Prologue - A Small-Town Haunting
In all the years of her life, Princess Luna had never dreamed a dream of her own. Sleep had been silent. Blank. Her eyes shut and then opened hours later. Only as she grew into her alicorn powers did she learn of dreams.
They were wild things to her, and her first experience came as quite the surprise. She knew Celestia to act odd on occasion—pranks and mischief never outside the realm of reason—but at the time had never stopped to consider just how absurd it would have been to turn the entire castle into a giant ball pit. Their conversation the morning after was one she would never forget—much less her ability to peer into others’ dreams.
From that point on she came to realize her powers, seeing and manipulating the dreams of the ponies she ruled. All their night terrors, all their business meetings, all their school attendances in their undergarments. Always a pony slept somewhere in Equestria, and she lived their dreams every waking moment, relishing both the wacky and the worrisome.
But worrisome had been her own opinion on recent dreams. For never in her thousands of ruling years had they borne a collective narrative—a hive mind, even.
It started just a day ago, in the children. They dreamed of empty bags and unfilled buckets. Door handles towered, and parents towered further with shouts of anger and punishment. Dentists… the bane of all children.
Luna smacked her tongue, relishing the taste of their silly, little nightmares. Mmmm, bubblegum.
Though the children’s dreams tickled her palette, combined they left a certain leafy tang to the aftertaste, like parsley. It dwelled on the back of her tongue, a morsel that refused being swallowed. She figured the sudden upsurge in collective dreams must have been the culprit.
But why now? On the eve of the Nightmare Night season, what could be the explanation for such specific nightmares? Often she gave a nudge in the right direction to certain dreams, but never had she played such a direct hoof in so many, nor so near together. These were of the children’s doing.
Were they afraid of Nightmare Night?
Luna opened her eyes. She sat on her throne, the room a soft crystal blue in its want for light. Night Eye and Leather Wing stood at attention at the foot of her throne, unaware of her stirring. She glanced up at the stained glass at the far end of the hall. The sun had set. The moon was full.
It was time to hunt.
≈≈≈×≈≈≈
Come the turning of the leaves, Luna made a habit of slipping away in the deepest hours of the night. Her shadow slipped across Equestria in search of unsuspecting ponies. A couple on a moonlit stroll. A gang of curfew-breaking foals. It didn’t matter, so long as it wouldn’t lead to harm. In the season of Nightmare Night, everypony enjoyed a good scare. Or, at least, deserved one.
Nightmare Night had grown from a nation-wide respect for life’s delicacy, highlighted by what could have been a much darker reality. Luna had taken up the mantle—though in levity—as testament to her repentance, preserved the spirit of her past demons in hopes her transgressions would never be forgotten.
That, and scaring the withers off ponies was just plain fun.
That night’s withers of choice awaited her in Ponyville. It had been a while since her last Ponyville haunt, and the sight of the town brought a smile to her face. Its little thatched houses huddled together to stave off the autumnal chill, and their windows glowed warm with candlelight. The scent of the hearth lilted above their roofs as she glided over them, a shadow among shadows. The night was her talent, and it hid her well.
She moved invisible between buildings, nothing more than a wisp of smoke, prying, peeking in, searching for a mark. Under her domain the ponies of the town one by one retired to bed or were otherwise preparing.
One such pony turned out the lights and had just closed his eyes. He was a quick sleeper. Already she could feel him falling into the depths of her soul, his mind merging with hers—a fiddle player on a sailing ship.
A flicker of magic and Luna would have been inside to conjure her haunt, but the laughter of children caught her ear. Down the street, around the corner. Three or four of them. An opportunity she couldn’t miss.
She stole away in her shadow form to snake across the ground, the back of her mind twisting the dreams of the lucky stallion with thunderstorms and black cats.
The laughter grew louder at the corner of a flower shop, and she waited for them to near, poking a tendril around to see. There were indeed four of them. Happy, jaunty, without a care in the world. They each wore a mask: a goblin, a jack o’ lantern, a gargoyle, and a bat. It warmed her heart to see them enjoying the season, the night for the thrill of life it brought. But though she held it dear, she knew that little children had no place being out after bedtime. She withdrew and listened carefully.
The foals passed her by, their laughs and ‘rawr’s like music in the stillness of the night. Had she a mouth in her shadow form, Luna would have smiled.
She slipped around behind them, and with her magic conjured clouds to blot out the moonlight. They stopped in their tracks, looking up. The joy in their faces had evaporated like water in a desert, and their mouths hung open as if praying for rain.
A crack of thunder highlighted the worry growing on their faces, and a spark of magic brought mist rolling in through the streets. The children bunched up, back to back, teeth clenched. Luna needn’t look to know their fear—yellow eyes in the darkness, things skittering beyond sight. The imagination—daydreaming—was still within her realm, and she could see the images flashing through their heads as if they were her own.
Luna rose from the shadows, her magic projecting her size as a tide rising over them. Her eyes shone brighter than the full moon to their screams, and she crashed down upon them, dispersing into the mist.
Their shrieks abated as she reformed at the edge of sight, stepping forward with shining eyes. “Who dares disturb the sanctity of the night!?”
All but one of the foals trembled at the sight of her. The gargoyle leapt forward, a great, big smile behind his mask. “Princess Luna!”
She would have recognized that Trottingham accent anywhere, not to mention his tobiano coat. Though the frights were over, she continued her guise regardless.
“Pray tell, little Pipsqueak,” Luna commanded in a lower Voice. “Why art thou skulking about at such an hour? Thou shouldst be in bed.”
Pipsqueak turned his little gargoyle face back to his friends, shoulders slouched, then turned back. He rubbed his foreleg. “We… we snuck out.”
“Snuck out?” Luna questioned. “And disobeyed thy parents’ wishes of sleep?” Her voice, though booming, echoed only within the enshrouding mist, her magic maintaining the solemnity of the night outside.
“Y-yeah.” He cowed as if standing before the chopping block, but courage resurged. Every bit of him bespoke that he was in the right. “But we did it for a good reason!”
“Yeah!” his compatriots chimed in. A short glance silenced their cheers.
“We are listening,” Luna said.
His courage seemed to waver, turned more into desperation. “My mother says there won’t be another Nightmare Night!”
Say what? The veils about them collapsed, and Luna stared blankly at him. She spoke in a normal voice. “No Nightmare Night this year?”
“No! No more Nightmare Night ever!”
The others shouted their complaints, their ruckus causing a few nearby windows to light up.
Luna smirked. “Little Pipsqueak, that is absurd. We—err, I haven’t decreed anything of the sort.”
She felt her smile become strained. The collective dreams. Were they connected?
“Well, my mother says they’re going to partition the mayor and get rid of Nightmare Night!”
Partition? No, he must have meant ‘petition.’ Regardless, he seemed genuinely frightened, and not because of her.
“That’s why we snuck out of Sherry’s house,” he continued, pointing at the bat-mask filly. “We’re starting our own partition to keep Nightmare Night!” He grinned to the cheers of the others.
Luna smiled. Whatever was happening, she was glad to hear they were all for the season. But bedtime was still bedtime. She would figure out what he meant in the morning, when Celestia woke. “Nay, children. The dark of night is no place for you. I must ask that you return to your beds and await the morning.”
Her words ripped the wind from their sails. They ‘aww’ed in unison. “Do we have to?”
She nodded, her voice sympathetic but firm. “I am afraid so, children.”
“Um, Princess Luna.” Pipsqueak looked up at her with puppydog eyes. “We kind of snuck out the window, and we’ll get caught if we go back too early.”
“Yeah,” Sherry said. “My mommy said we had to be extra quiet tonight, because she drank too much mommy juice today.”
Luna blinked. Is that what they called it these days?
She shook her head. “So thou must sneaketh back in?” she said, changing the subject. Pipsqueak nodded, smiling. She could arrange that. “Show us the way.”
The children were more than happy to lead her home. They crossed a river, the cool churning of its stream a welcoming sound in lieu of the insects’ slow seasonal regression from the nightly atmosphere. Not far from it, they stopped before a small house. Luna guessed it to be a shade of red, what for the way the moonlight stripped away the colors of the world.
“We climbed down from there,” Pipsqueak said, pointing to a window. A rope of towels dangled from the open window, fluttering in the breeze. “You can just fly us up, can’t you?”
She could. But that would be too easy. Besides, this mommy juice mare needed a lesson in moderation, especially for her lack of it in front of the children.
“I have a better idea,” Luna said. “Wait here.” She stole into her shadow form and slipped beneath the cracks of the doorframe. The children gathered at the window to watch.
Inside, a gramophone crackled a slow, solemn tune. Old for sure, but not old enough for her to recognize. She flipped the lock open on the door and swept into the living room, where she found the mare dozing on the couch, floating on a cloud of tapioca pudding and cotton candy. What silly dreams some ponies had.
Behind the couch stood the liquor cabinet.
Soundless magic opened the glass doors, and out rolled a bottle to thud onto the carpet. The mare snapped to, staring apprehensively at the cabinet. Luna took form behind her, letting another bottle slip from its shelf to thud and roll away. Out the corner of her eye, she saw the children sneaking toward the stairs.
Concern grew apparent in the mare’s thoughts, smoke and shadows swirling in Luna’s breast. She took a tentative but wobbly step toward the cabinet, eyes dancing between the bottles still on the shelves, not seeing Luna’s reflection in the decorative mirror in the back of the cabinet. Another step. Just a little closer.
Luna let loose a bolt of lightning outside the window. The flash illuminated her in the darkness, a stark figure in the mirror, and she was gone from the house before the screams split the night.
Sobriety for the masses. A real-life dream she sought in passing. Accomplishing it while on a haunt was coincidental—two birds with one stone. Time to finish her rounds and then pay Celestia a visit. As absurd as Pipsqueak’s claim had sounded, it would be worth clarifying.
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>20,000 words
Man, Luna must be really, really pissed in this story. I'll give it a read here soon.
This story ended up being quite the pleasant surprise.
Pipsqueak is also absolutely adorable.
img1.derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/25/20451.gif
That is all.
Holy shit, that is an illustrious list of prereaders.
Luna is the hype!
I liked it up until the last scene. I was hoping for more interesting maneuver. I thought the point would be that to change anything is such a bureaucratic nightmare that Luna didn't need to do anything. Hence Celestia being so blaise about it.
I know the random tag is in effect but everything to that point had been played pretty straight. So I am asking why Peabody didn't ask how underage foals could legally form a party and have it mean anything?
Other than that it was funny with an engaging style and turn of phrase.
I enjoyed this but I do have a couple of criticisms. 1. I don't think this deserved the random tag, comedy yes but not Random. 2. Pea Body ran a bakery which was selling cakes/cookies/cupcakes etc. I think it would have been more amusing if Luna not only got the children involved but used Pea Body's occupation against her, after all she's dealing in sweets. Also, even if Celestia didn't see it as bribery, that doesn't mean that Luna can't accuse her and have Celestia get tied up in the scandal it would cause. Yes the story would be longer but it'd be a better thought out comedy.
5483215 I assume you meant to add this video with your comment?
5485570
And now his comment makes so much sense all of a sudden.
How long did it take you to come up with the title
5487039
A few seconds. It actually came out of nowhere in my head one day, and I couldn't resist writing something about it.
I dare someone to say the title 10 times fast
I have to say that this was quite a enjoyable read. No noticable errors, a rather smoothe fow. And the actual story itselff was spectacular and full of rather funny moments. If the stories you pointed out are half as enjoyable to read as this one was I'll need to read them soon.
Seems legit.
5500438
It adds the author's notes to that total.
I bet this guy would give the SPCCPANA a fit:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolfe+585,_Senior
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/Wolfe%2B585.jpg
Yes, that is all one name.
Also, Bangkok.
Ouch. Boy does that line bring back some memories.
Because you forgot how to Modern English
5488625 I am the troll.
5500949 Is legit.
5501734
Rhetorical Rhetoric would surely die of cardiac arrest.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
Holy crap, that's deep. It sounds like a friendship lesson straight out of the show! Nice work!
5522117
Glad you enjoyed it.
A great story, keep this good work up ^^
This is easily one of the most entertaining, funniest stories I've ever read. I say this having read many a humorous tale.
Luna is Best Princess.
Well this turned out to be quite a great read. Thank you for that
I think this was overall a very well-written story with an intriguing, as well as pretty relevant premise. It overall gets a thumbs up, except for one thing that really just bugs me about it, that being the character Peabody and her role as an antagonist to Luna.
I actually see this quite a lot in stories about the Princesses, particularly Luna ones, and their roles in governing Equestria. To create a conflict, often a strawman is introduce to oppose/antagonize them, the most common being an obviously evil noble/aristocrat. This kind of character is often used, as I see it, to make Luna and/or Celestia look better, as well as encourage the readers to be on the Princess' side. It's really common in various forms of media and I can't say I'm a huge fan of it.
Peabody here definitely feels like a strawman, someone for Luna to beat/prove wrong. It's not like I'm against strawmen as a rule of thumb, but Peabody here comes off a touch too over-the-top in her antagonism towards Luna to the point where it makes her look Too Dumb To Live. Regardless whether she likes her or not, Luna is the official co-ruler Princess of Equestria and the sheer open display of rudeness and disrespect Peabody shows her (down to outright insulting her) realistically would not be tolerated. And even then, this is an Alicorn Princesses who she knows full well was Nightmare Moon. She may not like her, but you'd think she'd have plenty reason to still fear her as well like Ponyville did. I feel like reaching in and whispering to Peabody, "Uh, you realize that she can obliterate you with just a thought, right?"
I can certainly appreciate portraying her at the end as being well-intentioned beneath the attitude, however; I just wish the story looked at that side of her more, as opposed to being a gratingly obnoxious opponent the readers are eagerly looking forward to seeing Luna put in her place.
Again, rest assured, I don't think this was a bad story, not at all. It's written very well; humorous; I wanted to know what was going to happen in the end and the kids at the end were hilariously adorable of course. I just really find characters like Peapody annoying, and not just because I'm supposedto find them annoying.
5484071
Hmm, that is an interesting take and would have worked well. But then again, it probably wouldn't have the same catharsis as the current ending does.
5591702
I actually had more planned for her side of the story--as I do agree she is a 'strawman' as you put it--but I couldn't really find any good places to wedge it in. The water cooler scene was crammed to the breaking point as it is, and adding an additional scene I felt would have detracted from the pacing, not to mention have been an abrupt shift in direction. I did my best with the bushel brow office scene and the water cooler scene, but if that wasn't enough in your book then I'm not sure what more I should have done.
Thanks for the input, though! Always like criticism like this.
5595860 Thank you for replying to my comments.
I can totally understand, sure, and in fact, I can conceded she was indeed allowed to make some points for her case.
I suppose really the main thing that put me off was, like I said, the character's over antagonism towards Luna. It's less that I'm a big fan of Luna (I think she's okay), but I have a problem imagining most ponies realistically getting away with (or having the guts, especially when it's Luna, i.e. formerly Nightmare Moon) being so outright rude and disrespectful towards one of the demigod co-rulers of Equestria, regardless if she personally likes her or not. (Like the whole "Where the REAL Princess?" bit, I felt like asking, "I'm sorry, do she WANT to get thrown out of that castle?").
I dunno, maybe it's just me and I'm making a mountain of a molehill; it's just felt like her attitude was made overtly spiteful just so Luna could look better by standing against her, and it kinda put me off. But again, maybe that's just my problem.
There's not a doubt in my mind you are a good writer -- this story itself was very well-written -- it's just this story might not be in my taste. However, that does not mean I'm put off from checking out your other works -- Reading Rainbow and Sprinkles look pretty interesting.
5591702 I too would think Peabody was a strawman... if not for my knowledge of the arrogant and absurd bloviating by PETA members.
They ARE that obnoxious and clueless in real life.
You should have heard the one going off in a restaurant about how cruel it was to eat chicken eggs, blathering on and on about killing potential baby chicks and so forth.
The idiot didn't even know that eggs sold in stores are unfertilized and cannot hatch.
Break. This. Up. Seriously, this is a 20k word story. You should have broken it into chapters. This would make it easier to read, and easier to critique.
Here are my thoughts on the actual fic.
It's a lot longer than it needs it to be. The pacing is just way too slow, and the story doesn't get past exposition until a third of the way through. The first part with Pip could have been cut entirely, since Luna explains how she learned about the whole protest against Nightmare Night. The talk with Celestia just goes on and on, explaining various pieces of strange bureaucracy in what I think was an attempt to be funny. It's not funny because it drags so much, and the jokes don't start from anywhere logical, making them pointlessly random.
When the plot finally got started, I was not impressed. Luna acts completely idiotic, her thought process showing no critical thinking skills. She is told how the SPCCPANA is protesting the PBWAYFC because of the long name, but then she seems to forget this when they actually meet with Bushel Brow.
Also, for an organization intent on making names concise, the SPCCPANA... well, you get the picture.
I digress. Luna doesn't think things through, and I found myself completely apathetic towards her plight. Let me reiterate: I felt apathetic towards Princess Luna.
Honestly, about half way way through, I became apathetic towards everyone. Pea Body never got any power, and combined with her incompetence she was too pathetic to find funny. No one else really does anything to show their personalities, so I found myself unable to care at all. What even happens in the latter half anyway? The first petitioning scene was only necessary because of the nonsensical bureaucratic rules, and everything else can be summed up as "Luna holds Pea Body hostage to make her stop trying to destroy Nightmare Night". The end, story over. I mean, the scene with the foals swarming was a little amusing, but I had to slog through too much to get to it.
This story is agonizingly boring to the point of being exhausting. The jokes don't work, and it's too convoluted, nonsensical, and slow for me to enjoy the plot. It drags on like a bad standup routine. There's nothing which I could care about here.
I see from another comment that this story used to be one chapter. Well, it isn't now, and this introduction has me hooked. I like what I've seen of your Luna, so I look forward to spending more time with her in the rest of the story.