Once Again

Phaedra #1 · Nov 30th, 2014 · 2 · · Chapter 01 - Bag Of Bones ·

So, you're facing a lot of downvotes and no comments to explain? Let me share my two cents.

First, get an editor. I would volunteer, but I'm a bit busy at the moment.

Second, I never read it, but I do know that this sounds like another fic, which has been featured multiple times, where Fluttershy takes in a human.

Finally, using "It's my first fic" as an excuse doesn't work. If it's your first, you should feel an extra amount of need for an editor.

Twisted Colors

Twisted Colors #2 · Dec 1st, 2014 · · · Chapter 01 - Bag Of Bones ·

Reply

5330258 Thank you for the info, I appreciate it and will think about what you've said

Phaedra

Phaedra #3 · Dec 1st, 2014 · · · Chapter 01 - Bag Of Bones ·

Reply

5332228 No problem.

Texus

Texus #4 · Jan 7th, 2015 · · · Chapter 02 - Common Chaos of the Mind ·

Reply

I am sorry, this is the first time that i have no idea what the heck is going on in a chapter. I don´t remember the first chapter, because it was in November, but i honestly have no idea who is speaking, and what happens there, i looked and saw that Fluttershy should speak with Twilight right now, but what are they talking about?

aahhhh okay, i guess the Human is talking with Discord or something like that, but i still think you should at least show us whenever another person is talking.
unknown : .... or something like that. Or Person 1/ Person 2. I somehow found out that it have to bee two or three other Persons, that are talking in this chapter right now, but i had to watch over the whole first chapter again.

I am not an expert and i can´t tell you a good solution for what i mean here, but i feel like it could be done better in this chapter, i am rarely confused like this.

Twisted Colors

Twisted Colors #5 · Jan 7th, 2015 · · · Chapter 02 - Common Chaos of the Mind ·

Reply

5476362 yeah i thought it might be a bit confusing and it's kinda meant to be, it's hard too get the right amount of confusing but it should become a bit clearer in the next chapter or 2. In the mean time I could change the color of the other voice and add something to show transitions and such, hopefully it helps make it a little less confusing but it might make it look ugly, I'd appreciate your opinion before i go ahead and make the changes, if you don't mind.

Texus

Texus #6 · Jan 7th, 2015 · · · Chapter 02 - Common Chaos of the Mind ·

Reply

5476602 maybe you could just make it (THIS WAY) or THIS WAY

Or maybe if i think about it, you should describe a little scene without telling us to much, but enough that we know how many people there are, and well...at first i thought it would be some kind of a saying or poem, but it could have looked that way for me, because english is not my first language.

otherwise i only could say that you should write unknow :.......
cloaked figure :.....something like that.
Well this are the only things that i could think of rather spontaneous.

I am maybe not perfect with some english grammar, but i think i can still help and i am glad if i manage to do so, at least i start to get some ideas.

Twisted Colors

Twisted Colors #7 · Jan 7th, 2015 · · · Chapter 02 - Common Chaos of the Mind ·

Reply

5476643 Hopefully it makes more sense now and doesn't look too ugly, thanks for commenting, if you hadn't it might of stayed that confusing for longer than i'd like.