• Member Since 20th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen August 15th

Helblade Master


Sequels1

E

The Battle of the Bands is under way and the Twelfth Doctor decides that a little investigation into who these Dazzlings are, what they want, and why are seven others seemingly involved is required.


Now with an AE where the Sirens meet a different fate.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 44 )

Not bad! Just a few spelling mistakes though. As for the story, it's actually good. Looking forward to this.

A bit fast-paced for my liking, but not too shabby. 7.2/10

Liking so far just increase the number of
insults and crankiness of the Doctor a bit

It's twelth, not twelfth. That is all.

Not bad. A good way to pass the timey-wimey.

1. The Doctor doesn't say Jesus Christ.
2. Work on your grammar, punctuation and spelling, man. Some parts are a little jarring.
Overall, I see some potential here in this story.

Spelling needs a little work, but I can still see the potential.

5255524 Actually the doctor apprently the 12th doctor has alot of internalize swearing. Can't have them popping on the show because of rating.

5255524
I agree, the spelling in general and misuse of things like you're vs your needs more work.

As a fan of the First Doctor, yes I watch the old black and white, no don't ask questions. I like this so far and will be keeping my eye on it. I see a few spelling errors but cannot speak for the new Doctors persona as I only remember the first Docs.

Keep up the good work!!! :pinkiehappy:

Little polish needed, but otherwise okay.

5254974 and I just saw the episode from which you referenced that line

5254247 what is with the O and the _ and the O?

Ok chapter. Still need some polish, but I am looking forward to what happens next.

So far so good, I just recommend splitting the last paragraph as otherwsie it comes off as a bit of a wall of text.

5465970 sorry about that slip of the finger on the recent chapter. It was no where near complete I just accidentally tapped the publish button. :twilightsheepish:

5260148 I haven't seen the first Doctor episodes so I am absolutely jealous

And I will make sure to keep up the best work I can till the very end of the story. :raritywink:

5465991 and now it is an official chapter.:derpytongue2:

This looks significantly better, also, nice way to explain how Vinyl helped the girls.

a scarf that was made of many colors, he had no idea why some of his regenerations chose to wear what they wore.

This line makes me kind of disappointed that he didn't also pull out the sixth Doctor's outfit. The explosion in a rainbow factory is the technical term, I think.

5466435 I never thought about adding in that outfit but you make me want to have him go through the TARDIS closet at the end of the story

This is a pretty good story, apart from the grammar. Can't wait for the next chapter!

5256624 he still wouldnt say Jesus Christ. You only say that if you grew up listening to people using that. The Doctor grew up on Gallifrey and im pretty sure he doesnt believe in any kind of god.

5256624 he still wouldnt say Jesus Christ. You only say that if you grew up listening to people using that. The Doctor grew up on Gallifrey and im pretty sure he doesnt believe in any kind of god.

5615463 true but if I do recall correctly. He does use the words hell and damn and those are both related to a story of gods or a god. The Eleventh Doctor used them quite a bit during his run and I haven't watched all of the Twelfth's to hear any words of that kind from his mouth. But he does admit to internalized swearing.

This story was to be honest, quite disappointing. The Twelfth Doctor didn't do anything and just was a bystander through this entire "adventure". The only thing he did was did something to the lights and bribed Vinyl which is out of character for the Twelfth Doctor. However, I will give you credit for being the only author to have the Twelfth Doctor in the MLP Universe. I give this about a 5/10.

5641473 thank you for the rating. It pleases me to know people still take time to read my stories. Although I would like to point out a few facts. Such as the fact this "adventure" takes place during the Rainbow Rocks movie. I would also like to point out the word investigates in the story title. He only interacts with them during the time gaps between scenes or off to the side where he isn't as noticeable. About the bribery thing. It was just a way to get Vinyl to tag along for some assistance. He would know the teenagers of that time period and would most likely use his knowledge of the human race to figure out what Vinyl would want. Music and to get music she would need money, hence bribery. Last thing is the fact he would have done more than deactivate lights but I think..... if I recall that the story does say he was climbing up a ladder trying to stop the sabotage. I believe it also says that as he reached the top the music stopped. It was just bad timing for The Doctor.

5615463

Well he has spent an enormous amount of time in London.

5615460 Humanity must rub off on him a bit, I'm British, and trust me we do say Jesus Christ a lot, and I do mean a lot

5253327 HOLY
Hi me from the past... I think that's the biggest coincidence I've ever been in. I was about to post this EXACT comment on the sequel when I realized that I was actually wrong, so I came to this original story to look at the comments and BOOM here I am! And on an obscure story... I never read those.
This day keeps gettting stranger and stranger.

"Just be quiet raggedy man," Clara said.

no that's the 11th Doctor Clara calls the 12th old man

6797423 To be honest, I was aiming for a darker tone, as sort of a Season 8 Twelfth here than I was for Season 9 Twelfth in the sequel.

The Siren's body's began to glow, their gems shook and rattled and The Doctor stood between them as their screams were cut short by the three of them exploding, one by one, Siren guts flying everywhere.

OH BABY A TRIPLE! OH YEAH!!!!

The school's hallways were almost completely empty, except for a few football players but there was not a single sign of intelligent life in sight.

:rainbowlaugh:

What a totaly stupid end. Thumb down. They didn't even have their amulets to absorb anger. And from what we know, they were still children and didn't hurt anyone.

"Well you look like a pudding brain," the Doctor said.

:rainbowlaugh:

8688218 :rainbowlaugh: ya that was funny HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!





P.S oh a dalek going LOL now i'm :applejackconfused: and Daleks never go :applejackconfused: but i'm there prince so SCREW THAT!!!!!!

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