• Member Since 22nd Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Hopeful Soul


I'm just some 23-year old dude from Canada hoping to become a screenplay writer one day. That's all.


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Source

Worlds begin to collide when Applejack discovers a strange creature from another world and quickly makes him apart of the Apple Family, naming him Johnny Appleseed. But as Johnny grows up he quickly notices the differences between him and his adopted family and seeks to learn about his true parents, where he came from and who he really is.

This is a collab story that I have written alongside lyra_lover777. Also the events of Equestria Girls never happened in this universe.

Cover Art done by Eveyann

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 227 )

“Huh?” Applejack said, raising a brow in confusion. The creature imitated her surprised expression and made a ‘Huh’ like sound as well.

I think I know this scene^^

I love this song...

A good start. I saw a few similar stories where a human child is adopted by the Apple Family and I must say: I can't get enough of them^^

Love the Tarzan reference, I was wondering when someone would use that scene in a human baby pony interaction.:twilightsmile:

This is pretty good so far! Keep up the good work!

5236375 I finally found the scene^^

5236588 Funniest part if you ask me

I like it! Keep up the good work my friend!

Great chapter. I can't wait to see what happens now

Great to see our story finally up!

Caught my attention. Proceed :twilightsmile:

This... Is a wonderful start. I look forward to reading more.

Comment posted by Mr Good Guy deleted Nov 7th, 2014

Great beggining! Filled with "awww" moments. Can't wait to see what happens next

her memory failing hr.

her.

You forgot the e here.

5244553 it's cool bro. a minor mistake

An absolutely cute chapter

Very nice chapter. Only grievance; hands don't look that much different, in terms of gross structure, from Spike's hands/claws...

5260221 True, but that was never pointed out in Equestria Girls, so...

It's OK, some of the dialogue is a bit stale but otherwise it's OK.

5260232 What about Minotaurs? They have hands, too.

5260798 Iron Will most certainly has hands as we know them
2.bp.blogspot.com/-qCbiC9VZ6zE/VGALyrMLtgI/AAAAAAACEG4/S0UKBerVR1Y/s1600/Iron_Will_thumbs-up_S2E19.png

Not to mention Dragons, Gryphons, and Diamond Dogs have, at the very least, digits they use to manipulate and grasp.

Of course, monkeys apparently exist :raritywink:

“Hmm, he seems to have most the same organs as a pony and body structure similar to that of a monkey… but brain and muscle capacity seem to have the potential to much greater than a pony’s…!” Twilight realized, surprised. “He might even be able to walk on two legs instead of four when he’s older.”

I don't mean to take anything away from the story. Its a nice chapter in a thus-far cute fic. The total obliviousness to the concept of 'fingers' (especially on Twilight's part) and the lack of a proverbial 'lightbulb' moment when Spike wanders into the room is a bit....head-tilting.

Other than that, looking forward to more.

5261566 well you see the human hand is very different even from the hand of a fellow ape. the key difference being amount of control we have in our hands. we can accurately touch the tips of our fingers and the amount of gripping force in them are some big examples.

minator hands in the show seem closer to a ape's hand then a humans and as for griffen's, D-dog's, and spike's claw hand thing i dont thing the show has the second joint in the fingers so at most you get a grabbing type effect but not a true grip.

You'd think by now they'd know what hands are from Spike?:ajbemused:

Great chapter. I can never get enough babies grabbing pony muzzles. Speaking of obliviousness:

“Yeah… I’ve kind of always wanted a younger sibling or a child of my own.” Princess Twilight Sparkle admitted, fondly.

“Oh hi, Spike!” Twilight Sparkle smiled. “What’s up?

Poor Spike is going to go through so much hell...

Playing devil's advocate here on the hands issue but even in EqG 2 Twilight said these instead of hands/digits/fingers

Hmm way to get the exposition out in the open early on. Also the little tike sounds adorable

king Fluttershy

All hail to his royal majesty, King Fluttershy.

Ah, so amazing and funny to boot.

5297811
You have a small typo when you're introducing the rest of the mane 6 buddy. I just used it as a quick joke.

Ooh, liking this development so far.

I do enjoy the part about the baby crawling around town. I honestly thought that Lyra was going to scoop him up and beg Bon Bon to let her take him home.

Within a couple minutes or so their friends, the loyal Rainbow Dash, the generous Rarity, the kind Fluttershy and the always laughable Pinkie Pie, soon appeared in the castle.

I'd add a "the" there to make it more comprenhendable
Mission comma
Note: you may want to look into the use of colons (:),semicolons (;), and dashs (-).

“Did someone’s outfit ripped?”

Remember to add ponyisms; the best way to do this is to use CTRL + H to find and replace words like someone with somepony. However, it can be awkward to do so in some HiEs where the main character uses the normal speech. You did this multiple times but I'm not pointing it out again.

“Did someone’s outfit ripped?” Rarity added, even more worried.

Either use, "get ripped". Or, "rip". Or replace "did" with "is".

“Is there somepony else here?”
“Yes… though he’s not exactly a pony per say…” Twilight admitted.

Really, now you use " somepony"? I swear you're doing this to annoy me.

“Well, I see you’ve taken a liking to him, Pink.”

Either remove the "I" or add the appropriate word.

“Yeah, really lame reasons, mine actually make sense!” Rainbow told them.
“And our's don’t!?” Rarity questioned.
“No, they do not!” Rainbow exclaimed.

You know, RD is correct here, they could make room and change schedules whereas RD would need to move house.
"our's" not "our".
Missing comma. Ignore me.

It didn’t take everypony long to get out of town before anypony could see them. So, as soon as the kid left, everypony then started coming out of their homes looking shaken. Meanwhile, the six ponies and their Dragon sidekick huffed and puffed as they tried to catch their breaths.

Revise the fragment, I've added a possible solution but may have chamged the context by accident. Also, try to avoid using "the Mane Six" when none of the characters know it's a cartoon, it is fine in 3rd person narrative but it'd look better if you avoided it anyway.

she looked toward her home: Sweet Apple Acres.

Semicolon's are used of different things such as: separating items in a list, like this one; for use between clauses that make sense on their own; but not for starting a list, that is the job of colons. Colons can also be used to separate and identify a set fact - as seen in my correction above.

I think that's all but I probably missed something along the way. Seriously though, look into advance punctuation. There were quite a few commas where semicolons should be. I usually avoid correcting them though - unless the author is already using semicolons effectively - because I aim to correct it as the author intended and only change brain :derpyderp1:s.

How sad is it that an entire town can go into a state of panic over a baby.

5306039 They did the same with Zecora before they knew her and I don't think they are ever gonna live that down

A very cute chapter. Nice to see little Johnny has a new family

just can't wait 'til he gets older so they'll learn more about what he is.

*sniff* I love this song from Phill Collins. I really like how you don't just make a "time jump" to the future.

But my totally favorite is:

Can't wait to read more about Johnny and his adventures in Equestria^^

5318442 Think I should make a 'time jump' after this chapter?

5318632 Hm... I don't think so. You should maybe write about the town ponies and how they will react when they hear that this "monster" stays at Sweet Apple Accress and if they will accept little Johnny Appleseed.

Will they always see in him just a monster? Or will they accept him?
That could be a good chance for Twilight to show her "Princess Power" and give the Town Ponies a stern talk about how dissapointed she is about them all.
This land should be known for their harmony and equality between different species. But what are they doing when they see something that is different from what they know? They fear it and think it is some kind of monster before they even try to understand it.

Sorry when this sounds hard but I just had to write it down.

Of course, some ponies will be skeptical about him. But the majority should be on the side of this cute little baby^^

That's my opinion to this.

5318663 Hmm, ok maybe a time jump after the next chapter? Like the next one could be his first day at sweet apple acres then getting everypony to accept him and then after that a time jump to when he's a little kid?

5318829 Ok, I'll see what I can do

This is going to be fun.

5299114 *gasp* I have met a fellow grammar Nazi...

...BEST DAY EVER!!!

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