The Sun and Stars: Lightning Round

by JKinsley

Bad Date - JumbledThought - Feb. 2, 2015

By JumbledThought in his debut effort for all things Twilestia!

Boom!

The citizens of Canterlot retreated further into their homes as the final Tatzulworm fell to the cobblestone streets. The three behemoths had spawned from the castle and had caused panic and chaos throughout the whole town for almost an hour now. The royal guard had been ineffectual against their tough hides, and only through the power of all three alicorns within the city had they been defeated.

Kibitz walked through the destroyed great hall and started to shake his head. What had once been a pristine, well kept, and even well organized place of beauty and intellectual discussion had now been reduced to rubble, splintered tables, and the large mass of a full grown Tatzulworm corpse. He grimaced at the thought of the hours it would take to clean this place alone. And then twice that amount for the paperwork.

He chuckled to himself as he headed out the somehow still standing arch that used to be the entrance. Not that the doors were still there. No, Luna had ridden one of those all the way down the mountain after the first beast had been killed. I think I even recall her yelling, ‘Wee’, all the way down.

Finally, he made his way down to the city streets outside the castle where his radiant princess stood now. Always on schedule, always courteous, the exact symbol of what a good leader should– “Oomph!”

Celestia looked down at the pinned stallion beneath her and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Where is Twilight?”

Kibitz blinked for a few times before putting his immense focus on the one thing he did so to. A small, dull, yellow flash erupted beneath Celestia and tutted at the princess. “Just because you and your sister think it is funny to contradict me about what I was just thinking, I do not. Now, I am not going to help you until you calm down. At least one thing must stay stable after such a disaster and that thing should be you.”

For a moment all Celestia could do was make her eye twitch. Her beloved was gone, rubble was in her mane, and Luna was probably still skating her way down the mountain. Or climbing it. I think one of these monstrosities may have gotten her wing. She shook her head clear once she remembered that she had more important things to worry about. “Kibitz, please do not be stubborn this time.”

“Do you know how much overtime I’ll have to schedule for the servants. Oh the complaining I’ll have to listen to.”

“Do not joke about this!”

“You think I’m joking? Just coming down here had me calculate a displacement of three of your upcoming meetings. Do you know how troublesome some of these nobles can be? I’ll probably even have to actually spend time with that awful nephew of yours. Blue Balls I believe.”

Celestia smacked herself with her hoof and took a deep breath in. “His name is Blue Blood.”

Kibitz smiled and stood a little straighter at the shift in tone. “Ah, now see, that’s more like it. Now, about these damages–”

“Kibitz.” Her face came very close to his. “If you do not help me find Twilight right this instant I will…” Celestia paused for a moment before finding the perfect threat. “I will take a day off as I am allowed.”

The already somewhat pale stallion turned white as a sheet at the words and stammered out, “We-well, if you put it like th-that, I see no good reason to delay finding your, erm, friend, as quickly as possible.”

“Yes, I see no reason as well.” With the deal struck, they both set off in search. Hi and low they did scavenge for the missing princess, but not even forcing Kibitz into the sewer prevailed. While the two run down the street they started, Celestia keeping a fair bit of distance from her now smelly assistant, they both heard a muffled, “Help!”

Celestia’s ears twitched and she stood stock still until she heard it again. Turning her head only brought her to the final Tatzulworm, but that shouldn’t have been possible. Right? Slowly. the solar princess cut open the side of the beast and a magical blast of purple magic sent juices flying everywhere. Slowly, Twilight crawled out.

She soon found herself in a tangle of white hooves and being embraced by somepony. Looking up from her dazed state, she spotted Celestia, the pony she loved. “You…”

“Oh I am so happy to see you are all righ–”

“Bitch!” Twilight spread her wings and quickly flew above Celestia. “I am covered in gastric juices. I just had to fight, for over half an hour, a creature I never wanted to see again in my life. Before you say anything more, I need to know why the buck you summoned them?”

Celestia swallowed hard and rubbed one hoof on the other foreleg. “You said you wanted tonight to be adventurous.”

Twilight’s eye twitched for a moment. “I… meant… the… Food!”

Celestia blinked a few times. “That… that actually makes a lot of sense. So no Tatzulworms?”

Twilight sighed. “No, no Tatzulworms.” She looked around herself at the ruins of the street. “I need to relax. I’m going home. You know, Ponyville, where the crazy shit at least isn’t from another pony’s fau–” She stopped as the memories of chasing Philomena, her mane on fire, and especially The Smarty Pants incident as it was now referred to. “I’m going to bed.”

A single hoof stopped Twilight. “Try again next week then?”

Kibitz stepped up. “Now, now, we don’t need another disaster on our hooves. Besides, you two will be busy repairing the town. We have buildings to repair, ponies to heal, and don’t get me started on the paperwor–” Two rocks suddenly leaped from the rubble and knocked the poor stallion out.

Celestia glanced at Twilight as both of their horns turned off. “Your reflex to more paperwork.”

“Uh huh.”

“Neither of us will speak about any of,” Celestia waved her hoof around, “this, again?”

“Agreed.”

She moved closer to Twilight. “And I get a second chance to make you dinner next week?”

Twilight paused and then glanced at the beast beside them. “Know any Tatzulworm dishes?”

Celestia smiled. “No, but I can make a spaghetti and mold it to look like one.”

Twilight nodded. “Then deal. For now though, I need to get home and rest.”

Both nodded and Kibitz raised his head. “Paperwor–”

Bam!

Comments

[blazeofheat]

"Adventure?"
"Of course."
*one summoning ritual later*
"Wtf?"