Chapter 1: One Serious Heck of a Night
Chapter 1
One Serious Heck of a Night
Just beyond the forest was the town of Ponyville. A quaint little town with a tendency for bizarre happenings.
In the Golden Oaks Library, a lavender-colored unicorn named Twilight Sparkle was staying up late, looking through a book she just happened to find. Not that she was looking for it. She just happened to bump into the bookshelf as she was arranging it, and it fell from the top shelf.
She was instantly intrigued by the title: Myths and Legends of the Elder Beings. Twilight had never heard of these so-called elder beings, and wasn't sure just how many other ponies had. She made a note to put it at the top of her reading list once her work was done. At the moment, she was totally engrossed in her book when she was startled out of her reading by a child's voice.
"Twilight?" The voice asked, "What're you doing up at one in the morning?"
Twilight turned to see that the voice belonged to her assistant, Spike, the baby dragon who lived with her ever since she received him from Equestria's then only ruler, Princess Celestia.
"Spike," Twilight exclaimed, "I was just reading this book I found. What are you doing up?"
"I just woke up from a dream I was having, and I didn't see you in your bed," Spike replied with a yawn, "I thought I'd look for you."
"A dream, huh?" Twilight asked, intrigued, "About what?"
The dream Spike had was that he was a dashing, swashbuckling, roguishly handsome pirate and that his darling crush Rarity was his saucy wench. But, he'd never tell that to Twilight.
"Just dragon stuff," Spike said without thinking before changing the subject, "So, what's that book about?"
"Oh, this? It's nothing I haven't read before. Just some mythologies about past civilizations and the like. But it is interesting, since I've never read about this particular civilization before."
The idea of a topic that even Twilight didn't know everything about intrigued Spike. He pulled up a chair next to her, trying to read over her shoulder.
"What kind of stuff does it talk about," Spike asked.
"Well, this part I'm at talks about how the ancient Sumare-ians believed that in another world lived a great orange beast that would come into our world and devour everything in sight. The book also mentions how whenever it came, it was always preceded by its deceivingly innocent yellow companion to herald its arrival."
"Come on. How could anypony believe that?" Spike scoffed.
Twilight shook her head in disapproval at her assistant's comment.
"You know, Spike: Nightmare Moon and the Elements of Harmony were just a myth too. Maybe there's some reality in this one," she chided.
"Whatever. I'm going back to bed now. You should get some sleep too," Spike answered.
It was only then that Twilight realized that she was also very tired and yawned in agreement. She turned out her light and headed upstairs to her bedroom.
"An orange monster that eats everything it sees. Where do they come up with that stuff?" Spike grumbled as he curled up to sleep in his basket.
Hours later in the forest, Garfield had no luck at finding Odie. His tracks led off the trail and disappeared a while back, leaving Garfield to resort to shaking the dingle ball after every few steps and hope Odie would respond.
"Odie! Come on out, buddy! It's way past my bedtime, and I only had a bag of jerky for lunch!" Garfield called.
He gave the dingle ball a few more shakes, but there was still no reply from Odie.
"No sign of him," Garfield sighed "Oh well, I guess there's only one thing left to do: sleep through the night and keep searching tomorrow. Probably sleep through most of tomorrow too."
Garfield curled up in the grass and started to fall asleep, too tired to even think about any potential dangers that may have been lurking in those unknown woods.
He was nearly asleep when he noticed a foul smell in the air. A smell he knew all to well that made is fur wither.
"Ugh! Dog breath!" Garfield exclaimed. But then, he realized what the dog breath meant. "Wait: that means Odie's nearby. And the sooner I find him, the sooner Jon gives me dinner."
Garfield picked up the dingle ball and wandered off in the direction of the smell. The rumble in his stomach made him quicken pace.
"Odie!" Garfield called, hoping to hear him answer, "Odie, where are you buddy?"
Only, the response Garfield heard was a loud roar unlike anything he'd heard before. Garfield nervously hoped that maybe it was Odie who made the noise.
"You uh, trying out for a rock band there, Odie?" he asked.
What approached Garfield was not a rocked out Odie. What came from the woods was a group of three wolves who appeared to be made completely of tree branches and leaves. Their eyes were a malevolent green glow, but the most notable feature to Garfield was their horrible breath that could stun a dozen yaks.
"Did I just wander into Pinocchio's pet shop?" Garfield wondered, not believing what he saw.
The wolves eyed him hungrily, and stepped menacingly closer.
"Hey! Easy guys! I didn't mean it as an insult! We can talk over a pan of lasagna, can't we?" Garfield nervously asked.
The nearest wolf answered by lunging at Garfield, attempting to clutch him in its jaws.
Garfield may have been lazy and fat, but that didn't mean he wasn't quick when the occasion called for it. Normally he only moved this fast when the local "Eat 'Til You Explode" restaurant was having an open buffet. But, when he was on the menu...well, that did change things.
He quickly darted between the legs of the wolf that tried to bite him, only to put himself closer to the other two.
The other two wolves lunged at him one after the other.
Garfield dodged both of them, only to see the first wolf that tried to eat him jump over its companions to attempt another bite at Garfield.
The cat quickly scrambled over a large rock just as the wooden wolf crashed into, shattering itself to pieces.
The other two wolves chased after Garfield over the rock as their companion quickly pieced himself together.
Garfield needed a quick escape, and if these were anything like the dogs at home, they wouldn't be able to climb trees.
Wasting no time, he dropped Odie's dingle ball and scrambled up the nearest tree with all the grace of a hippo. But luckily, a fast hippo. He made it up just as one of the wolves nipped at his tail.
Garfield perched himself on a branch overlooking his three attackers. To his everlasting relief, he saw that they were not able to climb after him. This filled Garfield with a new found confidence.
"Ha! Stupid wolves!" Garfield taunted, "Just like the dogs at home! You can't get me now! And you know what? All your mothers had termites!"
The wolves all took offense at that statement, and they would not take it lightly. The three wolves all broke apart and scattered across the ground to Garfield's amusement.
"Playing dead now? Good! Now stay! Hahahahaha!" the cat guffawed.
As Garfield laughed at the wolves, their separate pieces came together to form a very large singular wolf whose eye level was the branch Garfield was sitting on. Garfield could only smile nervously when he noticed the death stare of the wooden monster.
"Uh...did I mention that termites are all the rage in women's fashion where I'm from?" Garfield said, trying to lighten the mood.
This didn't work however. The wolf immediately chomped down on the tree, as Garfield quickly jumped away.
"Head for the hills! Women and cats first! Sanctuary!"
These were the words Garfield shouted as he ran through the forest with the ravenous giant behind him.
Garfield had no trouble dodging the obstacles on the path ahead of him, be it a tree or a rock, because of the green light behind him. However, he knew that the light was a bad sign, because the brighter the light became it meant the monster was getting closer to him.
The chase led Garfield and the beast on a trek through the forest, which seemed to last forever, through the trees, over boulders, across streams until finally Garfield burst through a growth of foliage to find that the path ended at the edge of a cliff. Looking behind himself, Garfield saw the wolf walk out of the foliage with two other wolves just as large as itself.
"This can't be how it ends! Killed by a bunch of angry hedge trimmings!" Garfield thought.
The first wolf lunged at Garfield, making the cat dodge backwards. When he did, he lost his footing and nearly fell off the edge of the cliff.
Garfield clung to the dirt with his front legs, but it seemed the impact of the wolf's attack had another effect. The edge of the cliff started to crumble, making Garfield scramble to try and get back onto the solid ground.
The wolf tried to regain its footing as well, but only went further over the cliff.
Garfield tried using the wolf as a ladder by climbing up its body to the top, but his foot got stuck between two of the branches on its back.
He and the wolf both went tumbling down the cliff, bouncing off the rocks at the base. Garfield was spared most of the pain by staying on the wolf's back, but every time the wolf bounced, pieces of it started to fly off until they hit the bottom of the cliff and the whole thing shattered.
Garfield landed on his face in the middle of the wolf-debris. He looked up to see himself surrounded by the various twigs and branches that made up the monster's body.
"Wait a second! Twigs and branches?"
A revelation came to Garfield as he reached out for one the twigs. Though he had observed the fact earlier, it only now occurred to him the importance of it all.
"They're made of wood!" Garfield quietly exclaimed, as he snapped the twig in two.
The tables had finally turned in his favor. Garfield had tangled with the mightiest of couches and mangled even the most durable armchair. These rejects from a wood chipper would be a pushover.
Garfield heard two sickening crunches behind him, and turned around to see that the other two wolves had jumped down the cliff as well. As soon as they landed, the three of them began to reassemble themselves.
The one that finished first charged Garfield at full speed.
All fear had left Garfield's mind. He lunged through the air and flailed his arms, claws extended, yowling like a rabid animal.
"ROOOOOOWWWRRRR!!!"
The wolf's forelegs were reduced to sawdust and the remainder of it scattered on the ground. It tried to bring itself together, but was stopped by Garfield's relentless onslaught of scratches, swipes and general feline fury. In less than ten seconds, the entire wolf was a pile of splinters and sawdust.
Garfield stood in the midst of the carnage with his back to the other wolves.
The other two giant wolves looked at him. Though they could not see the cat's face, his heavy breathing and rigid fur suddenly made this simple house pet seem far more fierce than anything they had yet encountered. For their hunger, neither one of the remaining wolves was sure if they should try to eat him now.
They made their decision when Garfield turned to them, his fangs bared and eyes his brimming with wolf-slaying fervor.
The wolves turned tail and ran.
Garfield wasn't going to let them get away. He got down on all fours and chased the wolves with a ferocity he usually reserved for Nermal, the mailman or Mrs. Feeney's little dog.
He caught the wolves and destroyed them like a new couch, just as the first rays of sunlight were coming up over the horizon.
Garfield stood in the midst of the ruined wolves, stoked on his victory. He whooped, he hollered, he used more energy here than he had in his entire life.
"Yes! Down with the lions! Garfield is king of the beasts!" Garfield shouted, pumping his fist.
He continued his victory celebration, until he noticed the dingle ball in one of the sawdust piles.
"Hey, look at this," Garfield said as he picked it up, "I guess it got sucked up when those first three wolves merged."
Garfield was feeling lucky. After all, he just survived a night of peril and defeated three giant predators And the good news kept coming.
As the sun came up, Garfield saw a town in the distance.
"A town!" Garfield exclaimed. "Where there's a town, there's people. And where there's people, there's food!" He looked at the dingle ball in his hand and was reminded of why he was there in that strange place, "And I guess that there are people who might've seen Odie too."
And he made his way as fast as he could to the distant town.
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I like it so far
This shit... This is hilarious! MOAR! XD
Thoroughly enjoying this.
Garfield is a badass.
Somehow, I imagine Twilight is going to react very poorly when she spots Garfield. As in, Twilight Snapple, "All shall love and obey me" poorly
I'd like that whole scrap with the timberwolves was OOC for Garfield but honestly it's not knowing what shenanigans he gets up to in the comics. Seriously he can be EXTREMELY active for as fat and lazy as he is.
When the laziness goes away, what is left is terrifying to behold.
I am learning about the Sumerians in school
9833637
Wicked. I remember when I learned about them, the Akkadians, the Medes, the Babylonians and all those other guys from that region.
Way to go Garfield, you show those timberwolves who's boss!
10121721
Wouldn't you know it took a furniture-mangling cat to realize how frail a wooden creature can be, no matter how scary it is.
Dang, boss, as a Garfield fan, I approve of this!
I wish there could be a fancomic adaptation of this fanfic. Would've been awesome.
10666802
Just wait until you see the Jon chapters. I think those are my favorites in this story.