them! :D

So for some reason i decided to read this during school... Now im sitting in health class crying. This story was amazing but so sad i loved it!!! :heart:

507206 Really? :O Thank you! Here have a pinkie smile! :pinkiehappy:

506803 Well I would have tried harder to go with them. Lol. There is no reason why he couldn't go, Celestia was just being a bitch. He had nothing to live for on Earth and would live a very happy life if they took him with.

507282 Well I understood the reasoning and i would try a bit harder too but I'd let Dashie go, as much as I'd hate to :(

507298 Yes you would have to let Dashie go, but they could still take you. He belongs on Earth no more than Dashie does. He has no family, no friends, no job (I think), and no with Dashie gone, he has no reason to live. I'm pretty sure he would have killed himself within the next month hoping to somehow be closer to his daughter. That pain of losing someone that close to you would have torn me apart.

Good story, I enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Beutiful just beutiful:rainbowkiss:.Really loved it.And i agree with the top comment,this is a better story than MLD.In my opinion.Keep up the great work:heart::heart::heart:

Very nice, I enjoyed it. You had a really good idea, but your characterization could use a little work. Spitfire's reaction to all of it seems a little unbelievable. Being upset is understandable, even a little wounded at Soarin's words, but to fly into a blind rage and strike him over that? I just found it difficult to swallow. That, and the letter from Red Gust seemed a little cliche, especially with the added "give her the letter when the time is right."

But like I said, your story was good! Just keep an eye out for those things :D

Fav fav fav fav fav....oh wait I can only fav once

508231 Glad you did! Thank you for commenting!

508238 Wow these type of comments really humble me! Haha thank you so much!

508329 I understand the cliche part of Red Gust's letter. I really just let the words right themselves at that point :twilightblush: And in my mind, after all that happened, I thought she finally snapped and blinded by pure rage, attacked Soarin for not giving the stuff to her early (the same stuff that would have allowed her closure). But thank you for your comment and I will definately keep an eye out for those things.

508428 Well you could always read my other pieces and fav them if you like them :P *gets shot*

Well, I read the whole thing. A pretty good piece of work, worthy of the praise it has garnered so far. The constant switching between past and present in the style you have done disoriented me once in a while, but otherwise was fine. The story itself didn't feel too rushed, and the characters are believable. It was quite an interesting way of how you portrayed her past. It is very realistic, and because of that, it is saddening. I am not much for sad stories, but you just had the right amount of roller coaster ups and downs of emotions to make it a good tale, rather than making it a pity-me-story or a depressing rant. And at the end of the roller coaster, we see a new ray of light and hope, and I think you pulled the sad-to-hopeful style off well. This is one of your better stories.

Only one problem I had.

“Why did you give this to me earlier Soarin!? I thought you were my closest friend!”

Was it supposed to be "didn't"? I dunno, it seemed to make more sense that way.

The use of the necklace as Chekhov's gun was slightly cliche, but it wasn't a problem because you used it well. Another reason why I enjoyed this story. Well done, Deathscar. Well done.

Okay...I just have to say that you brought my head cannon to life with this story. This is so similar to the idea I had formed in my head about Spitfire and Soarin'. I had seen Spitfire as the one who was driven because others around her said she couldn't do it, and I have always seen Soarin' as that friend who is always there for her, always ready to catch her when she falls. Great job!

531802 Thank you so much! I'm relaly happy you enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

This story needs more views!!!! :flutterrage:

536914 Haha I wish it had more views too :derpytongue2:

For some reason or other, I seem to enjoy soaking the bed with my tears. I love sad fics, but this one deserves favorite and thumbs up!

P.S Heartwarming ending deserves a sad Pinkie being happy.:pinkiesad2:

537437 Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it :pinkiehappy: here's a Flutteryay :yay:

Ugh, too long. Will read later. XP

543141 Okay :derpytongue2: do leave a comment on what you think of it :pinkiehappy:

I will be pefectly honest, this bought a tear to my eye, beatifully made and structured well,

Love it :D

Read the Ditzy fic. Checked your page. Saw this. Bieng the big Spitfire buff I read it. This is amazing. It's not overexagerated but it maintains the kind of ridiculous events that occur in real life.

577034 I'm glad you enjoyed it! I do have another type of this fic for Fluttershy and Rainbow if you would like to check it out :twilightsmile:

You Deathscar, you just showed me one of my fav. fics so far :pinkiesmile: and it's amazing.

I just found one grammar mistake (two words were join in some point) but it was a really good fic.

I loved how you described everything, I could feel the emotions in the characters and everything, you made it easy follow even with the change of the scenes and it was well written.:eeyup:

579816 Oh why thank you! Do you mind pointing out the mistake? I would very much like to correct it! :twilightblush: I'm glad you liked it!

Very beautiful piece of work. Simply marvelous. The joined word is at the flash back of when she learned to fly. (“I need to do this.” Spitfire stared down at the familiar gold chain and fire emblem that hung around her neck. Reeling her head back onto the cloud, she steeled herself andgazed ahead) You are a wonderful writer and i for one hope to see more fantastic work from you. Just when I'm about to give up hope for the students who waltz in my class, just hoping to get a passing minimum, I discover people like you who renew my faith in future writers. I may live in America, but i hope to one day be able to read your first published book one day. Aspire to greatness sir, and you will go far indeed. I can't wait to read your next rendition in your remembrance saga.

589773 Wow... I'm kinda speechless at your comment. These comments are always what keep me going as a writer. I've thought about stopping many times before I found MLP but ever since I started sending in my fanfictions, I've started receiving comments like these which always remind me why I write.

The sole fact that I can put faith in you through my words is better than any prize i could receive. I will keep writing and will keep comments like these in my mind to remind me to never stop. I can't wait to let you read the next Remembrance saga either :twilightsmile:

Thank you for the comments, they really mean a lot to me. :pinkiesad2:

Looks like you were right pal! Great story

Another great sir, though Fluttershy's is still my favorite so far (Fluttershy and Rainbow are my favorite ponies :P). All I want to know though is who you are gonna do next. I eagerly await the next in the series. Cheers and keep up the good work.

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