Little Orphan Apple Bloom

by AlleyCat124

It's A Hard Knock Life

The bright sun beat down on Apple Bloom as she ran through the grassy fields of Ponyville. As she kept running, she stumbles upon on a hill. Determination coursed through her as she sped up her speed to reach the top without stopping. Reaching the top, almost out of breath, she looked down at the cozy little cottage hidden behind it. In front stood two pale yellow earth ponies, sadly though, she could not see they’re faces. They lifted they’re hooves toward Apple Bloom, calling her down.

Those were her parents calling her down. She knew it. She bolted down the hill, determined to get to them so she could look upon their faces as she gives them a warm embrace. She started drawing closer and closer to them, but the edges of her reality started to blur. So were the cottage and the two earth ponies in front of it. She knew what was coming, but she kept going, determined to get to them. Just as she was about to reach them, she heard the normal wake up call.

“WAKE UP, YOU LITTLE URCHANS!!!” the voice boomed.

Apple Bloom woke up with a start at the booming voice, a heavy weight settling on her chest. She’s had that same dream, ever since she could remember. It feels like she draws closer and closer every time she has it, but in the end, she never reaches them. She looks towards the voice that disturbed her wonderful dream. Standing in the doorway was a pony with an appearance of an alicorn, but instead has a black body, green-blue mane, sharp fangs, and holes all over her legs and wings. She was a truly a scary sight, and they had the unfortunate luck to have her as there caretaker. Mrs. Chrysalis was the owner of the orphanage, but she was anything but caring. She tortured them. They always cleaned, barely ate, and she bullied them until they were adopted by some pony.

See, Mrs. Chrysalis was a changeling, and changelings fed off of love. When ponies come in here to adopt, all kinds of love come off of them. That’s basically the only reason she has an orphanage. And I can tell you right now, it stinks.

“But it’s 4 in the morning.” Scootaloo whined as she sat up from her bed.

“Like I care. Inspectors are coming later today to come and check up here and I’m going to make sure that they walk out of here with no problems whatsoever, so you orphans are going to clean this dump until it shines like the Canterlot Castle.” She roared.

Everyone in the room groaned as she started walking out of the room. Turning her head, she yells, “NOW!!”

Cringing, the fillies jump out of their bed, responding to a simple “Yes, Mrs. Chrysalis.” Satisfied that it was going to get done, she walks out of the room.

Giving another, but silent groan, the fillies hopped to work, pulling out the mandatory buckets that they kept under their beds. Filled with soap and water, everyone started getting to work on cleaning the building

Groaning in frustration, Scootaloo throws her scrub brush in her bucket. “This stinks! Why do we have to live through this torture?!” She complains.

“Because we have nowhere to go and we’d end up starving on the streets?” Sweetie Belle answers’s matter-of-factly.

“Even so, we shouldn’t have to live through this! Instead of getting kisses and hugs, we get kicked in the rump. We go hungry instead of having full bellies, and everything around here is so cheap!! I mean, look at this.” Scootaloo heads on over to the beds. “Our blankets are cotton instead of wool. Doesn’t she realize how cold it gets here and that we’re gonna catch our deaths?”

“Like she cares. And it’s not like we can do anything. It’s better to just go along with it instead of fighting her on it. She’s just gonna make our lives more miserable if we do.” Diamond Tiara included in.

“Well, the starving streets are looking a lot better than here. We’re already cold and hungry here; the only difference is that on the streets we wouldn’t have to go follow any rules.” Babs Seed concluded.

Apple Bloom stayed silent in the corner. She still couldn’t help but still feel depressed over her dream. How long are her parents going to make her wait and live through this torture?

Hours passed before the orphanage looked presentable. They scrubbed down every single bit of the place till they were determined that Mrs. Chrysalis will give it a pass and finally feed them some breakfast. After giving the house a close inspection, making sure that every single speck of dust was taken care of, only then did she allow the little orphans something to eat, although it wasn’t much of a breakfast, only containing a hoof full of stale oats, but the fillies ate it without complaint, knowing that they weren’t going to have anything more to eat for a while.

Chewing down the last of the stale breakfast, Mrs. Chrysalis ordered them to gather they’re sheets and pillow cases and swap them out for clean ones, having a laundry pony come to take away their dirty sheets.

As Apple Bloom started clearing away the sheets, she got a wonderful idea.

“That’s it!” she yelled.

“What’s it?” Sweetie Belle called over.

“I’ll escape through the dirty clothes when the laundry pony comes!” She yells, excitement filling her voice.

The room groaned in unison.

“Oh Celestia.” Diamond Tiara moaned.

“Not again.” Silver Spoon joined in.

“Apple Bloom, we wanna get out of here just as much as you do, but every time you have one of your escape plans, it always fails.” Scootaloo replied hesitantly.

“And besides, whenever Mrs. Chrysalis catches you, she punishes all of us.” Babs Seed put in.

“But it’s gonna work this time. I know it! Besides, I got my parents out there, and I’m gonna find them! I can’t wait any longer!” Apple Bloom stomped her hoof in emphasis.

The fillies eyed each other, but kept didn’t say anything more on the issue. Apple Bloom had a reputation of always trying to escape. Heck, they all did at one time or another. But they gave up after a while. But seeing as Apple Bloom was determined to be reunited with her family, she never gave up. The others got used to her escape plans and just waited until she either succeeds, or Mrs. Chrysalis dragged her back and punished the rest of them along with her.

Putting the sheets and pillow cases in the hamper, a light blue unicorn stallion with brown hair and a hamper cutie mark walked in. “Good morning kids!” he greeted cheerily.

“Good morning, Mr. Bundle!” the kids replied happily. Receiving kindness from very few ponies, Mr. Bundle was like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. He always greeted the girls with a smile on his face.

Using a levitation spell, he brings in new sets of sheets and pillow cases for the children. Excited for clean sheets, the fillies surrounded Mr. Bundle to get their new sheets, grabbing and snatching them excitingly, running away to put them on their beds. A little disheveled from the rampaging children, Mr. Bundles latches the cart to him and prepares himself to depart.

Seeing this as her chance, Apple Bloom sneaks up to the cart and hops up, trying to get her in the hamper. Just as she was about to give up, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, come up behind her and give her a lift up. As Applebloom lands on the dirty sheets, she looks down at her friends in question.

“When you find your parents, don’t forget to come back for us.” Sweetie Belle whispered, tears swelling up in her eyes. Also tearing up, Applebloom reaches down her hooves to her two best friends, touching them in turn.

“I promise, once I find them, I’ll get them to adopt all of us. I won’t leave ya. Promise.” She whispers back as Mr. Bundle starts walking away. As the hamper started rolling, Apple Blooms gives the filly’s one last smile before she hides herself under the sheets.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo give her friend one last wave. Even though Apple Bloom got caught every time she tried to escape, they always hoped on every escape, she didn’t come back. Because if she did, they hoped she would come back to come get them all and be taken away from this awful place. Watching their best friend disappear down the street through their window, the girls finished putting the finishing touches onto their beds; Mrs. Chrysalis comes into the room to inspect their beds. Seeing nothing wrong, she turns to the children. But before she gets a word out, she notices the lack of a big pink bow.

“Where is Apple Bloom?” She asked with a hard edge in her voice.

The fillies were quiet, looking at anything but Mrs. Chrysalis.

“Mrs. Chrysalis, Applebloom isn’t here.” Silver Spoon answered.

“I am fully aware of that, which is why I asked where she is.” She replies back, getting irritated.

“Mr. Bundle just wheeled her out with the dirty sheets.” Diamond Tiara tattles.

Chrysalis looks out the window down the street the laundry pony went. She stares calmly down the streets, but turns back to walk out the door.

“She’ll be back.” She states with assurance.

Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Babs Seed glare at the two as Mrs. Chrysalis disappears around the corner.

“Oh, like she’s not going to find out eventually.” Diamond Tiara retorts as she starts on her daily chores.

Author's Note:

Here's the second. Again, please be nice but suggestions are encouraged

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

This feels like a ponified Annie. I like so far.

[MissytheAngle]

I'd like to see how this goes, because it's pretty cute and a decent ponification of Annie without it being word-for-word (I'm pretty certain, at least; been a while since I was part of an Annie play). I like how you made Discord as Warbucks, yet it works out fine given his new little backstory. However, the writing could use some cleaning up.

She looks towards the voice that disturbed her wonderful dream. Standing in the doorway was a pony with an appearance of an alicorn, but instead has a black body, green-blue mane, sharp fangs, and holes all over her legs and wings. She was a truly a scary sight, and we had the unfortunate luck to have her as our caretaker. Mrs. Chrysalis was the owner of the orphanage, but she was anything but caring. She tortured us. We always cleaned, we barely ate, and she bullied us until we were adopted by some pony.

In this chapter, we immediately shift from third perspective to first. After a bit, it does go back to third, but it's nonetheless distracting. You get confused as to who is talking only to see it's a mistake. As is this:

“When you find your parents, don’t forget to come back for us.” Sweetiebelle whispered, tears swelling up in her eyes. Also tearing up, Applebloom reaches down her hooves to her two best friends, touching their hooves in turn.
“I promise, once I find them, I’ll get them to adopt all of us. I won’t leave ya. Promise.” She whispers back as Mr. Bundle starts walking away. As the hamper started rolling, Appleblooms gives the filly’s one last smile before she hides herself under the sheets.

This happens quite a bit here. You're switching tenses, and it's hard to tell what tense you actually want to go for. These are small critiques, but they really help to polish a story in the long run, because you don't want to constantly confuse your readers with changing tenses and perspectives. There's a couple of other simple grammar mistakes, but those are my main concern. One quick tip: Editors are your best friend.

[Texus]

please keep above 2000 words at least, 2000-2500 seems to be a nice length for chapters, at least i feel like it.