• Member Since 4th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Twisted Colors

I am but a piece of my former self, all i can do is wait in the hopes they'll return, my lost brother and my banished enemy.

Comments ( 14 )

So, you're facing a lot of downvotes and no comments to explain? Let me share my two cents.

First, get an editor. I would volunteer, but I'm a bit busy at the moment.

Second, I never read it, but I do know that this sounds like another fic, which has been featured multiple times, where Fluttershy takes in a human.

Finally, using "It's my first fic" as an excuse doesn't work. If it's your first, you should feel an extra amount of need for an editor.

5330258 Thank you for the info, I appreciate it and will think about what you've said :twilightsheepish:

I am sorry, this is the first time that i have no idea what the heck is going on in a chapter. I don´t remember the first chapter, because it was in November, but i honestly have no idea who is speaking, and what happens there, i looked and saw that Fluttershy should speak with Twilight right now, but what are they talking about?

aahhhh okay, i guess the Human is talking with Discord or something like that, but i still think you should at least show us whenever another person is talking.
unknown : .... or something like that. Or Person 1/ Person 2. I somehow found out that it have to bee two or three other Persons, that are talking in this chapter right now, but i had to watch over the whole first chapter again.

I am not an expert and i can´t tell you a good solution for what i mean here, but i feel like it could be done better in this chapter, i am rarely confused like this.

5476362 yeah i thought it might be a bit confusing and it's kinda meant to be, it's hard too get the right amount of confusing but it should become a bit clearer in the next chapter or 2. In the mean time I could change the color of the other voice and add something to show transitions and such, hopefully it helps make it a little less confusing but it might make it look ugly, I'd appreciate your opinion before i go ahead and make the changes, if you don't mind. :twilightsmile:

5476602 maybe you could just make it (THIS WAY) or THIS WAY

Or maybe if i think about it, you should describe a little scene without telling us to much, but enough that we know how many people there are, and well...at first i thought it would be some kind of a saying or poem, but it could have looked that way for me, because english is not my first language.

otherwise i only could say that you should write unknow :.......
cloaked figure :.....something like that.
Well this are the only things that i could think of rather spontaneous.

I am maybe not perfect with some english grammar, but i think i can still help and i am glad if i manage to do so, at least i start to get some ideas.:twilightsmile:

5476643 Hopefully it makes more sense now and doesn't look too ugly, thanks for commenting, if you hadn't it might of stayed that confusing for longer than i'd like. :pinkiehappy:

5476713 I think that should help, but then i already know what should happen there, nope i really feel like this is better now. :twilightsmile:

5478450 yay :pinkiehappy: oh sweet celestia, I feel so much better now.

Geez. So many dislikes for a story that is just getting good. I find the story very interesting. :pinkiesmile:

Comments are appreciated especially with feedback and I'm sorry for the long wait but chapter 3 is finally here. Now to work on chapter 4. :rainbowwild:

Well it is alright, the only thing that can happen is, that we forget a bit about what happened and I guess right now it isn't that bad.

Oh and I liked it, but I have no idea if I can even guess who it was in the end.

Login or register to comment