• Published 15th Nov 2014
  • 2,688 Views, 45 Comments

Command Performance - scoots2



Cheese and Pinkie’s hardest job yet: twelve parties at Canterlot celebrating the Two Sisters’ reign. Twilight’s micro-managing, a sisterly quarrel brewing, bode unhappy holidays. Why’s Cheese’s Cheesy Sense going crazy?

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It's Traditional

Cheese woke up in a bed thick with fluffy white coverlets. When he pulled one of his front legs out from under the covers and stretched it out on top of them, it sank until it almost disappeared in the soft mounds. He hadn’t slept in a bed in weeks, and never in one as luxurious as this one.

It was still dark out, but Cheese was used to waking up before dawn, and the nights were so long at this time of year that he had had a full night’s sleep. He was beginning to feel restless, so he sprang out of bed, and began to explore.

There was a smaller room attached to the bedroom. He trotted over, pulled the light cord, and poked his head inside. It was a bathroom with a deep bathtub, and somepony had thoughtfully provided thick towels and a rubber duck. He knew he didn’t look or smell very good right now, and he didn’t want Pinkie or anypony else to be ashamed to be seen with him, especially not Pinkie. The rubber duck sealed the deal. If Boneless Two had a pal to keep him company for a while, he could definitely take a few minutes to clean up.

He pushed the taps on with his left hoof, making sure there was plenty of hot water, dumped in a lot of bubble bath, and then jumped in with all four feet. He submerged his head and then resurfaced, snorting through the suds, his nose white with thick foam. After a few minutes of splashing and yodeling bathtub songs he made up on the spur of the moment, he stood up, pulled the plug, placed the towels on the floor and rolled himself dry. Weeks’ worth of achiness and muscle strain were long gone now. He gave one last long stretch, and then rolled over onto his belly and sat up with a sneeze. The mirror on the opposite wall reflected a thin, excitable young stallion barely out of colthood, whose curly mane bunched and puffed as it dried, rippling as though it had a life of its own: hardly the tough, worldly wise and road worn traveler he tried to be.

He glanced over at the casement window. Its wide panes faced east. As he drew closer, he saw that the dark sky had gone from inky-dark to violet. Now the first pink glimmering streaks of light appeared, the forerunners to the dawn. He raced to the window, panting with excitement as he watched the new day being born. Every day was a chance to show ponies what Joy really was, and he couldn’t wait to get started. With his magic renewed and Pinkie so close, anything could happen. He reared up on his hind legs, bracing his front legs against the windowsill, his eyes wide with wonder as always as the world turned pink. “Good morning, Beautiful,” he murmured.

The windows crashed open, and Pinkie burst through them, sliding down in a positive avalanche of snow. “Happy Hearth’s Warming Day, Cheesie!” she cried, landing on top of him and pinning him to the bottom of the newly created snowdrift. “I brought you donuts!”

Cheese sat up and threw his front legs around her. He heard a great whoosh of wings, and through the window he glimpsed Princess Celestia sailing into the sky in a graceful arc, her many-shaded mane trailing behind her as she pulled the winter sun from its bed. Few ponies were ever privileged to see Celestia raise the sun this close up, and Cheese sat for a moment, his jaw dropped in awe. Then he realized that he was still hugging Pinkie, he could smell fresh donuts, and he was sitting in a pile of melting snow. He let go of Pinkie and backed out of the snow.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Pinkie!” he said, shaking himself dry. “Wow, you didn’t have to do that.”

“It was no trouble,” she said around the paper bag clutched in her teeth, and dropped the bag on the bed, where the donuts sent out alluring scents of sugar, cinnamon, and hot fat, all whispering “eat us.” “Joe’s open all night and I had to wish him a Happy Hearth’s Warming ‘cause I think he gets a little lonely, and he gave me these and I think you should have some because Twilight is having a breakfast meeting and I don’t think it’ll have enough sugar. You should eat ‘em while they’re still warm, Cheesie.” She pulled one from the sack and ate it whole. “Fthee? ‘E’re good!

“Just a sec,” replied Cheese, backing away again as he mentally went through his inventory. Party bomb, party tank, streamers, confetti, collapsible fondue fountain, punchbowls . . . no loud yellow shirt. Boater, pork pie, Admiral’s hat, fish hat, mortarboard . . .still no shirt. It had to be a mistake. He began physically pulling everything out and dumping it. Mouse cages, bouncy castles, light-up dance floors—the pile got bigger and bigger, and still he couldn’t find his yellow shirt, or his Haywaiin shirt, and his serape was gone, and . . .

“If you’re looking for your clothes,” said Pinkie, “you haven’t got any.”

Cheese whirled around. “What?” Don’t need clothes, don’t need clothes, he reminded himself. Lots of ponies never wear clothes.

“Last night, when we carried you down here, your stuff was falling out,” explained Pinkie, “including your clothes.” Her nose wrinkled at the memory. “They were nasty, Cheesie. Rarity went all wobbly and Rainbow Dash said—well, anyway, Twilight said they had to go and Applejack took them away. Just to be washed,” she added, as she saw the look of horror on Cheese’s face. “Rarity’s making something for you for Alicorn Night, but there wasn’t enough time for her to make something overnight, and I said, “ ‘We better find something for Cheesie to wear or he’ll freak out.’ ”

“I am not freaking out,” lied Cheese, as he draped a towel over his barrel like a saddle. Wearing clothes is just a habit. I can kick it anytime I want to.

“And you have kinda long legs, so it wasn’t easy,” Pinkie went on, “but finally we borrowed something and maybe it’ll fit you, and the castle can get drafty anyway, so try it on. And then eat the donuts, ‘k? ‘Cause they’re gonna get cold.”

She pulled out a sweater and tossed it over to Cheese, who struggled into it. It was clearly made for someone with a very different shape and with legs even longer than his. Still, he liked the thick dark blue wool and the white snowflake pattern. Even the small silvery embroidered spots made it look elegant, not fussy, even if it was much fancier than anything he’d usually wear.

“Is it ok?” asked Pinkie.

“It’s great,” he answered. “Nice and warm. Thank you. Of course,” he added, casually picking up the bag lying on the bed, “I didn’t actually need it.” He bit into a donut. He’d missed Joe’s donuts.

“ ‘Course not,” said Pinkie, “but you feel a lot better now you’ve got it, right? Can you eat those on the way to the meeting? It’s gonna be a super-busy day.” She bounced out the door, clearly confident that he was just behind her. It was only as he saw her pink, puffy tail disappear around the doorframe that he realized he hadn’t kissed Pinkie good morning. He’d spent weeks on the road missing her, looking forward to whenever he’d have the chance. And he’d blown it.


“Oh, good, you’re here,” said Princess Twilight, looking up from a sheaf of notes. “Now, I’ve finally consolidated my historical research, everypony, and I thought we could compare notes and get started. We’re going to revive some traditions that haven’t been observed for hundreds of years. It’s going to be just like planning the Crystal Fair!”

“Only with 100% less King Sombra,” Rainbow Dash cut in. “I know, fires of friendship, whatever, I’ve got limits.”

“No monomaniac villains messing up the holidays,” agreed Applejack. “We sure don’t need that ag—I mean, we sure don’t want that,” she added, hastily correcting herself.

Cheese saw that Pinkie had been right to hurry him along. In addition to Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and the two royal sisters were already seated around a large wooden table. She’d also been right to bring him the donuts, because the platter in the center of the table was filled with fruit and bran biscuits, accompanied by pitchers of water. Pastry was conspicuous by its absence. Maybe that was why neither Princess Celestia nor Princess Luna looked very happy, but they certainly weren’t happy about something. Their gloom was more than counterbalanced by Twilight’s excitement and that of Spike the dragon, who was seated between Twilight and Rarity, frantically scribbling on a long scroll. In fact, he seemed to be keeping track of two sets of documents: Twilight’s historical data, and Rarity’s design notes.

“One thing I’ve found,” Twilight said, stacking her notes, “is that it’s very difficult to establish exactly when traditions started, or who started them, or why. It’s not always as simple as it looks. We know the Hearth’s Warming story, but I can’t place who started the idea of serving seven desserts.”

“Surely this must be a relatively recent tradition,” suggested Princess Luna.

“Oh, no,” Twilight replied, absorbed in her notes. “As I mentioned last night, ponies have been serving seven desserts for hundreds of years.”

“Oh,” said Princess Luna, and now there was a definite frost in the air.

Cheese was about to start juggling bran biscuits, just to break the tension, when Pinkie piped up with, “I just want to know when balloons started. I mean, balloons—I can’t even imagine a party without balloons, though I guess somepony must have had parties before balloons, ‘cause I’m sure ponies must always have had parties, but I’m glad we have balloons now.” She blew up a balloon and batted it into the air.

Cheese recognized his cue, and caught it and the balloon at the same time. “I bet balloons go way back,” he said, directing its flight towards Princess Luna, whose sleepy pet opossum caught it in its tail. She brightened up immediately.

“Indeed, the Amusing Pony at King Bullion’s court always carried a balloon: a balloon on the end of a stick. Remember, sister? He talked to it and rapped it right smartly on courtiers’ heads when uttering a punchline. He entertained me greatly.”

“Oo! So we can have balloons for our parties!” exclaimed Pinkie.

Cheese nodded agreement, and snatched up a napkin, draping it over one hoof. “And if anypony says,” and he held up the napkin, making it speak in a plummy, sneering voice, ‘Balloons are scarcely appropriate for royal events,’ we can just say, ‘But they’re traditional!’ ”

He and Pinkie blew their rollup noisemakers simultaneously, as though they’d planned it. We make a great double act, he thought. Too bad we don’t get the chance to do this more often. Then he almost yelped with pain as his cutie mark gave a sudden, fierce spasm.

“And sometimes traditions differ by tribe, or they’re regional,” continued Twilight, as though this interruption hadn’t occurred, “and I think we should incorporate a bit of everything so nopony feels left out.”

“A thousand years of fashion and décor to play with! It’s a designer’s dream come true,” agreed Rarity, carefully pinning fabric swatches on to design sketches. “I cannot wait for the grand ball on Alicorn Night.”

“I would really so much rather that it were called Alicorns Night,” murmured Princess Celestia. Unfortunately, Twilight was absorbed in her notes again.

“Today is going to be crazy busy. Princess Celestia has to receive foreign dignitaries and exchange gifts all morning, and then there’s a grand dinner and a concert, and there won’t be time to plan tomorrow later today, so we’ll have to run through this checklist and create another checklist of what we’re going to do tomorrow. Tomorrow’s going to be a lot less stressful, but I can’t get a good sense of what Equestrian traditions are for the day after Hearth’s Warming. They seem to vary a good deal, so I’d like to hear from each of you what your families did and we can pick from those.”

“We have the gift-giving in the morning,” said Princess Celestia. “Anyone who visits the Castle the day after Hearth’s Warming has a personal welcome and a boxed gift. That has always been the tradition.”

“Indeed,” said Princess Luna, and frowned. “I do not recollect that tradition.”

“I should have said that it has always been the tradition at Canterlot Castle,” the elder sister explained.

“Ah,” said Princess Luna, seemingly absorbed in prodding her balloon. “The tradition at Canterlot Castle. Yes. That would be why I do not recollect that tradition, as I was never there.”

“You will be tomorrow. I count on you to be there, Luna. We can give so many more presents in half the time, and it’s a royal duty.”

“One you have been fulfilling very nicely without us,” Luna muttered. “We do not see why we are necessary now.”

Twilight was now looking up from her notes, eyes darting from side to side as she followed this increasingly tense dialogue, but it was Spike who interrupted. “I can help! There wouldn’t be gemstones in those boxes, would there?”

Celestia turned to him with a smile. “No, Spike, usually there isn’t. It’s usually a few toys, warm scarves—something everypony needs. And a lot of Hearth’s Warming cookies. I’d be happy to have you help me distribute the boxes, if you like. I shouldn’t have said it was your duty, Sister,” she added, “but it is your right to be there by my side. And I very much want your company. It hasn’t always been easy being the best pony I can be all alone.”

Luna turned her attention from the balloon to her sister’s face, and whatever she saw there seemed to make her soften. “No, Celie, I do not want you to feel alone. I should be happy to help you give the boxes of gifts. Provided there are sufficient cookies, of course. This young drake,” she said, nodding to Spike, “will require cookies.”

Celestia’s mouth quirked. “I’ll make sure to tell Kibitz that it’s vital for the schedule.”

“Good. Because left to his own devices, your majordomo provides meals such as this,” Luna said, snorting and indicating the dish of bran biscuits.

“I’d better write that part about the cookies down,” said Spike. “You don’t have anything else written down, Twilight. Does everyone give out boxes, or is that just a Canterlot thing?”

“I think it must be a unicorn tradition,” said Rarity. “My family gives out boxes to visiting friends and acquaintances, although,” she added with a blush, “it’s mostly regifting and returning items to stores. We call it ‘Reboxing Day.’ ”

“That’s fascinating, Rarity. I’d assumed it was only a Canterlot tradition,” said Twilight. “My family exchanges gifts with friends, and we take some to ponies who are in the hospital for Hearth’s Warming. Then we sometimes go to . . . no,” she said. “I’m sure that’s not important. Let’s move on.”

“Go where?” asked Rarity.

“Oh, Twilight’s family goes to a special kind of play,” said Spike, ignoring Twilight’s frantic gestures. “They always came back giggling, but they said I was too young for it yet. They never explained why, though.”

“Something too mature for the little ones to handle?” asked Applejack. “Seems a little funny for Hearth’s Warming.”

“Do go on, darling,” Rarity said, resting her chin against her hooves. “We’re all positively eager to know.”

“Well, um . . .” said Twilight, looking uncomfortable for the first time that day. “Look, it’s not really unsuitable for fillies and colts. My parents took Shining and me to see them when I was still a little filly. They’re mostly fairy tales, with music and dancing. That’s all.” Everypony at the table stared at her in silence. “Oh, all right,” she said, sighing. “The lead male role is always done by a mare, and the comic female role is always done by a stallion. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just traditional to have a mare playing a prince or a pirate.”

Rainbow Dash guffawed. “Now, that I gotta see! Up in Cloudsdale, we’ve got games and athletic competitions. And the next day, too.” She frowned. “Huh. Come to think of it, the whole season is mostly games and sports.”

Fluttershy sighed. “It’s almost ALL games and sports. I like the idea of the boxes, though,” she added. “Maybe next year I can bring little gift boxes to all of my critter friends. Except for the ones who are hibernating, like Harry the Bear, because he’d be a teeny weeny little bit cross.” She clapped her hooves together.

“At Sweet Apple Acres, we celebrate ‘Get Your Flank Back To Work Day,’” said Applejack. “We clean up and we get back to work.”

Pinkie gasped. “That’s amazing! My family must celebrate that, too. And I had no idea!”

They’re going to ask me next, Cheese realized, his muscles tightening. And I’ve got nothing. He settled for a shrug, a grin to cover his nervousness, and an “uhhhmm,” which could have meant anything.

“So that’s settled then,” said Twilight. “The Princesses will do the gift-giving here at the castle, and we’ll carry gifts across Canterlot for ponies who wouldn’t have any.”

“Don’t forget the play,” said Rainbow Dash. “I want to see badass pirate mares.”

“I must admit it sounds intriguing,” said Rarity, levitating some clean sheets of paper towards herself and beginning to sketch again.

“But we won’t have time!” protested Twilight. “You can’t produce an entire set of costumes overnight!”

“Oh, I’ll find a way,” Rarity said, sketching quickly. “I’m sure I can adapt some old costumes, and I’m confident that even in this huge castle Spike will know where to find them, and he’ll be happy to go on a little adventure à deux, wouldn’t you, Spikey?”

Spike didn’t even have to answer that question. His expression said it all.

“Must admit it sounds like fun,” said Applejack.

“I wouldn’t mind watching a play,” agreed Fluttershy, “unless—oh, my, I wouldn’t have to be in it, would I?”

“Nah,” said Dash, who was already an expert about a play she’d never seen and which didn’t even exist yet. “You can just watch.”

“And we’ll invite everypony coming here today for the dinner and ask if anypony wants to be in it and we’ll do it in the castle tomorrow and it’ll be fun!” said Pinkie.

“Ok,” said Twilight. “It’s ridiculous, but how many of you want to do the play tomorrow?” Seven hooves and a taloned hand rose in the air. She sighed. “You make this very difficult for an organizer.”

“Cheesie and me are planning the parties, though,” Pinkie pointed out, “and I know we can do it. Right, Cheesie?”

“Are you kidding?” said Cheese. “Together, we can do anything,” and then he winced. That came out wrong, he thought, but it’s really what I think. We really can.

“Fine,” said Twilight. “But don’t burn yourselves out. Remember, we’ve still got the traditional Boat Festival . . .”

“Of which we know nothing, as we were not there,” Princess Luna pointed out, the edge returning to her voice.

“And Year’s Turn. . .” Twilight went on, hesitating slightly.

“Of which, once again, we know nothing,” said Princess Luna.

“Luna, it’s a Griffon festival,” said Celestia, sliding her hoof towards her sister’s. “Of course you wouldn’t know it, it’s not one of ours, it . . .”

“And Alicorn Night?” finished Twilight Sparkle. “We can change it to Alicorns Night,” she added quickly, “because it only makes sense now to celebrate alicorns. Oh, wait, I’m an alicorn now, but I didn’t mean me, Princess Luna, I meant you! Alicorns Night!”

“Of which, again, we know nothing,” snapped Princess Luna, slamming both hooves on the table and rising. “This festival,” she continued, her voice amplifying until it echoed, “is nothing more than a celebration of Our Thousand-Year Absence.”

Where did that gale force wind come from? wondered Cheese. The Night Princess’s starry mane was now a storm cloud framing her shoulders and her rage-filled face.

“It Is A Calculated Insult And A Hoof To Our Royal Face, Twilight Sparkle, And We Take It As Such. And As These Merriments Have Arisen In The Joy Of Our Absence Which Ye Lamented Not, We Would Not Dream Of Defiling Them By Our Presence. Celebrate As Ye Wish, O Ponies, And Let Your Joy Be Unrestrained, For The Dark Princess Shall Confine Herself To Solitude.”

She swept from the room, her psychotropic weather system exiting with her. A long silence followed.

“Well,” said Applejack, “that sure was somethin’.”

The top of Fluttershy’s head peeped above the table. “Is . . .is she gone?”

“Yeah,” said Rainbow Dash. “Whoa, Rarity, you gotta admit you’re totally outclassed in the drama queen department. You’re not even in the same league.” Everypony else glared at her. “What?” she said. “That’s kind of a compliment!”

“But I didn’t mean to insult her!” cried Twilight Sparkle. “I didn’t mean that at all! The whole festival is for her and you! Princess, you have to believe me!”

“I do,” said Princess Celestia, and sighed. “The festival must go on as planned. We cannot disappoint everypony looking forward to it.”

An elderly stallion wearing a pair of pince-nez appeared in the door. “Your Highness, it is time for your formal reception with the foreign dignitaries. If you leave immediately, we’ll be no more than twenty-nine seconds late.”

“Thank you, Kibitz,” she replied, and rose from the table. “I shall disappoint nopony.”

“But what about your Hearth’s Warming, Princess?” said Twilight Sparkle, trotting behind her.

She turned to face her former student, and Cheese felt the sheer force of a melancholy so deep that even his party pony abilities and Pinkie’s combined could not hope to pierce it. “As always,” she said, “I shall keep Hearth’s Warming in the absence of the ponies I love most, and warm myself in the light of others’ happiness. Don’t fret, youngest princess. You have done nothing wrong. Old injuries are not so easily healed.” She followed Kibitz from the room.

Twilight Sparkle sighed. “You heard her, everypony. We’ll just go on as planned with the dinner and the concert, and work as hard as we can. The meeting’s over.”

Everypony left immediately. Cheese was still so startled by what had just occurred that once again, he missed Pinkie. He began to trot quickly from the room, hoping he could catch up to her, but he was stopped by a loud clash of chords and a sharp pain in his flank. He had to go and make somepony smile. And he already knew which pony it was.

“Oh, Stilton,” he groaned.

~~

Cheese followed his Cheesy Sense and finally traced Princess Luna to the library. Even though he couldn’t see her at first, it was obvious where she must be. As he trotted down an aisle, the shelves on either side of him grew darker and darker, and finally he came upon her, lying in a pool of visible darkness. Even though it was still morning and she was next to a large bay window, no sunlight streamed over her. In fact, her darkness and gloom seemed to be penetrating the window and casting a shadow over the immediate area outside.

No, he thought. This is too big of a job. I don’t think the Great Ponyacci himself could handle this. In fact, I’m not even sure Pinkie could handle this. Still, Cheesy Sense wouldn’t push me into doing something I can’t handle. Would it?

The truth was that it had been doing that a lot lately, but he still didn’t have the option of ignoring it, so it wasn’t a question of whether he would try to pacify the angriest alicorn he’d ever seen. The real question was how. Tact. This was going to require ta—

“WA-HEY-HEY! ARE YOU READY TO LAUGH?” He exploded in front of Princess Luna in a shower of confetti, pulling his accordion from nowhere and launching into a fortissimo rendition of the Dawn Patrol Polka.

Princess Luna clapped her hooves over her ears. “Be quiet, young Amusing Pony!” snapped the Princess of the Night, knitting her eyebrows. “Thou interrupt’st our meditations.”

“That’s my job!” Cheese replied, bouncing onto a table and crossing his legs. It was as though something was using him and speaking through him, exactly as he’d done with his improvised puppet earlier that day.

“Begone, foal,” she snorted.

“Are you positive I’m the only foal in this particular picture, Princess?” said Cheese, withdrawing a balloon on a stick and brandishing it. “Because even a party pony’s patter can be peculiarly pertinent. Yesterday I was a hungry nopony wandering around in the cold. I’ve got no real business being in Canterlot Castle, and yet here I am helping to plan a party, which is my favorite thing to do, with my favorite pony in the world. I’m about as happy as an earth pony in earth, and I’m talking to a princess. You’re the co-ruler of Equestria and everypony from your sister on down wants you to be the hostess and guest of honor at the biggest event Canterlot has ever seen, and instead, you’re sulking in the library and wasting your time talking to a foal, which to me makes you look pretty foalish. So who’s the bigger foal, your Highness? You or me?” He tapped her on the nose with his balloon.

Princess Luna swelled as she took a deep inhale, and the part of Cheese that was still capable of rational thought prepared for disintegration. “Thou art most malapert, knave,” she said, and sighed. “And unfortunately, thou art correct. We have been foalish.” She raised a hoof as the full horror of what he’d done began to dawn on him. “Fret not. An Amusing Pony hath license to say what he will. That is, as thou said’st, thy job. How dost thou like our sweater?”

“Hmm?” Cheese looked down at the sweater he’d been wearing. Now he noticed that the dark blue colors varied and shimmered exactly like Luna’s mane, and that the silvery spots were actually the moon in its different phases. It didn’t fit him because it fitted her, but nevertheless—

“I like it,” he said truthfully. “I like the colors. It almost reminds me of home at this time of year, but in a good way, if that’s possible.”

Luna sat up, and the darkness around her began to dissipate. “Truly?”

Cheese nodded. “Uh-huh. The reds and golds are beautiful, but my family doesn’t decorate with them. These are more suitable for winter and for lights shining in darkness. Like candles.”

“Or the moon?” she whispered.

“Yes.”

She sat silently, as though she were trying to absorb what he said, as though she were trying to believe it: that lights shimmering in winter darkness were as beautiful as the golden summer sun. “A princess must uphold tradition,” she murmured. “I am over a thousand years old, and I am, as you said, a foal. I must know tradition, and I know nothing of it. Nothing.”

It was clearly time to come clean. “To tell the truth, your Princess-ness,” he admitted, “neither do I.”

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Really.”

He held up a hoof, crossed his heart, and smashed a cupcake into one eye. “Really and truly.” He paused to lick off the frosting. “Mm. Chocolate. I’m more or less clueless about Hearth’s Warming. Oh, sure, I know all about the history and the pageants, but I don’t know anything about what everypony eats and what they do at home, because my family doesn’t do those things. Lots of fillies and colts at school talked about presents and things they were going to do, and when I came home once and asked about them, my mother said that we were different and that was that, and she wouldn’t hear any talk of it in her house again. We did have a winter celebration, but it wasn’t Hearth’s Warming. And when we came home from the Hearth’s Warming pageant, we did nothing on purpose. One year my father brought back some Quirinese food, but that was it. And when I tried to pull out my accordion once, so at least we could have some music . . . ”

Right about then was when I learned that wasn’t my home. “Um . . . my mother didn’t like it very much. So, nope. I’m as lost as you are. Maybe more. And sometimes it’s tough to fit in.”

He heard a gasp high above them. There sat Pinkie atop a bookcase. “I know, right? I mean, it’s not like my family doesn’t celebrate Hearth’s Warming or celebrates something else. My family doesn’t celebrate anything!” She jumped down from the bookcase, so that she was facing Cheese.

“Well, it’s not as though we didn’t do anything at all,” Cheese began, walking towards her.

“Same here,” said Pinkie, nodding and taking a step towards him. “We exchanged rocks, and sometimes I got a wooden toy.”

“Weird,” said Cheese. “Me too! And candles. Lots of candles.”

“We had candles in the window. It was the only thing we had, though. And Maud made rock candy with me.”

“Potatoes,” Cheese reminisced. “For some reason, it was always potatoes. Dunno why.” By now, they were practically nose to nose.

“Of course, some families near us decorated more . . .”

“ . . . and they played music, but . . .”

“My family just wasn’t all that into the holidays,” they finished more or less together. Their eyes widened.

“Hey! Yours, too?” they said.

“Jinx!”

Princess Luna looked from one party pony to another. “Do I understand you correctly? Neither of your families celebrated Hearth’s Warming?”

“Nope!” said Cheese, hooking a front leg around Pinkie’s shoulders.

“In fact, your families do not care for celebrating holidays at all?”

“Nope!” Cheese said again.

“And yet, somehow, you are both party ponies.”

“Yep!” Pinkie exclaimed with a wide grin.

“How?”

They both shrugged. “Dunno,” said Cheese.

“I just do what makes ponies happy," said Pinkie. "If it’s something everypony’s always done and it makes everypony happy, then I do that. If something new makes everypony happier, I do that. And besides, the new party ideas are going to be the old party ideas next year and the old party ideas we stopped doing are going to be brand new soon, and—”

“—when you do the new party ideas long enough, they become tradition!” finished Cheese. They blew their noisemakers.

“And that is what we’re making now, I hope, Sister.” The last of the darkness melted away as the Princess of the Sun stepped forward. “Luna, I know you weren’t here when we first started doing most of these things, but believe me: I wanted you there for every single one of them. I know we can never really un-do what was done, but I wanted to repeat those old traditions with you so we can remake them. We can start remembering them differently, as though you had been there with me for all of them, in your rightful place, where you belong. Can you help me make new memories, Luna?”

Luna nodded, and then rushed forward as her older sister caught her in a hug.

“Cheesie,” whispered Pinkie, “I’m about to be brilliant.”

“I can tell.”

“Princess Celestia, didn’t you say that Hearth’s Warming was really Luna’s holiday?”

Celestia nodded. “The shortest day and the longest night of the year, yes. If the Summer Sun Celebration is mine, Hearth’s Warming rightfully ought to be hers.”

“Well, then,” Pinkie said, “let’s make it hers. It’s always been hers. You see?”

Both Princesses frowned, but Cheese’s face lit up. “That IS brilliant, Pinkie! Why not do the Summer Sun Celebration in reverse? Instead of lowering the moon to raise the sun, you lower the sun and Princess Luna raises the moon! And since Princess Twilight’s been reviving all of these old traditions . . .”

“You can say it’s a really, really, really old tradition and it was always done like this and you’re just starting it up again!” said Pinkie. “Who’s going to know except for you two, anyway?”

Cheese suddenly realized the magnitude of what they were suggesting. The Equestrian year revolved around the Summer Sun Celebration and its Princess. They were asking for the year to be split in two, and for Princess Celestia to cede a little of her importance to her younger sister. Maybe she wouldn’t want for them to really be equal. Maybe she’d want to keep her celebration the most important. Maybe . . .

“What a wonderful idea!” cried Princess Celestia. “Luna, it’s perfect. You’ve always been my equal. We were meant to rule together. Why not let everypony see it for themselves? Please say you’ll do it.”

Princess Luna pushed forward her lower lip, as though she were considering the matter.


“You want me to do what?” Twilight Sparkle said, and gasped. “I can’t just fly the Summer Sun Celebration flight routine backwards and in reverse! Not just like that, without any practice!”

Rainbow Dash poked Twilight in the belly and snickered. “Getting soft there, Twilight? Haven’t been keeping up the training the way you should have? That’s what happens when you sit on your butt and read books all day.”

“But, but—the planning!”

“We’re on it!” chirped Pinkie.

“But that’s a complicated routine!”

“Eh, I’ll coach you,” said Rainbow Dash. “I’m an awesome coach. Ask anypony. Two hours of me screaming at you and you’ll fly that routine like a pro.” She began pushing Twilight out the door. “Don’t worry,” she assured Princess Celestia. “I won’t go too easy on her.”

“Oh, dear,” murmured Fluttershy. “I’m afraid she won’t. I’d better go with them and make sure Twilight is all right.” She trotted after them.

Pinkie pulled out a checklist. It was odd seeing Pinkie with a checklist, but Cheese used them himself when necessary. “We have to re-do the schedule now. Let’s see—the sun's schedule to go down at about 4:30, so that’s when the ceremony has to be, and we’ll have to move dinner to afterwards, maybe 5 pm or 5:25. Guests are going to start arriving at three o’clock for dinner at four, and we can’t let them stand around with nothing to eat, so . . . ”

“Tea,” said Rarity. “We will offer tea on tables in the conservatory.”

“Perfect!” Pinkie said.

“Goodness!” Rarity cried. “That will mean more tables to decorate!” She galloped off with Spike at her heels.

“And lots and lots of little cakes!” exclaimed Pinkie. “C’mon, Applejack, let’s go down to the kitchen and get our baking groove on!”

She bounced off, followed by Applejack, and Cheese suddenly remembered that he still hadn’t had a chance to kiss Pinkie good morning. It was a little late for morning. By now he’d settle for kissing her, period, but when were they ever going to get a few minutes to themselves? He sighed, and then turned to the Princesses with a smile. “Would you like to work on the ceremony now?”


The entire event was a great success. The guests exclaimed over the elegantly decorated conservatory and Pinkie’s Hearth’s Warming Moon cakes and Applejack’s Apple Moon pies, both invented for the occasion. The Royal Guard took their positions at eight great horns flanking either side of the platform as the guests filed outside, clutching cups of tea and hot cider. Pinkie and Cheese appeared together on the balcony.

“And now presenting for the first time,” Cheese announced.

“And when we say ‘for the first time,’ we mean ‘the first time in a super-duper long time,’ because this is a really, really old tradition and you’re amazingly terrifically lucky to see it—” Pinkie cut in.

“The raising of the Winter’s Moon!” they said together.

Princess Celestia sailed into the air, followed by her sister, hovering in front of the symbols of the sun and moon. They spread their wings wide, and the sun began its graceful descent. Exactly at the halfway point, Princess Twilight shot into the sky, but from Luna’s banner instead of Celestia's, and going from right to left. The full moon slowly rose into the sky, casting silver rays on the snow, and the crowd erupted into spontaneous applause and cheers. Princess Luna looked down at them, surprised at first, and then broke into a wide smile. Princess Celestia flew down, saying in a voice audible only to Luna, “Sister, you can leave the moon up if you want, but come down and join us for dinner.”

Everypony loved the dinner, which featured winter vegetables, and the concert that followed. Pinkie and Cheese watched the concert from the central hall. There was a bit of cleaning up to do and they needed to set up some more tables near the decorated Hearth’s Warming tree, and string ensembles weren’t really their thing. This was the closest to being alone they’d been all day, and Cheese kept trying to get closer to Pinkie, but she was racing around in a pink blur laying out mugs and silver urns, and it was nearly impossible to get her attention. Finally, he cleared his throat, raised his voice, and bellowed, “Pinkie!”

Pinkie dropped some cups. “What?”

“There’s something . . . there’s something I forgot to do,” he stammered, and then darted over to her.

“Really?”

He reached out for her—and the huge double doors opened up and the crowd streamed out. Pinkie ran to greet them. Cheese smacked his hoof to his forehead. “Never mind,” he muttered.

Everypony had a last cup of hot chocolate, and began to leave in small groups. “I say, Fleur,” said a blue-maned unicorn with a monocle to his elegant companion, “what a fascinating ceremony! I don’t recollect having heard of it before.”

A large white unicorn accompanying them sniffed. “If you came from a great house with royal blood, you would have known about this ancient tradition. Obviously, you don’t.”

“Oh, really?” said Fancy Pants. “I stand corrected, then. It’s simply marvelous. I hope they do it every year.” He passed by the Princesses on his way out the door, and Cheese could have sworn he saw the older unicorn wink at them.

Finally all the guests had left, and only a small group remained around the Hearth’s Warming Tree—Cheese, Pinkie, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Spike, and the two princesses. Spike was almost asleep on his feet, and Applejack yawned.

“Whoo, that was a long day, everypony,” she said. “Good thing tomorrow’s so quiet.”

“I shall sleep in,” announced Rarity. “Oh, forgive me,” she said to the Princesses. “I forgot that you must stay awake all night, and that you must arise at dawn.”

“We’re used to it,” said Princess Celestia, smiling, “but all of you should be off to bed. Thank you all so much for arranging the events today. We couldn’t be happier, could we, Luna?”

A deep chuckling began to fill the hall, and they all froze. The tree began to twist and transform, until it resolved into a draconequus, curled into a spiral and decorated precisely like the tree.

“Celestia, dear girl,” said Discord. “In all the excitement, you seem to have neglected to send me an invitation. And nothing annoys a draconequus so much as not receiving invitations.”

Author's Note:

Just in time to go totally unnoticed, the Hearth’s Warming Day portion of Command Performance!

Please forgive any minor errors. I have snatched the writing time between late Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning with my family, hoping to get it out in a timely manner, and I'll tidy them up later. The next one is Reboxing Day, the day after Hearth’s Warming, but that may be a little late.

Cheese, as you’ll notice, is a bit culturally different. I’ll be doing a blog post about that, if you want to keep an eye out for it.

Some of you may recognize Cheese’s dialogue with Luna. I’ve adapted it from a scene between Olivia and Feste in Twelfth Night.

Discord’s last line is a quote from Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest.

Comments ( 18 )

I saw it! I'm here! I'm just in the interim between opening presents and visiting extended family at the time of writing this comment. :raritywink:

I liked the reverse Summer Sun celebration thing you did. :pinkiehappy: Way to make Luna feel included in a special way.

And then there's Discord. :trollestia:

It wouldn't be the holiday season without a ridiculous sweater. I knew who it was meant for from when you described it. It's always nice to see what the author did there. (Also, I can't help but wonder if there's a term for ponies who feel uncomfortable when nude. Not that it would apply to Cheese, of course.)

No one tell Pinkie that the first balloons were animal bladders. At least, they were on Earth. For all I know, earth ponies figured out rubber plant cultivation long ago.

Twilight is living up to my worst fears of what she'd do. Fun doesn't work that way, Twilight. At least, it doesn't for anyone else. Still, better that it break down now than build up into something even more epic. This way, only one pony went off in a snit. Granted, it was a pretty epic snit, and they were probably lucky that Luna didn't add any thunderstorms or gravitational distortions to the pool of darkness, but still, at least this was a solvable problem.

Cheese getting possessed by the panache of past party ponies was particularly pleasurable. Also, I'm not sure if his family bothered with the "shred and fry" part of latkes. Kind of important, that.

I always figured that there had been a Winter Moon Celebration. But just that after Nightmare Moon, nopony thought the longest night of the year was something to celebrate. However, there was a sort of festive momentum; ponies were used to having some kind of holiday at the time. Thus, they turned their attention to that little celebration of the story of Equestria's founding held around the same time.

I do so want to see how Discord interacts with your party ponies. Eagerly looking forward to more.

“Indeed, the Amusing Pony at King Bullion’s court always carried a balloon: a balloon on the end of a stick. Remember, sister? He talked to it and rapped it right smartly on courtiers’ heads when uttering a punchline. He entertained me greatly.”

A Proto-Party-Pony! Yay! :pinkiehappy:

Yes, I know your likely historical and dramatic models. :raritywink:

Then he almost yelped with pain as his cutie mark gave a sudden, fierce spasm.

Uh-oh ... that sounds ominous ...

... and it's explained by implication. I really like the way Cheese and Pinkie helped Luna.

Oh, it's never good to forget to invite a powerful and morally-ambiguous supernatural being to a party ...

We have WorldBuilding with PartyPonies needing sugar. I wonder whether PartyPonies are immune to diabetes.

We learn that much of the festivities of Hearths' Warming appeared in the last few centuries. Poor Princess Luna does not know about the changes since her banishment.

I just realized that the Unicorns and Pegasi of PreHearths' Warming are like Americans and the PreHearths'-Warming EarthPonies are Doctor Norman Ernest Borlaug:

If one asks random nonamericans who the greatest human ever to live is and throw out the religious responses, a majority would say the name of this Agronomist who saved over a billion people from starving in the 20th century. Most spoiled Americans, with their overabundance and exploding waistlines never heard of him.

The Pegasi and Unicorns badly mistreated the EarthPonies, but without the EarthPonies and their EarthPonyMagic, all of the parasitic Unicorns and Pegasi would starve.

Doctor Norman Ernest Borlaug

*Grins* I thought Luna and Cheese's dialogue sounded familiar n_n Looking forward to the blog.

He reached out for her—and the huge double doors opened up and the crowd streamed out. Pinkie ran to greet them. Cheese smacked his hoof to his forehead. “Never mind,” he muttered.

Why Scoots?? Why do you do this to me??? :applecry:

(Loved this chapter! I'm excited to see what Discord does!)

Discord is here oh this gonna be good.

Wearing clothes is just a habit. I can kick it anytime I want to.

Petition for an AU where clothes are a horrible addiction a lot of ponies suffer from, and Rarity is the most powerful mob boss in all of Equestria.

wait, does this mean Pinkie is pony-jewish too?

5491424 No, she's not, and that's a problem.

5491461

wait, but then why does her family go through pretty much all the same rituals as Cheese's?

5491519 They don't. Hers is something a bit more like Amish, where they do celebrate Hearth's Warming, but it's much more restrained. Pinkie got the occasional simple wooden toy--Cheese got whatever ponies have instead of dreidels. They both had candles, but used differently. And only Cheese's family made latkes.

5491556

Aaah, ok, I understand now.

Woooo! A Winter Moon Celebration! Of course my personal calendar puts it before Hearthwarming, but whatever.
Ohhhh. Fancy Pants played Blue Blood like a fiddle. Nicely done.

Discord. Well that's going to be interesting.

I don't know why, but I found myself identifying with Cheese Sandwich quite a bit...

This is off to a wonderful start. I hope you can find your Muse again for this. :twilightsmile:

I love love love this I hope you continue this it's been..what..2 years?
But this is super duper lemon trupery good! #Cheesepie5ever :pinkiesmile:

Pleese Continue this, I cannot contain myself until you complete ittttttttttttttttttttt PLEEEEEEEESSSSSSSEEEEEEe :heart:
#CheesePie4LyfePeople/Ponies!!!

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