Arrogant, proud, prideful, haughty.
These words mostly describe Alpha, the changeling who is second in command with Chrysalis.
All of his associates think Alpha is too full of himself, and very arrogant. Even Chrysalis herself thinks so, too.
So The Queen assigns him to go out to Ponyville, without disguise, to "Study the regular ponies culture and behavior".
While there, he gets made fun of for being a freak of nature, an abomination to Celestia and Luna. He gets hated on for not being like the rest of them.
Until he met her, the mare that took care of Alpha during his darkest times, then things changed...
Thanks to Anonymous Pegasus for helping my flesh out the story.
Thanks to Ron Jeremy Pony for editing!
Chapters (1)
Its have potential after edits but its lack of some good worldbuilding, and seriously you made him know that he is jerk in prologue? Dude it could be very good subplot of story to make him slowly get to this even show that he isn't that good.
Second thing, teens rating, sex and romance? From description and prologue it looks more like dark, but of course its only that what I read from start.
if you gonna go for not cliche changeling never saw before then it will have even more chance to be something (for example similar to how they reacted to iron will, called him monster and practically didn't acknowledged that he is minotaur)
5258131
Thank you for the feedback!
That idea is in the story, with Alpha weeping in his bed, realizing how arrogant he is and how he probably isn't good at his skills as he thought he was
5258151
then don't make him instantly know that he is jerk, make him slowly realize it by exprience things, make him doubt himself first not flat out 'wow im arrogant prick' instead of this do something like 'they all idiots i know better ... Or maybe...a no for sure i'm better than them' he should get to this progresivly.
All beauty to this is that slow inner adventure/road what he gonna walk
well, let's see where this goes. I'm liking the idea. think perteks told everything. just a little edit and restructure here and there should do ya some Good.
Chrysi the douche queen...can't wait for alpha to give her what she deserves.
5258594
Oh, it's coming.
Also, would you like to be a pre reader? I need one.
5258597 it'll be a honor mate. just tell me when.
5258614
Also, Melody Man is cancelled. Octy is all yours.
a prereader and a character. this day just got better. thank you good sir
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you now have permission to join my super secret writers skype group.
5258641 noice. if only I had interwebz for muh PC. lol. I'll still Halp
5258677
lel ok. Text me when you get interwebs
Please DEAR GOD make another chapter.
5260610
There will be one uploaded
tonight.soonHmm, well this first chapter hops around quite a bit, too much was shoved around here and it lessens the (probable) intended impact of several (probable) important points.
Still, I like the premise enough to watch this. Keep going! ;)
FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT!
5313732
WHERE?
5313734 Description!
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Sorry alpha, but there is a microscopic chance that beta will come out alive. We'll attempt to find her body and give her a proper burial. ~every changeling from every story ever, (accept the bad guys)
5403884
Beta lives
5404378 well ok then.